


the season of you

by jisooluvs



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1980s, Angst, Ex AU, F/F, Flashbacks, Melodrama, Mutual Pining, Period-Typical Homophobia, Romance, Sad Fluff, chaelisa if you squint, expect slowburn, jenkai but it’s awkward, when i say melodramatic i mean VERY melodramatic, yes i wrote this just for bangsoo (her superior hairstyle)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 102,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25930270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jisooluvs/pseuds/jisooluvs
Summary: Kim Jisoo, a renown freelance writer, would like nothing more than to leave the past behind. But the past caught up too quickly in the form of Jennie Kim when tasked to write a biography about the young heir of the biggest writing company. Along their journey to complete it comes the journey of healing and closure – two things that were seven years due.
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Kim Jisoo
Comments: 89
Kudos: 206





	1. spring rain

**Author's Note:**

> (to push my bangsoo agenda)
> 
> an ex au no one asked for <3

Jisoo tapped the butt of her fountain pen with quick succession on her opened notebook that matched the shaking of her foot. With her chin resting on her palm, she mindlessly watched people pass by the small coffee shop window, a bit like watching television. Some wore business suits, others wore casual outfits — perhaps they’re going on a picnic? All in all, they had somewhere to be, someone to meet, and something to do.

  
  
  


The observer, so deep in her observation, didn’t notice a blonde slip into the seat across from her small table. She pushed one of the two coffee cups she brought beside Jisoo’s notebook.

  
  
  


“Any thoughts on your mind?” she asked, noting the fresh blank page of the notebook.

  
  
  


Jisoo sighed, “Nothing new.” She brought the brim to her lips and relished the warm sweetness. “Thank you, Chaeng. You always make the best coffee.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung smiled softly, a bashful pink dusting her plump cheeks. “Always for my favorite regular.” 

  
  
  


Jisoo exchanged a small smile at the younger girl’s playfulness. Chaeyoung’s coffee shop, _Rosé Café_ , was her favorite place to work on her stories, articles, and other work. Something about the petite coffee shop helped Jisoo’s mind jog – perhaps the smell and authenticity – but not today. Not recently. Her heavy heart rendered her work ethic dull the past week and she didn’t know why. 

  
  
  


Jisoo closed her notebook, swiped the worn leather with care, and packed it up in her satchel that hung on the back of her chair.

  
  
  


“Where are you off to?” the latter asked, watching Jisoo push herself off the tall stool.

  
  
  


“I’m going to go take a walk around the city.” Jisoo swung her beige coat over her shoulders and readjusted her black beret. “I think some fresh air will jog some ideas into my brain.”

  
  
  


“Don’t come home too late!” Chaeyoung called after her, whose black locks disappeared out the door that followed the jingle of the store bell. She sighed, looking at the full coffee cup left in front of her.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jisoo buried her hands into the pockets of her coat, squaring her shoulders from the change of the warm shop to Gangnam’s cold autumn air. She strolled down the sidewalk aimlessly, with no particular destination in mind.

  
  
  


The block wasn’t busy since rush hour had passed, which she appreciated because she preferred peace and silence. The gray clouds draped a blanket over the small shops and apartments, painting the scenario in bleak hue. A little depressing, but quite fitting.

  
  
  


A soft breeze carried down the street, with it some loose papers and trash. It picked up the ends of Jisoo’s tresses over her shoulders and swept her bangs aside. A newspaper that tumbled down the sidewalk stuck to her shin. Leaning down to pick it up, she smoothened the crumpled front cover to read it: 

  
  
  


_YG Times_

_The Secret Life of Top Model Lisa Manoban_

_Written by Kim Jisoo_

  
  
  


Her name on the front cover enticed a smirk. Currently, celebrities have been the buzz of society, so it was easy to flow with the trend. Along with her popular reputation and high demand from various newspaper companies, the front cover was basically reserved for her articles.

  
  
  


But her smirk fell, the same empty feeling returned as quickly as it left. As much as she didn’t want to use her writing skills for trivial topics such as gossip, she was stuck with no flow of inspiration for months. Heaving a heavy sigh, Jisoo threw the newspaper into the next trashcan and continued on her way without another glance, leaving the paper to rustle in the breeze in her wake.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jennie stared blankly into the tall mirror. Dressed in a pink petite dress, her black hair was clipped back on one side with two white barrettes. She loathed formal wear, and the obligation to dress accordingly for tonight’s dinner with Jongin’s family was salt to the wound.

  
  
  


“Are you ready to go, Miss Jennie?” her personal maid called from the door of her room.

  
  
  


Jennie took one final look at herself, forcefully swallowed all her repulsion for the event, and walked to Joohyun. The girl stepped aside to allow her to pass and continue down the grand stairs of the mansion to the dining room.

  
  
  


As always, Jennie was last to arrive at the table. She considered it fashionably late, much to her parents’ dismay. Seated on the left side of the long table were her mother and younger brother. On the right side sat Jongin’s family. At the head of the table was her father poised in his usual cold demeanor.

  
  
  


Jongin – in all his neat buttoned up attire – stood up and bowed to Jennie when she stepped in. She curtly nodded to him and his parents, taking her seat across from him and beside her brother, Taehyung, who poked at his steak with a fork absentmindedly.

  
  
  


“The princess has finally arrived,” her father drawled.

  
  
  


“My apologies, father,” Jennie monotoned, the phrase scripted and spoken a hundred times, before training her eyes on the prepared plate of steak and vegetables before her.

  
  
  


Her father narrowed his eyes at her blatant attitude, but proceeded with the agenda. He was good at that – always business first. “As we all know, our dear children, Jennie and Jongin, are set to marry each other.”

  
  
  


Jongin’s father nodded enthusiastically. 

  
  
  


“Would you be interested in hosting a ceremony to announce their engagement?” her father proposed. “It would help the heirs meet and acquaint themselves with other businessmen and women in the field.”

  
  
  


“That sounds like a great idea,” agreed Jongin’s father.

  
  
  


Jennie internally groaned at the mention of a party, and a formal one at that. Flashing fake smiles and engaging in boring business talks drained her drastically. Most of the time, she spaced out and conversation drifted through one ear and out the other – all mumbo jumbo and insignificant to her.

  
  
  


The rest of dinner mostly consisted of the adults talking, the fathers leading the conversation about arrangements and whatnot. Jongin glanced at Jennie frequently, his fidgeting hands showed blatant want to strike a conversation, but her gaze never left her plate that contained a half eaten steak and untouched vegetables. Taehyung looked bored out of his mind – his posture slouched, cheek propped by his elbow, scratching nonchalantly at the mahogany.

  
  
  


When the maids cleaned up the table, the adults continued to converse themselves with champagne in the living room. Taehyung left quickly to his room and Jennie made to follow suit until a hand on her shoulder stopped her in her tracks.

  
  
  


“Uh, hey,” Jongin said.

  
  
  


“Hey,” said Jennie through a forced smile.

  
  
  


Jongin scratched the back of his neck, awkward written all over his demeanor. Moreso, their dynamic screamed ‘awkward’ if it wasn’t in front of cameras and audiences. It gave Jennie terrible headaches and a stronger jaw from all the clenching. “You look nice tonight.”

  
  
  


“Thanks. I guess you look nice too.”

  
  
  


In truth, Jennie found nothing special about Jongin. Sure, he had a handsome face that most girls from high school swooned over, fit the male beauty standards of society, and was the epitome of a gentleman; a bonus being he danced well. She should be happy to have a fiancé like him, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t make her heart love him like that – like her heart was holding back.

  
  
  


“Thanks,” he uttered. “Are you excited for the party?”

  
  
  


“Yes,” Jennie lied, her answers dry with an edge. Most of the parties she attended were with Jongin as her plus one. By this point, he should’ve caught on that she was incredibly bored at every single one of them. That, or he was dense.

  
  
  


“Great. I’ll see you there,” he said with a small smile. 

  
  
  


He gently pulled her into a hug, his big arms over her small frame. Jennie reluctantly returned it, her uncertain palms on his lean back. Guilt clawed for not reciprocating his efforts, but she didn’t have to. In a life like hers, she wasn’t allowed to choose who she wanted to be with, only what her family sees fit. That was the reality of it.

  
  
  


Jongin and his family finally left in high spirits for the upcoming ceremony. Jennie made a beeline to her room, but before her flat reached the first step, her father called out her name laced with signature ice, “Jennie.”

  
  
  


She clamped her eyes shut with a silent scoff before swiveling to meet her father in the living room. He sat on the red exquisite armchair, one arm propped on the side and another holding a glass of champagne. He churned his glass slowly, transfixed by the burning fireplace.

  
  
  


Jennie quietly took the couch across from him. “Yes, father?” 

  
  
  


“You remember how important this marriage is, right? For our company?”

  
  
  


“Yes, father.” Her chest tightened.

  
  
  


His gaze shifted from the fireplace to her, fashioning that same cold expression. “Don’t disappoint me again.”

  
  
  


Once her father left, Jennie’s eyes wandered to the fireplace. The fire blazed brightly and heartily, a definite opposite to how she was feeling at the moment. As the flames danced, sparks flew and landed among the ashes and wood. Even if the fire was confined in the small hearthstone, it moved and looked more free than Jennie would ever be. 

  
  
  
  
  


~ 

  
  
  
  
  


Jisoo stepped into the dark apartment situated above _Rosé Café_ , carefully closing the door behind her. She glanced at the clock hung on the hallway wall that was faintly lit by the moonlight whose hands read 9:32 PM. She cursed under her breath. Chaeyoung usually wanted her home strictly by nine. 

  
  
  


Once she removed her sneakers, she tiptoed to her room, subtly feeling around the dark. When she found the knob, the living room lamp switched on, freezing her on her tracks like a deer caught in the headlights.

  
  
  


“Jisoo? Is that you?” Chaeyoung drowsed behind her.

  
  
  


Jisoo cursed silently before turning around. “Yes,” she replied meekly.

  
  
  


Chaeyoung peeked her head from over the small couch with disheveled hair and crooked spectacles. “A mail came for you today. It’s on the counter.”

  
  
  


Jisoo heaved a small sigh, relieved that Chaeyoung didn’t lecture her this time. The latter must’ve not realized the time right now. She walked over to the kitchen island to check out said mail situated on a pile of newspapers and coupons. 

  
  
  


The envelope was written in neat slick calligraphy, the words “To Miss Kim Jisoo” splayed across. The stamp on the top left was one she recognized from receiving it often for requested work – a stamp specific to YG Times. 

  
  
  


She carefully ripped the flap from its adhesive glue, taking out the delicate card stock – white parchment with leaves traced in gold glitter. Opening it, it read:

  
  
  


_Dear Miss Kim Jisoo,_

_You are invited to the formal ceremony to celebrate the engagement of Jennie Kim, heir of YG Times, and Kim Jongin, heir of SM Post. The ceremony will be hosted at the mansion of Kim Soohyun, CEO of SM Post, and his lovely wife, Son Yeji, this Saturday night. We will appreciate it if you can attend this monumental moment._

_Sincerely, Kim Hyunbin and Son Yejin_

  
  


Jisoo clutched the letter, so tightly her knuckles turned white and the cardstock ripped and creased, cracking the black ink. A knot tarnished her throat and her heart heavied by tenfold. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but when the beautifully written words blurred and her eyes stung, it wasn’t until a wet drop fell on the invitation that she realized she was crying.

  
  
  


“What is it about, Jisoo?” Chaeyoung asked, worry plastered all over her question. The girl had a keen eye, most likely noticing her shaking shoulders.

  
  
  


Jisoo wiped her eyes with her sleeve, making sure to stifle the oncoming sniff. If she told Chaeyoung the truth, the girl would chew her ear out for attending when _she’s_ there. _It’s pure business._ _It’s just business. Nothing more, nothing less._

  
  
  


Jisoo turned over her shoulder and waved the letter in the air, tugging a forced smile. “I have a business party to go to this Saturday.”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Saturday came awfully quick, much to Jennie’s dismay. She sat on the chair, facing a vanity mirror with makeup products littered on the table. Joohyun was busy applying some blush on her cheeks, her eyebrows stitched in concentration.

  
  
  


At least Joohyun dressed her in her favorite color: a simple, yet elegant long black dress with a neckline that cut wide and hung on her shoulders, the back dipping in the shape of a V. Although she was satisfied with the dress, the thought of matching it with black heels already ached her feet that were no stranger to the pain. Hanging diamond earrings twinkled from underneath her fair brown curls. A two layered diamond necklace rested on sharp collar bones that complimented her skin.

  
  
  


Joohyun stepped away to let Jennie admire herself in the vanity mirror. “Do you like it?” Joohyun asked with tentativeness, having been well acquainted with her blunt criticism and attitude.

  
  
  


Jennie angled her face around, appraising her work. “It’s fine,” she stated, pushing herself off the chair and sauntering out of her room. Joohyun sighed with relief before following her.

  
  
  


At the front of the Kims’ mansion, the chauffeur’s limousine was parked in the driveway. Taehyung, dressed in a black suit, was leaning against the marble pillar, eyes casted down and hands in the pockets of his slacks. He looked up when he heard the entrance door open.

  
  
  


“Late as always,” Taehyung grumbled, pushing himself off the pillar and sauntered to the vehicle.

  
  
  


“Whatever,” Jennie muttered under her breath and followed him. 

  
  
  


Joohyun politely waved Jennie goodbye from the stairs. Jennie didn’t spare her another glance and stared straight ahead as the chauffeur drove, her stomach churning with dread for the coming night.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


The mansion came into view when the chauffeur rounded the block. It was in the middle of a rich neighborhood with other mansions, but it was the biggest of them all, emphasized with elegant marble exterior. Guests in fancy clothes were dropped off at the front, chatting and filing through the towering double oak doors.

  
  
  


The limousine slowed to a stop. Taehyung made to exit first and held the door open for Jennie — one of the few things he learned at the gentlemen's school their parents forced him to enroll in. Unfortunately, he didn’t learn much as he was too busy slacking off.

  
  
  


Jennie took his extended arm and the limousine drove away. The two siblings faced the glowing mansion, the lights behind trimmed bushes casting dancing ominous shadows along the smooth exterior.

  
  
  


“It’s just another one,” Taehyung said, dreading parties as much as Jennie. 

  
  
  


Jennie gave a firm nod. “It’s just another one.”

  
  
  


Together, they entered the lion’s den.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jisoo’s taxi stopped a few feet from the mansion. She bowed her head in thanks and paid the driver a few bills. When the taxi drove away, she turned toward the mansion, squaring her shoulders and doing a few breathing exercises in mental preparation.

  
  
  


Nearing the venue, a surge of insecurity overcame her, prompting her to cross her arms to cover her chest. She didn’t have fancy dresses like the women here, who had dresses embroidered with jewels and gold. Chaeyoung helped her dress for tonight because Jisoo was mediocre with dressing formally. Then again, formal wasn’t her thing. For tonight, she wore a casual gray blazer and slacks, with her hair tied neatly into a low ponytail and topped with her bangs framing her face. 

  
  
  


She sighed. _Chaeng didn’t take into account that this party has a bunch of rich people._

  
  
  


Soft jazz music tickled Jisoo’s ears once she stepped in through the grand oak doors. Waiters and waitresses walked around with trays of glasses of champagne and wine, and various fancy desserts and appetizers. Men and women either chatted in small groups, strolled around arm in arm, or admired the rare artwork and interior of the Kims’ mansion.

  
  
  


Jisoo fidgeted and twiddled her thumbs, awkwardness seizing her demeanor at the sight of unfamiliar faces. Albeit her renowned reputation, she hadn’t made any real connections with those in the industry, or what she considered real connections. Every figure screamed ‘business only’, that alone made it hard to make acquaintances – let alone friends.

  
  
  


“Jisoo!” A light voice called from within the crowd.

  
  
  


Jisoo’s head swiveled to find a familiar head of long tawny hair, who beckoned her to come over with slender fingers. She was with two other men in matching black suits.

  
  
  


“This is the journalist that wrote my article, Kim Jisoo,” Lisa introduced her to the men with the wave of her champagne glass.

  
  
  


Jisoo politely bowed to them. They bobbed their heads, impressed. The older balding one briefly looked her up and down, a wave of discomfort prompting Jisoo to cross her arms tighter.

  
  
  


“I heard a lot about you,” commented the other one with black hair slicked to the side. “Your work is amazing. I’m Park Seojoon.”

  
  
  


Jisoo shook Seojoon’s big hand firmly. Before the balding one could do the same, the lights dimmed and an announcer spoke into the microphone on the elevated stage.

  
  
  


“Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you all for coming.” At the stage was Kim Soohyun, the spotlight aiding with shine and focus. “Enjoying yourselves tonight?”

  
  
  


The crowd responded with small cheers.

  
  
  


“That’s great to hear,” Soohyun chuckled, “Now we will have the betrothed couple of the night who wishes to share a few words to you all.”

  
  
  


A polite applause emitted from the crowd as Soohyun handed the microphone over to the couple, arms interlocked, that walked up the stairs of the stage. Jisoo’s heart stopped.

  
  
  


“Thank you, father,” the man said, flashing rows of perfect teeth. The couple turned to face the audience.

  
  
  


“Thank you all for attending tonight,” he said. “I’m Kim Jongin and this is my fiancé, Jennie Kim…”

  
  
  


A high pitch ringing tuned out the rest of the speech. Jongin was mouthing words, but Jisoo’s vision tunneled on Jennie who was just as she remembered her – only more mature and ethereal, something she couldn’t fathom be possible. The spotlight accentuated her dazzling jewelry and glowing fair skin. The dress hugged her curves just right, with it loosening slightly at the hip to flow down to her nice legs that her heels complimented. The silky brown tresses spilled over her shoulders, resembling similarly to rich chocolate. To simply say Jennie took Jisoo’s breath away was an understatement. The girl never failed to do so, from eighteen years old to now – a fact Jisoo grew to resent.

  
  
  


The microphone was handed over to Jennie, who graciously took it with small hands. “Yes, thank you thank you,” she spoke, her smooth and tiny voice instigating the same flutter in Jisoo’s chest. “We hope you all attend our wedding in the spring.” She crooked a small smile. Jisoo didn’t have to have an institution of a journalist to see through the sham of her demeanor.

  
  
  


The couple finished their speeches and handed the microphone back to Soohyun who dismissed the audience with a wish to enjoy the rest of the evening. It was only thanks to the wave of Lisa’s hand in front of her eyes that Jisoo snapped out of her trance for Jennie, long gone from the stage and long melted into the chattering crowd. Her chest panged – whether in wanting to see her or hating to see her, Jisoo didn’t know. Nothing could’ve prepared her to see her again. It’s quite ironic, considering Jisoo knew she was attending her engagement party. Seeing her was inevitable, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

  
  
  


“I didn’t know you were coming tonight,” Lisa chirped with a wide grin. “It’s so good to see you again.”

  
  
  


Jisoo swallowed the lump in her throat and flashed a small smile. “I wouldn’t have thought either.” Jisoo had to crane her neck up to meet the Thai girls’ eyes, since her heels made their already apparent height difference increase a few inches. Although, the heels – along with the gold bodycon dress – did make Lisa’s long legs look more exquisite. “The couple that just spoke, Jongin and – and –”

  
  
  


“Yes!” Lisa piped. “Aren’t they such a beautiful couple? Especially Jongin. His face is so handsome,” she swooned. “I can’t wait for their wedding this spring. They’ll have beautiful children, I bet. They even share the same surname too. It was meant to be.”

  
  
  


_Ah, right. They’re getting married._ Jisoo gave a small chuckle at the model’s behavior. The pang grew by a tenfold, so much that it was hard to breathe as it caved into her chest and clogged her lungs. _I wish I didn’t have to find out this way. I wish you told me instead._

  
  
  


Before Jisoo succumbed to the creeping vertigo, Lisa offered a champagne glass she picked up from a passing waitress, fashioning a kind smile.

  
  
  


“Let’s have some fun, Jisoo.”

  
  
  


As the night progressed, she stuck by Lisa’s side as the model chatted and introduced her to more people. Lisa’s charming personality and wit made the party and conversations more bearable – the people being as bland as cardboard – which Jisoo was grateful for. As much as Jisoo enjoyed Lisa’s company, the air began to grow suffocatingly thick with so many people around her.

  
  
  


“I’m going to go to the restroom,” Jisoo told Lisa, who nodded and turned back to the man and woman they were previously conversing with.

  
  
  


Rather than the restroom, Jisoo made her way to the top balcony.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jennie was talking to the thirty-second guest of the evening.

  
  
  


She was glad that Jongin led most of the conversation. The guests expected the man to do the talking anyway. She just silently listened by his side, nodding occasionally to feign interest and engagement, answering the few questions directed at her. 

  
  
  


“Are you okay, Jennie?” Jongin asked, eyebrows furrowed slightly with concern once the guests walked away to mingle with others.

  
  
  


The question warped Jennie out of her nonchalance, meeting a state of lightheadedness and vertigo. The space of the mansion grew smaller, or was it because of the many participants that she can’t even see over the heads of? She stumbled a bit, but Jongin’s strong arm kept her upright.

  
  
  


“Just feeling a little dizzy.” Jennie held her left temple and gave Jongin a reassuring smile. “I think I’ll go to the restroom.”

  
  
  


“Do you want me to come with you?” Jongin offered quickly.

  
  
  


“It’s okay. You can get us some more champagne.”

  
  
  


Jennie slipped her arm off Jongin’s before he could utter another word and weaved into the crowd. The guests tried to engage in conversations, but Jennie brushed them off as politely and bluntly as she could. 

  
  
  


_Can they just leave me alone?_ All of them evoked her to rip her hair out. To tear down all those fake smiles and kind words was what Jennie was inches away from doing. But she wasn’t any better than them — she was playing the same game, the same smile, the same words.

  
  
  


Before one more could get under her skin, Jennie broke free into the cold night air of the balcony.

  
  
  


The feeling of the suffocating party diminished as Jennie let the fresh air kiss her skin and moonlight wash away all her frustration and calm her angry nerves. The full moon shone brightly among the many twinkling stars. She smiled, drinking in the night sky that never failed to soothe her.

  
  
  


Her eyes trailed to her left, spotting another person a few feet away, unknowing of her presence. With her elbow propped on the marble railing, the woman rested her chin on her palm – her other hand tapping in quick succession. Her sun kissed complexion glowed under the moonlight that contrasted strikingly with her scarlet lipstick. 

  
  
  


The scarlet lipstick that belonged to heart shaped lips.

  
  
  


Heart shaped lips that paired with doe eyes.

  
  
  


A duo forever etched in Jennie’s memory — the duo that brought the familiar smell of spring rain.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


_Spring. A season of new beginnings, where everything comes to life again after winter._

  
  
  


_But Jennie wasn’t near feeling alive. Nor did she sense a new beginning, an opportunity she wouldn’t hesitate to take, but alas, she was still stuck in the same story._

  
  
  


_With spring came rain. Lots of it. Spring rain helped farm crops grow. Good for them, not good for Jennie who was stuck under an awning of the local library that closed a little while ago. Her chauffeur usually picked her up once school ended, but she usually ran away to the local library before he could. She liked studying and doing homework there a lot more than at home. Avoiding home was something she tried to do as often as possible._

  
  
  


_But today out of all the days, it had to rain._

  
  
  


_Jennie hugged her arms tightly, her school blazer and button up not faring well against the cold seeping through the threads. She shuffled her feet and rubbed her bare legs together in an attempt to entice heat, since her pleated skirt was good for nothing._

  
  
  


_She sighed as the rainwater streamed off the edge of the green awning like a waterfall. The rain didn’t look like it’ll stop anytime soon. If she lingered longer, the flood that already engulfed the street an inch or two would only grow. It was only a matter of time when it’ll level with the sidewalk and wet her shoes._

  
  
  


_She weighed her choices: get drenched or stay stranded. Neither were appealing, but she preferred the latter nonetheless._

  
  
  


_From her peripheral vision, a student ran under her awning, drenched from head to toe. In her hand was a soggy newspaper used as an ineffective umbrella. The raven haired girl tossed the newspaper aside with a heavy sigh, brushing away strands of wet bangs that stuck on her sun kissed complexion._

  
  
  


_“Stuck here too?” she asked, doe eyes catching Jennie’s nonchalant gaze. It startled Jennie – the deep, velvety voice that fit and didn’t fit her appearance, and that she got caught staring._

  
  
  


_“Yeah,” Jennie replied curtly, snapping away from the girl in hopes it would end the conversation. She wasn’t in the mood to talk, much less to a stranger, as the concern of how she’ll get home occupied her mind._

  
  
  


_Footsteps shuffled closer until they were beside her. Jennie closed her eyes, internally grimacing at the fact the girl didn’t catch her hint._

  
  
  


_“I was down the block,” the girl chirped as she wringed the end of her uniform, the stitched patch belonging to a school Jennie didn’t know, and with a missing bottom button. “I didn’t realize it would rain so hard today. I’ve been hopping through roofs and stuff, even picked up that newspaper along the way.” She pointed her thumb at the soggy paper with a chuckle. “It didn’t help that much, as you might tell.” She gestured from her head to her toes._

  
  
  


_The ends of Jennie’s lips tugged, matched with a slight exhale through her nose. Perhaps it’s because the girl was amusing, or the way her rosy lips formed a heart when she laughed at her own anecdote. Regardless, it’s enough for Jennie to spare a second glance._

  
  
  


_“Were you studying in the library?” the girl asked with a small tilt of her head._

  
  
  


_Jennie hesitated, still reluctant about conversation. But the girl didn’t look like she’ll leave her alone anytime soon, so she complied. “Yeah.”_

  
  
  


_“Are you waiting for someone?”_

  
  
  


_“No. I ran away from them.”_

  
  
  


_“Oh,” The latter hummed in thought, rocking on the balls of her feet. “Where do you live?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie wasn’t one to share her address to a complete stranger, but again, she complied due to the low chance the girl was leaving soon. “Over there.” She pointed her finger vaguely toward the direction of her home._

  
  
  


_The girl squinted and brought up her hand over her eyes as if shielding them from the sun. The silly act prompted another exhale through Jennie’s nose, which she ducked to mask._

  
  
  


_“Oh!” She clapped her hands and her mouth gaped. “Is it past the barber shop with the weird motorcycle prints on the windows? That intersection?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie’s eyebrows shot up at the accurate description. “Yeah.”_

  
  
  


_“I live that way too!” She did a small hop in excitement, eyes turned to crescents. “We should walk together.”_

  
  
  


_She does? One glance at her and Jennie could conclude she wasn’t a rich girl. Perhaps it’s the same direction, but a different area. Must be._

  
  
  


_“I don’t know.” Jennie sucked in through her teeth and motioned to the weather with the nudge of her head. “It’s raining pretty hard.”_

  
  
  


_“You’ll survive.” She appraised Jennie up and down, a gesture that made her slightly insecure for some reason. “You don’t have a single drop on you, and look at me. If I can do it, then you can too!”_

  
  
  


_The girl was a little too talkative for Jennie’s taste. Added with her bubbliness, it’s a recipe for a person that would irk Jennie to oblivion. Oddly enough, Jennie wasn’t as irked as she would be. The girl was funny, she’ll give her that._

  
  
  


_“Still – what the –!” Jennie was interrupted as she jerked forward into the downpour by a pull of her wrist._

  
  
  


_“We have to hurry!” the latter exclaimed as she dragged Jennie through the inch of rain water pooled on the concrete. Jennie grimaced and cursed as the water splashed on her legs and seeped through her shoes. “We’ll get less wet if we run fast!”_

  
  
  


_Jennie parted her lips wanting to argue with that logic, to scream that she’s crazy, to say they’re already drenched with one step into the rain – but the swiftness at which the girl ran stole her words. She cursed again, using her free hand to shield her eyes from the rain as she tried to keep pace with her down the street. Her backpack banged painfully on her lower back, a reminder of inevitable water damage._

  
  
  


_“Be careful!” the girl shouted over the roar of the rain when they neared the small hill of the area. “It’s slippery!”_

  
  
  


_Thankfully, the girl slowed down in order to descend the hill with caution, much to Jennie’s sore legs’ gratitude. At one point during their sprint, the girl’s grip slipped from her wrist to clasp her hand. The realization enticed heat up Jennie’s neck when she almost slipped during their descent, the girl’s strong hold keeping her from falling on her butt._

  
  
  


_“We’re almost there!” the girl shouted another phrase of encouragement and broke into another run once they set foot on leveled sidewalk. Jennie groaned along with her legs that had long seen exercise as intense as this._

  
  
  


_They neared the street that turned into Jennie’s neighborhood of many mansions along a hill. The girl didn’t look like she was stopping soon, so Jennie tugged at her hand._

  
  
  


_“Wait!” Jennie shouted, prompting the girl to cease in her steps._

  
  
  


_“What is it?”_

  
  
  


_“This is where I live.” Jennie gestured to the neighborhood._

  
  
  


_The girl looked back and forth between Jennie and the grand houses, along with one glance at her uniform. Her eyebrows disappeared under her bangs and her eyes widened._

  
  
  


_“Oh. You’re a rich kid.”_

  
  
  


_That sounded condescending, but between her fatigue and shivers, Jennie couldn’t care less about what the girl thought of her. Actually, she did. Just a little._

  
  
  


_“Then I guess this is where we part.” The girl smiled and held her hand out to shake. “I’m Jisoo.”_

  
  
  


_It’s strange, the way Jennie found herself rooted on her spot instead of booking it to her house to get out of the rain as fast as possible. She glanced at the outstretched hand, then to Jisoo’s pretty face, all kind and welcoming, with long lashes collecting and releasing drops of rain._

  
  
  


_She took it. Despite her cold and clammy palm, Jisoo’s soft touch – her bigger hand blanketing her tiny one – warmed it all up like a hearth. It completely nulled the effects the rain inflicted on her, and she didn’t mind staying in the moment forever._

  
  
  


_“Jennie.”_

  
  
  


_“Jennie. A rich kid name,” Jisoo joked with a hearty laugh – a laugh that palpitated her heart, and as corny as it was, sounded like music. “Goodbye, Jennie.”_

  
  
  


_Before Jennie could say another word, Jisoo jogged away. It was then that Jennie realized Jisoo smelled of vanilla – the aroma lingering before being washed away with the smell of spring rain._

  
  
  


_Jennie was still rooted on her spot. Home was a few feet away, and she should be trying to escape the downpour as soon as possible because she was prone to sickness, but she found herself staring after the bouncing blob of black hair instead._

  
  
  


_She smiled._

  
  
  
  
  


_~_

  
  
  
  
  


“Jennie.”

  
  
  


It was the same doe eyes, the same heart shaped lips. She wasn’t hallucinating. It was her after seven years. Her mind urged her to run away, but as always, she stayed rooted, the mere presence of Jisoo seizing all senses numb.

  
  
  


“Congratulations on your engagement.” Jisoo cracked a small smile.

  
  
  


_Congratulations?_ She didn’t really mean it. Even if her eyes were hooded, Jennie could see right through them. She knew them better than anyone else, as so she hoped. Was it a fair claim if she hadn’t seen her in so long? A million questions bombarded her mind, fighting to be asked first.

  
  
  


_How are you doing?_

  
  
  


_Are you doing well?_

  
  
  


_Can we catch up?_

  
  
  


_Have you found someone else?_

  
  
  


_Can you forgive me?_

  
  
  


“Here for a breather, too?” Jisoo asked. “You were always one to hate big parties.” She chuckled – Jennie didn’t miss the bitter undertone – and turned to admire the marvelous garden below.

  
  
  


_You too,_ Jennie wanted to say. _You hate crowds. Why are you here?_

  
  
  


“Jisoo.”

  
  
  


The latter turned back at the mention of her name. It was one of many words that Jennie wanted to utter, but her throat clogged again. 

  
  
  


Jisoo was waiting, that small tilt of her head egging her on. She was always patient with Jennie. _What do you want to say?_ her eyes asked.

  
  
  


A million things, seven years of things she wanted to tell her since that day. They all clumped on the tip of her tongue, pushing and banging against her lips. Jennie didn’t know what to say first – wasn’t even _sure_ of what to say – but she was certain of one thing. 

  
  
  


_I miss you._

  
  
  


“There you are, Jennie.”

  
  
  


Both women swiveled their attention to the balcony door, where Jongin was standing with two glasses of champagne in his hands. He glanced between them with uncertainty.

  
  
  


“Are you feeling better?” Jongin asked, handing Jennie the glass and draping his arm over her shoulders. 

  
  
  


Jennie strained a small smile. “Yes. Thank you.”

  
  
  


Jongin beamed. “Our parents want us to meet with a few of their colleagues. Shall we go?”

  
  
  


Jennie’s smile faltered, but was fixed just as quickly. “Yes.”

  
  
  


Arm in arm, Jennie walked away with Jongin as she fought the urge to look back. Even without looking back, she sensed those doe eyes following her out, piercing into the back of her head. 

  
  
  


That only deepened the cavity in her chest.


	2. fated chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i started classes so my updates will be slower than usual sorry :c and i changed some details in ch1 (just the numbers lol) nothing big
> 
> also can't believe ACTRESS JISOO is real!! and stream selpink this friday <333

_ Jisoo wasn’t one to believe in fate. She did, however, believe in chances. _

  
  
  


_ And bumping into this Jennie girl again was pure chance. _

  
  
  


_ Yep. Pure chance. _

  
  
  


_ “Hi,” Jennie said. _

  
  
  


_ “Hey,” said Jisoo. _

  
  
  


_ It was surprising for a rich kid to be at a library, much less a dingy bookstore on a weekend, and in her ‘beret matching fur coat’ rich kid attire nonetheless. Jennie continued to surpass Jisoo’s expectations – for the worse or for the better, Jisoo wasn’t quite sure, but she definitely wanted to find out. _

  
  
  


_ Jennie looked angry, her face all scrunched up, but the pout appeared more cute than menacing and her fluffy cheeks puffed like a mandu. It was a failed attempt that took every muscle within Jisoo to stop herself from laughing as that might entice her grumpiness further. It was a habit she couldn’t help – laughing at inappropriate situations. _

  
  
  


_ “Thanks to you, my whole book bag got wet and I had to redo all my classwork,” the girl huffed with nostrils flared, her arms crossed haughtily. _

  
  
  


_ “Ah.” Jisoo scratched her head meekly as she reminisced about the rainy day. Truth be told, there wasn’t a day that it left her mind. “Mine too, but it’s okay because we made it out alive, right?” Jisoo chuckled nervously in hopes it would ease the tension, but it ceased when Jennie looked like she was going to snap back with something mean. Instead, she glanced at the things in Jisoo’s hands. _

  
  
  


_ “What’s that?” she asked with a nudge of her chin, as if feigning disinterest even though she asked first. Still playing the pompous persona, it seemed. Jisoo was amused to say the least. _

  
  
  


_ “I’m buying these.” Jisoo showed off the items in each of her hands: a sleek, leather journal and a black and gold fountain pen. _

  
  
  


_ “Oh. Why?” _

  
  
  


_ “I like to write.” _

  
  
  


_ “Oh.” _

  
  
  


_ “Why are you here?” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie’s poised demeanor faltered a bit, like she wasn’t sure of why she was here either. She glanced left and right briskly and made a grab for a random book on a shelf to her right. _

  
  
  


_ “I read.” _

  
  
  


_ “Really?”  _

  
  
  


_ “Yes.” _

  
  
  


_ “You’re into erotic novels?” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie’s confident face shifted to an aghast expression with one look at the lewd cover. She hastily shoved it back into the shelf, her face scarlet red. It was then that Jisoo couldn’t hold her laugh in anymore, and threw her head back to let it tumble all out. _

  
  
  


_ “I was browsing,” Jennie deadpanned, eyes darting and hand rubbing the nape of her neck. _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo wiped away some tears from the corners of her eyes. “I’ll recommend you one. It’s one of my favorites.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo gestured for Jennie to follow her down the aisle. She stopped, a little too abruptly, and Jennie crashed into her back. Of course, the girl played it off just as quick with a brisk clear of the throat. _

  
  
  


_ “Here.” Jisoo held out the book toward Jennie. _

  
  
  


_ “The Price of Salt?”  _

  
  
  


_ “It’s hard to get this book anywhere else. It’s a bit mature, though.” Jisoo rubbed her neck nervously when Jennie’s eyes wandered the cover portraying exactly what she was nervous about: two women. Surprisingly, her expression contorted more curiosity than disgust, much to Jisoo’s relief. “You can’t really show that to your parents. You’re mature enough, right? Like a freshman?” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie gasped, her jaw dropped dramatically in offence. “I’m a sophomore, mind you,” she scoffed. _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo snorted, “You? Can’t be. You’re so… young.” To think she was one year older than this baby looking girl. _

  
  
  


_ “Well, I am.” Jennie puffed her chest as if it made her older. It didn’t, only succeeding in enticing another laugh from Jisoo. _

  
  
  


_ “You have fun looking around,” said Jisoo. “I’ll be going.” _

  
  
  


_ It was at the front counter that Jisoo realized Jennie was still on her tail. When Jisoo peered over her shoulder, she caught Jennie’s gaze before the latter swiveled her head to look around disinterestedly. _

  
  
  


_ “You follow well,” commented Jisoo. _

  
  
  


_ “I’m not following you,” Jennie defended. “I’m done here too.” _

  
  
  


_ Once the store clerk bagged Jisoo’s purchase, she turned toward Jennie and patted her head, a pouted frown forming on her pretty face. _

  
  
  


_ “It’s okay to be clingy,” Jisoo said in a feigned reassuring manner and a teasing smirk. “Maybe I’ll call you that. Jendeukie.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo sauntered out the store before Jennie could utter a retort. She hugged her bag against her palpitating chest with elation that wasn’t only for her new journal anymore. _

  
  
  
  
  


_ ~ _

  
  
  
  
  


It’s been a few days since the party, and no matter how hard Jisoo tried to push Jennie out of her mind, she crept right back in – her mind a moth to her flame. That being said, it burnt terribly – it burnt like hell, but she couldn’t help it. It was easy to think about her.

  
  
  


Everything had a small touch of her, even her fountain pen and journal. She should’ve thrown them out a long time ago, but there were so many words – so many memories – etched in these pages that it was hard to part with them. Sometimes she would catch herself lingering on the first few pages that washed her with sweet bitterness. Although it was seven years old, there were plenty of pages left — she made sure of that — as they were preserved for special words and special thoughts.

  
  
  


At least her acting skills had gotten better. Chaeyoung had yet to sniff out something amiss with that keen nose of hers. As much as Jisoo appreciated the younger girl’s concern, some battles had to be dealt with alone, or so she thought.

  
  
  


Jisoo sat with one leg crossed over the other in her undesignated designated table in Chaeyoung’s café, stirring her coffee clockwise lazily and tapping the butt of her fountain pen on the same blank page. The warm hues of the afternoon sun basked the shop in a cozy glow.

  
  
  


She watched Chaeyoung – a green apron over her white shirt and mom jeans, and hair tied up in a bun – serve some coffee and biscuits to an elderly couple seated near the door. They seemed to be complimenting her based on her bashful smile, rosy cheeks, and the flustered giggles and fretful waves of her hands. Once they were settled, Chaeyoung came to sit across from Jisoo.

  
  
  


“Your customers love you,” Jisoo commented.

  
  
  


Chaeyoung choked and dismissed it with a wave of her hand. “They’re just being nice. All they said was that I had a nice smile.”

  
  
  


It was funny how Chaeyoung hadn’t realized how beautiful she was, despite the many instances that people complimented and expressed blatant attraction toward her. One time, a delivery boy had tried to make a move on her, but her obliviousness led her to think it was nothing but extreme kindness. Jisoo had a good laugh once she retold the story. She wasn’t interested in that boy anyway, Jisoo learned.

  
  


The store bell jingled. Chaeyoung peeked over Jisoo’s shoulder, jaw dropped and pupils dilated. Wondering what could emit such a profound reaction, Jisoo craned her neck to see who had entered.

  
  
  


Poised at the doorway in all her supermodel energy was Lisa Manoban; dressed in a white tucked t-shirt, black skinny jeans that excellently hugged her long legs, heels, and a purse hung from the pit of her elbow. She lowered her sunglasses to the tip of her nose, wandering eyes finding Jisoo’s.

  
  
  


“Kim Jisoo!” Lisa exclaimed and strutted over to their booth. “So this is Ros é Caf é ?” She looked around and did a low whistle in an impressed manner.

  
  
  


Jisoo glanced over at Chaeyoung whose eyes still bulged and lips gaped like a fish. She stiffened a giggle.

  
  
  


“This is the owner,” Jisoo said, hand gestured toward the blonde. 

  
  
  


Lisa’s face brightened, her wide grin widening tenfold, and she cheerfully held her hand out. “Nice to meet you! I’m Lisa Manoban.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung took a moment to register that Lisa wanted to shake her hand before doing so, but with a bit too much force. The woman’s poor arm wiggled like a noodle. “I’m sorry!” she rambled, her face red and hands fretfully waving around. “I’m Park Chaeyoung. I’m the owner of  Ros é Café. I’m just shocked that someone as beautiful as you would come by.”

  
  
  


Lisa raised her eyebrows at the girl’s rambling, lips pursed as to stifle a burst of laughter in courtesy of her blatant embarrassment. She winked at the compliment. “You’re too kind. Jisoo recommended me to this place for my next photoshoot.” She twirled on her spot and placed her hands on her hips. “I’d say, this is a cute shop. Cute shop, cute owner.”

  
  
  


The bell jingled again and a man stumbled inside with a duffel bag and tripod stuffed underneath his armpits. His black hair was swept to the side and he had yellow shades on that looked as expensive and chic as Lisa’s. 

  
  
  


“Over here, Bam,” Lisa whistled over with a flagging hand. 

  
  
  


He lugged the stuff over to their booth – almost knocking over a chair along the way – and set them down on the ground with a great huff.

  
  
  


“This is Bambam,” Lisa chirped, propping her elbow on his heaving shoulder. “He’s my manager and my photographer and my partner in crime.”

  
  
  


Bambam curtly bowed to them. From the way he dressed, Jisoo would’ve mistaken him for a model. The pair had good fashion sense.

  
  
  


“Bam, this is Jisoo and Chaeyoung.” She pointed respectively. “Jisoo is the writer that I was telling you about and Chaeyoung is the owner of this beautiful café.” 

  
  
  


Chaeyoung hung her head down bashfully. Jisoo held her hand out to Bambam to shake.

  
  
  


Lisa turned to Chaeyoung. “I was wondering if I can do a photoshoot here, if that’s okay with you. It can also help with publicity,” she added.

  
  
  


Chaeyoung nodded eagerly – so eagerly she was practically a bobblehead. “Of course! Make yourself comfortable.”

  
  
  


Lisa smiled in thanks and signaled Bambam to follow her to a windowsill with hanging plant boxes. Jisoo locked eyes with Chaeyoung, still very much bulged and twinkling. She looked like she was about to explode.

  
  
  


“You didn’t tell me that  _ the _ Lisa Manoban was coming to my shop,” Chaeyoung squealed. “The top supermodel!”

  
  
  


Jisoo laughed, “It slipped my mind. I forgot I mentioned it to her during the party.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung gasped, eyebrows shooting up as she jumped on her feet. “Do you think she wanted a coffee? Oh my –”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled as the girl bolted to the kitchen to prepare a coffee for the model who was posing for the camera that clicked away. Lisa’s skills were quite impressive; she was doing two poses per second. 

  
  
  


A vibration from her coat pocket snapped her out of her observance. She fished out her pager and read the message:

  
  
  


_ Come over as soon as possible! BIG JOB OFFER – KS _

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jisoo preferred to work on her own accord. That was why she chose to be a freelance writer. However, it didn’t hurt to have an unofficial manager to notify her about job offers, and Kang Seulgi was the perfect person.

  
  
  


They met in college, like how Jisoo met Chaeyoung, but a whole lot weirder. Long story short, it involved strawberry jam, running late to morning classes, and a long flight of stairs. They clicked naturally; Seulgi wanted to be a publishing manager and Jisoo wanted to be a writer. One thing led to the next and they became partners. 

  
  
  


_ “I think we’re fated to be together,” Seulgi joked. _

  
  
  


_ “Must be,” Jisoo said. “Fate would be the only reason why I put up with your ass.” _

  
  
  


_ “I bet you like my ass.” _

  
  
  


_ “Shut up.” _

  
  
  


Jisoo arrived at Seulgi’s office – a building that resided on the busier streets of Gangnam. The elevator took her to the fifth floor and she knocked on the wooden door, the plaque beside it containing the name  _ Kang Seulgi. _

  
  
  


“Come in.” 

  
  
  


One step into the office and she was met by a ball of crumpled paper in the face. Sat on her neat desk directly aligned in front of the door was Seulgi with a playful smirk and feet propped up. 

  
  
  


Jisoo huffed and bent down to pick up the paper and throw it in the bin. “How mature of you.”

  
  
  


Seulgi clapped and heaved her feet off the desk to sit appropriately as Jisoo took the seat across from her. “I just missed you so much, Jisoo. That was my love thrown at your pretty face.”

  
  
  


Jisoo laughed off Seulgi’s charm and fluttering eyelashes. “So what’s the big job?”

  
  
  


“Straight to business I see.” Seulgi pulled out a folder from the drawer and slid it across the desk. “YG Times wants you to write a biography about Jennie Kim.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s heart dropped. “Say again?”

  
  
  


“Hard of hearing now?” Seulgi chuckled, leaning in and cupping her mouth. “YG TIMES WANTS –”

  
  
  


“You don’t have to yell!” Jisoo covered her ears and raised a fist to feign a punch. “Jeez.”

  
  
  


Seulgi laughed and clasped her hands. “Yes. YG Times wants you to be the writer of Jennie Kim’s biography. Any job offer from YG Times is huge, and for this job, they’re exclusively adding bigger bucks than usual. Isn’t that crazy?”

  
  
  


Jisoo looked down at her clammy hands, clasped together so tight they shook. The job was too surreal. She cleared her throat as she forced a shaky answer through her lips, “No.”

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


“Are you hard of hearing too?” Jisoo chuckled meekly. “I won’t do it.”

  
  
  


Seulgi froze for a moment as she processed Jisoo’s answer, then relaxed back on her chair with a taut expression. “Why not?” she asked carefully.

  
  
  


“I just don’t want to.”

  
  
  


“Really? And you call me immature?” Seulgi scratched her head. “Look, Jisoo. Sometimes in life, there are things you don’t want to do, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do them. If you keep thinking like that, then you’d just be running away from every problem that comes your way. Then, nothing will change and you will be stuck in the same frame.”

  
  
  


“Seulgi,” Jisoo said in a low tone. “This is a job offer and I can refuse it. That’s in my contract, no?”

  
  
  


“Well – yes.” Seulgi furrowed her eyebrows and flattened her palms on the wood. “But I’m just saying.”

  
  
  


“Have you been taking philosophy classes lately? That was too deep for you to say.”

  
  
  


Seulgi palmed her chest and gasped dramatically. “You think I’m incapable of thinking such thoughts on my own? You have no faith in me.”

  
  
  


Jisoo narrowed her eyes, the corner of her lips tugging. “You just want the money, huh?”

  
  
  


Seulgi’s other hand shot up to her chest and she fell back as if she took a bullet. “Ouch, Jisoo. I’m not that shallow. I’m doing this for you.”

  
  
  


Jisoo sighed and looked out the window behind Seulgi that displayed an identical office building across the street, the rays of the sun reflected on black tinted windows. She could almost see her reflection from here. “Isn’t she a bit young to write a biography about? She’s, like, twenty-four.”

  
  
  


“That’s what I thought, too. But according to the folder, their purpose is to clean her image and reputation for when she inherits the company – to appeal to other business peoples and stuff. It makes sense I guess – because they have all the money in the world to do anything – since she’s a bit…”

  
  
  


“A bit…?”

  
  
  


“You know, stuck up? Like she has a trunk up her ass?”

  
  
  


Jisoo opened her mouth to retort and defend the heir, but she thought better of it. Seulgi didn’t know about her relationship with Jennie, and she’d like to keep it that way. The less people who knew, the better.

  
  
  


“I don’t know.” Jisoo sucked in through her teeth and fingered the corner of the folder. The mere thought of Jennie made her stomach twist a hundred knots. Imagine if she had to be around her? Her chest contracted, the thought was suffocating. “I don’t think I’m the right person for this. You can give it to Nayeon or some –”

  
  
  


“They specifically asked _you._ _The_ CEO of YG Times asked for _you_ , Kim Jisoo.”

  
  
  


Jisoo stayed silent. The latter clicked her tongue and ran her hand through her brown hair.

  
  
  


“It’ll be a huge breakthrough for you.” Seulgi flashed a small smile and patted the folder. “Think about it.”

  
  
  


“I’ll think about it.” 

  
  
  


“You better.”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jisoo did lots of thinking, and it led her to the front of the Kims’ mansion.

  
  
  


And by thinking, it was Chaeyoung giving her an earful.

  
  
  


_ “Are you crazy?” Chaeyoung cried, her voice raised several octaves. Jisoo bet she could hit high notes. If she wasn’t a coffee shop owner, then a singing career would suit her. “Don’t take it.” _

  
  
  


Chaeyoung was the only other person who knew about Jisoo and Jennie. With a mix of alcohol and Chaeyoung’s ‘you can tell me anything’ hugs, it didn’t take much for Jisoo to spill her feelings and tears in their dormitory after a college party. But the girl was good at keeping secrets, and Jisoo appreciated that.

  
  
  


_ “Seulgi said it would be a quote on quote ‘breakthrough’.” Jisoo air quoted. _

  
  
  


_ “Do you really care about that? I thought you wrote just to write, not to boost your career and become famous. You don’t really care about that kind of stuff.” _

  
  
  


_ Chaeyoung knew Jisoo inside out – a blessing and a curse. “Well, it would help. I could get more jobs, too, and help pay rent and stuff. I feel like I’m living off of you.” _

  
  
  


_ Who was she kidding? Not Chaeyoung at least. _

  
  
  


_ “You want to see her.” _

  
  
  


_ The apartment got silent, so silent that they could hear a pin drop. Jisoo dropped her gaze from Chaeyoung’s furious one – partially in defeat, partially in fear. The girl didn’t get mad a lot, but when she did, Jisoo would rather face the Devil itself.  _

  
  
  


_ “I know you’re not over her,” Chaeyoung continued with a leveled voice, taut expression softened. “I know how dear that journal is to you. You carry it around like it’s oxygen. I want the best for you, and I know seeing her will hurt you again.” _

  
  
  


_ “I saw her at that business party a few Saturdays back,” Jisoo said quietly. “We bumped into each other.” _

  
  
  


_ Chaeyoung faltered, betrayal flashed in her eyes. Jisoo’s heart clawed with guilt for going behind her back. Her reaction was exactly why Jisoo didn’t want to tell her.  _

  
  
  


_ “I’m sorry,” added Jisoo. _

  
  
  


_ Chaeyoung stayed silent for a moment, lips pursed and fingers twiddling. Jisoo gulped, now unsure of the latter’s emotions and thoughts. The gulp seemed to echo in the silent room, along with the ticking clock. _

  
  
  


_ “And how did you feel?” she asked finally, her softened voice easing the tension built up from before. Jisoo exhaled through her mouth. _

  
  
  


_ “Not good,” admitted Jisoo. “It hurt, but it felt good, too. I don’t really know how to explain it, but it hurts to see her and it hurts to not. But I think seeing her is the lesser of two evils, you know? Even from afar is enough for me.” She bit her lip. “It’s not her fault. It’s just her duty as the heir to follow through with the arranged marriage. It was bound to happen.” _

  
  
  


_ Chaeyoung’s eyes were full of pity that Jisoo had grown accustomed to. Although Jisoo was older than the blonde, it always seemed that she was the one having to be taken care of. Chaeyoung was naturally a compassionate person, but it didn’t ease Jisoo’s guilt any less. _

  
  
  


_ “Okay.” _

  
  
  


_ Okay? Did she hear that right? _

  
  
  


_ “Okay,” Chaeyoung said again with a bit more conviction and a small sigh. “Take the job. But if it gets too much for you, drop it immediately. Promise?” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo gave her a small smile and squeezed her hand.  _

  
  
  


_ “Promise.” _

  
  
  


One of their many servants greeted Jisoo at the door. Stepping in, she marveled at the interior that looked as extravagant as the outside: high ceiling, marble pillars, smooth tiles, grand staircase, and exquisite rug to just name a few details. Houses of the rich never failed to amaze her – it wasn’t everyday she could step into a house like this. They tried taking her coat after much insistence – Jisoo won with her reluctance – offered her a pair of slippers, and led her to the living room where the owners of the house sat poised like carved marble statues.

  
  
  


Jisoo bowed to them. Hyunbin and Yejin bowed their heads in return with engineered smiles.

  
  
  


“Kim Jisoo,” Hyunbin greeted her as she took the cushion across from them. “It’s a pleasure to meet with you. We’re grateful you made the time out of your busy schedule to come.”

  
  
  


Frankly, Jisoo wasn’t that busy, but she smiled and nodded nonetheless. “It’s no problem.”

  
  
  


“Would you like a drink?”

  
  
  


“I’m fine. Thank you.”

  
  
  


This was the second time Jisoo met Jennie’s parents, both times for professional reasons, of course. From the stories Jennie had told Jisoo — dubbing them ‘parents from hell’ — it was strange to see them act so kind. That was how rich folk play the game, all kind smiles and flattering words. 

  
  
  


“We really admire your work,” Hyunbin said. Yejin nodded along. “You’re our favorite writer, so that’s why we wanted you to write a biography for our daughter, like how you wrote Lisa Manoban’s.”

  
  
  


Jisoo strained a smile. “I’m honored.”

  
  
  


“It’s a little tough to get her out of her shell, but she’ll cooperate. This is for her future, after all.” 

  
  
  


“Of course.”

  
  
  


“She must be in her room. Joohyun will show you to it.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s heart spiked and her palms began to sweat as the young maid led her up the stairs. A huge portrait, probably the size of her, of the Kim family was displayed at the top of the staircase that split in two directions. All had serious faces, not a single drop of love in their poses and facials. Jisoo lingered on Jennie. She was smaller in the portrait, wearing a white dress, but the feline eyes and round face stayed true. Her arm was draped on a younger boy’s shoulder, stiff and cold.

  
  
  


“Over here, Miss Kim,” Joohyun coaxed from the top of the left stairway.

  
  
  


“Coming,” Jisoo said. She glanced at Jennie once more before following Joohyun up the stairs.  _ I’m about to see her anyway _ .

  
  
  


The hallway had an intricately designed rug draped all the way down, a few mahogany stands with potted plants on top, lanterns hooked on the wall, and expensive paintings hung. Albeit all the fancy decoration, it felt empty. The whole house felt empty, and the decoration was a poor sham to cover such a feeling. Simply put, it didn’t feel like a home.

  
  
  


“This is Miss Jennie’s room,” Joohyun said once they stopped at a door. She knocked on the door twice. “Miss Jennie, Miss Kim is here for your biography.” She turned back to Jisoo. “Call me if you need anything.” With that, Joohyun bowed and took her leave.

  
  
  


The door was white wood and the knob was golden brass. Jisoo’s palm hovered over the knob, an ache in her chest seizing hesitation.

  
  
  


_ I’ve seen her once. I can see her again. _

  
  
  


Does she want to see her?

  
  
  


_ It’s not too late to back out, Jisoo. Run while you can. You don’t have to do this to yourself.  _

  
  
  


Her hand was about to retract, but Seulgi’s words echoed in her head.

  
  
  


_ “If you keep thinking like that, then you’d just be running away from every problem that comes your way. Then, nothing will change and you will be stuck in the same frame.” _

  
  


Jisoo cursed Seulgi under her breath. That woman, no matter how cheeky, was right. Sometimes.

  
  
  


Albeit her doubting thoughts, her body and senses said otherwise. Her heart pounded, her stomach flipped and knotted, her legs shook, and a gravitational pull made her hand latch onto the knob. It clicked with a twist.

  
  
  


Jisoo wanted to see Jennie.

  
  
  


She pushed the door open.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jennie was in disbelief when her father spoke to her about a biography.

  
  
  


_ “A biography? Father, I’m twenty-four. I have nothing interesting about me,” scoffed Jennie. _

  
  
  


_ “This is for your sake,” he said sternly. “If you never had an attitude to begin with, then we wouldn’t have to go to this extent to clean your image.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie was unimpressed. _

  
  
  


_ “All you have to do is say nice words. This is the least you can do, Jennie,” her mother added. _

  
  
  


_ Nothing Jennie had said ever went through her parents’ ears. This was no exception, so she surrendered with a sigh. _

  
  
  


_ “Make sure to cooperate,” her father said. “This is for your future.” _

  
  
  


Her future? Jennie had to laugh. When were her parents ever considerate about her future, what  _ she _ wanted? The thought got her so riled up that she stormed to her room without asking who the writer was.

  
  
  


__ “Miss Jennie, Miss Kim is here for your biography.” Jennie heard Joohyun announce outside her door.

  
  
  


_ Miss Kim? _ Jennie said nothing in response. It was a mutual communication established between her and Joohyun. She continued organizing the polaroids she took this morning in the garden in her scrapbook.

  
  
  


She heard the door open, but kept her back turned. The person seemed to be lingering at the door, as there were no signs of further footsteps or the door closing. Jennie waited for them to say something first. To her, speaking first was a nuisance.

  
  
  


A moment passed, and they had yet to say anything. not even a ‘hello’.  _ They’re asking to get on my nerves. _ Jennie tapped her foot impatiently and almost swiveled around, but the voice that called out to her iced her veins, freezing her hand that held the last polaroid over the final spot on the page.

  
  
  


“Jennie.”

  
  
  


It was stupidly dramatic – ‘teenager in love’ type of dramatic – the way Jennie slowly turned around with her breath unsteady. Her eyes casted on the house slippers, then inched up slacks and cream trench coat, to finally settle on the most ethereal face she had ever known. Jisoo was an angel from the heavens, her white beret a halo and coat wings.

  
  
  


But Jisoo was her writer.

  
  
  


_ Shit. _

  
  
  


“Jisoo,” Jennie said through a quaver, her hand gripped on the back of her chair in an attempt to steady its shaking. “You’re my writer?”

  
  
  


“It seems so,” Jisoo quipped. She shuffled into the room and shut the door behind her. Her eyes wandered around. “Nice room.”

  
  
  


Jisoo probably said that out of courtesy. There wasn’t much to Jennie’s room; it was kept and designed to the bare minimum for the sole purpose of less attachment. The house was barely a home, and so was her bedroom. A bed, a desk, some fake plants, some lamps, and a rug. That was all she needed – nothing more, nothing less.

  
  
  


“Thanks,” Jennie said curtly.

  
  
  


Jisoo rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, her demeanor just as awkward as the air between them. Jennie closed her scrapbook and tucked it away in the drawer. She’ll finish it later.

  
  
  


“You can take a seat on my bed,” said Jennie.

  
  
  


Jisoo pondered the offer for a moment as she eyed the clean sheets, before settling on the foot of the bed. She primly crossed one leg over the other and reached into her satchel. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

  
  
  


_ Why on earth are you here?  _ Jennie wanted to ask as Jisoo fished out a journal and a pen.  _ Why did you accept the job? _

  
  
  


But Jennie recognized that journal – leather bound and eight thousand won – and that pen – sleek and five thousand won. Her questions lost their way to her lips, only replaced with the warm rays of the afternoon sun through the library window.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


_ “You’re terrible at drawing,” Jennie snorted. _

  
  
  


_ It was after school hours and they were in the local library ‘studying’. In actuality, Jennie was the one studying and Jisoo was doodling all over her brand new journal. She looked very happy with it, always carrying it around with her fountain pen like a two in one shampoo.  _

  
  
  


_ “You mean I’m terrific.” Jisoo stuck her tongue out that enticed another snort from Jennie. _

  
  
  


_ “I can’t even tell what you drew.” Jennie squinted and angled her head at the page. She made out a vertical rectangle with some mushrooms on the top. “What’s that supposed to be?” _

  
  
  


_ “A giraffe!” Jisoo exasperated, horrified by Jennie’s lack of understanding. “Look, this is the neck, and these are the ears.” _

  
  
  


_ “I thought those were mushrooms.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo pouted and stared intently at her unique giraffe. _

  
  
  


_ “Be an artist later.” Jennie patted her shoulder. “Study first. We have midterms coming soon.” _

  
  
  


_ “I don’t care about grades like you do,” Jisoo whined. “I’m so bored of studying.” _

  
  
  


_ “You only studied for half an hour.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo scratched her chin thoughtfully before picking up her pen again.  _

  
  
  


_ “I’ll write. How about that?” _

  
  
  


_ “I hope for something productive. LIke your journalism club.” _

  
  
  


_ “Not everything is about school, Jendeukie. Live a little outside of it.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie frowned. Her parents had enforced the importance of school ever since she enrolled in preschool. For Jisoo to say such a thing, it was strange to say the least. But Jisoo was Jisoo – always nonchalant and carefree. Jennie envied her for that. _

  
  
  


_ “Check it out.” Jisoo inched the journal toward Jennie with a proud smirk. _

  
  
  


_ It was embarrassing that the first thought that crossed Jennie’s mind was that Jisoo’s handwriting was attractive. Then, she read the writing, and her embarrassment increased tenfold: _

  
  
  


_ Jennie loves Jisoo because she’s so cool. Jisoo guesses Jennie is cool, too. They marry each other and run away to a cottage in the woods. They lived happily ever after. The end <3 _

  
  
  


_ “What are you saying?” Jennie baffled, shoving the journal away and slapping Jisoo’s arm. “Don’t write buffoonery.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo threw her head back and laughed – the type of laugh that never failed to flutter Jennie’s heart. It cut through the silence of the library like butter, which prompted the librarian to shush them. They quickly bowed their heads apologetically. _

  
  
  


_ “You don’t love me?” Jisoo whispered, dipping her chin to stay quiet.  _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo had this charm to her. Perhaps it was the brown eyes speckled with gold that Jennie could stare into forever, or the soft cheeks that she wanted to cup and run her thumbs over, or the rosy lips that looked enticing to feel and that were little too close to hers. _

  
  
  


_ “You’re my friend.” Jennie’s ears burned and she backed away to turn to her opened textbook. “I have to like you one way or another, or else I wouldn’t be spending my day with you.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo pulled away and gave an impressed nod. “Fair enough.” _

  
  
  


_ The words of the textbook were incoherent, her focus bothered by the heat of her cheeks and pounding chest. She glanced over at Jisoo who continued to doodle in her journal, her small tongue stuck out in concentration. _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo was ridiculous. Amazingly ridiculous. _

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


“You still have that?” Jennie croaked.

  
  
  


Jisoo paused midway through uncapping her pen. She looked down at the journal on her lap and crooked a sad smile.

  
  
  


_ After all these years. _

  
  
  


“First question,” Jisoo said, pen poised on the page that looked three quarters into the journal. “When and where were you born?”


	3. blue frames

“How was it?” Chaeyoung asked from the kitchen table once Jisoo stepped into the apartment.

  
  
  


“Alright,” Jisoo shrugged off her satchel and heaved it on the kitchen island, sauntering over to get a glass of water. “We got the basic information down. I think we need to move on to more stimulus –”

  
  
  


“No.” Chaeyoung gently placed her spectacles down. “How was  _ it? _ ”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s finger paused over the water tap, the grip on her cup tightening and shoulders rigid. She couldn’t see it, but she could feel Chaeyoung’s prodding eyes burning through the back of her skull. 

  
  
  


“It was okay,” Jisoo uttered and proceeded to fill her glass cup, her finger pressed on the tap firmly to stifle the shaking. “A bit awkward at first, but she knew how to keep things professional. That’s what she grew up with, after all.” Jisoo flashed a small smile over her shoulder. “What are you up to?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung’s gaze was steady on Jisoo, aware of the attempt to change the subject and lips worried with another question at the tip of her tongue. Jisoo ambly leaned against the counter and sipped her cup, almost challenging if the latter would prod further.

  
  
  


“Bills,” Chaeyoung finally replied, her curious gaze returning to her usual soft expression. “You know, adult stuff. Adulting.”

  
  
  


“You work too hard, Chaeng. You should take a day off. You’re your own boss, so you should be able to do that.”

  
  
  


“I do! On Sundays when I go to church.”

  
  
  


“Not like that.” Jisoo rolled her eyes. “Go on a picnic. Meet a friend. Go on a date. You know, typical young adult things.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung stiffened and a rosy pink dusted her cheeks. Jisoo frowned at the sudden change of demeanor.

  
  
  


“What?” Jisoo narrowed her eyes.

  
  
  


“Nothing!” Chaeyoung hawed and started rifling through the papers and bills aimlessly. “It’s just that –”

  
  
  


Jisoo cocked an eyebrow at her frantic movements that became more frantic as heavy seconds ticked by. Chaeyoung glanced at Jisoo briefly, and upon seeing that Jisoo was still staring at her, the latter pursed her lips, squeezed her eyes shut, clenched her fists, and took a deep breath.

  
  
  


“Lisaaskedmetogotothemovieswithherthisweekend.”

  
  
  


Jisoo choked on her water, astounded by both the younger girl’s rapping skills and what she had just said.

  
  
  


“Lisa asked  _ what _ ?” she coughed and pounded her chest.

  
  
  


“Lisaaskedmetogotothemovies –”

  
  
  


“Lisa asked  _ you _ to go to the  _ movies _ ?” 

  
  
  


Chaeyoung nodded meekly with a tomato red face, hands stiff on the table. 

  
  
  


“What are you doing? Go!” Jisoo squealed, scrambling over to cup Chaeyoung’s cheeks, a tad too tightly from the way her lips puckered like a fish. “That’s totally a date!”

  
  
  


“A date…?”

  
  
  


Jisoo faltered and nervously chuckled at Chaeyoung’s stitched eyebrows. It slipped her mind that Chaeyoung was from a conserved family. Although she was unprejudiced – being that she was accepting of Jisoo’s sexuality – the subject seemed to still be touchy. “I’m just kidding, but you know what I mean. It’s a new friend!”

  
  
  


“A new friend?” Chaeyoung palmed her inflamed cheeks. “Then why am I feeling this way…?”

  
  
  


“Huh?” 

  
  
  


“Nothing!” Chaeyoung uttered and bolted up from her seat. “I’m going to shower.”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled and sipped her water as Chaeyoung scurried past to her bedroom.  _ Odd girl. _ She set her cup down, fished out her journal, and flipped through the pages with today’s notes that were all about Jennie – all special thoughts and special words. Everything about her was special; every fact, every detail, every word spoke from her lips. Melancholic fingers stroked down the length of the parchment, the words incoherent by her muse. 

  
  
  


_ This journal began with Jennie, and it will end with Jennie. _

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


_ “You missed three points.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie flinched when her father slammed her exam scores down on the table in his uproar – a scene that she’d seen frequently, but hadn’t failed to frighten her. He pulled on his tie and huffed, pacing around with hands on his hips.  _

  
  
  


_ “How could you be successful if you slack off like this?” He pointed a crooked finger. “What’s gotten into you these days? You lost to that Youngjae boy. You dropped to second place!” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie hung her head down. “I’m sorry, father.” _

  
  
  


_ “I’ve been easy on you. You think I don’t know you’ve been running away from Mr. Jo? Let this happen once more and I’ll make sure you don’t see daylight ever again.” _

  
  
  


_ With one final huff, he stormed out the living room. Her mother continued to sip her tea cup from the couch, not a single glance casted at the scene that unfolded beside her. That made Jennie grit her teeth. _

  
  
  


_ She swiveled and trudged up the stairs to her room. Opening the door, she found Joohyun by her desk – a feather duster in one hand and a book in the other. _

  
  
  


_ “Don’t touch that!” Jennie yelled and swiped the book away. “Don’t touch things that aren’t yours!” _

  
  
  


_ Joohyun’s eyes widened, startled by the sudden scold. She bowed thrice with a quiet ‘sorry’ , but before she could leave, Jennie stopped her by the arm. _

  
  
  


_ “Don’t tell my parents,” Jennie whispered.  _

  
  
  


_ Joohyun gave a small nod, a flash of what seemed like understanding in her eyes before she briskly left. Jennie looked down at the book and swiped the cover. _

  
  
  


_ ‘ _ _ Not everything is about school, Jendeukie. Live a little outside of it,’ said those heart shaped lips. _

  
  
  


_ Jennie scoffed, opened the drawer, and shoved the book inside with a slam. She threw herself on her bed and sighed into the sheets. _

  
  
  


_ Who was Jisoo to say that? That girl didn’t even know half of it. _

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


“Jennie, you need to stop. You’re drinking too much.”

  
  
  


Jongin was trying to unwrap Jennie’s fingers around her wine glass – as carefully as he could without spilling it – but they were practically glued on the handle.

  
  
  


“Stop babying me,” Jennie slurred and frowned. “I can drink as much as I want.”

  
  
  


“You’re making a scene.”

  
  
  


Indeed, she was. Jennie glanced around at the party guests stealing glances at the couple in their own sly way. 

  
  
  


“Let them look,” Jennie giggled. “This is another party for us, right? Aren’t we the main stars of this party?”

  
  
  


“I’ll take you to your room,” Jongin muttered once he finally seized the glass and set it down on the table. The combination of the wine’s intoxication and the conviction of Jongin pulling on her arm left her no choice but to lean onto him as he led her up the stairs. 

  
  
  


“Jongin…” Jennie mumbled once they stumbled into her bedroom door. She pressed her body against him and rested her palm on his chest. “Fuck me.”

  
  
  


“What?” 

  
  
  


“Did I stutter? Fuck me, Jongin.”

  
  
  


He stepped away and grasped Jennie’s wrists to pull them down. “No. You’re clearly not in your right mind.”

  
  
  


“I’m stressed,” Jennie whined and stomped her foot, flailing her wrists around like a child. “I just need a reliever. We did it before, what’s the problem?”

  
  
  


“No,” Jongin repeated sternly. He led her to her bed and sat her down at the foot. “You need to rest. I want to be a good husband –”

  
  
  


“Then help me,” Jennie exasperated and threw her hands up. “Good husbands help their wives. You’re so useless.”

  
  
  


Jongin stared at her blankly. “I’m getting Joohyun.”

  
  
  


Before he could exit the room, Jennie jumped up and ran to shut the door. She grasped the collar of his neat suit and pulled him down toward her face. 

  
  
  


“You’re making this so hard,” she breathed. “You’re making it so hard to hate you when you’re so nice. Why are you like this? Why can’t you just be shitty like everyone else at this damn party?”

  
  
  


With a taut expression, Jongin sharply tugged her wrists off his collar. “I’ll get Joohyun.” He left without another word.

  
  
  


Jennie lingered at the door for a moment, a little dazed by the rejection, before dragging herself to her bed. She crawled into the clean sheets, curled into a ball, and bunched the sheets under her nose, breathing in the fresh detergent smell.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


_ “Are you sure this is okay?” Jennie whispered as Jisoo unlocked the front door. “What if we get caught?” _

  
  
  


_ “It’s fine.” Jisoo took her hand – an instinctive gesture that naturally formed between them, their hands like magnets – and led her into the house. “My uncle is out so much that we barely bump into each other or talk. Sometimes he doesn’t even know I’m home.” _

  
  
  


_ “And your parents?” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo paused and strained a small smile. “They kicked me out a few years ago, but enough of that. Let’s not worry about parents.” _

  
  
  


_ That got her curious, but Jennie decided to hum along instead of prodding. Jisoo was right – the last thing Jennie wanted to think about was parents. Her household was getting too suffocating and Jisoo was kind enough to offer Jennie to spend the night at her house. Albeit the consequences Jennie had to deal with later, Jisoo’s company helped clear her head of all troubles at the moment. That was the Jisoo effect. _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo’s house was starkly different from Jennie’s: a low roof, small rooms, a kitchen connected to the living room, a worn couch situated in front of a small television, dim lights, no potted plants, a bare wooden floor, and aged wallpaper. There was no family portrait in sight, or any portraits for that matter. Although the house seemed to have the bare minimum, it was comforting – more than her own house anyway. _

  
  
  


_ The older girl led her up the stairs that creaked and groaned beneath Jennie’s feet. The hallway was small, and Jisoo entered the room sharply to the right. _

  
  
  


_ “Welcome to my room,” Jisoo announced upon flicking a lamp on with wide arms.  _

  
  
  


_ To Jennie’s surprise, Jisoo’s room was a lot livelier than the rest of the house. Although small, it was well kempt: beige walls with a hung clock, simple white curtains over a small window, a clean wooden desk with neatly stacked books and a small radio, a shelf above that held small trinkets and a purple rabbit doll, a closet in the corner, a made twin bed with white sheets, and a nightstand with a small lamp beside it. It was cosy – and Jisoo’s scent might and might not be the reason why. _

  
  
  


_ “Your bed is so small.” Jennie eyed the bed as Jisoo unloaded her backpack at her desk. “How will we fit?” _

  
  
  


_ “By cuddling, duh.” Jisoo puckered her lips.  _

  
  
  


_ “C – cuddling?” _

  
  
  


_ “That’s the only way.” Jisoo sauntered to the other side of her bed and sat down. “Or I’ll sleep on the couch downstairs –” _

  
  
  


_ “No!” Jennie uttered. “I’ll sleep on the couch –” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie faltered when Jisoo grabbed her hand. “I’m kidding. C’mere,” she breathed with faint conviction of their entwined fingers.  _

  
  
  


_ Jennie timidly complied as Jisoo pulled and smoothened the sheets to make room for her to crawl on. Jisoo laid down and Jennie followed suit. Upon facing each other, Jennie couldn’t help but edge closer until their knees and elbows bumped. Jisoo gingerly aided in the cumbersome space, tucking her arm under her head and draping the other on Jennie’s waist to bring her in closer by the dimples of her back. The gap between them mingled with the smell of Jisoo’s vanilla and the sheets’ fresh detergent. _

  
  
  


_ “Hey,” Jisoo said. _

  
  
  


_ “Hi,” said Jennie. _

  
  
  


_ “Are you okay?” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie gulped. The sincerity in Jisoo’s eyes were so genuine that it scared her, the way they almost collapsed Jennie’s walls. The latter meant well, but Jennie couldn’t bear bearing her burdens on her – it would be too much and it wasn’t even her problem. ‘I’m so tired, Jisoo.’ Jennie wanted to say. ‘Let’s just stay like this forever. Just you and I.’ _

  
  
  


_ “Yeah,” Jennie strained a small smile. “It’s just the usual parents from hell.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo’s warm palm traced along her petite figure from her waist to her cheek, thumb tenderly caressing along the bone. It swiped under her eyes and Jennie felt it smear the wetness of a silent tear. _

  
  
  


_ Her eyes asked again, ‘Are you okay?’ _

  
  
  


_ Jennie pursed her lips. The lump in her throat made it hard to speak and Jisoo acknowledged that. Her palm left Jennie’s cheek, leaving it cold. She already missed it, her defeated spirit the only thing stopping her from reaching for Jisoo’s palm and planting it back on her cheek. _

  
  
  


_ “Let’s play a little game,” Jisoo said. “How about that?” _

  
  
  


_ As Jennie sat up, Jisoo took the small lamp on her nightstand and placed it between them. Then, she pulled the sheets over their heads, so that it was just the lit lamp and them insulated from the world.  _

  
  
  


_ “This game is called uh –” Jisoo pondered with a scratch of her chin. “Shadows. You make things with your hands against the light. Look.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo demonstrated with a dog. Jennie giggled softly as Jisoo mimed the dog’s voice.  _

  
  
  


_ “Don’t cry, Jendeukie,” Jisoo’s dog said in a muffled, goofy tone. “Everything will be okay. Keep your chin up.” _

  
  
  


_ “I don’t know how to make anything with my hands,” admitted Jennie. _

  
  
  


_ “I’ll show you.” Jisoo took her hands and held them against the lamp. “You can make a bird like this,” she explained as she laced her slender fingers behind Jennie’s hands to guide them to create the corresponding shape. _

  
  
  


_ Jennie laughed as Jisoo mimed caws and flapped the ‘wings’. Jisoo smiled and Jennie found herself smiling right back – her smile was simply infectious. Jennie didn’t want to interrupt the show, but an impulse prompted her to turn her palms to cup Jisoo’s hands, breaking the shadow of the bird. Jisoo’s smile faltered and her head tilted in wonder as Jennie brought the back of her hands to her cheeks and nuzzled against them, that familiar ember warming her cheeks once more. _

  
  
  


_ Jennie was so tired – so, so tired – but Jisoo kept her going. Against a storm, Jisoo held her steady. Against the world, Jisoo was by her side. Against everything, Jisoo was again and again and again.  _

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


“Miss Jennie?”

  
  
  


The sunlight streaming through the curtains irritated her eyes, along with her pounding temple and dry throat. Jennie groaned and flung the sheets over her head in an attempt to nullify the brightness of morning. She could sense Joohyun at her bedside, patient as she always was.

  
  
  


“Miss Jennie, you need to wake up.”

  
  
  


“I don’t want to. I feel like shit.”

  
  
  


“Miss Kim is here to continue on your biography.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s eyes shot open and she pulled down the sheets to meet Joohyun’s blank face hovering over her. 

  
  
  


“Jisoo?”

  
  
  


“Yes.”

  
  
  


“Why didn’t you say so? I’ll get ready. Just leave.”

  
  
  


Joohyun bowed and left. Jennie sighed and ran her fingers through her disheveled hair as her groggy eyes focused on her surroundings. There was a water cup and some pills on her nightstand. She gulped both down and rushed to her bathroom.

  
  
  


_ I look like absolute shit, _ Jennie groaned in the mirror. A brush through her hair confirmed many knots and upon closer examination, her eyes were swollen. Did she cry last night?

  
  
  


_ Let’s calm down, Jennie. _ She exhaled slowly.  _ Jisoo can wait. Take your time. _

  
  
  


A sniff of her hair told her the first thing she had to do: take a shower.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


By the entrance, Jisoo was rocking on the balls of her feet. There was a maid beside her that she stole a few glances at. The way the maid stood unsettlingly stoically – almost like a statue – sent shivers up her spine. Jisoo’s head perked up upon spotting Joohyun walking down the stairs. 

  
  
  


“Miss Jennie will come shortly,” Joohyun said.

  
  
  


“Thanks.” Jisoo smiled. Joohyun bowed and left, so tersely it left Jisoo a tad awkward.

  
  
  


Jisoo fished out her notepad from her coat pocket, a list of questions and locations scribbled on the front. Since they completed the basic questions from their first meeting, Jisoo planned to stimulate Jennie’s mind by going outside for a small change of scenery from this bleak household.

  
  
  


_ Or perhaps it was an excuse to go out with her? _ Jisoo slapped herself.  _ Of course not. This is a job. Keep it professional, Jisoo. _

  
  
  


“Why are you hitting yourself?”

  
  
  


Startled, Jisoo flicked from her notepad up to Jennie right in front of her; arms crossed, dressed in a beige jacket over a white turtleneck, tan pants, black shades, and high tops. She didn’t even notice the latter walk down the stairs.

  
  
  


“Uh – mosquito,” Jisoo uttered.

  
  
  


Jisoo couldn’t identify Jennie’s expression well due to the shades, but she bet it was unimpressed.  _ If only she took them off. _

  
  
  


“Where are we going?” Jennie glanced at the notepad.

  
  
  


“Around the city.” Jisoo pocketed the notepad and squared her shoulders. “Taking a walk helps clear and jog your mind. I think we can get a lot more work done outside than in here.”

  
  
  


“A  _ walk _ ?” 

  
  
  


“Yeah.” Jisoo hesitated, sensing displeasure in Jennie’s tone. “But if you want, we can take a taxi –”

  
  
  


“No.” Jennie held her palm up and Jisoo’s words faltered. “I’m fine with walking.”

  
  
  


Jisoo was left speechless as Jennie sauntered past her through the doors. She smiled to herself – Jennie hadn’t changed one bit.

  
  
  


“Don’t just stand there, Jisoo,” Jennie called from behind her. “We have work to do.”

  
  
  


Jisoo heaved a deep breath before swiveling around to catch up to Jennie at the bottom of the stairs. 

  
  
  


“Say Jennie, have you eaten yet?”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


“You just wanted to eat tteokbokki, huh?” Jennie scoffed.

  
  
  


Jisoo looked up with big doe eyes, a rice cake halfway in her mouth. Jennie was glad she wore sunglasses today. It concealed her face efficiently to mask that she had been staring at Jisoo the entire time since they’d sat down.

  
  
  


The older girl gobbled up the rice cake and patted her mouth with a napkin. “Of course not.” Her voice was muffled by the food in her mouth. “ _ You’re _ just not eating.”

  
  
  


_ Don’t talk while chewing, _ Jennie wanted to scold. Instead, she grabbed the untouched chopsticks on her plate, plucked a rice cake from the dish between them, and popped it in her mouth.

  
  
  


“Happy?” Jennie quipped with a cocked eyebrow.

  
  
  


The corner of Jisoo’s lips tugged for a split second before she reached into her satchel to pull out her journal and pen. Jennie glanced at the journal, then wandered around the restaurant. It was small – a small business on the quieter streets of Gangnam – and Jisoo’s favorite from high school.  _ Still her favorite, it seems. _

  
  
  


“Let’s start with some simple questions and we’ll ease into bigger ones.” Jisoo cleared her throat and poised the tip of the pen over the paper. “What do you do in your leisure time?”

  
  
  


“Photography.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s writing faltered and she chuckled softly. “I see. That’s a very good hobby. Very good, very good...”

  
  
  


From the corner of Jennie’s eye as she faced the window that displayed a cloudy day, Jisoo was tapping the butt of her pen on the page in deep thought. For some reason, Jennie couldn’t take her eyes off Jisoo, be it watching out the window or looking around the restaurant. They’d find their way back to the latter as if she’d disappear any second.

  
  
  


“What do you like about photography?”

  
  
  


Jennie hummed and tapped her foot. “There’s something fascinating about pictures, I suppose. Something about how light captures something so simple as paper and when you snap it –” Jennie mimed clicking a camera. “– it gives so much more depth than a naked human eye would perceive. It helps me escape the world for a little while, even if it’s just a polaroid. It’s good to escape from reality sometimes. It keeps you sane.”

  
  
  


_ But you already know this, Jisoo. _ Jennie watched as Jisoo scribbled everything down.  _ Stop talking to me like a stranger. _

  
  
  


Although Jennie used to ramble on and on about photography in their youth, there wasn’t a single instant that Jisoo wasn’t submerged in her fervor. More so, she always encouraged Jennie to talk about her passions, even if it went on for hours. That was something she loved about Jisoo – the girl was always patient with her through and through.

  
  
  


Jisoo thumbed through the edge of the pages as she tapped her pen. The snapping of the corners was sharp, almost like a ticking clock, the way she flicked her finger in a metronomic rhythm that matched the taps.

  
  
  


“And why would you want to escape reality?”

  
  
  


_ “All you have to do is say nice words. This is the least you can do, Jennie,”  _ her mother’s words echoed. Jennie chuckled to herself, the thought that a few words could ruin her family’s reputation was amusing.

  
  
  


“The same reason why people take vacations.” Jennie shrugged. “Sometimes life gets stressful.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s gaze lingered on Jennie’s – so piercing she swore the latter could see through her shades – before casting down to scribble her words down. 

  
  
  


“You know,” Jisoo picked up her chopsticks and popped another rice cake in her mouth, “this biography will be a lot more interesting if you expressed all your honest thoughts. I know you have a lot of interesting stuff to say – you’re a smart girl – so let’s help each other out –”

  
  
  


“You already know.”

  
  
  


Jisoo paused her chewing. Jennie pursed her lips. She didn’t mean to blurt it out, but frankly, it was getting frustrating, this game they were playing around. 

  
  
  


“You know the answers to all these questions,” Jennie continued. “So stop it.”

  
  
  


Jisoo froze for a moment before proceeding to chew at a slower pace. “The point of a biography is to write the words of the person whom the biography is based on. Even if I might know some initial information, this is the process of the job.”

  
  
  


_Job?_ Jennie wanted to laugh. _Jisoo, you confuse me._ Jennie’s throat constricted. _I made sure to push you far away, to hurt you, but you come right back, and for what?_ A pang crept up into her chest. _How could you sit here with a smile on your face, like everything is fine?_ _Scream at me, slap me, hit me. Stop pretending._

  
  
  


“Oh right. This is your job.” Jennie strained a chuckle and laid back on her chair, arms folded. “I apologize for overstepping the professional line, Miss Kim.”

  
  
  


“Why are you so formal now?” Jisoo flashed a wry smile with her voice light. “Keep it casual. We’re basically the same age, and it’s easier for answers to flow with a comfortable conversation – a heartfelt face to face conversation. Don’t you think so, Jennie?”

  
  
  


They stared at each other for a moment – the air between them thick and heavy with unspoken tension. Jisoo’s eyes seemed to be searching her face.  _ Take off your sunglasses and let me see your face. _ They seemed to plead. It was funny, how Jennie could still read her eyes like a book after so many years. Then again, Jisoo was a naturally transparent person.

  
  
  


“Done yet, Jisoo?” A small woman in an apron and a black ponytail walked over to their booth. “It usually doesn’t take you this long to finish a small dish of tteokbokki.”

  
  
  


Jisoo flashed a kind smile that made Jennie’s heart twist, her eyes crescents. “Just a few more minutes, Taeyeon. I’m taking longer than usual because I’ve invited my client here.”

  
  
  


The woman named Taeyeon hummed and nodded at Jennie who kept her face stoic. “I see. I’m very glad you’ve brought someone else to this place instead of crying all the time –”

  
  
  


“Taeyeon!” Jisoo shouted with wide eyes and mouth opened in distress. She shot up from her seat and packed the journal and pen into her bag. “We’re actually done here, as a matter of fact. Let’s go, Jennie.”

  
  
  


“We are?” Jennie glanced between Jisoo – red in the face – and Taeyeon – mouth agape with a hand slapped over. “But there’s a few more scallions –”

  
  
  


“Yes, we are,” Jisoo said curtly. She pulled a few bills out of her coat pocket and shoved them in Taeyeon’s hand. “Keep the change. We have many places to be and it’s already midday. Thank you. Taeyeon.”

  
  
  


Jisoo shouldered her satchel and made haste out the door. As Jennie pushed her chair in to follow suit, Taeyeon muttered something that made her pause.

  
  
  


“So you’re the girl.”

  
  
  


Jennie spared Taeyeon a glance before the older woman left back toward the kitchen. She worried her lip as she flicked from the unfinished dish to out the window where Jisoo stood, chest and shoulders rising as she did breathing exercises. Albeit the dim day, Jisoo managed to shine against the bleak hues. Her eyes were closed, her eyelashes long, and from this angle, her side profile was beautiful. Jisoo was beautiful, so beautiful, and Jennie blemished her.

  
  
  


_ How much have you suffered because of me, Jisoo?  _

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


_ “What’s up with that frown?” Jisoo asked. “Did something happen at school?” _

  
  
  


_ They were under a large oak tree at a park that they agreed to meet at after school, as it was a midpoint between their schools. Jennie tried to maintain her sad act, but it was proven difficult when the corners of her lips threatened to curl. Her excitement was too much to push down. _

  
  
  


_ “Was it a boy?” Jisoo pressed, eyebrows stitched and head tilted. “I’ll beat them up.” She cracked her knuckles and neck and rolled up her sleeves. “Just show me where they are –” _

  
  
  


_ “No,” Jennie quickly said, hands clutching the boxy item behind her back tighter to suppress the giddiness. “It’s not that.” _

  
  
  


_ “What is it then?” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie felt her lips twitch. She couldn’t hold it in any longer, and broke into a wide grin. Her hands shot to the front to show off the item. _

  
  
  


_ “Oh wow!” Jisoo’s jaw dropped. “A camera?” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie nodded and sprung with excitement. “A polaroid camera!” _

  
  
  


_ “How’d you get it?” Jisoo awed as she turned the camera to examine it like an artifact. _

  
  
  


_ “I saved up my allowance,” Jennie beamed with a puffed chest.  _

  
  
  


_ “Wow! You’re incredible, Jendeukie.” Jisoo mirrored the smile that swelled Jennie’s chest with pride. _

  
  
  


_ Jennie took the camera back. “Can you…” Shyness suddenly overcame her as she swayed her shoulders. “Will you be my first photo?” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo blinked, then beamed. “Of course. Should I pose like this, or like this?” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie laughed as Jisoo did obnoxious poses against the tree. Jisoo laughed as well, and that was when Jennie snapped her first picture. _

  
  
  


_ “Hey!” Jisoo yelped. “I wasn’t ready!” _

  
  
  


_ The machine whirred as the photo developed and printed out the slot. “Oops!” Jennie said. “My finger slipped.” _

  
  
  


_ “Ah, it’s alright,” Jisoo chuckled. “Take another one. I’ll be serious this time, and make sure to get my good angles.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie tittered, pocketed the initial polaroid, and leveled the camera to her eye as Jisoo posed. A strange sensation seized her finger frozen as it hovered over the button, unable to press down. Jennie had always looked at Jisoo, but through a camera lens, there was something different about her – the way the light accentuated her features, the way the breeze picked up her tresses, the way the frame captured her and only her in the moment. The rest of the world was gone, blended into the background, and Jisoo stood in the middle of the universe. _

  
  
  


_ “Have you taken it yet?” Jisoo called out. “I get paid by the hour, you know.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie shook her head to snap herself out her trance and refocused through the lens. “One, two, three!” _

  
  
  


_ Click! _

  
  
  


_ “Finally.” Jisoo quipped and waltzed over. “How did I look?” _

  
  
  


_ Beautiful. _

  
  
  


_ “Ugly.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo gasped dramatically and slapped Jennie’s arm. Jennie yelped and rubbed the assaulted spot, a sting left in the slap’s wake. “Liar.” The older girl flipped her hair over her shoulder and batted her eyelashes. “I know I’m pretty.” _

  
  
  


_ Heat crept up Jennie’s cheeks. “You’re so full of yourself.” _

  
  
  


_ “I know you like it.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie dipped her chin to watch the polaroid print, the heat in her face so overwhelming it must be noticeable to the naked eye. She hoped Jisoo wouldn’t notice. _

  
  
  


_ “Can I have a picture of you?” Jisoo asked as Jennie pocketed the second polaroid. _

  
  
  


_ Jennie choked. “Me? Why?” _

  
  
  


_ “Well –” Jisoo rubbed the back of her neck. “You have one of me – actually two – so wouldn’t it be fair if I can have one of you?” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie bit her lip as Jisoo looked at her with puppy eyes. She never really took pictures of herself, so what if she turned out ugly for Jisoo’s picture? The only picture she had taken was her family portrait, and she didn’t even attempt to smile in it. _

  
  
  


_ “Pwetty please?” Jisoo pouted and tugged her sleeve. _

  
  
  


_ “Fine,” Jennie said curtly, looking away from Jisoo’s cutesy act that made her heart flutter. “Just one. I get paid by the hour too.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo grinned and took the camera with a bounce. “Yay! Now go over there,” she instructed with the wave of her hand. _

  
  
  


_ Jennie looked around with uncertainty and settled by the oak tree as well. Her arms were awkwardly by her sides and she strained a smile. Jisoo wasn’t too pleased, the girl lowering the camera with furrowed eyebrows. _

  
  
  


_ “Why are you so awkward?” Jisoo jested. “Loosen up a little.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie shuffled her feet. “How?” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo scratched her chin in thought. Her eyebrows shot up in an epiphany and she grabbed Jennie’s hand and led her to a stone retaining wall beside the tree. _

  
  
  


_ “Sit here,” Jisoo said as Jennie plopped on the surface. “Then put your hands here.” She guided Jennie’s hands a little behind her. “Lean.” She stepped back, squinted her eyes, and tilted her head. “Perfect.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie laughed nervously as Jisoo angled the camera again. “Am I doing it right?” _

  
  
  


_ “Yes, but…” Jisoo pondered. “There’s something missing.” _

  
  
  


_ “What?” _

  
  
  


_ “Your smile.” _

  
  
  


_ “Like this?” _

  
  
  


_ “No.” Jisoo shook her head. “Your smile smile. You had it before when you showed me the camera.” _

  
  
  


_ “Oh. I wasn’t even trying to smile, though, so I don’t know how to do it.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo hummed and sat beside Jennie. Her feet swayed side to side as she observed the park before them. It was barren, save for an elderly man walking a dog across the field. The park was a small one – hidden within a neighborhood – so it wasn’t surprising to see it so empty. Jennie liked it. It gave her a sense of serene privacy, like they’re hiding from the world. _

  
  
  


_ “Maybe I should try to make you laugh,” Jisoo said. “Why did the chicken cross the road?” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie threw a deadpan look. “Seriously? You couldn’t think of anything better?” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo pouted and furrowed her eyebrows in thought. Frankly, Jisoo was effortlessly humorous. She didn’t need to recite corny jokes to make Jennie laugh. She was about to say so, but a chaste peck on her cheek caught her by surprise. _

  
  
  


_ “Jichu –” Jennie stuttered, the latter looking at her with innocent eyes. _

  
  
  


_ “Jichu?” Jisoo smirked. “That’s new. I like it.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie was frozen. The spot that her lips touched was intensely warm, or maybe that was her hot cheeks that enticed from the gesture. Her body was overwhelmingly hot, her heart a pounding engine that was overheating everything and nulled all senses. Jisoo’s lips were still a lopsided smirk as she observed Jennie’s reaction. _

  
  
  


_ “Why are you looking at me like that?” Jisoo waved her hand in front of Jennie’s eyes. “Earth to Jennie.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie blinked a few times before she was able to get a grip of her senses. She shot up from her seat, so abrupt that it startled Jisoo. “Why’d you do that?” _

  
  
  


_ “Your cheeks were so fluffy, they reminded me of a mandu. I’m a bit hungry, so – AGH!” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie’s swipe for the camera was barely dodged as Jisoo broke into a sprint. “Get back here, Kim Jisoo!” Jennie shouted, hot on her tail. _

  
  
  


_ “I liked Jichu better!” Jisoo yelled from over her shoulder as they ran into the open field. _

  
  
  


_ Jennie wasn’t too aware of where they were running, the only thing on her mind being Jisoo’s flowing tresses in front of her and catching the girl. But what would she do once she caught her? Scold her? But the confrontation of the kiss was too flustering. Suddenly, Jisoo swiveled around and aimed the camera at Jennie – a click emitting from the machine – before Jennie crashed into her and sent them both tumbling onto the grass, Jennie landing on top of Jisoo. _

  
  
  


_ “My camera!” Jennie yelped, pushing herself off the older girl. She frantically brushed her disheveled hair away, her baratte missing from the crash. Jisoo was beneath her with the camera protectively wrapped around her arms, and it was then that Jennie realized she had Jisoo straddled. _

  
  
  


_ “Ouch, Jendeukie,” Jisoo chuckled. “You didn’t even ask if I was okay.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie scrambled off Jisoo and huffed as the latter sat up. “It was your fault.” She crossed her arms and frowned, hoping it would take away from the flusterness of her demeanor. _

  
  
  


_ “But I got it.” _

  
  
  


_ “Got what?” _

  
  
  


_ “The perfect photo.” Jisoo smiled as the polaroid printed out the camera. She turned to Jennie, upturned eyes swimming with fascination and pure happiness. _

  
  
  


_ “Your smile.” _

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jennie trudged to her room, the energy from the day long spent and burnt out. Joohyun bowed as she passed her, but Jennie didn’t spare her a glance.

  
  
  


Her room was dark, faint moonlight streaming through the closed curtains. She navigated toward her desk, plopped on the chair, and opened the drawer to pull her scrapbook out.

  
  
  


The scrapbook was worn, age evident on the creases of the binder. She caressed the leather cover before opening it to the first page that displayed two polaroids – one a candid photo of Jisoo laughing – although blurry, Jennie could still make out all of her face, or perhaps that’s because she had it memorized – and the other Jisoo smiling – a special vivacity in the frame that sparked it alive – which could be because Jennie remembered the moment all too clearly, the frame a comfort movie on replay.

  
  
  


Her fingers caressed the pictures, particularly Jisoo’s face as if it was a ghost substitute. She rested her cheek beside them and breathed in the musky smell of the parchment.

  
  
  


Just like Jisoo’s journal, Jennie couldn’t let her scrapbook go. The memories in it were too much, too precious. They were alike in that aspect – running away, but not far enough to forget. Somehow, they found each other again along their crossed paths.

  
  
  


_ I wish things didn’t have to turn out this way, Jisoo. _


	4. star crossed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MISS JENSOO SM when will they come back from the war ;-;

Chaeyoung cooked some kimchi soup that evening. Jisoo never tasted anything better. Certainly a chef's kiss.

  
  
  


“I’m going home to celebrate Chuseok with my family,” said Chaeyoung.

  
  
  


“That’s great,” Jisoo said. “I’ll make sure to keep the apartment and your shop nice and tidy.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung’s gaze lingered on her as she sipped some broth from her spoon – the type of gaze that always meant the girl had something to say. Jisoo lapped some stray broth on her lips before meeting it.

  
  
  


“What?” 

  
  
  


“Maybe you should eat with your family too.”

  
  
  


Jisoo popped a pork in her mouth and chuckled. “I don’t think they want their dyke of a daughter to come back.”

  
  
  


“It’s been a long time. Maybe you should try.”

  
  
  


Jisoo set her chopsticks down on her bowl. “They made it very clear the last time I tried.”

  
  
  


The latter worried her lip as Jisoo flashed a small smile. “Don’t worry about it, Chaeng.”

  
  
  


“Do you want to come eat with my family?” she asked. “They wouldn’t mind.”

  
  
  


Jisoo waved the offer off. “It’s fine. You haven’t seen your family in a while and you’ve been stuck with me long enough. It’s about time you have time to yourself.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung smiled softly as she fidgeted with her chopsticks. “Are you sure you’ll be fine?”

  
  
  


“Yes, mom.”

  
  
  


“I’ll cook extra food in the fridge. A week’s worth.”

  
  
  


“Thank you, mom.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung widened her smile and reached across the table to ruffle Jisoo’s hair. Jisoo yelped, pouting as she fixed her bangs hastily. “Hey! I worked hard on my hair this morning.”

  
  
  


“Maybe you should cut these bangs off.” Chaeyoung mimed scissors gliding across her forehead. “Try something new for a change.”

  
  
  


Jisoo gasped and held her bangs against her forehead defensively. “No! It helps me hide pimples.”

  
  
  


“But it helps – you know – to cut off old things. It feels a lot more refreshing. When you hold onto too many things, it gets you nowhere.” Chaeyoung picked up her finished bowl as she stood up. “I’m going to go pack up. Can you wash the dishes?”

  
  
  


“Yeah.”

  
  
  


After Chaeyoung walked out from the kitchen to her room, Jisoo’s eyes fell on her journal that sat on the kitchen island. Her chopsticks aimlessly poked at her soup, the onions idling adrift in subtle stirs. 

  
  
  


_ It helps to cut things off? _

  
  
  


She lingered on the journal before returning to her soup. Her reflection showed on the metal of her silverware – a tad distorted, but her eyes were discernible. They were gloomy and elicited a revelation that didn't occur to her before: she hadn’t been happy in a long time. But it wasn’t that Chaeyoung didn’t make her happy – that girl was a blessing – it was that she hadn’t been  _ truly _ happy.

  
  
  


Her eyes wandered back to the journal. Was it selfish to want to experience true happiness once more? Just once more before the next spring rain? Even if it was a day, a minute, a second? One word, one look, one silence?

  
  
  


_ Maybe it does help to cut things off, but not yet, though. It’s not time to let you go. _

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Everything on the table looked delicious: a neatly organized plate of Song Pyun, golden Jeon, an elegant box of pear brought by Jongin’s mom, and much more all displayed orderly between the Kim families. Although the feast could probably feed four families, Jennie didn’t have much of an appetite that evening, her plate piled with barely touched japchae.

  
  
  


“Jennie is to be fitted in wedding dresses next week,” Jennie’s mom announced.

  
  
  


“That’s exciting!” exclaimed Jongin’s mom. “Jongin is also getting his suit fitted and tailored.”

  
  
  


They were talking about the wedding again. No wonder Jennie lost her appetite. The aimless picking of her food with her fork intensified until she was practically stabbing the poor beef to shreds. The soft jazz music from the radio wasn’t loud enough to tune out the conversation and failed to calm her nerves.

  
  
  


“Maybe the kids should get their attire together,” Jongin’s dad suggested. “They haven’t spent time alone together nowadays. It’s good to give them space.”

  
  
  


“That’s a great idea,” nodded Jennie’s dad. “It’s definitely a must to help your bride with her dress before the wedding. Back in my days with Yejin…”

  
  
  


Jennie glanced up from her plate to Jongin seated across from her, posture rigidly upright and eating pieces of rice cake graciously. She looked to her left, Taehyung diligently cutting into Jeon with no sign of interest in the adult conversation. Her eyes returned to Jongin, who – at the same instant – locked eyes with her, and a sudden sickly churn evoked in her stomach. She pushed herself up, the loud groan of her chair against the tiles diverting everyone’s attention to her. 

  
  
  


“I’m not feeling well,” Jennie said curtly, head hung to avoid eye contact. “I need to rest.”

  
  
  


“You haven’t eaten much, sweetie,” Jennie’s mom said. “Your plate is full.”

  
  
  


“I don’t have an appetite tonight.” Jennie strained a polite smile, as polite as it could get without her eye twitching. “May I leave?”

  
  
  


Blatant displeasure was all over her dad’s face, but how could a diligent, fine man refuse his daughter’s request, especially in front of other people? He gave a single curt nod. “Okay. Rest well.”

  
  
  


Jennie nodded in thanks and briskly left the dining room. Although the suffocation seemed to slightly lift once she stepped out, it lingered nonetheless. It lingered all over this house, these walls – it seeped from everything in this damned building and clung onto her skin. Walking up the stairs, Jennie spotted Joohyun feather dusting a vase in the hallway of her room.

  
  
  


“Can you come in here for a minute, Joohyun?” Jennie gestured with her hand.

  
  
  


Joohyun’s head perked up in surprise, but mutely followed Jennie into her room. While Joohyun stood patiently by the door, Jennie rummaged through her closet for a coat and a hat, then strode across the room to fish out her camera from her desk. 

  
  
  


“I’m going to step out for a while.” Jennie shouldered her camera strap. “You know what to do.”

  
  
  


“Yes, Miss Jennie,” Joohyun said. “Make the sheets plump with pillows and say that you’re fast asleep.”

  
  
  


Jennie patted her shoulder. “Thanks.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s hand lingered as the older girl bowed, her throat clenched with guilt. She’d always been nasty toward Joohyun, but she returned nothing but kindness. Perhaps it was time to reevaluate her attitude, maybe gift Joohyun something. She deserved it for putting up with her. Jennie gave one more pat before leaving the room.

  
  
  


The chatter from the dining room was muffled and distant as Jennie slipped out the door. All the servants were busy handling the dinner, making it an easy getaway. The air was chilly – a nice chill that soothed her nerves – and the night iridescent.

  
  
  


_ Taking a walk helps clear and jog your mind,  _ echoed Jisoo’s voice.

  
  
  


Jennie’s feet began to move, the fact strange because she had no particular destination in mind.

  
  
  


Her feet traveled down the winding road of her neighborhood, turned a street, then another, then up an incline, then across a sidewalk. She walked by a few cars and people – mere shapes and silhouettes, all of them a passing wind. Her chin was upward, following the many stars of the serene sky – a dotted trail with no end, a treasure map with no treasure. The dark street was unresponsive in its slumber, save for a few dim lamp posts spaced every so feet along the sidewalk’s outer edge. 

  
  
  


Then, there was a brighter light at the end of the street, radiating like an end to a tunnel. It was an awakened building – a small one, a tiny corner coffee shop. The appearance was soft and warm with its cute paned windows and potted plants, an environment very fitting of a coffee shop. Jennie halted at the stark edge of light streaming out the window and onto the concrete, and her eyes trailed to peer in.

  
  
  


There was a woman in the shop – black ponytail and beige sweater with rolled up sleeves – cleaning the tables. Her back was turned to Jennie, but the tense shoulders and forearms showed that the woman was working hard at the chore, occasionally spraying the surface with a bottle and wiping the rag across and all around. She paused for a moment and her head slightly turned to the side, enough for Jennie to identify bangs that she tucked away with the back of her hand.

  
  
  


Jisoo.

  
  
  


Jennie looked at the store sign, hung above her by a handle that jutted outward to give a clear view of the shop name to passerby: _ Rosé Café. _

  
  
  


_ She works at a coffee shop? _ Jennie wondered, eyes tracing back to Jisoo who had moved on to another table. This time – rather than her back – Jisoo’s side was in view, her eyebrows stitched in concentration and lips pursed in dedicated labor. Jisoo hadn’t seen Jennie yet. Perhaps Jennie should leave and continue her stroll, think of Jisoo as one of the many passing winds. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. All these ‘perhaps’, these ‘maybes’, but her feet remained rooted on the same spot, just outside the border of the shop’s light.

  
  
  


Because Jisoo was not a passing wind, not like those during her walk here. A passing wind was one Jennie could get through with ease, but Jisoo was a gale that was excruciatingly hard to get through, despite all the countless pushes forward. 

  
  
  


Her feet began to move again. It moved toward the door that opened with a jingle.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jisoo owed it to Chaeyoung to keep the shop clean and tidy. It was the least she could do considering everything the younger girl had done for her, so she decided to do it every night. It was helpful anyway, keeping her busy enough to steer her away from thinking. Thinking wasn’t bad, but too much hurts – especially if it regarded the past.

  
  
  


The jingle of the store bell snapped her out of her concentration on her duty at hand, the table spot clean from endless rounds of wiping.  _ Who would enter the shop after closing hours? This late at night? _

  
  
  


“We’re closed,” Jisoo said wearily, craning over her shoulder to meet the newcomer. Upon meeting a ‘definitely not new’ pair of feline eyes, her whole body stiffened. 

  
  
  


“Hi,” said Jennie pithly.

  
  
  


Jisoo blinked once, twice, a few times, as if deciphering whether the person in front of her was real or a hologram. Her silence must’ve drawn out for too long, the latter awkwardly clearing her throat and eyes breaking from their lock to wander around the shop.

  
  
  


“I was walking by and I saw you through the window,” she explained, hands bashfully folded in front of her as she swayed her shoulders side to side. “Just thought I’d drop by to say a hello.”

  
  
  


Jisoo blinked again. She wasn’t one to turn speechless often, but the cat that caught her tongue caught something else – a sensation she couldn’t identify. A familiar sensation that sent straight to her heart whenever Jennie appeared before her in a mix of bliss and ache – two ingredients that really shouldn’t be together, but always encircled Jennie’s whole person. 

  
  
  


“I guess I’ll be going.” Jennie crooked a small smile and pointed a thumb over her shoulder. “See you –”

  
  
  


“Stay.” The word tumbled out without warning. “Take a seat. I’ll make you a drink.”

  
  
  


Jennie hesitated, but nevertheless timidly pulled out the chair beside her as Jisoo set aside her tools and sauntered behind the counter to work the coffee machine. Her heart pounded in her ears as her hands worked on autopilot, flipping on switches and gathering beans.

  
  
  


“What would you like to drink?” Jisoo asked.

  
  
  


“I don’t have any money on me,” Jennie responded meekly.

  
  
  


“It’s on the house.” Jisoo chuckled. “It’s after business hours, anyway.”

  
  
  


Jennie hummed in ponder. “Then a latte, please.”

  
  
  


Jisoo wasn’t an expert on coffee like Chaeyoung, but the girl did teach her a few tricks, like creating the leaf design. Once the espresso finished brewing, Jisoo added a pinch of sugar – just how Jennie liked it – and topped it off with a latte leaf. Her hands held steady as she tilted the cup and poured the steamed milk, a few delicate strokes up to mold the shape. She smiled at the final result, very much satisfied by her work. 

  
  
  


“Wow, you’re pretty good at latte art,” Jennie commented when Jisoo ambled over and set the cup in front of her. “Your art improved.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s lips curled as she took the seat across from Jennie. “A compliment from Jennie Kim? Never thought I’d see the day.”

  
  
  


Jennie was sipping the latte, but the small smile behind the cup didn’t go unnoticed.

  
  
  


“I didn’t know you work in a coffee shop.”

  
  
  


“I don’t. I’m just taking care of the shop for my roommate.”

  
  
  


“Roommate…?”

  
  
  


“Yep.” Jisoo leaned back and crossed her arms. “Yay tall, itty bitty waist, dead scalp, met her in college. Name’s Chaeyoung.”

  
  
  


“Chaeyoung?” Jennie fiddled with the handle of the cup. “So are you and her…?”

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


“You guys...”

  
  
  


Jisoo narrowed her eyes and stiffened a tug from her lips. “What? We’re what?”

  
  
  


“You know…”

  
  
  


Jisoo smirked. “What if we were?”

  
  
  


Jennie’s eyebrows bolted up and squeaked, “Then I’d be really happy for you of course!”

  
  
  


Jisoo let it linger for a moment, the tease and Jennie’s clear awkward demeanor. The younger girl’s eyes were intensely fixed on the cup as if it was the most interesting thing in the room at the moment. It was amusing and, frankly, quite nostalgic.

  
  
  


“I’m kidding. We’re just friends.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s shoulders deflated, a sign of relief. She tried to control her relief, but even after seven years, Jennie was still terrible at masking body language. Jisoo found that interesting, how the girl was so good at faces, but her body always said otherwise.

  
  
  


“Oh.” Jennie gave a small chuckle and a pursed smile. “I see.”

  
  
  


They sat in silence for a moment. Jennie was sipping her latte, eyes trained on anything but Jisoo – but Jisoo wasn’t as sly, shamelessly staring at her the whole time. If the latter was uncomfortable, she didn’t show any signs of acknowledgement. Jisoo had seen the same shop for the past few years, knew it like the back of her hand, and it wasn’t everyday that Jennie Kim walked in. What else would she look at?

  
  
  


“What are you doing outside this late at night?” Jisoo broke the silence. “It’s a bit dangerous to wander alone.”

  
  
  


“I just felt like it. Someone told me taking a walk helps.”

  
  
  


“That person must be very wise.”

  
  
  


The corner of Jennie’s lips tugged. “Must be.”

  
  
  


“Then, did the walk help?”

  
  
  


“Yes.”

  
  
  


Jisoo eyed the polaroid camera beside Jennie’s cup. “Were you taking photos too?”

  
  
  


“Yeah. I thought I might as well.”

  
  
  


The camera was still the same: boxy, beige coat, a strip of rainbow connecting the center lens and the slit where the polaroid would print, and in good condition – the same way it looked the first day the girl showed it to Jisoo. It looked like Jennie was good at conserving stuff, too. 

  
  
  


But that was the problem. For some reason, everything was still the same: Jisoo, Jennie, her journal, this camera. Albeit seven years, all of them were the same – never new, never changing – a static image, a film on loop. 

  
  
  


“What pictures did you take of?”

  
  
  


Jennie placed her cup down, now empty. “The night sky. Not necessarily the sky, but a lamp post angled toward it.” She paused. “It’s beautiful, the night sky tonight.”

  
  
  


“Then, shall we look at the sky together?”

  
  
  


“What?” Jennie’s eyes widened. Jisoo was surprised, too, at the words she just uttered. Speaking before thinking; add that to her list of bad habits.

  
  
  


Well, it was too late to back out now.

  
  
  


“I want to see the sky too,” Jisoo said airly, her turn to avoid eye contact. “Since you said it’s beautiful right now.”

  
  
  


“But you’re cleaning.”

  
  
  


Jisoo waved her hand. “I’ve been cleaning the same tables the past few days. They should be squeaky clean by now. I think I’ve got every crumb of biscuits in these cracks and crevices.”

  
  
  


Jennie suppressed a laugh and dipped her chin. “If it’s okay with you.”

  
  
  


Jisoo took the finished latte. “It is. Sit tight, I’ll grab my coat from upstairs.”

  
  
  


She placed the cup into the sink before heading upstairs through the back. In the dark apartment, she blindly reached for a coat hung on the rack conveniently situated beside the doorway. It was meant to be a quick ‘pickup and go’, but her eyes caught her journal on the tiled counter, illuminated by the curtained moonlight. 

  
  
  


_I thought you were going to keep this strictly business, Jisoo. That was the plan._ _What are you doing right now?_

  
  
  


Her feet halted in front of the journal and her hand hovered over the leather, the tips of her fingers aching to caress it – a routine evident by the smoothened paths.

  
  
  


_ Take it with you. Jot down notes. Do your job. Jennie is a job, your client. Every second with her should be for her biography and nothing else. It’s just business. Business only. _

  
  
  


Her hand dropped by her side. The clock ticked, every tick heavy and honed as she stared at the journal. When was the clock so loud, so echoey? Perhaps it was time to get a new clock.

  
  
  


_ Chaeng said it already, but why am I still in denial? _ Jisoo chuckled to herself. She swiveled away and exited the apartment, the journal left cold and untouched in her wake. She couldn’t deny her ulterior motive any longer. Her heart had been telling her all along against the constant excuses drowning it out. It was clear, so clear, and she’d been a fool for attempting to cover it up.

  
  
  


Jisoo wanted to see Jennie.

  
  
  


For business was not enough. She thought it would be enough – but her thoughts were always deemed untrustworthy, never good at deciding what’s best for herself. Her pace quickened down the stairs, her chest a thumping engine. 

  
  
  


_ After all this time, everything was still the same. _ Repeating it didn’t make it any more true, but she couldn’t help the revelation booming in her head.

  
  
  


The door swung open – a tad hard – the wood slamming into the door stopper on the floor. Jennie’s head snapped to the loud abrupt sound, alarmed eyes locking with Jisoo’s.

  
  
  


_ I tried to hide it. I really did, but it’s so clear. You already know, didn’t you? You could always tell how I’m feeling. _

  
  
  


Among all the mixed signals she’d probably given Jennie, she was certain about one thing.

  
  
  


_ I miss you. _

  
  
  


_ After everything. _

  
  
  


_ I don’t care. _

  
  
  


_ Because I miss you. _

  
  
  


_ So, so much. _

  
  
  


“Is everything okay, Jisoo?” Jennie asked. “Why are you just standing there?”

  
  
  


Jisoo smiled. She closed the door softly in contrast to how she opened it. “Yes. Everything is okay.” She jingled the shop keys. “Let’s head to nowhere.”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


“You didn’t bring your journal this time?” Jennie asked. “It’s a good time to ask some questions.”

  
  
  


The night was still, absent of any breeze that usually accompanied it. They walked with no hurry, their footsteps falling in and out of sync – matching, unmatching, matching again. With her hands dug into her pockets, the pebble Jisoo was kicking skidded astray into the dark. 

  
  
  


“Like I said, it’s after business hours,” Jisoo said. “I shouldn’t work when I don’t have to.”

  
  
  


“I suppose.”

  
  
  


No words were exchanged after that, but that was okay. Silence was the second best communication between them – right behind eyes and just above spoken words. The smooth concrete transitioned to rocky asphalt as they turned a corner into a crooked alley of a neighborhood. Faint light peeked over worn brick walls, casting shadows on the ground that their feet floated through.

  
  
  


“I thought you wanted to see the sky,” quipped Jennie, “but you’ve been looking down this whole time.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s gaze broke from tracing a cracked line to Jennie. The brim of her hat shadowed her face, but the brown hue of her eyes glistened from the lamps. Her nose was dusted red and cheeks flushed pink against her fair complexion.

  
  
  


“Was I?” Jisoo laughed. “Sometimes I can’t help it. Looking down is easy. Looking up is hard.”

  
  
  


_ Looking back is easy. Looking forward is hard. _

  
  
  


“Then look up right now. Nothing is stopping you other than yourself.”

  
  
  


Their pace slowed to a stop in an intersection of four paths: up a slope, down the road, straight forward on a leveled surface, and where they just came from. Along with the consistent, steady glow of lamps and cloned, shadowed buildings, they were all the same – but here was Jennie at the heart of the four, feline eyes laced with a faint urge, a faint plea.

  
  
  


“Look up, Jisoo.”

  
  
  


So Jisoo did. She broke away from Jennie’s gaze and trailed up from the top of her hat to meet the clear night sky. Rotating on the spot, her eyes traced the littered stars in abstract shapes, passing by the gentle moon, to return to the exact portrait she started from: Jennie against the dark blue, framed by the twinkling whites of the universe.

  
  
  


“You’re right,” breathed Jisoo. “The sky is beautiful.”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


_ Her back was laid on the mattress. She faced the sky, the warm hues of evening bleeding into a hazy dusk. The soft breeze passed on the rooftop of her house, a calming sensation that seeped through the cotton of her hoodie and clung onto her skin. Jennie was beside her, in a cashmere sweater, her brown hair fanned out, and staring up at the same sky. She glanced over to meet Jisoo’s eyes. _

  
  
  


_ “You don’t have to be with me today,” Jisoo said. “You should be eating with your family.” _

  
  
  


_ “You’re crazy for thinking I want to eat with my family.” Jennie laughed. “Chuseok or not.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo chuckled. “Right, but there must be a lot of delicious food on the table.” _

  
  
  


_ “It’s okay. I like being with you a lot more than delicious food.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo choked, prompting Jennie’s eyes to widen in alarm. _

  
  
  


_ “Are you okay?” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo pounded her chest and cleared her throat. “Yes. I choked on my saliva.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie giggled and faced back toward the sky. “Parents are so confusing. They want one thing for the children and disregard everything that doesn’t fit in their perfect image.” _

  
  
  


_ A lump formed in Jisoo’s throat. The thing bothering her all day was rising up. Jennie sensed it too, the girl’s steady gaze laced with curiosity and concern. She must’ve been curious ever since Jisoo mentioned her parents that one day. _

  
  
  


_ “Yes,” Jisoo said. “They are.” She tried to flash a smile to diminish the seriousness of her problem, but it came out more of a sad smile – the type that failed to mask apparent sadness no matter how perfect it was because the eyes always betray it. There was no fooling Jennie, when Jisoo’s eyes screamed everything so raw. _

  
  
  


_ She cleared her throat and returned to the sky. The sun was barely above the horizon, and the stars were peeking in the blue.  _

  
  
  


_ “Jennie. I like girls.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo didn’t want to look at Jennie, so she fixed her eyes on the faint outline of stars. The girl didn’t say anything, so she continued. _

  
  
  


_ “If you aren’t comfortable, then it’s okay. I understand. It’s weird.” _

  
  
  


_ There was a pregnant pause. Jisoo couldn’t see, but she could feel Jennie staring at her, studying her. _

  
  
  


_ “It’s not weird,” Jennie finally said. “You’re still Jisoo, no matter what. Whoever you like doesn’t change that.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo smiled. Her body felt lighter, her mind clearer. It felt so warm to hear that, the words wrapping around in an embrace. The girl had no idea how much that meant to her. The back of Jisoo’s eyes pricked and stung, but she blinked it away. _

  
  
  


_ “My parents said otherwise. There was this girl I liked a few years back. Her name was Sowon. And she liked me back.” Jisoo chuckled bitterly. “It was short lived though. We got caught by her mom and she dragged us to church. In front of the whole neighborhood, she forced us to pray.” She frowned. “My parents ran over and they defended me. How sweet, right?” _

  
  
  


_ The sun disappeared behind the horizon. The sky turned from golden to dark blue, the twinkle of the stars more prominent. _

  
  
  


_ “They defended me, but not for the right reasons.” Her throat began to clog, so she paused to let it settle down. “They insisted I didn’t, that it would pass as if it was an illness, that I was too young and naive, that I didn’t know any better. But then I asked them, what if it doesn’t pass?” _

  
  
  


_ “They said it must. I asked, what if I stay like this forever? I’ve been a good daughter, so why can’t they accept this part of me? What’s so wrong about it?” _

  
  
  


_ She laughed. “I think that was the last straw, being that they were already furious for being humiliated in front of all their neighbors. My dad raged, my mom cursed me out, and next thing I knew, I was outside with my backpack stuffed with anything I could fit in it and with no home.” _

  
  
  


_ “I lost all communication with Sowon. The whole neighborhood shunned me, so I went to Uncle Jiyoung. He didn’t want me either, didn’t want to raise a kid. But I told him I’ll live in the house like I wasn’t even there, so he gave in.” _

  
  
  


_ Jisoo broke away from the sky to lock with Jennie’s eyes. The moonlight glazed the younger girl in a gentle luminescence, her hands tucked underneath her cheek and her small body curled toward Jisoo. _

  
  
  


_ “And here I am.” Jisoo cracked a smile. “That’s me.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie was silent for a moment before she propped herself up by her elbow, sweeping her hair aside behind her neck. Her palm reached for the back of Jisoo’s clasped hands resting on her stomach. It wasn’t until Jennie’s touch that Jisoo realized she was shaking, her breathing uneven. _

  
  
  


_ “I’ll teach you something,” Jennie murmured, thumb caressing Jisoo’s skin as she leaned in closer. “If you ever feel sad or upset, try this.” She guided Jisoo’s left hand to her chest, the gentle beat of her heart thumping against her palm. “Breathe slowly like this. In and out like this.” _

  
  
  


_ In her demonstration, Jennie’s chest rose and fell at a steady tempo. Her heart shaped nostrils caved in her inhale, and her rosy lips slightly parted in her exhale. Her eyes were closed, and Jisoo found herself falling into the tranquility – breath in, breath out, slowly. Her heart was a rhythm and Jennie was a lullaby, a sweet lullaby. _

  
  
  


_ “Who taught you this?” Jisoo whispered upon opening her eyes. Jennie’s eyes fluttered open at the question. _

  
  
  


_ “Joohyun, my personal maid.” Jennie shied a smile. “We don’t talk much, but when I get upset, she would tell me this.” _

  
  
  


_ “Thank you,” Jisoo said. She turned her palm to cup Jennie’s. “Thank you.” _

  
  
  


_ Jennie smiled – not her wide gummy smile – but a smile that was gentle and genuine and crooked her right eye smaller than her left. The night sky was painted behind her, framed by the many blinking stars. There was a lot – an infinite trail that scattered everywhere and led to nowhere, around and around.  _

  
  
  


_ But among these scattered paths plastered on the dark blue, all of them led to Jennie. Somehow, Jisoo always found her way to Jennie in the middle of infinity – wherever, whenever. _

  
  
  
  
  


_ ~ _

  
  
  
  
  


Chaeyoung came back a few days later in a new sweater. Jisoo missed her dearly.

  
  
  


“I kept everything nice and tidy,” Jisoo boasted as they stumbled into the apartment with arms full of bags.

  
  
  


“Is that so?” Chaeyoung beamed with one sweep around the room and hugged Jisoo. “Good job. I missed you.”

  
  
  


Jisoo returned the hug. “Me too. You should get some rest. The travel back must’ve been tiring.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung shook her head. “I’m actually pretty energetic right now.” She tugged on Jisoo’s arm that was reaching for her bags to put away. “Let’s go somewhere. You’ve probably been eating home food the past week. Let’s go eat.”

  
  
  


“It’s alright. Your cooking is better than any five star restaurant and we need to unpack your stuff. Looks like a lot.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung punched her arm playfully, prompting Jisoo to feign hurt with a rub and pout. “You’re such a smooth talker. We haven’t hung out in a while. Come on! Unpacking can wait.”

  
  
  


“Alright, but you’re choosing the place.”

  
  
  


“Sure. I know a spot.”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Chaeyoung chose Korean barbecue. The girl definitely knew her spots as a local of this town.

  
  
  


“So what did you do while I was gone?” Chaeyoung asked as she flipped and scrambled the bulgogi on the grill, the satisfying sound of sizzling adding to the calm atmosphere.

  
  
  


Jisoo plucked some kimchi and added it on top of her plate. “Cleaning. I cleaned every corner of our apartment and the shop. It’s very relaxing. I should do it more.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung hummed. “No way you’ve been  _ only _ cleaning. What else?”

  
  
  


“Why’re you so interested? Are you my girlfriend?”

  
  
  


“I was just wondering!” Chaeyoung pouted and plucked some meat onto Jisoo’s plate. “You don’t really have friends, so I was curious if you even talked to anyone.”

  
  
  


“Ouch!” gasped Jisoo. “Speaking of girlfriend, yours dropped by. Lisa was worried because you weren’t answering your pager.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung’s jaw dropped. “Really? Oh no! My pager broke this weekend… what if she thinks I’ve been ignoring her…?”

  
  
  


“So you didn’t deny she’s your girlfriend?”

  
  
  


“What?” She turned red in the face in a blink of an eye. “That’s not important!”

  
  
  


“I’m teasing you.” Jisoo laughed and shoved some lettuce wrapped meat into her agape mouth, much to the girl’s dismay. “Don’t worry. I told her you were probably spending as much time with your family as possible. She understands.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung chewed angrily, her cheeks puffed like a chipmunk, before relaxing. “Okay. I should contact her soon.” She threw a glare at Jisoo. “And stop teasing me like that! What else did she say?”

  
  
  


What else  _ did _ she say _? _ Jisoo blinked at the latter’s eager eyes before casting down to her bulgogi. 

  
  
  


_ “Ah, is that so?” Lisa rubbed the back of her neck. “I was worried she didn’t want to talk to me anymore.” _

  
  
  


_ “Of course not.” Jisoo laughed. “That girl is whipped for you.” _

  
  
  


_ Lisa blushed. “I see.” _

  
  
  


_ “Do you want something to drink?” _

  
  
  


_ Lisa shook her head. “I’m not here for long. I have another gig to get to in a few minutes, but I wanted to give you this.” _

  
  
  


_ She fished into her purse – a different one, but probably equally as expensive – to pull out a small card. How many purses did this woman have? Jisoo took it and identified it as a business card. _

  
  
  


_ “I met with my friend, Sunmi. She mentioned that her agency was interested in you and wanted to recruit you to write articles for them.” Lisa tapped the card with her acrylic. “JYP Entertainment.” _

  
  
  


_ “It’s in Seoul.” Jisoo frowned. “I don’t think I can afford commuting back and forth.” _

  
  
  


_ “Don’t worry about expenses like that. She said they were willing to offer you a dorm.” Lisa clasped her purse closed. “It’s just an offer, so it’s your choice. Have you ever been to Seoul?” _

  
  
  


_ “No. I’ve never had a reason to go there.” _

  
  
  


_ “Maybe you should give it a try. It’s a beautiful city. It’s good to go somewhere new rather than staying in the same town. Personally, it feels like starting a new chapter of a book.” _

  
  
  


_ “Thanks, Lisa.” _

  
  
  


_ “No problem. Think about it.” _

  
  
  


_ “I will.” _

  
  
  


Jisoo flashed a smile and sipped her soju cup. “Nothing much. We just had small talk and she left for a modeling gig. She’s a very busy woman after all.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung’s eyes fell in disappointment. “I see.” She ran her fingers through her hair and huffed. “What do I do? She’s so busy, how will I make it up to her?”

  
  
  


Jisoo pointed her chopsticks at the disheartened girl. “Stop worrying. Lisa will definitely make time for you, regardless of her schedule.”

  
  
  


“And how do  _ you _ know that?”

  
  
  


“I just know.” Jisoo opened her arms. “I am psychic.”

  
  
  


“Whatever.” Chaeyoung giggled. “Okay, I trust you.”

  
  
  


Jisoo smiled and Chaeyoung moved onto another topic, that being celebrating Chuseok with her family. They laughed at the funny stories, gossiped a little, all the while the business card lingered in the back of her mind. 

  
  
  


If Jisoo had to start somewhere, maybe it should be this town. If her journal was too hard to discard, maybe she should try to breathe new air. If everything was the same, maybe she should make the effort to take that step forward – to choose her own path for a change, to look forward instead of back.


	5. indefinite forevers

Jennie’s teeth hurt from the sight of white wedding dresses, from the countless dresses she wore in a span of many hours, and from her mom’s constant hums of distaste every time she stepped out of the fitting room. It was only a matter of time that they’d fall out. 

  
  
  


“Much too wide at the bottom.” Her mom clicked her tongue for the thousandth time and nudged her head. “Try this one.”

  
  
  


_Make up your mind, woman!_ Jennie internally groaned when Joohyun brought out yet another identical dress – all big, elegant, white satin and tulle – from the line of many others eager to be worn. Unfortunately for them, she was not as eager.

  
  
  


“We’ve been doing this all day, mother.” Jennie gritted a smile, attempting to level her dangerously edged tone. “Don’t you think at least one of these dresses suit me? I think I looked good in all of them.”

  
  
  


Joohyun paused beside Jennie, uncertain eyes darting between the pair, as her mom pursed her lips and crossed her arms.

  
  
  


“This is the most important part of the wedding,” chided her mom. “You need the best of the best dress, and Jongin is waiting for you outside. You need to impress him.”

  
  
  


_I don’t live my life impressing men, mother._

  
  
  


“What did you say?”

  
  
  


“Nothing.” Apparently the thought slipped out her mouth. With a final huff, Jennie grabbed Joohyun’s wrist to pull her into the fitting room, the older girl almost stumbling from the weight and size of the dress.

  
  
  


“Let’s just get this over with,” Jennie sighed and lifted her arms.

  
  
  


Joohyun worked silently, unfastening the laces in the back and helping her shrug it off. While she did that, Jennie appraised herself in the mirror, and it was then that she realized how cattish she looked – slack face, drawn scowl, contemptuous eyes – and all of it came natural.

  
  
  


_No wonder people think I have a trunk up my ass._

  
  
  


“Can you lift your arm up, Miss Jennie?”

  
  
  


The sleeve of the thousandth dress slipped on Jennie’s shoulders and she wiggled slightly to help Joohyun settle the waist. The bodice was a tad tight and the flaring frills of the shoulders and hemline were atrocious, but at this point, Jennie couldn’t care less.

  
  
  


Joohyun smoothened the material before stepping back to assess the entire outfit. “Done.”

  
  
  


Jennie hummed in appreciation and exited the fitting room, bracing herself to hear another sigh of distaste and to stifle another eyeroll.

  
  
  


However, this time her mother nodded in satisfaction, a gesture Jennie wouldn’t have thought she’d ever see today. “It’s perfect. Go show Jongin.”

  
  
  


Jennie masked her scoff with a cough before leaving the dressing room to the lobby, Joohyun on her tail hugging the trailing fabric. Sitting on the cushions was Jongin with an opened magazine, and his head perked up upon her arrival. 

  
  
  


“Wo – wow,” he stuttered, hastily closing the magazine and smoothening his button-up as he stood up. “You look amazing.”

  
  
  


Jennie strained a smile. “Thank you.”

  
  
  


“Is that your final decision?”

  
  
  


_More like my mother’s final decision._ “Yes. I’ve chosen this,” Jennie said curtly. “It’s pretty, right?”

  
  
  


“Yes, very beautiful. You’re very beautiful.” Jongin bobbed his head. “I’ll be waiting here when you’re done.”

  
  
  


Jennie curtly nodded before swiveling to return to the dressing room. Her mom was nowhere in sight – she probably went to pay for the dress – so she beelined toward the fitting room.

  
  
  


“Joohyun, do you like the dress?” Jennie asked as the older girl helped her out of the dress one last time.

  
  
  


Joohyun tilted her head in contemplation before nodding firmly. “Yes, Miss Jennie. It’s very pretty on you.”

  
  
  


“I see.” 

  
  
  


While Joohyun returned the dress to the mannequin, Jennie slipped back into her white sundress and used the mirror to adjust her white headband, tucking away a few stray strands of hair and brushing through before straightening up once everything was in shape.

  
  
  


“I’ll be going,” Jennie announced before sauntering out the room, Joohyun’s small hum bidding her goodbye. 

  
  
  


Jongin was by the store’s front, observing the dresses and accessories on display. When he caught sight of her, his footsteps hurried on the marble floor to catch up as Jennie had no intention of stopping.

  
  
  


“I reserved a spot at a restaurant in Cheongdam-dong,” Jongin said beside her, hands enthusiastically animated as Jennie pushed past the glass doors. “It’s one of the best in the district and –”

  
  
  


“That’s great,” Jennie replied curtly, the pair arriving at the car parked in front of the store. “I’m a bit tired, so can I take a nap on the ride there?”

  
  
  


“Oh, of course,” Jongin uttered, voice awkward from her aloofness, and opened the car door for her in gentleman-like fashion. 

  
  
  


As Jongin rounded to the other side of the car, Jennie slumped back on the sleek, black leather seats with a heavy sigh, hugged her arms, and closed her eyes. The car door opened and shut and Jongin whispered something to the chauffeur before the engine rumbled. 

  
  
  


Jennie shifted her head more to the side and peered through the cracks of her eyelids – just enough to feign sleep – to watch the buildings and streets roll by. All of it blurred into hues of gray, save for the dotted scatter of orange, red, and yellow leaves drifting in the breeze. A few people walked by – either alone, in pairs, or in groups – but they, too, blended in the gray background. 

  
  
  


The car turned a corner, with this came a desire to walk – a wave of defiance to turn the other corner, to use her own feet to travel – but the car continued down the street it chose. The one _it_ chose, not the one _she_ chose. _She_ didn’t decide on the dress, her _mom_ did. _She_ didn’t choose to marry Jongin, her _parents_ did.

  
  
  


When was the last time she chose anything for herself?

  
  
  


_If I did, I’d be damn sure I wouldn’t be here right now._

  
  
  


The buildings transitioned to a more colorful and flashy outlook with more people crowded on the sidewalks. They were nearing the rich area with all of its fancy restaurants and stores and flaunting elites. Although the buildings weren’t gray, they’re all the same as the ones a few minutes ago. It was the same city, but with pretty privilege.

  
  
  


_What’s the point..._ The words faintly echoed within Jennie’s fatigue, words from a husky voice.

  
  
  


The car rumbled to a stop and Jongin thanked the chauffeur before hopping off to round to the other side.

  
  
  


_... of life..._

  
  
  


The car door clicked open, followed by a gentle tap on her shoulder. She opened her eyes to an open palm and kind smile. “Shall we?”

  
  
  


Jennie glanced between Jongin and his patient hand, her mind hazy and groggy from the really bad nap. A car honked behind them.

  
  
  


_... if it’s only going where someone else takes you?_

  
  
  


She took it.

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


_“Exactly,” Jisoo said upon Jennie’s failure to answer. “There is no point!”_

  
  
  


_The soft breeze accompanied them, wafting along the edge of the bridge. Jennie strolled beside the railing after much insistence from the older girl, who claimed Jennie had a better chance of getting kidnapped if she were to walk along the outer edge. To that, Jennie retorted that they’d both get kidnapped if that were to happen, but Jisoo disagreed with a demonstration of her ‘spectacular’ punching skills._

  
  
  


_“I’ve fought boys before,” she boasted. “I’m sure I can take them on.”_

  
  
  


_The cerulean river sparkled whites under the gentle afternoon sun. A faint hum of rumbling automobiles sounded from the gray skyline, but for the most part, it was serene at the bridge. Being away from the main city after a school day felt like a little break from life._

  
  
  


_“That’s why taking walks is better,” Jisoo continued, hands in her pockets and chin up toward the clear sky. “It might be slower, but you’re still going to the same destination and with leeway. In cars, you have to follow these laid out roads, but on your feet, you can go on roads, sidewalks, through trees, through hidden passageways. It’s like an adventure.”_

  
  
  


_“Is that how you found this bridge?” Jennie asked as they slowed to a stop at the midpoint of the bridge, the peaked sun kissing the older girl in its warm colors. “Just walking?”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo nodded and turned to the river, resting her elbows on the iron railing. “You know what’s better than just walking? Walking with no purpose. Just let the wind carry you and you’ll find things you would’ve never discovered. That’s how I like to live life.”_

  
  
  


_“You don’t have any goals? Dreams? Wishes?”_

  
  
  


_“Of course I do! If I didn’t, I would’ve been six feet under this river by now.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie snapped her head to her in alarm. Jisoo caught her wide eyes and threw her head back to laugh, her laugh resonating down the stream and melodious with the lapping of the water and rustling of the trees. “I’m kidding.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie slapped her arm, evoking a dramatic gasp of hurt from the latter. “Don’t say things like that.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo pouted and leaned against Jennie, all puppy eyes and fluttering eyelashes. “I’m just kidding, Jendeuk. Please forgive me.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie huffed and flusterly diverted from her adorable act to the water. Was she sure this girl was older than her? “It wasn’t funny.”_

  
  
  


_“I’m losing my skills, huh?” Jisoo chuckled and rested her chin on her palm. Her eyes settled on the blue surface, a tinge of sadness reflected on the brown hue despite her toothless smile. “You were supposed to laugh.”_

  
  
  


_“No, you’re great. Just that one wasn’t funny.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo pretended to take a pen from behind her ear and scribbled something on her palm, muttering, “For future reference, do not turn trauma into jokes in front of Jennie Kim.” She flashed a grin at Jennie who sported an unimpressed look with a few blank blinks. She sighed and raised her hands up in surrender. “I give up.”_

  
  
  


_The corners of Jennie’s lips curled and she shook her head. “You’re ridiculous.”_

  
  
  


_“That’s my middle name.” Jisoo winked – well, an attempted wink because both eyes ended up closing at the same time, resulting in a blink. That evoked a snort from Jennie, much to Jisoo’s delight._

  
  
  


_“Tell me one of them,” said Jennie._

  
  
  


_“One of what?”_

  
  
  


_“Your dreams, your goals, your wishes. One of them.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo hummed as she studied the skyline, then turned back to Jennie. “I dream that we can go anywhere.”_

  
  
  


_“What do you mean?”_

  
  
  


_“We’re just two measly teenage girls in a restrictive society. We can’t really go anywhere, or do anything.” Jisoo smiled softly. “When we grow up and make a few bucks, let’s get that cottage in the woods. Then, we can truly go anywhere. Together.”_

  
  
  


_Despite how unrealistic that dream sounded – Jisoo must’ve thought the same as well – Jennie liked it. She liked it a lot._

  
  
  


_“Sounds like a plan.”_

  
  
  


_“Let’s swear on it.”_

  
  
  


_“What if it doesn’t happen?”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo took Jennie’s hand in hers and raised it up to her chest. “Even if it takes seven or a hundred years, it’ll happen if we swear on it. That’s how it works.”_

  
  
  


_“You’re rather optimistic.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo grinned and her warm lips pecked Jennie’s palm – an ember blossoming at the spot – before slapping it on her forehead. “Being optimistic is better than being pessimistic.”_

  
  
  


_“Weren’t you supposed to kiss your own hand and slap your own forehead?”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo paused and furrowed her eyebrows, contemplating the statement. “Well, the swear is stronger if it’s the other person, like a blood oath.”_

  
  
  


_“And who told you that?”_

  
  
  


_“Me.” Jisoo raised her hand with an ear-to-ear grin. “Your turn!”_

  
  
  


_Jennie laughed before doing the same – pecking the palm and slapping her forehead. She let go of Jisoo’s hand, expecting it to fall, but it lingered. She questioned Jisoo with a raised eyebrow, but Jisoo just smiled and patted her head affectionately._

  
  
  


_“Now we can’t break it,” said Jisoo, “even if it takes seven or a hundred years. Promise?”_

  
  
  


_A swift puff of breeze drifted and wafted through Jisoo’s fringe, but her upturned eyes didn’t waver despite it, twinkling through and through with profound happiness. Jisoo was a dream and a wish, all bundled up in a new hope._

  
  
  


_“Promise.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


As Jisoo flipped through _YG_ ’s latest newspaper, an obscure pop song buzzed in the background of the salon. Her foot tapped in rhythm to the subtle beats of the music, humming along as she skimmed through headlines and pictures. They were unappealing, clearly catering to celebrity culture. Clicking her tongue in distaste, she folded it back up and glanced to ‘the blonde turned brunette’ diagonal from her. 

  
  
  


Chaeyoung sat on the barber chair, her long hair plastered in bleach paste as a woman applied the substance on with a brush. With her legs primly crossed, she was browsing through the same copy of the newspaper, a small smile playing on her lips on a particular page. Jisoo could guess who’s on that page, as she herself flipped to it: a certain Thai supermodel.

  
  
  


“There’s a new movie coming out,” hummed Chaeyoung, “in theatres next weekend. It’s called Snowdrop.” She regarded Jisoo eagerly. “Shall we go watch it?”

  
  
  


“Sure, but are the leads hot?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung laughed. “Is that all it takes for you to go?”

  
  
  


“It helps.”

  
  
  


“You’re hopeless. The lead actress is pretty, though, and it’s her debut film. What was her name? I think it was Kim J –”

  
  
  


“Chaeyoung, can you come with me over here?” The woman held a bottle of brown hair dye and beckoned the girl. “We need to dry your hair.”

  
  
  


“Coming.” Chaeyoung folded her newspaper and set it on the table before following her. Jisoo stacked her copy on her newspaper before relocating to a cushion closer to Chaeyoung sat on the hair drying machine.

  
  
  


“You should get bangs, too,” Jisoo suggested as the woman adjusted the bowl over Chaeyoung’s head. “Might as well since you’re changing your whole hair up.”

  
  
  


“Should I?” Chaeyoung’s eyes trailed to the top corner in thought. “You’d think I’d look good with bangs?”

  
  
  


“I think you’d look good in anything to be honest.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung giggled and attempted to kick Jisoo, but luckily, she was just out of her foot’s reach. The length that the latter’s leg could cover was quite astonishing. “You’re such a flirt! Alright, you got me. I’ll do it.” 

  
  
  


Jisoo beamed. “We’ll be twins!”

  
  
  


“Actually, on second thought…”

  
  
  


Laughter rippled through the salon, Jisoo lightheartedly slapping Chaeyoung’s leg for her tease. A buzz from her bag halted Jisoo’s laughter, prompting her to fish the pager out and scan the message: 

  
  
  


_Bio appt. Right now. - J_

  
  
  


“Who is it?” Chaeyoung asked.

  
  
  


“Jennie.” Jisoo scanned the message twice more before bagging the device. “She wants to meet up for her biography right now.”

  
  
  


“Right now? I thought _you_ made the appointments.”

  
  
  


Jisoo stood up and brushed her black, pleated skirt. “I usually do, but alas, my job is to adhere to the client.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung frowned, but nodded nonetheless. “Alright. Don’t come home too late.”

  
  
  


“Of course.”

  
  
  


“You definitely owe me that movie next weekend.”

  
  
  


“How about you go with your girlfriend?”

  
  
  


“She’s not my girlfriend!”

  
  
  


Naturally, a hairbrush to the back of Jisoo’s head wished her farewell.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


After several attempts of hailing a taxi, the tenth one took Jisoo to Jennie’s mansion. She lifted the door knocker thrice and – to her surprise – rather than one of the servants answering the door, it was Jennie herself, adorned casually in a gray zip-up jacket, white shirt, and black beanie.

  
  
  


“Took you long enough,” Jennie said, her tone flat and sulky.

  
  
  


“Yes.” Jisoo gulped nervously. Did she take that long? “It was hard to hail a taxi today, for some reason.”

  
  
  


Jennie slowly blinked once, her eyes unfocused and dim in contrast to her sharp greeting, before pushing past Jisoo and closing the door behind her. It took a moment for Jisoo to snap out her surprise and fly down the steps to follow the younger girl’s heels.

  
  
  


“What were you doing?” Jennie queried once Jisoo caught up beside her.

  
  
  


“I was with Chaeyoung. She’s doing her hair at the salon.”

  
  
  


“Did I interrupt you two?”

  
  
  


“Not really. We were just hanging out, but if a job calls, then a job calls.”

  
  
  


Jennie stopped so abruptly that Jisoo lagged a few steps ahead before registering the girl had stopped long behind her.

  
  
  


“What’s up?” 

  
  
  


“Where’re we going?”

  
  
  


In the midst of the hectic journey to the mansion, Jisoo forgot her satchel with her journal and pen inside, only sporting a small crossbody bag with minimum essentials. Although, to be fair, she wasn’t expecting to jump into work anytime today.

  
  
  


“Uhm.” Jisoo hawed, nervously palming her cardigan and blue blouse where her coat would’ve been with a notepad in it, the one scribbled with planned locations.

  
  
  


_Shit._

  
  
  


“Actually, it’s your choice today!” She exclaimed with jazzed hands. “What better way to jog _your_ memory if it’s not going to _your_ favorite place?”

  
  
  


Jennie wasn’t impressed, unmoving as Jisoo’s jazzed hands ceased until they were awkwardly held up, prompting her to drop them and her chin sheepishly.

  
  
  


“I forgot my stuff.” 

  
  
  


“I thought so,” quipped Jennie. “Should we go back to your place to get them?”

  
  
  


Jisoo waved the suggestion off. “It’s okay. I can store it up here.” She confidently pointed to her temple.

  
  
  


“I suppose.”

  
  
  


With that, they continued down the street. 

  
  
  


“So, where’re you going?” Jisoo chirped. 

  
  
  


“I don’t know.”

  
  
  


“We could go anywhere, you know.”

  
  
  


“Anywhere?”

  
  
  


“Anywhere.”

  
  
  


They arrived at the base of the neighborhood’s sloped street. Jennie’s feet faltered and they naturally slowed into a stop. This spot was familiar, a vague smell of spring rain on the tip of Jisoo’s nose. 

  
  
  


“Then why can’t I?”

  
  
  


“Can’t what?”

  
  
  


“Go anywhere.”

  
  
  


“What do you mean? You can go wherever you want. You have feet.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s eyes broke away to downcast on her shuffling sneakers. “No, not like that.”

  
  
  


Jisoo tilted her head in confusion, studying Jennie’s demeanor – drooping shoulders, upside down lips, hooded eyes. _This girl needs some serious cheering up._

  
  
  


A lightbulb lit above her head.

  
  
  


“You know what’s better than going somewhere? Going somewhere _fun_.” Jisoo extended her hand out. “I’ll take you somewhere fun.”

  
  
  


Jennie regarded her hand for a moment, expression unreadable. Jisoo wiggled her fingers to coax the girl; however, Jennie merely nodded. 

  
  
  


“Okay.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jisoo thought back to Chaeyoung’s reminder to not come home late. It looked like she was about to get an earful tomorrow, if not tonight. The inevitable reprimand made her shudder, the reason being that they were going somewhere far away.

  
  
  


Somewhere _really_ far away.

  
  
  


“We’re going by train?” asked Jennie when nearing the station, an outdoor area with an overarching glass pane roof, wooden benches situated between concrete pillars, and stands of newspapers, magazines, and snacks. It wasn’t busy today compared to other days, only a handful of people waiting around reading newspapers and whatnot. The railroads were wide, reaching out a few hundred feet to fences in the distance.

  
  
  


“Yes,” Jisoo replied, reading the timetable displayed on the wall beside the ticket window. Her eyes skimmed down the rows of times and locations until it lingered on the one she was looking for, prompting her to excitedly jab the name. “Ah ha!”

  
  
  


Jennie shuffled closer, squinting over her shoulder. “Jinju? We’re going to _Jinju_?”

  
  
  


“There’s a festival going on over there right now,” Jisoo chirped as she dug into her bag for cash. “I read it in the newspaper this morning.”

  
  
  


“But it’s –” Jennie scrutinized the table further. “– _five_ hours away?”

  
  
  


“Don’t worry. We’ll get home by dinner time.”

  
  
  


Jennie gently stopped Jisoo’s wrist that held the cash and she frowned, puzzled. The booking clerk looked annoyed, throwing a cocked eyebrow and a glare with his hand through the window, ready to accept the money.

  
  
  


“I have money of my own.” 

  
  
  


“It’s okay. You can start paying when we get there,” Jisoo reassured her with a smile and handed the money to the clerk, much to Jennie’s dismay.

  
  
  


“A festival?” Jennie leaned her shoulder against the wall, her arms crossed, as the clerk printed out their tickets. “What’s the occasion?”

  
  
  


“It’s like an annual light festival. Because of the war against Japan a long time ago, they began to float lanterns down the river for the dead and peace, so we can do that stuff plus other activities,” Jisoo explained, graciously accepting the tickets with a small bow and thanks and handing one to Jennie. She beckoned the younger girl over to a nearby bench. “I think it’d be cool to go to and – you know – go somewhere outside this town.”

  
  
  


Jennie sat down beside her, one hand in the pocket of her jacket as she studied her ticket with stitched eyebrows. “What time will it arrive?”

  
  
  


“In about twenty minutes. We’re lucky. We came at the nick of time.”

  
  
  


“I’ve never rode a train before.”

  
  
  


_I know._

  
  
  


“It’s a bit like riding a taxi,” Jisoo said. “I’ve rode it here and there when I had to commute for a couple jobs, but it’s cheaper for greater distance. It’s very relaxing, too, since it goes in a straight line and you don’t have to deal with all the honks, stops, and turns. I’ve fallen asleep a couple times, if I had to be honest.”

  
  
  


“I see.”

  
  
  


A whistle blew in the distance, accompanied by bellowing rumbles of an engine. Jisoo leaned to peer down the track, a dot of a chugging train peeking over the horizon. 

  
  
  


“It’s arriving,” Jisoo exclaimed. “Make sure to show your ticket to the conductor.”

  
  
  


They stood up when the train arrived in a blast of wind. Jisoo shielded her mouth and turned away to defend against the strong smell of coal and billow of dust while Jennie – not so lucky – hacked a coughing fit with hair strewn all over her face.

  
  
  


Jisoo flashed a meek smile. “Sorry, I forgot to tell you about that.”

  
  
  


Jennie shot a glare before puffing the hair out her face, pompously turning away with her chin up. “Whatever. Let’s go.”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled, following the girl fixing her hair to the opened door. The conductor nodded in approval with one look at their tickets and they stepped foot onto the train. 

  
  
  


“Where should we sit?” Jennie’s head bounced side to side as a few people piled into their compartment. 

  
  
  


Jisoo gently nudged the latter’s back. “Your choice.”

  
  
  


Jennie contemplated for a moment – fashioned by pouted lips – before edging down the left aisle. Jisoo followed suit until they reached the end of the compartment.

  
  
  


“Is it alright if I take the window seat?” Jennie asked, timidly peering over her shoulder.

  
  
  


“Of course.”

  
  
  


Once they were settled on the blue, wool cushions, the train whistled before lurching forward in a slow, steady chug. From the corner of Jisoo’s eye, Jennie’s shoulders were tense and her hands were clasped tight on her lap. Jisoo wanted to hold them to help her relax — she really did — but something told her the girl didn’t want to hold hands, and it might and might not be that embarrassing and awkward moment earlier when Jennie left her hanging. 

  
  
  


“Scared?” Jisoo smirked.

  
  
  


Jennie spared a quick glance before turning to the window. “No. It just feels weird.”

  
  
  


“It’ll get smoother once the train picks up speed. The view gets prettier, too.”

  
  
  


For a silent moment, they watched the buildings and streets of Gangnam steadily roll by. It was peaceful and serene – the combination rumbling of the train, relaxing view, and Jennie’s company. The younger girl was transfixed on the window, fair complexion and rosy lips flushed by the radiant rays, and Jisoo realized she hadn’t seen Jennie this tranquil in a long while. It wasn’t long until the city disappeared behind them – or perhaps Jisoo was too lost in Jennie and lost track of time – and the vast grass fields made their appearance.

  
  
  


At this, Jennie turned to Jisoo and laughed softly, demeanor more relaxed than before. “Did we just impulsively hop onto a five hour train ride?”

  
  
  


Jisoo beamed. “That’s the thrill of it!”

  
  
  


“So this is how it feels.”

  
  
  


“What feels?”

  
  
  


“To go anywhere.”

  
  
  


With that, Jennie returned to the window, her head rested on the backing. A strange ache itched in Jisoo’s chest, yearning to scoot closer, but she withheld it, scolding herself for such a foolish thought. _She doesn’t even want to hold your hand!_ It wasn’t until Jennie’s head slipped from the backing to the glass that Jisoo realized the girl fell asleep.

  
  
  


_She can sleep anywhere._ Jisoo chuckled and carefully lifted her head from the window to prevent a headache from the bumping surface. The girl mumbled something incomprehensible before her head fell on to the other side, that being Jisoo’s shoulder.

  
  
  


Jisoo froze from the gesture, breath held as if breathing would awaken the girl. Jennie was still fast asleep, so Jisoo lowered her hand slowly and gingerly adjusted herself to cater to the latter’s comfort: edging closer, positioning her head on the flat edge of her shoulder, tucking stray hair behind her ear. Then, Jisoo rested her cheek on her head and looked out the window of vast fields, endless and infinite over the horizon.

  
  
  


Just like this – just like these fields – Jisoo wanted the moment to be forever.

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


A small nudge on her thigh stirred Jennie awake from a really good nap.

  
  
  


“We’re here,” whispered a husky voice.

  
  
  


Jennie groaned and unconsciously hugged the girl’s arm, snuggling her cheek into the soft fabric. “Five more minutes.”

  
  
  


“Jennie, this is our stop.”

  
  
  


Jennie cracked open one eyelid to meet Jisoo’s chin. With her grogginess, it took too long to process that she was leaning on Jisoo’s shoulder, clinging onto Jisoo’s arm, while Jisoo’s rosy lips were mere inches away.

  
  
  


“Oh!” Jennie jumped away hastily, startling the latter. “Right. Our stop.” Turning away, her hand swiftly wiped her mouth and brushed her hair. _I hope I didn’t drool._

  
  
  


“You drooled by the way. A lot.”

  
  
  


Jennie froze – dumbstruck – as Jisoo smirked and exited the compartment. She slapped her forehead and deeply groaned – matched with a few chides of ‘nice fucking going, Jennie’ – before hopping off to catch up to the older girl.

  
  
  


The first thing Jennie noted was the different air. It was more crisp, more refreshing, but perhaps that’s because she never stepped foot into another city before, or a city as far away as Jinju. This station was busier with people bustling onto the train they just left – Jennie nearly bumping into a few businessmen – as the two paced across the station.

  
  
  


“Do you even know where we’re going?” Jennie asked once they stepped onto the sidewalk of the busy street, Jisoo looking side to side aimlessly with blatant confusion and unfamiliarity.

  
  
  


The older girl coughed. “Of course I do.” She pulled out a pamphlet that she probably picked up from a stand at the station a few minutes ago, as it was a tourist pamphlet sporting the phrase _‘Number One Guide to Jinju!’_. “This has the city map in it.”

  
  
  


“I swear if we get lost, Jisoo,” Jennie mumbled as the latter scrutinized the map so closely her nose brushed the paper.

  
  
  


“Trust me.” Jisoo puffed her chest and confidently held the map high, hand on her hip and flashing a grin. “You know what’s the number one map of a city?”

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


“A taxi.”

  
  
  


Jennie facepalmed.

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Namgang, Jinju please,” Jisoo said to the driver.

  
  
  


Earlier, Jennie would’ve despised the idea of riding cars – that being her rational for messaging Jisoo – but it was different right now. Perhaps it’s the city that looked similar to Gangnam, but wasn’t Gangnam? Perhaps it’s that she was far away from her responsibilities? Perhaps it’s because she was with Jisoo? Who knows. 

  
  
  


All Jennie could say was that she wasn’t bothered at all.

  
  
  


“Are you hungry?” Jisoo asked.

  
  
  


Jennie shook her head. “No.”

  
  
  


“I read that there’s going to be lots of delicious food over there.” Jisoo rubbed her stomach comedically. “I can’t wait.”

  
  
  


The view transitioned from low buildings to trees and foliage lined neatly along the edge of Namgang’s wide river, golden from the setting sun. Littered along the bank and water were glowing characters and various historical structures. The crowded docks were decorated with white tents, colorful lights, lit lanterns, and food stands, the festive vibes accentuated by joyous music. 

  
  
  


“It looks better at night,” said Jisoo, “which should be coming soon. We’re pretty lucky with timing today.”

  
  
  


They were dropped off on the road to the docks, and Jennie was quick to pull out the cash and pay the driver before Jisoo could. Once the taxi drove away, they proceeded down the slope, the soles of their shoes crunching the gravel.

  
  
  


“I didn’t realize how many people would be here,” Jisoo commented nervously, footsteps ceasing when they neared the edge of the docks and bustling crowd.

  
  
  


“It’s a festival for a reason,” chuckled Jennie, but her chuckling faltered with one glance at the older girl: arms stiff by her sides, worried lips, and skittish eyes darting around the place. Jisoo’s hands were clenched, and Jennie wanted to hold them – to caress them, to calm her down – but fear seized her with one look at the public. 

  
  
  


But – if Jennie recalled – back in high school, it was normal for girl friends to hold each other’s hands and hook arms because it showed their friendship. It should be fine if Jennie took Jisoo’s hand right now, and it would go without question. It’s not that it _should_ be fine, it _was_ fine. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

  
  
  


She was just a coward.

  
  
  


And she didn’t deserve to hold her hand.

  
  
  


“Hey, it’s okay,” Jennie said, stepping in front of Jisoo and smiling softly. “Remember to breathe.”

  
  
  


Jisoo looked down from Jennie’s gaze and rubbed her hands together. “Ah, right.” She inhaled through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, shoulders rising and falling with every steady breath. “Breathing.”

  
  
  


“You wanted food, right?” Jennie asked to divert Jisoo’s worries away. “Do you smell that?” She wafted the air to her nose with the wave of her hand and hummed. “That smells good. I think it's kebabs over there. I’m starving!”

  
  
  


Jisoo giggled and dipped her chin shyly. “You said you weren’t hungry.”

  
  
  


“But now that I can smell all the tasty food, it’s making me hungry,” Jennie insisted. “Let’s go.”

  
  
  


Jennie swiveled to lead the way, expecting the girl to follow her, but the absence of her footsteps prompted her to pause. Jisoo was still rooted on the spot, demeanor shy with hands folded and downcasted eyes.

  
  
  


“Are you good, Jisoo?” Jennie asked, walking back to her.

  
  
  


“Yeah.” 

  
  
  


“Do you need more time? We can wait here. We have all day.”

  
  
  


“It’s not that.”

  
  
  


“Then, what is it?”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s lips parted, then unparted, then parted again in hesitation. 

  
  
  


“Jisoo, what is it?”

  
  
  


“Can I… hold your hand?”

  
  
  


Taken aback, Jennie’s throat caught and her heart stopped. Her reaction must’ve been extreme because Jisoo’s eyes widened and she clamped her hand over her mouth. 

  
  
  


“Don’t get me wrong!” She waved her hands fretfully. “It’s just that – there’s so many people and I don’t want to get lost…” She cleared her throat. “If we hold hands, then it’d be easier to keep track of each other.”

  
  
  


Jennie continued staring silently. Her head buzzed, matched with a pounding in her ears and a creeping heat up her neck.

  
  
  


“It’s okay if you don’t want to hold hands,” Jisoo hastily added as the air turned awkward. “Can I hold onto your jacket, at least?”

  
  
  


_It’s not that I don’t want to hold your hand._ Jennie wanted to say. _It’s not like that at all._

  
  
  


_Because I do want to hold your hand._

  
  
  


_I want to hold your hand so bad._

  
  
  


“Yeah,” Jennie croaked. “You can hold onto my sleeve.”

  
  
  


Jisoo crooked a toothless grin and grasped the oversized cotton. “Thank you.”

  
  
  


“It’s not a big deal.” Jennie blinked away from Jisoo’s beautiful smile and crescents of appreciation to the festival. Although the pounding in her head and chest had yet to cease, the glimmering autumn rays of golden hue alleviated all of it. It was beautiful, everything at this moment. If only she’d brought her camera to capture it forever.

  
  
  


“Ready?” asked Jennie.

  
  
  


“Ready,” Jisoo said.

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


It was easy to get immersed in the crowd. With Jisoo close by her side, they were swept by the animated throng and festive vibes from one place to another until the golden sun bled into gray-blue dusk, and – by this point – Jisoo had eaten every type of street food they could offer here. 

  
  
  


“I’m going broke just to feed you,” Jennie jested as Jisoo munched on a skewer with big cheeks, head childishly bouncing side to side in contentment. 

  
  
  


Jisoo’s eyes widened and her mouth fell agape, much to Jennie’s disgust at the sight of chewed food, and exclaimed, “Really?”

  
  
  


“No, and close your mouth while chewing,” Jennie chided and lifted the bottom of Jisoo’s chin with her finger. “You’ll eat a fly.”

  
  
  


With a mischievous glint in her eyes, Jisoo leaned close to Jennie’s face and defiantly opened her mouth, jaw dramatically chomping on the food, and Jennie ducked aside to avoid it.

  
  
  


“Gross, Jisoo!” she yelped, scrunching her nose as Jisoo covered her mouth to laugh.

  
  
  


“Jokes!” Jisoo threw up a finger gun and waved her skewer in the air. “But seriously, are you running out of money?”

  
  
  


Jennie rolled her eyes and resisted the tug on the corners of her lips. “No, I’m rich.”

  
  
  


“Right, rich kid. How could I forget.”

  
  
  


Jennie was about to retort, but a steaming whistle of an engine interrupted her. Drifting past the end of the docks was a ferry with passengers waving down at the people on the streets. 

  
  
  


Jisoo slapped her forehead. “I completely forgot about the ferry. We missed it!”

  
  
  


“It’s alright,” Jennie said quickly to ease Jisoo’s frustration. “I get motion sickness anyway.”

  
  
  


“Oh, right,” Jisoo sighed in relief and slipped her hand from the sleeve into the pocket of Jennie’s jacket, brushing the back of Jennie’s hand. For some reason, she didn’t question it, nor did that previous fear climb back. Maybe it’s because their entwined fingers were hidden from the world in this pocket – this small private space – and there was something irresistible about Jisoo. With one touch, everything clicked and Jennie lost the battle because it was nice, it was warm, and it was natural.

  
  
  


“Since it’s night, I think it’s about time for the lantern making.” Jisoo pointed her skewer down the street, almost hitting a passerby. “I bet it’s down there with all those white lanterns.”

  
  
  


With the conviction of interlocked hands, Jisoo led the way through the crowd that’s less dense than earlier today because everyone was visiting the various light attractions by the river bank. Jennie stuck close to her, but the older girl would occasionally look back to check up on her and flash a silly smile at the same time. Luckily, Jisoo would turn back forward just as quick because from the way Jennie’s cheeks hurt, she was sure she was smiling too – and just as silly.

  
  
  


Then again, Jisoo’s smile was infectious.

  
  
  


As they neared the site, the festive music languished into a faint hum behind them and the chattering of people softened at the lantern distribution tent. The smell of street food was left behind, replaced with nature’s greenery and water.

  
  
  


“Look how pretty the lanterns are!” Jisoo marveled, her steps going astray from the line to the people holding their lanterns by the docks, to which Jennie had to pull her back on track.

  
  
  


“Calm down, Jisoo.” Jennie knocked her head playfully, evoking a pout. “We still need to buy ours.”

  
  
  


While Jennie fished out some money, they shuffled through the line quickly, the volunteers distributing lanterns and receiving money in lightning speed. A young man, a high school senior by the looks of him, handed them two white paper lanterns with candles.

  
  
  


“We’ll release the lanterns together in about ten minutes,” he said with a kind smile. “If you keep walking, there’s tables at the end with markers that you can write your wishes with.”

  
  
  


“Thank you.” Jisoo bowed her head.

  
  
  


It took awhile for them to find an open spot at the tables because the people crowded around seemed to be taking their sweet time using the markers. Fortunately, Jisoo’s keen eyes spotted an open corner by the far end and dragged Jennie over. Unfortunately, there was only one marker.

  
  
  


“You can go first, Jennie,” Jisoo insisted, handing the marker to Jennie.

  
  
  


Jennie shook her head and pushed the marker back. “I don’t even have any wishes right now. You can write yours down first.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s tongue poked the inside of her cheek before giving in. “Alright, but you better think fast. We only have ten minutes left.”

  
  
  


While Jisoo turned her back to scribble down her very secretive wishes, Jennie pondered as she observed everyone around her. There were people of various ages here – elderly, teenagers, children, couples – laughing and chatting, lanterns in their hands waiting for the event to begin. Jennie glanced at Jisoo who pressed the butt of the marker to her temple in thought before returning to scribbling.

  
  
  


_Wishes?_ She rotated her lantern in her hand and ran her fingers across the blank surface. Wishes were something for youth – mere child's play – and something for them to believe in to feed them false hope. Every wish she had reciprocated only hurt and heartache, so what’s the point of wishing anymore? 

  
  
  


“Done!” Jisoo chirped and swiveled around, offering the marker to Jennie. “Your turn.”

  
  
  


“Jisoo,” mumbled Jennie. “I don’t know what to wish for.”

  
  
  


“Well, it could be anything,” Jisoo chimed. “You could wish for good weather tomorrow, or to meet your favorite artist someday, or something as simple as good health. Anything can be wished for.”

  
  
  


“What did _you_ wish for?”

  
  
  


“That’s a secret.” Jisoo brought her finger to her lips. “I heard that telling someone your wish before it goes down the river will jinx it.”

  
  
  


“Ah, I see.” Jennie pursed her lips with the marker poised on the blank paper, mind still absent of any wish. 

  
  
  


“I think it’s almost time. Everyone is moving toward the river.” Jisoo clutched Jennie’s sleeve. “Let’s try to get good spots. You can write down your wishes while we walk, right? We’ll return the marker after.”

  
  
  


Before Jennie could say anything, they were halfway down the pier. People were crouched by the water and the many lit lanterns radiated a warm glow in the area. A handful of lanterns were already floating down the river, bobbing in the subtle waves of the water. From here, the main festival was visible, but it seemed like another world. Over there was festive and loud, while over here was peaceful and harmonious.

  
  
  


“Are you done thinking?” Jisoo asked, practically hopping with excitement. “Let’s release our lanterns together.”

  
  
  


The marker still hovered over the blank paper, yet to touch or make a mark. Jennie tightened her grip on the marker, eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

  
  
  


“I seriously don’t know what to wish for,” Jennie sighed.

  
  
  


“Think really hard. Disregard the possibility of it happening, because that defeats the whole purpose of wishes. Impossible or not, wishes are something to hold onto, a faith that keeps you going. There’s no realistic and unrealistic wishes, if you’re having trouble because of that.”

  
  
  


Jennie trailed up from her lantern to lock eyes with Jisoo. The flickering light emitting from Jisoo’s lantern danced in her kind eyes and glowed her tan complexion and soft smile. The river was populated with more lanterns, and the first few had already reached under the bridge.

  
  
  


“What’s the point of wishing for something if it might be impossible?”

  
  
  


“Because that’s what makes life life,” replied Jisoo. “Wishing, dreaming, hoping – it gives us purpose for ourselves, like a steering wheel in life. If you have none, then you’re just riding in the back of someone else’s car. What’s the point of life if it’s only going where someone else takes you?” 

  
  
  


_There is no point._

  
  
  


The marker pressed down on the parchment, forming an ink blot from the few seconds it lingered before gliding across to scribble Jennie’s wish. She capped it and returned to Jisoo who regarded her with a proud glint in her eyes.

  
  
  


“Ready?” asked Jisoo.

  
  
  


“Ready,” Jennie said.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


Their lanterns floated down the river side by side, occasionally bumping into each other, drifting apart, and coming together again. Hand in hand, they bobbed with the other lanterns to the horizon. It was quiet and peaceful. With no chatter, everyone held each other – whether it be parent to child or lover to lover – and collectively watched the sea of light. 

  
  
  


Jennie had her hands in her pockets and Jisoo had her arms crossed. Jennie’s fingers picked at the lint restlessly, eyes stealing frequent glances at the older girl. However, Jisoo was too preoccupied with the view to notice, brown eyes dazzling with a faint smile on her lips.

  
  
  


_Do you want to hold hands with her or something, Jennie?_ she chided herself as she rolled a ball of lint between her fingers. _Why’re you so agitated?_

  
  
  


“Is something wrong, Jennie?” Jisoo asked, head tilted and lips pouted in wonder.

  
  
  


Jennie broke away from Jisoo’s gaze to the river. “No, nothing’s wrong.”

  
  
  


“It’s beautiful, huh?”

  
  
  


“Yeah, it is.”

  
  
  


Silence fell again. Jisoo returned to admiring the lanterns, but Jennie’s mind was still restless. There were a million things she wanted to say about today, about them, about everything, but it’s so hard when Jisoo looked so serene watching the river. The last thing Jennie wanted to do was ruin something else, that being this moment.

  
  
  


But if not now, when? Everytime she tried, her cowardness left her unable to vocalize her words, but now there was a small amount of courage in her heart. Although she didn’t know where it came from, courage was courage no matter how small, so Jennie turned to Jisoo and Jisoo turned to Jennie.

  
  
  


“Jisoo –”

  
  
  


BOOM!

  
  
  


Jennie yelped and her feet left the ground at the thunderous sound, prompting Jisoo to burst into laughter that cut smoothly into the tranquil atmosphere.

  
  
  


“Jennie, it’s okay.” Jisoo held her stomach and pointed toward the main street. “It’s the fireworks.”

  
  
  


Jennie heaved an exhale, clutching her chest and slumping in relief. Jisoo was still laughing and despite her palpitating heart, it couldn’t help but flutter. She chuckled along, fanning her flushed face.

  
  
  


“Why would they shoot the fireworks right now out of all the time they had?” Jennie scoffed with faux nonchalance. “I was just caught off guard.”

  
  
  


Jisoo giggled and elbowed her arm playfully. “Whatever you say.” 

  
  
  


Everyone’s attention diverted from the lanterns to the fireworks, clapping and awing at the show. After every whistle and boom were polite applause matched with ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’. The fireworks were beautiful, an array of colors painting the clear sky in light. Jennie smiled, turning to Jisoo to voice her thoughts, but froze at the lock of doe eyes so raw and vulnerable it struck a chord in her heart.

  
  
  


“Jennie,” breathed Jisoo. 

  
  
  


Although her voice was tiny – barely under her breath – it was clear as day against the booming of fireworks and chatter of the crowd – both nulled into the background and a mere buzz in Jennie’s ears. Her complexion radiated with different colors – pink, green, blue, red – accentuating all her ethereal features in different light. But despite the colorful lights, the warm undertone of candles lingered on her skin and Jisoo was bare – all of her emotions naked and laid out – nothing hidden, nothing held back.

  
  
  


Everything collapsed. 

  
  
  


Jennie’s heart cracked and everything collapsed.

  
  
  


Because it was so easy for Jisoo to take over her world.

  
  
  


Jisoo’s lips parted to say something else, but it was interrupted by a faint buzz from her bag. Jennie momentarily snapped out her trance when Jisoo fished her pager out. 

  
  
  


“Oh no!” Jisoo slapped her hand over her mouth, eyes wide.

  
  
  


“What is it?”

  
  
  


“Chaeyoung is going to kill me,” Jisoo moaned and dug her face into her hands.

  
  
  


“ _What?_ What do you mean?”

  
  
  


“It’s ten o’clock.”

  
  
  


It didn’t occur to Jennie how fast time passed by. “It’s okay. Let’s go back to the station.”

  
  
  


Before Jennie could walk toward the main street, Jisoo grabbed her wrist, her eyes avoiding contact.

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


“Jennie… the last train was at nine.”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“Fucking great.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


Today, Jennie didn’t plan on hopping on a train to another city, much less spending the night with Jisoo out of all people. Today was just full of surprises.

  
  
  


The thought gave her a headache.

  
  
  


They walked to the nearest motel (thanks to Jisoo’s _incredible_ navigation skills with the map that took them in a few circles) that was small and sketchy with its bland exterior and dim lobby. The place smelled faintly of cigarettes as Jisoo knocked on the window with light taps. It slid open to reveal a wary, annoyed man with untrimmed facial hair.

  
  
  


“Hello!” Jisoo chirped, flashing a smile. “We’re looking for a room to spend a night.”

  
  
  


“We don’t have any more rooms,” he scowled and shut the window in Jisoo’s face, prompting her to flinch.

  
  
  


Jennie huffed, ticked by the man, and put a hand on the latter’s shoulder reassuringly. “It’s probably booked by everyone that came to the festival. There were a lot of people.”

  
  
  


“I’m sorry.”

  
  
  


“Why are you apologizing?” Jennie shrugged and beckoned her to exit the motel. “Let’s just keep looking.”

  
  
  


“At this rate, all the motels in the area are booked,” Jisoo sighed. “I should’ve kept track of the time.”

  
  
  


It was rare to see Jisoo disheartened like this, frowned pout and all. Jennie hummed and scanned the street, faintly lit by a few lights from awakened houses.

  
  
  


“Keep your chin up, Jisoo,” Jennie said, patting her arm. “If we can’t find any motel rooms, then let’s ask around the neighborhood.”

  
  
  


It was a lot of ‘do you mind if we stay the night’ met with a ‘sorry, we don’t have a room available’, knocking, and walking. Jennie never would’ve thought she’d succumb to asking strangers for rooms, but luckily, they struck gold with a kind grandma.

  
  
  


“Of course!” the grandma exclaimed. “Poor girls, you must be freezing. Come in, come in.”

  
  
  


“Thank you so much, Jennie said as they followed the grandma through the gate. “We have money –”

  
  
  


“No need!” The grandma waved it off. “You two remind me of my daughter, so kind and pretty.”

  
  
  


Jennie raised her eyebrows at Jisoo, who mirrored the same expression. Although her face was neutral, the way the shuddering older girl hugged her arms tightly and rubbed her legs together didn’t go unnoticed.

  
  
  


The grandma led them up the low, wooden platform and slid open the bamboo screen door. “This is my daughter’s room. I think you two can fit in here.”

  
  
  


_One room?_ Jennie snapped to Jisoo with wide eyes, but the girl looked airy. As a matter of fact, she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

  
  
  


_Are you okay with that?_ Jennie mouthed while the grandma tidied up the place, moving a few vases and taking out blankets from the closet.

  
  
  


_Of course,_ Jisoo mouthed back. _Why wouldn’t I be okay?_

  
  
  


_Well – because –_

  
  
  


“All ready!” the grandma chirped and beckoned the two to step in. “Make yourself feel at home. There’s a few clothes in the closet if you want to change into something more comfortable,” she eyed Jisoo’s skirt, “and the bathroom is next door. If you stay in the morning, I’ll have breakfast prepared!”

  
  
  


“Thank you!” they chimed in unison and bowed deeply. The grandma beamed and sauntered away, humming a faint tune.

  
  
  


“You should change,” Jennie said as they took off their shoes. “You’re cold.”

  
  
  


Jisoo shook her head. “Isn’t it weird to wear a stranger’s clothes?”

  
  
  


“True, but no way you can sleep in that.”

  
  
  


Before Jisoo could retort, Jennie threw her a pair of pink pajama pants at her face she rummaged out from the closet.

  
  
  


“At least change your pants,” Jennie said. “You can use the bathroom first.”

  
  
  


Jisoo contemplated for a moment before taking it. “Why’re you treating me like a baby? I’m supposed to be the older one.”

  
  
  


Jennie snorted. “Says the one that can’t navigate a map.”

  
  
  


Jisoo hit Jennie with the pants. “Whatever. I’m going.”

  
  
  


Jennie smiled to herself once Jisoo stepped out the room. As she laid out the blankets, the realization of how truly small the room was dawned on her: one sheet of blanket covered the entire floor.

  
  
  


So sleeping side by side was inevitable.

  
  
  


_Fuck._

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


“So, this is it?” Jisoo eyed the sleeping space with raised eyebrows. 

  
  
  


Standing beside her, Jennie scratched the back of her head. “I tried fitting two sheets, but it wouldn’t fit between the closet and this dresser.” She glanced over at the latter who still had raised eyebrows. “We don’t have to share one blanket, though. There’s two more blankets we can use separately.”

  
  
  


Jisoo nodded and shrugged. “Sounds good to me.”

  
  
  


While Jisoo settled at one end of the sheet, unrolling her blanket and spreading it out, Jennie flicked off the light switch before crawling under her own.

  
  
  


Jennie had never slept on the floor, but it wasn’t too bad with her back on the bamboo and moonlit, plain ceiling above her. As a matter of fact, something about it was refreshing and different from the soft mattress of her bed. Jisoo would say that it’s good to experience new things.

  
  
  


“Goodnight, Jennie,” said Jisoo.

  
  
  


“Goodnight, Jisoo,” replied Jennie.

  
  
  


Squeezing her eyes shut proved in vain against her active mind. Perhaps it was from the adrenaline from the festival that had yet to cease, or perhaps it was because Jisoo laid right beside her – so close her warmth seeped through the two layers of blankets between them. She peeked through one eye at the girl who was wide awake, staring at the ceiling.

  
  
  


“What did you wish for, Jennie?” Jisoo whispered.

  
  
  


Jennie was silent for a moment, contemplating whether to feign sleep or not, before responding, “Would it get jinxed if I told you?”

  
  
  


“I think that our lanterns reached the end of the river by now.”

  
  
  


“Then, tell me yours.”

  
  
  


“Mine’s not important. It’s a question for your biography.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s heart sank and she couldn’t help but chuckle through the bitter taste in her mouth.

  
  
  


“Oh, right. That’s all it is, right? All of it?”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“That’s what I want it to be, but it’s getting hard.”

  
  
  


_What do you mean?_ The question caught at her throat, but she didn’t have to ask with the implication so stark, so clear, because it dwelled inside her too. They were two sides of the same coin.

  
  
  


“Happiness.”

  
  
  


“Happiness?”

  
  
  


“Yes, I wish to be closer to happiness.”

  
  
  


“What do you mean by happiness?”

  
  
  


“I don’t know, but doesn’t everyone wish for happiness? I know happiness is subjective, but I know the times when I was happy because of this certain nice feeling in my heart, and I’d like to experience more of those times, even though those times had long passed. That’s what I wish for.”

  
  
  


Silence enveloped them. Jennie could hear Jisoo’s light breathing, and she would’ve figured the girl fell asleep with the length at which she stayed silent.

  
  
  


“Do you know what I wished for?” 

  
  
  


Jennie’s silence invited Jisoo to continue.

  
  
  


“I wish that we will live our lives with no regrets.” Jisoo smiled – Jennie couldn’t see it, but she could imagine it. “And I’m living it because I don’t regret coming here with you.”

  
  
  


Normally, Jisoo’s sweet words would burn Jennie’s face red – she was a natural sweet talker, after all – but this time, the genuineness seeped into her heart, mending the crack a few pieces at a time.

  
  
  


“That’s… really sappy.”

  
  
  


“Did you expect less?”

  
  
  


“No, not at all. It’s exactly what I expected.”

  
  
  


Jisoo giggled, and Jennie giggled along. 

  
  
  


“I mean it.”

  
  
  


The ceiling was plain, and the floor was hard.

  
  
  


But Jennie didn’t want to be anywhere else.

  
  
  


“Goodnight, Jisoo.”

  
  
  


“Goodnight, Jennie.”


	6. lucid hiraeth

Typically, Chaeyoung’s scolds included high octaves, screaming, and or endless berates (depending on the situation) that ranged from calling Jisoo “dumb” or “out of her mind”, all to which Jisoo received silently and respectively. If the girl scolded her, it was always for good reason, and they’d ease it out with some comfort food after, like ice cream.

  
  
  


But there was something far worse than Chaeyoung’s vocal reprimands: her silence.

  
  
  


Simple, yet deadly.

  
  
  


“Chaeng,” said Jisoo, hands fidgeting on the kitchen table. “You’re seriously giving me the chills. Can you at least call me stupid?”

  
  
  


With arms crossed, pursed lips, and a sharp glare, Chaeyoung angled away from Jisoo – enough to not face her directly, but enough to express her blatant upset. The only sound in the room was from the clock, every tick heavy and adding weight to the thick air. 

  
  
  


“Chaeng,” Jisoo said again, attempting a fond whine and reaching across for the younger girl’s arm. “I’m sorry. I really am. I know I’m irresponsible and I should’ve kept track of the time. I’m sorry for making you worry.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung eyed her hand – so piercing it sent pricks up Jisoo’s skin – before heaving a sigh and running her fingers through her new bangs. 

  
  
  


“I’m not your mother,” she huffed. “You shouldn’t be sorry for doing things that make me worry. Honestly, who cares if you stay out all night or not? You’re a grown woman. I shouldn’t be helicoptering you.” 

  
  
  


That would’ve been the end of the scolding in retrospective, but from the way Chaeyoung’s nostrils flared, she wasn’t done at the least.

  
  
  


“But –” She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. “This isn’t about me, it’s about _you_.”

  
  
  


“Me?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung nodded firmly and leaned forward, folding her hands on the table. “Jisoo, how are you feeling these days?”

  
  
  


“What is this, a therapy session now?” Jisoo bursted into laughter, but it ceased just as quickly when Chaeyoung’s face remained serious. “I’m alright.”

  
  
  


“What about with Jennie Kim? How are you feeling these days around her?”

  
  
  


Jisoo winced, taken aback by the straightforwardness. “What’s with this question?”

  
  
  


“Answer it, Jisoo.”

  
  
  


“I’m feeling alright. There’s nothing much to feel when it’s a client – you know,” she shifted in her seat, “for the sake of professionalism.”

  
  
  


“Even if you spent the night with her? Practically went on a date with her? _That’s_ professional? And you didn’t feel a _thing_?”

  
  
  


Jisoo frowned, disgruntled by the barrage of accusations. “This is uncalled for.” She cleared her throat, biting her lip and heart oddly clenching, before adding, “And it wasn’t a date.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung’s prodding gaze lingered for a moment before dropping as she relaxed from her offense. “Sorry. I just –” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Remember when I said when the job gets too much, you need to drop it immediately?”

  
  
  


“Yes.”

  
  
  


“You know your limits, right?”

  
  
  


“Of course.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung studied Jisoo carefully. “You’ve been different lately, ever since you took the job.”

  
  
  


“Really? How?”

  
  
  


She shook her head. “I don’t know, but that’s not important. I trust you. You know that, right? I trust that you’re taking care of yourself and doing the right thing.”

  
  
  


Jisoo gulped. Although curious, dragging out the topic was the last thing she wanted to do; the main goal was diffusing it as quickly as possible. “Thank you.”

  
  
  


“Anyway, I’m not that mad about yesterday. It’s just a dangerous world out there and I didn’t know where you were. I’m just being overdramatic.”

  
  
  


Jisoo grinned, shooting up from her seat to pull Chaeyoung into a hug. “Awesome! No, you weren’t being over dramatic. You had the right to worry. I won’t ever do that again, I promise.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung smiled and reciprocated the hug. “I’m just glad you’re safe and okay.”

  
  
  


“And about that movie next week.” Jisoo squeezed Chaeyoung’s cheeks. “Popcorn’s on me.”

  
  
  


The younger girl’s eyes brightened. “It better be!”

  
  
  


“Ice cream?”

  
  
  


“Ice cream.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


_Either it was a figment of Jisoo’s imagination, or the calculus problems were floating off the page. She squinted at the variables and numbers, but her fried brain fathomed them incoherent._

  
  
  


_“Jen, I seriously can’t do this anymore,” Jisoo groaned, dropping the textbook on her lap and stretching her arms, almost hitting the girl behind her who ducked just in time. “I’m losing my mind.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie knocked on the back of Jisoo’s head, prompting a yelp and a quick pout over the shoulder. “Homework first, play later.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo whined. “It’s so hard working like this. I can’t even see you.”_

  
  
  


_“That’s the point. In order to finish your homework, you can’t get distracted.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo leaned against Jennie’s back, resting her head on the nape of her neck. Streaks of sunlight streamed through the boughs of the overhead tree whose leaves casted a cool shade. “You don’t distract me. Seeing you helps me work twice as hard.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie scoffed. “Your sweet talk won’t get you out this one.”_

  
  
  


_“I don’t mean to sweet talk, but if you insist.” Jisoo smirked at what she imagined was a flustered Jennie from the way she coughed and cleared her throat. “Can we at least have a little brain break?”_

  
  
  


_“What do you suggest?”_

  
  
  


_Pushing herself off Jennie’s back, Jisoo peered over her shoulder to meet Jennie’s curious eyes that were inches away. The dust of pink on her fluffy cheeks proved her theory correct, very much to her amusement._

  
  
  


_“Cloud gazing!” Jisoo crawled out the shade and patted the spot next to her. “Put that book down and lay with me.”_

  
  
  


_As Jisoo laid down on the green grass, Jennie rolled her eyes, but grinned nonetheless as she bounded over._

  
  
  


_“Can I rest here?” Jennie asked, but before Jisoo could see where she’s referring to, a heavy head plopped itself on Jisoo’s stomach, evoking a grunt of stolen air._

  
  
  


_“Your head is so heavy,” Jisoo panted._

  
  
  


_“Excuse me! My head is pretty small.”_

  
  
  


_“Still heavy. Maybe it’s that big brain of yours.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie laughed. “Will there be a day you don’t compliment me? You flatter me too much.”_

  
  
  


_“Ah, I see.” Jisoo booped Jennie’s tiny nose. “Your ego is being too inflated because of me. Alright, I’ll stop.”_

  
  
  


_“I didn’t say I wanted you to stop.”_

  
  
  


_“I know, but I’m stopping for your own good.”_

  
  
  


_Giggling, they basked in the peaceful silence of the park. Jisoo stroked Jennie’s silky brown locks absentmindedly, the girl sighing under her caress._

  
  
  


_“Did you do something different with your hair?” asked Jisoo. “It feels nice.”_

  
  
  


_“It wasn’t nice in the first place?”_

  
  
  


_“Of course it was. It always has been, but it just feels different right now.”_

  
  
  


_The latter giggled. “I didn’t do my hair today, so there’s no fancy barrettes.”_

  
  
  


_“Oh, that’s right.” Jisoo smiled softly. “I like it more, your hair like this.”_

  
  
  


_“I thought you said you were going to stop flattering me.”_

  
  
  


_“I’m not! I just want to say how I love you with your hair down.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie laughed and turned to Jisoo._

  
  
  


_“Jisoo.”_

  
  
  


_“Yeah?”_

  
  
  


_“There’s no clouds.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie was right. The sky was clear, absent of any wisps of white, save for the warm sun and a few birds flying by._

  
  
  


_“That took too long for us to notice,” mused Jisoo._

  
  
  


_“Welp, since there’s nothing to watch, we should get back to our home –”_

  
  
  


_“No!” Jisoo gasped, propping herself on her elbows as Jennie sat up. “Come on. It hasn’t even been five minutes yet.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie pouted in thought for a moment. “I suppose. Then, what should we do?”_

  
  
  


_“Just lay next to me.” Jisoo stretched out her left arm and patted it. “Right here.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie eyed the spot with a mischievous glint and a faint smirk. Then, rather than simply crawling over Jisoo like any normal sane person, she rolled over her._

  
  
  


_“Jen –!” Jisoo’s shout was muffled by a mouthful of hair and stolen by the heavy pressure of the girl. By the time Jennie reached the other side and settled on her bicep, Jisoo was out of breath and dumbstruck from the onslaught that was Jennie’s weight._

  
  
  


_“It’s so comfy here.” Jennie snuggled into the crook of Jisoo’s arm, flashing her gummy smile. “I should rest here more.”_

  
  
  


_“You’re getting awfully bold these days,” Jisoo commented after several gasps for air, but grinned nonetheless._

  
  
  


_The sky hadn’t changed from when Jennie was laying on her stomach – still clear and cloudless – but no matter how uneventful the sky was, Jisoo was just fine laying with Jennie who’s worth a million uneventful skies. Although she was fine, there’s one worry in the back of her mind: the girl growing bored and returning to homework._

  
  
  


_She simply cannot let that happen._

  
  
  


_“Are you bored yet?” asked Jisoo._

  
  
  


_“No, why?”_

  
  
  


_“Should we go watch a movie?” Jisoo faced Jennie and Jennie faced her, so close that Jisoo’s nose tickled from her rich perfume. “At least watch something mildly entertaining?”_

  
  
  


_“A movie?”_

  
  
  


_“Yeah.”_

  
  
  


_“Like, in a theater?”_

  
  
  


_“Yep. There’s one two streets down, if I remember correctly. I’ve passed by it a few times.”_

  
  
  


_“I’ve never been to a theater before.”_

  
  
  


_“Me either!” Jisoo exclaimed as they sat up, brushing off the few blades of grass on their uniforms. “First time for everything, right?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie glanced at their bookbags and opened books under the shade. “But our homework…”_

  
  
  


_“Just for today,” Jisoo begged with a praying gesture. “After this, I swear I will work hard.”_

  
  
  


_“Swear?”_

  
  
  


_“Swear.”_

  
  
  


_With narrow eyes, Jennie regarded her momentarily before rolling them. “Alright.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo pumped her fists up in the air victoriously. “Yes!”_

  
  
  


_Gathering their school materials and bags, Jisoo led the way to the cinema with Jennie trailing behind trying to shove her big textbook into her bag already full of other supplies._

  
  
  


_“Here, put some in mine,” Jisoo offered when Jennie’s struggle became too difficult that it prompted them to stop halfway down the block. “I have space.”_

  
  
  


_“Are you sure?” asked Jennie. “They’re pretty thick.”_

  
  
  


_“I have strong shoulders.”_

  
  
  


_By the time they reached the cinema, Jisoo’s back ached and several years of good posture was down the drain from two of Jennie’s textbooks. How did this girl walk around with this much weight? She looked lighter on her feet despite losing weight of merely two books out of the several in her bag – even flashing an unbothered, wide smile._

  
  
  


_“So this is the theater?” Jennie asked, mouth agape at the place that wasn’t all that impressive: a small building between a liquor store and gated apartment complex, and a dim, faded sign that displayed what was assumed to be the name of the cinema and the names of two movies._

  
  
  


_“Yep,” Jisoo puffed, craving a good back crack. “Let’s go buy some tickets.”_

  
  
  


_The ticket seller – a man with a gruff beard, a pipe in his mouth, and reading a newspaper – waited for them with a slack face as they read the timetable above the booth’s window. For a table displaying only two movies, they were taking awfully long to choose._

  
  
  


_“The Hidden Hero or Neumi?” Jisoo muttered with an equally conflicted Jennie._

  
  
  


_“Should we ask what the movies are about?” Jennie whispered, eyeing the man who returned to his newspaper._

  
  
  


_Jisoo hesitated. “He looks tired of us already. How about we just choose a random one? I think that’s more fun.”_

  
  
  


_“Alright,” Jennie hummed. “Let’s play rock paper scissors. If I win, we’re watching The Hidden Hero. If you win, we’re watching Neumi.”_

  
  
  


_“Best out of three?”_

  
  
  


_“Best out of three.”_

  
  
  


_That was the day Jisoo learned that Jennie was insanely good at games, smoking Jisoo three to zero. She was born a natural winner and couldn’t help it, she claimed with a wicked grin._

  
  
  


_“Two tickets for The Hidden Hero, please,” Jisoo said apologetically to the disgruntled man._

  
  
  


_Once they got their tickets, they stepped inside the cinema that was as bland as its outside: an empty lobby with two cushions, worn carpet, peeled wallpaper, a potted plant that was surely fake, and a hallway that led to a bathroom and one theater room. Jisoo wrinkled her nose from the air that smelled of faint must._

  
  
  


_“This looks like a place where we’d get murdered,” said Jennie, clinging onto Jisoo’s sleeve._

  
  
  


_Jisoo snorted. “It really does. But we already bought the tickets, so we might as well enjoy the movie.”_

  
  
  


_They shuffled carefully toward the theater room with Jisoo at the front, fists clenched and up, braced for any attack. The room was nicer than the lobby – although it could be due to the darkness hiding its flaws – with lined cushions, cool air, and a projector at the back displaying the static screen on the other end._

  
  
  


_“Front row?” Jennie asked._

  
  
  


_“Let’s sit in the back row,” said Jisoo. “It’s easier to see the full screen and we don’t have to crane our necks.”_

  
  
  


_“Smart.”_

  
  
  


_Once they were settled in the middle of the back row, as if on cue, the screen projected the count down with the film reeling noisily above their heads._

  
  
  


_“I wish we brought a snack,” Jennie whispered as the opening played. “This place doesn’t even sell popcorn.”_

  
  
  


_“Don’t worry, I’m right here.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie choked, hacking a coughing fit, and Jisoo shushed her while stifling her own laughter._

  
  
  


_“Shh! We’re watching a movie,” Jisoo playfully scolded, earning a glare from the latter._

  
  
  


_“It was your fault,” Jennie retorted in a whispered yell._

  
  
  


_Jisoo chuckled and blindly touched Jennie’s arm on the armrest between them, gliding along it to her hand which naturally responded, opening up to lace her fingers through. They giggled shyly and turned to the movie – whose opening they entirely missed – with hands that were warm against the cool temperature._

  
  
  


_And Jisoo couldn’t pay attention to the rest of the movie, not when Jennie’s hand fit so perfectly in hers._

  
  
  
  
  
  


_~_

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Long time no see, Jisoo.”

  
  
  


“Seulgi, It’s only been like a month.”

  
  
  


“A month is a long time!”

  
  
  


Jisoo snorted, cutting a delicate piece of coffee cake with her fork and sleeves of her sweater rolled up. “I didn’t think you’d be the clingy type.”

  
  
  


The older girl threw her hands up defensively. “I am _not._ A month is seriously a long time.” She palmed her chest, feigning hurt with a heavy sigh and a dramatic flannel sleeve to her forehead. “Were you even going to check up on me if I hadn’t reached out to you first?”

  
  
  


Jisoo popped the cake in her mouth and scratched her chin. “Probably not.”

  
  
  


“What a great friend you are.”

  
  
  


“And you love it.”

  
  
  


Seulgi smirked. “Exactly.”

  
  
  


Their chuckles resonated with the faint piano music in the background of the empty café. Jisoo sipped her frappuccino as Seulgi popped a piece of coffee cake in her mouth, humming in satisfaction from the tastiness. 

  
  
  


“So did you really miss me?” Jisoo teased with a cocked eyebrow, licking residue from her lips.

  
  
  


“Why are you questioning _my_ value for our friendship?” huffed Seulgi. “I should be questioning _you_.”

  
  
  


“Good point.”

  
  
  


“How’s everything going?”

  
  
  


“Fine. You?”

  
  
  


“Same old same old. Did you know Sooyoung is throwing a birthday party? You’re invited.”

  
  
  


Jisoo perked up at the mention of Sooyoung, a friend she had also met in college through being mutuals with Seulgi. At first glance, her towering height intimidated Jisoo, but her kindness and peppiness dissipated it quickly.

  
  
  


“Another one? I thought her birthday was last month.”

  
  
  


“Oh, not for her. For her dog.”

  
  
  


Jisoo laughed. “A whole party for her _dog_?”

  
  
  


“You know how much she loves dogs, especially _her_ dog.”

  
  
  


“True. When is it?”

  
  
  


“Haetnim’s birthday is this Thursday, but the party will be on Saturday, for convenience sake.”

  
  
  


“This Saturday?” Jisoo sucked in between her teeth. “I don’t think I can make it.”

  
  
  


“Why not?”

  
  
  


“I have an appointment with Jennie that day.”

  
  
  


“Seriously? On a weekend? Just reschedule.”

  
  
  


“It’s the only day that she’s available for a while, with all those... wedding preparations.”

  
  
  


“Then, just invite her.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s eyebrows shot up. “She doesn’t know anyone there.”

  
  
  


“She knows _you_ , at least. It doesn’t hurt to ask. Although you don’t consider a month long, Sooyoung misses you all the same.” Seulgi sipped her coffee mug. “You should reach out to us more, you know. What’s the point of making friends in college if you don’t keep up?”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s ears burned and she dipped her chin shamefully. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  
  
  


“Ah, I’m just pulling your leg Jisoo,” Seulgi chuckled, although there’s truth in her words. “Anyway, just invite Jennie and ask her questions at the party. Isn’t that all you have to do for a biography?”

  
  
  


“It’s not that simple.”

  
  
  


“Why not?”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s breath hitched. “Well –”

  
  
  


“Seulgi!”

  
  
  


Their heads swiveled to Chaeyoung bounding toward them with wide arms. Before Seulgi could reciprocate the greeting, the younger girl engulfed her in a giant bearhug.

  
  
  


“It’s been forever since I’ve seen you!” Chaeyoung exclaimed, breaking away from the hug. “How have you been?”

  
  
  


“Chaeyoung!” Seulgi beamed. “I’m great. How are you?”

  
  
  


“Never been better!” 

  
  
  


Jisoo leaned in and cupped her mouth to feign a whisper. “I know why.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung shot a glare whereas Seulgi’s eyes widened in curiosity. “Why?”

  
  
  


“Because she has a gir –”

  
  
  


“Anyway!” Chaeyoung yelled over Jisoo, her threatening glower burning into her skull before regarding Seulgi with crescents. “What brings you here?”

  
  
  


“I was just telling Jisoo about Sooyoung’s dog’s birthday party. You’re invited, too.”

  
  
  


Clapping her hands, Chaeyoung hopped enthusiastically with a wide grin – manners akin to a child. “Yay! What should we buy Haetnim, Jisoo? A sweater for winter? Dogs in sweaters are so cute.”

  
  
  


Seulgi frowned and nudged her chin toward Jisoo. “Actually, this girl can’t even go.”

  
  
  


“Why?”

  
  
  


Jisoo scratched her head sheepishly. “I have an appointment with Jennie and I can’t reschedule because she’s busy on all the other days.”

  
  
  


Seulgi popped a cake in her mouth, pointing the fork at her. “I told her she could invite Jennie, whatever it takes to come. Sooyoung really misses you guys, like _really_ misses you guys. She really wants you to come to the party, especially since it’s her dog.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung furrowed her eyebrows. “Jennie is a very… conserved person. I don’t think it would be in her best interest to come.”

  
  
  


“You know her?” 

  
  
  


“No. Just from what I heard from Jisoo.”

  
  
  


Seulgi hummed, “She doesn’t sound like a really fun person if she wouldn’t want to get to know more friends.”

  
  
  


“She is,” Jisoo asserted, a bit too defensively from the way Seulgi raised her eyebrows, taken aback. She cleared her throat. “I mean, she _is_ fun. She just has to get out of her comfort zone, that’s all.”

  
  
  


“Then, you can help her get out her comfort zone at the party,” Seulgi suggested. “You introduce her, we do our usual social mingle, and she’ll be comfortable in no time. We’re not scary people, and we’re all around the same age. It’ll be great.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung hummed in agreement, “I’ve been wanting to meet Jennie nowadays.”

  
  
  


Jisoo regarded Chaeyoung suspiciously, but the girl gave a toothless, innocent smile. Seulgi regarded her over the top of her coffee cup, waiting for her response.

  
  
  


“I’ll ask her.” Jisoo swallowed thickly, uncertain of her words. 

  
  
  


Seulgi beamed, “Awesome! I hope to see you guys there. I would love to stay longer, but I have a meeting to go to right now. Thanks for the service, Chaeyoung.”

  
  
  


“Come by anytime! We should catch up more,” Chaeyoung chirped.

  
  
  


After a few minutes of Chaeyoung fighting against Seulgi’s tip and finally succumbing to it with humble bows, Seulgi left the café and Chaeyoung took her seat with a sigh.

  
  
  


“We should really hang out with them more – Seulgi, Sooyoung, Seungwan, Yeri, Nayeon,” Chaeyoung hummed as she tied a bun. “We’ve been so busy adulting that they slipped our minds.”

  
  
  


“Yeah,” Jisoo replied airly.

  
  
  


“Well, I hope Jennie will come to the party. The more, the merrier.” 

  
  
  


“Yeah.”

  
  
  


“What should we buy Haetnim? I was thinking of a winter sweater, or socks. Did you know Lisa bought some for her cats? So cute. ”

  
  
  


“Yeah.”

  
  
  


“Jisoo, are you even listening to me?”

  
  
  


Jisoo snapped from her crumbled coffee cake – whose pieces were paste from the pokes of her fork – to Chaeyoung’s frown.

  
  
  


“Yeah, I am.”

  
  
  


“Alright. Let’s go shopping later this week. I think we need a new clock anyway. Ours is too loud.”

  
  
  


“Sounds good.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung pursed her lips before patting Jisoo’s shoulder. “Okay. I’m going back to organizing the pantry. Call me if you need anything.”

  
  
  


Once the younger girl left her alone, Jisoo placed down her fork gently on the plate with the pasted cake that was no longer appetizing. For some reason, she was nervous from the thought of introducing Jennie to other people, enough to twist a knot in her stomach, but what right did she have to hide her as if she’s a secret? The girl was entitled to make friends. It’d be for the better, since she didn’t have many friends, too.

  
  
  


_What am I afraid of?_ Jisoo pressed on her temples in frustration. _There’s nothing to be afraid of. We’re nothing._

  
  
  


Nothing.

  
  
  


Writer and client were what they were. Maybe acquaintances – friends if she pushed it – but nothing more than that. Jennie wasn’t hers to keep, to hide.

  
  
  


Not anymore.

  
  
  


In the midst of her thoughts, Jisoo sipped her drink empty, but the conclusion reflected at the bottom of the cup. 

  
  
  


Seulgi was right, it didn’t hurt to ask.

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


The early morning’s damp air stuck to Jisoo’s skin, seeping through her blue knit sweater and jeans. The park was lively with birds chirping on the branches of the overhead tree, a yoga class of middle aged citizens under the pavilion, a few kids horsing around, and people strolling.

  
  
  


Jisoo sipped her coffee as Jennie – dressed in a cropped cardigan, pants, and baseball cap – tossed pinches of seeds from her palm (that a passing grandma gifted them) to two pigeons a few feet in front of their bench. The pigeons were a little funny, the way they bobbed their heads as they moved, pecking at the seeds. Jennie’s head was tilted to the side, eyes vacuous as she absentmindedly fed the pigeons. The dark eyebags didn’t go unnoticed, but when Jisoo offered her some coffee, the girl refused despite her persistence.

  
  
  


“Next question.” Jisoo carefully set her coffee cup down beside her. “Who do you admire most in your family and why?”

  
  
  


“Admire?” Jennie mumbled, tone amused as she tossed another seed. One of the pigeons impressively caught it midair. “My father, I suppose.”

  
  
  


“And why?”

  
  
  


“Obviously because he’s a kind, hard working, family man that values goodness and charity.”

  
  
  


Jisoo grimaced at the dripping sarcasm, but scribbled it down nonetheless, adding an emoticon with a raised eyebrow in the margin. 

  
  
  


“Can you give a personal experience that contributes to your admiration of your father?”

  
  
  


Jennie hummed with another seed tossed, “He got me a tutor for math back in grade school. That’s very charitable, if I say so myself.”

  
  
  


_Perhaps morning appointments weren’t a good idea._ Jisoo crossed out the question with three quick lines. _Jennie’s answers aren’t good, or maybe that’s because of the questions._ Unfortunately, all the questions she had today pertained to her family and relationships.

  
  
  


“Okay, next question. How did you and your fiancé first meet?”

  
  
  


“Arranged at eighteen.”

  
  
  


“Can you expand on that?”

  
  
  


“There’s nothing to expand on. That’s literally how we met.”

  
  
  


Jisoo tapped her pen against the page. Jennie had run out of seeds and the pigeons had long flown away, but the girl still stared at the ground, the spot with a few littered seeds left behind. “At least try to romanticize it, just for the readers.”

  
  
  


“That’s a bit like lying, don’t you think?”

  
  
  


“It’s to make it more interesting.”

  
  
  


“And I thought integrity was the core value of journalists.”

  
  
  


“I’m not making you lie,” Jisoo frowned, offended by the accusation. “You’re just not giving me enough to work with.”

  
  
  


“Then, make up your own stuff, your own stories.” Jennie turned to her. “You’re pretty good at creative writing. I bet whatever you write won’t stray too far off the original source.”

  
  
  


Jisoo pursed her lips and scanned her list of questions. Her patience was running thin, but perhaps one more wouldn’t hurt. Although Jennie’s answers were frustrating, they were amusing to an extent. Or maybe she just wanted to talk to her longer.

  
  
  


“Moving on,” drawled Jisoo, dragging her pen down the list and stopping at the bottom. “What is home to you?”

  
  
  


“Home?” Jennie tilted her chin to the sky and closed her eyes. “That’s quite a vague, abstract question.”

  
  
  


“Home, like family and stuff,” Jisoo explained. “Someplace that makes you feel safe, belonged, and so on.”

  
  
  


“Does it have to be a place?”

  
  
  


Jisoo furrowed her eyebrows. “I suppose not. Home is subjective, like happiness.”

  
  
  


Jennie looked at her from the corner of her eye. “Then, what is home to you?”

  
  
  


The question caught Jisoo off guard. Jennie’s gaze never left her, so she broke away from it instead. “This isn’t about me.”

  
  
  


“If you give me an example, then maybe it’ll help me think better and give a more fruitful answer.” Jennie tilted her head, her wavy hair falling to one side and exposing her milky neck. “Also, I’m just curious.”

  
  
  


Jisoo flicked through the corners of the pages in thought. “I guess, to me, home is like a fireplace. When the world is cold, it never fails to warm me up and help me survive through the cold nights. It makes me feel safe in the darkest of nights.”

  
  
  


“That’s a little corny. Any specifics?”

  
  
  


“I gave you an example.”

  
  
  


“You gave your definition. Give me something specific, I’m still confused.”

  
  
  


Jisoo would’ve thought it was another one of Jennie’s jabs, but the girl genuinely looked lost, eyes big and patient for an answer – an answer she couldn’t quite put into words. 

  
  
  


“I’m – I’m not too sure myself.” Jisoo cleared her throat.

  
  
  


Jennie laughed. “How could you ask that question if you can’t answer it yourself? It makes stuff more confusing. Maybe you should ask it differently.”

  
  
  


“How so?”

  
  
  


“Isn’t that your job to figure out?”

  
  
  


Flustered, Jisoo chuckled meekly. “Alright, I’ll keep that in mind,” she sighed and closed her journal, mirroring Jennie leaning on the bench rest with her chin up to the auburn leaves. “I thought an appointment in the morning would be refreshing for the both of us.”

  
  
  


“You know I’m not a morning person.”

  
  
  


“Yeah. Shall we end it here, then? We’ll do afternoons from now on.”

  
  
  


“No.”

  
  
  


“No?”

  
  
  


“No. I don’t want to end it here.”

  
  
  


“I don’t have any more questions, or questions you’d answer fruitfully. It’d be a waste of time. Let’s go home.”

  
  
  


“Home?” Jennie turned back forward. “I feel fine here. Just fine.”

  
  
  


“At this park?” Jisoo chuckled. Jennie’s lips parted, but a grimace in hesitation prompted them to close. Two pigeons landed in front of them – different from the initial two – to collect the remaining seeds. Jisoo giggled at their bobbing heads, and from her peripheral vision, it looked like Jennie was equally as amused, fashioning a faint smile.

  
  
  


“Do you have somewhere to be?” asked Jennie.

  
  
  


“Kind of.”

  
  
  


“Okay. You should go.”

  
  
  


“And you’ll stay here?”

  
  
  


“Yeah. I’ll go back eventually, don’t worry about me getting kidnapped or whatever.”

  
  
  


_Just invite her,_ Seulgi’s words echoed.

  
  
  


A pregnant pause followed Jennie’s nonchalant shrug. Worrying her lip, Jisoo bagged her pen and journal into her satchel. _Just ask casually,_ she clasped her hands, and with a quick puff, faced the younger girl.

  
  
  


“Say, Jennie, you aren’t busy this afternoon, right?”

  
  
  


“Nope. I cleared my schedule just for this appointment.”

  
  
  


“Oh, I see.” Jisoo scratched her head. “Well, do you want to come to a birthday party?”

  
  
  


“Whose birthday?”

  
  
  


“My friend’s dog.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s lax demeanor perked up at the mention of a dog. “I don’t know your friends.”

  
  
  


“That’s okay. They’re willing to befriend you.”

  
  
  


“Really? Even if I’m a snobby rich kid?”

  
  
  


“You’re not snobby.”

  
  
  


“But I’m a rich kid.”

  
  
  


“So what?”

  
  
  


Jennie’s lips curled up. “So, the party is today?”

  
  
  


“Yeah. I was about to skip it for this appointment, but since we’ve ended early, I think I can make it.”

  
  
  


“You were about to skip a whole party just for this appointment?”

  
  
  


“Yeah.”

  
  
  


“Sometimes you need to get your priorities straight, Jisoo,” laughed Jennie. “I would drop this appointment for any dog’s birthday party.”

  
  
  


_I would, too, if it was any other appointment with any other client._

  
  
  


“Are you down?” asked Jisoo.

  
  
  


“Yeah. It sounds like fun.” Jennie bounced into a straight posture, excitement etched in the way her legs swung and changed eyes – from dim to giddy. “Are they your college friends?”

  
  
  


“Yeah. There’s six of them. I’ll introduce you.”

  
  
  


“Very kind of you.” Jennie hopped off the bench, brushing the back of her pants. “Well, let’s get going.”

  
  
  


“The party isn’t until noon.”

  
  
  


“We need to buy a gift, don’t we?”

  
  
  


“Oh, true.”

  
  
  


“What should we buy?” Jennie wondered as Jisoo gathered up her bag and coffee cup. “A winter sweater? Dogs in sweaters are cute.”

  
  
  


“Chaeng already bought Haetnim a sweater,” Jisoo said as they walked, crunching leaves in their wake. “We could try that pet store a few streets down. Remember –”

  
  
  


She bit back on her words, throat hitched, but Jennie didn’t look bothered. Instead, she crooked a wistful smile.

  
  
  


“I remember.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


_After a grueling session of studying, the crisp, autumn air was a relief from the pungent smell of paper and books, so much so that Jisoo stuck her head up to get as much coolness as possible._

  
  
  


_“Told you I’ll work hard,” Jisoo yawned, stretching her arms and twisting her back, sighing at the cracking of bones. “I always keep my word.”_

  
  
  


_“If you say dozing off half the time is working hard, then I suppose,” quipped Jennie. “Did you know how many times you drooled?”_

  
  
  


_“You were watching me?” Jisoo waggled her eyebrows._

  
  
  


_Jennie flushed red in a blink of an eye, punching Jisoo’s shoulder. “Only to wake you up.”_

  
  
  


_“I don’t remember getting woken up that often though –” Before Jisoo could finish her sentence, Jennie gasped at something behind her – jaw dropped and eyes wide – and pulled Jisoo’s sleeve, dragging her behind a brick wall._

  
  
  


_“What –” Jisoo’s words faltered when Jennie smushed a finger on her lips, urging her to be quiet._

  
  
  


_Sharp footsteps of dress shoes echoed on the concrete sidewalk. Jisoo didn’t have to try to be quiet with Jennie pressed against her, freezing her in place and stealing all breaths, save for the erratic thumping of her heart and the urge to hiccup. Jennie’s breath audibly hitched at the sight of a suited man walking past their alleyway, head turning anywhere but their direction, before continuing down the street. _

  
  
  


_Who’s that? Jisoo mouthed._

  
  
  


_Jennie stayed silent until the footsteps were no longer heard, removing herself from Jisoo and peering around the corner cautiously. “My chauffeur. He’s looking for me.”_

  
  
  


_“He still doesn’t know where you’ve been running off to?” Jisoo cleared her throat, hoping to dispel the heat in her cheeks, and the hiccup escaped. She detached herself from the brick wall and smoothened her uniform. “I thought he’d have an idea by now. It’s been months.” _

  
  
  


_“I think he’s starting to get an idea. Maybe it’s not a good idea to stay at the library anymore.”_

  
  
  


_“But where else would we –”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo paused when something bumped at her ankle. Glancing down, she made out a dirty ball of white fur nuzzling its head against her socks._

  
  
  


_“Is that a puppy!” Jennie squealed, her attempt to be quiet thrown out the window as she dropped in front of the animal._

  
  
  


_Jisoo chuckled, kneeling beside the girl. The puppy was tiny, the size of a basketball, with curly fur caked in dirt and whatnot and small, beady eyes. Its tail wagged side to side as Jennie gingerly petted it, brushing the filth away with her clean hands._

  
  
  


_“It’s friendly,” Jisoo commented after a few cooes from Jennie. “What if it has rabies?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie gasped, hand frozen above the clueless puppy. “But it’s not biting me. Should we take it to the vet?”_

  
  
  


_“A vet?” Jisoo pondered as Jennie scooped the puppy into her hands and stood up. “I don’t know any nearby vets. Whose its owner, anyway? We can’t really bring it with us.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie patted its neck where a collar would reside. “It doesn’t have a tag. We can’t leave it out here all by itself.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo wanted to tell her that they wouldn’t be able to keep it, that both of their houses weren’t suited for a stray dog, but the way Jennie held the puppy close to her chest with such affection made her succumb to the request. It was rare to see Jennie radiate this much affection, other than to Jisoo, of course._

  
  
  


_“Alright,” Jisoo said. “Let’s see if the librarian knows a vet.”_

  
  
  


_The librarian did not, frowning at the sight of a dirty dog in her library shaking its dirt on the carpet. She redirected them to a pet store a few streets down, as if that was akin to a vet. They thanked her nonetheless._

  
  
  


_“Chu, do you have water?” Jennie asked from behind Jisoo, so preoccupied by the puppy that Jisoo had to slow down significantly, much to the girl’s obliviousness. “I think it’s thirsty.”_

  
  
  


_“I do.” Jisoo swung her backpack to her front and rummaged through for her bottle. “Have you figured out if it’s a boy or girl?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie scrunched her nose. “I don’t want to look there.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo laughed, handing a disgruntled Jennie the bottle. “Just peek really quick.”_

  
  
  


_By the time they reached the place, Jennie concluded that it was a boy. The pet store was small, much like the other buildings in the area, with worn flyers pasted on the shop window and a flapping dog bone above the door._

  
  
  


_“Hello?” Jisoo called out when they stepped into the store, greeted by the jingle of the door bell. The air smelled weird, a mix of lemon and popcorn that failed to mask the pungent smell of pet food. The counter was empty, so Jisoo called out again, her voice echoing in the uneventful shop._

  
  
  


_Jisoo glanced at Jennie with uncertainty, but the girl was busy observing a rack of pet toys ranging from squeak toys to balls, lightly bouncing the puppy in her arms with inaudible murmurs. The sight brought a smile to her lips and warmth to her heart._

  
  
  


_A bang from the back snapped their heads to the sound, and a boy stumbled through the door with arms full of boxes. Slamming the boxes onto the counter, he huffed and ran his fingers through his disheveled dark hair before realizing Jisoo and Jennie stood a few feet away, equally as surprised._

  
  
  


_“Oh my, welcome!” he exclaimed hastily, bright smiles and hands waving in the air. He flew to the counter and fixed his rumpled uniform. “Sorry, I was organizing stuff in the back. How may I help you today?”_

  
  
  


_“It’s okay –” Jisoo squinted at his nametag on his vest. “– Hanbin. We were just wondering if you know any vet clinic in this area? We found a stray dog and we couldn’t really leave it.”_

  
  
  


_“A vet?” Hanbin’s face brightened at the puppy in Jennie’s arms. “You’re just in luck. My dad’s a vet and the owner of this shop.”_

  
  
  


_“Really?” Jennie exclaimed, giddy. “Do you think he can take care of him?”_

  
  
  


_“Of course.” Hanbin smiled and held out his hands to take the puppy, but Jennie looked reluctant to hand him over, with her pout and all._

  
  
  


_“Just a second.” Jennie faced her shoulders away from Hanbin to discuss with Jisoo secretly. “Chu, this is the last time we’ll see him, huh?”_

  
  
  


_The puppy was staring at Jisoo with doll-like eyes, tongue hanging out to the side and panting. It was adorable, so adorable that Jisoo was also reluctant to hand him over despite the short time she’d known him._

  
  
  


_“Unfortunately.” Jisoo petted his head, to which he nuzzled against her palm. “Should we name him before he goes?”_

  
  
  


_“Yes. Let’s say it together.”_

  
  
  


_They counted in unison. “Three, two, one.”_

  
  
  


_“Dalgom.”_

  
  
  


_“Kuma.”_

  
  
  


_They broke into laughter, leaning onto each other to conceal their fit. The puppy tilted his head to the side curiously._

  
  
  


_“How about…” muttered Jisoo after her giggling ceased. ”Dalkuma.”_

  
  
  


_“That doesn’t sound too bad, but Kuma sounds better.”_

  
  
  


_“Debatable.” Jisoo pressed her temple on Jennie’s, flicking her tresses over her shoulder so it wouldn’t bother Dalkuma situated between them. “It’s a compromise. I’d name him Dalgom anyday.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie rolled her eyes, a faux attitude contrary to her toothless smile that made Jisoo’s heart skip a few beats. “I wish we could keep Dalkuma. I really want to.”_

  
  
  


_Dalkuma perked up at the mention of his new name. Jisoo rubbed his ear. “Looks like he likes his name already.”_

  
  
  


_“I guess this is goodbye,” Jennie sighed, kissing the moderately clean spot on Dalkuma’s head that she dusted off diligently on the way here. “I hope we can reunite in the future.”_

  
  
  


_“When we get that cottage in the woods, we’ll come back and adopt him.”_

  
  
  


_“You and that cottage in the woods,” Jennie giggled, raising Dalkuma up to Jisoo’s face. “Kiss him goodbye, too.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo blinked from the proximity of the puppy, grimacing at the smell. She held her breath and pecked him on the same spot Jennie’s lips touched. He licked her chin in turn, prompting a yelp from Jisoo and a titter from Jennie._

  
  
  


_Hanbin graciously accepted Dalkuma into his hands. Dalkuma seemed like an overall friendly dog from the way he nuzzled against the boy’s chest as easily as he did with Jennie. “We’ll get this little guy checked up. Are you coming back for him?”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo and Jennie glanced at each other, the younger girl’s face laced with sadness._

  
  
  


_“No,” Jisoo replied grimly._

  
  
  


_“It doesn’t have to be soon. I can put him under your name, but the most you can hold him for would be three years.”_

  
  
  


_Three years? One glance at Jennie told her that the girl thought the same thing: three years wasn’t enough to get the cottage in the woods._

  
  
  


_“It’s alright.” Jisoo smiled softly. “We hope it finds a nice home.”_

  
  
  


_Hanbin nodded. “Of course. Everyone deserves a nice home.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


Hanbin no longer worked at the pet store, Jisoo and Jennie learned when greeted by an unfamiliar face of another boy. He pursued music, the boy explained when they paid for a moose squeak toy they agreed on after much intense discussion. It was between the squeak toy or a noisy, plastic toy ball containing beads. The boy changed, and the smell of the shop changed to something much nicer and effective at masking the pet food, but overall, the shop looked the same as it was seven years ago – down to the dog bone flap above the door. Jisoo could tell Jennie sensed it too, but like all the other times, the thought passed wordlessly.

  
  
  


There was really no need for words when it hung in the air, clear as day.

  
  
  


After that, they trudged to Sooyoung’s apartment, walking up a few flights of stairs that left Jisoo’s legs a little sore. The tall black-haired girl greeted them at the door after one knock.

  
  
  


“Jisoo!” Sooyoung chirped and engulfed her in a hug, the soft fabric of her oversized hoodie emphasizing her towering size. “I’m so glad you could make it. I heard you weren’t coming.”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled meekly once they broke apart from the bone crushing hug that she hadn’t experienced in a while. “Change of plans.”

  
  
  


Sooyoung turned to Jennie and held her hand out. “Nice to meet you. I’m Park Sooyoung.”

  
  
  


Jennie regarded her hand for a moment before shaking it. “Jennie Kim.”

  
  
  


“Oh, _you’re_ Jennie Kim. You’re so pretty.” Jennie was taken aback, but Sooyoung paid no mind and clapped her hands, ushering them inside. “Luckily, you guys came before we cut the cake. You can leave the gift on the table.”

  
  
  


The apartment was decorated with streamers hung along the ceiling, balloons tied to various furniture, and a small pile of gifts on the coffee table. At the dining table were four girls surrounding a dog bone shaped cake and a tiny white dog at the center, fashioning a party hat that looked too big for her tiny head.

  
  
  


“Jisoo’s here!” Sooyoung announced, diverting their attention toward them.

  
  
  


“Jisoo!” Seungwan, Yeri, and Nayeon chimed in unison, dropping whatever they had in their hands to rush over to crush Jisoo in a hug.

  
  
  


“About time,” Seulgi chuckled, lagging behind before joining in.

  
  
  


“Where’s Chaeng?” Jisoo asked once they parted, flashing a breathless grin.

  
  
  


“In the bathroom. Yeri smeared cream all over her face,” Seungwan said, shooting a glare at the said brunette sporting a poker face.

  
  
  


“It was an accident,” Yeri said all too innocently, evoking a slap behind the head from Nayeon.

  
  
  


“You knew exactly what you were doing,” Nayeon teased, sticking out her tongue.

  
  
  


“You didn’t have to hit me so hard –”

  
  
  


In the midst of reuniting with her friends and the entertaining bicker, Jennie almost slipped Jisoo’s mind. The girl lingered in the living room, awkwardly looking around the place and playing with a hanging streamer.

  
  
  


“By the way, this is Jennie,” Jisoo said, grabbing everyone’s attention from Yeri and Nayeon’s banter. Jennie’s head perked up at her name and Jisoo beckoned her over. “She’s who I’m working on a biography with.”

  
  
  


The girls bowed their heads and waved as Jennie shuffled over, to which she bowed back awkwardly.

  
  
  


“This is Seungwan, Yeri, Nayeon, and Seulgi.” Jisoo pointed to each person respectively. “Chaeyoung is in the bathroom, so you’ll meet her later I think.”

  
  
  


“We’re about to light the candle,” Seungwan said, beckoning everyone over. “Look how cute Haetnim is in her hat!”

  
  
  


Haetnim tilted her head when Jennie neared, regarding her carefully. Jennie glanced at Sooyoung as if asking permission to pet her, in which she responded with a nod of encouragement. Jennie placed a gentle hand on Haetnim’s head, and shortly after, the dog broke into a smile, sticking out her tongue and wagging her tail.

  
  
  


“It looks like she likes you!” Sooyoung exclaimed. “That’s great. It’s not everyday she warms up to her stranger that quickly.”

  
  
  


Everyone’s head turned at the click of the bathroom door revealing Chaeyoung patting her face with a paper towel. 

  
  
  


“You know some cream got on my shirt, Yeri?” Chaeyoung whined. She paused when her eyes settled on Jennie, and the room dropped a few degrees.

  
  
  


“This is Jennie,” Jisoo gulped. “She ended up wanting to come.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung regarded Jennie warily, but Jennie didn’t waver, even challenging the girl with daring eye contact. The air subtly thickened, and Jisoo bit her lip, hoping the latter would notice her silent plea. _Please don’t do or say anything stupid, Chaeng. Weren’t you the one who wanted to meet her?_

  
  
  


After a pregnant silence, Chaeyoung held her hand out and smiled. “Nice to meet you, Jennie. I’m Park Chaeyoung.”

  
  
  


Jennie shook her hand. “Jennie.”

  
  
  


The tension diminished – much to Jisoo’s relief – even more so when Sooyoung clapped her hands to bring everyone’s attention toward her. “Anyway, since we’re all here, let’s start the cake!”

  
  
  


Everyone rounded the table as Sooyoung lit the candle, harmonizing happy birthday to the puppy with a goofy smile. All the girls sported grins as they lightly clapped in beat, even Jennie who was absorbed into the playful atmosphere.

  
  
  


“Haetnim, make a wish,” cooed Sooyoung. Haetnim simply barked and panted, which Sooyoung took as her wish and blew the candle for her. A round of applause was followed by the distribution of the cake.

  
  
  


“How old is Haetnim?” Jennie asked as she graciously accepted the slice of cake.

  
  
  


“Four months,” replied Sooyoung.

  
  
  


“She’s very cute. It reminds me of a puppy I used to have.”

  
  
  


“You’re a dog person, too?”

  
  
  


“Yeah, I love dogs.” Jennie bobbed her head enthusiastically. “I could never own one, though.”

  
  
  


“But the one you used to have…?”

  
  
  


“Oh! That was a stray. I never actually had it.”

  
  
  


“Oh, I see. That’s very good that you’re willing to take care of strays. We need more people like you in the world.”

  
  
  


Jennie flushed and dipped her chin shyly. “Thank you.”

  
  
  


“If you ever want to adopt a dog, you should visit this shelter.” Sooyoung ripped a piece of napkin and rummaged for a nearby pen from the drawers. “I volunteer there a lot, so please come by and I’ll help you adopt a dog.”

  
  
  


Jennie smiled and accepted the napkin. “Noted.”

  
  
  


Much to Jisoo’s surprise, Jennie got along with everyone well, even Chaeyoung. Any previous tension was long forgotten as the girls conversed about the numerous stories of each other and their college days over some wine – just enough to not get tipsy, much to Nayeon’s disappointment who was all for getting drunk. Although Jennie didn’t have much to share in terms of life stories, the conversation flowed just as well, as if they’d known her their entire lives.

  
  
  


Jisoo stole a few glances at Jennie every so often, the girl plastering the brightest smile. To deduce it as her usual gummy smile was an understatement when there’s a certain spark in her entire person that exceeded that simple fact – like the dead revived.

  
  
  


It was a smile that had long seen day, a smile that’s one in a million. Jisoo would know because it’s one she had seen only ever so rarely – from the span of their youth until now. The notion sparked something warm within Jisoo’s chest, growing tenfold the longer she stared at the elated girl.

  
  
  


_What was I afraid of?_ Rolling the red wine on her tongue, Jisoo smiled to herself at the sound of Jennie’s laughter from something Yeri said. _There was nothing to be afraid of._

  
  
  


Maybe it was just for a moment that she was afraid, but when she’s with Jennie, Jisoo wasn’t afraid of anything.

  
  
  


The sun had set into night, and the last bottle of wine signified the end of the party. While Haetnim – dressed in Chaeyoung’s christmas printed sweater – happily played with her new gifts, everyone helped clean up the place.

  
  
  


“Thank you everyone for coming,” Sooyoung said once most of the trash was cleaned and they gathered up their belongings. “Let’s meet again soon!”

  
  
  


“Yes!” they chimed.

  
  
  


“Chaeng.” Jisoo touched Chaeyoung’s shoulder as she was fitting her foot through the tongue of her shoe. 

  
  
  


“Yeah?”

  
  
  


“I need to take Jennie home. Are you okay going home without me?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung hesitated, eyeing Jennie momentarily who was playing with Haetnim on the rug next to the coffee table. “I’ll go home with Yeri since we live in the same direction. You’ll be okay?”

  
  
  


“Of course. Thanks, Chaeng,” Jisoo smiled, chest swelled with appreciation. “And thank you for today. I was scared that…”

  
  
  


“Scared of what...?” 

  
  
  


“You weren’t going to like Jennie.”

  
  
  


The younger girl spared a few blinks before chuckling. “You have no faith in me. I was just testing her.”

  
  
  


“And? What do you think?”

  
  
  


She pondered for a moment. “I think she’s a good person, now that I had a chance to know her more personally.” She slipped on her shoe and stood up straight. “Sometimes things just don’t go your way, but the most important thing is to work it out no matter how tough it is. Sometimes people are born unlucky, but they shouldn’t let that factor dictate their entire life. They should work around it with what they have. Anything is possible with enough willpower – why are you smiling so silly? Is there something on my face?”

  
  
  


Jisoo shook her head. “It’s not that. You’re right. That’s why we shouldn’t give up, right?”

  
  
  


“Yep,” Chaeyoung smiled softly, “because everyone deserves a nice home.”

  
  
  


As Nayeon, Seulgi, Chaeyoung, and Yeri made their leave with many goodbyes and hugs – an exception being Seungwan who stayed back to help clean up the rest of the decorations – Jisoo approached Jennie sitting with Haetnim on her lap happily gnawing on a toy.

  
  
  


Jisoo tapped the younger girl’s head, prompting her to look up from her fixation on the dog. “It’s time to go home, Jennie.” 

  
  
  


“I’m fine here,” Jennie pouted and scratched Haetnim’s fur. “I want to play with her a little longer.”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled and plopped down beside her, petting Haetnim who was too preoccupied with her toy to notice. “It’s late. We have to go or else Sooyoung will kick us out.”

  
  
  


“I bet Sooyoung would let Jennie stay the night if she really wants to keep playing with Haetnim,” Seungwan joked as she ripped the streamers from the ceiling. 

  
  
  


“Jennie really can’t stay a night. She has stuff to do tomorrow, right?” Jisoo glanced at Jennie, egging for consensus.

  
  
  


“Don’t remind me,” Jennie groaned and cuddled Haetnim closer. “I just want to stay forever.”

  
  
  


“With Haetnim?” Jisoo teased. Something flashed in Jennie’s eyes – something unreadable – but it went as quickly as it came as she returned her attention to the puppy, brown hair curtaining further expression. 

  
  
  


“You can always visit, Jennie,” said Seungwan as she rolled up a ball of streamers in her arms. “Sooyoung wouldn’t mind.”

  
  
  


Jisoo flashed a soft smile and nudged Jennie’s knee. “What she said, so let’s go. We don’t want to keep them up.”

  
  
  


Jennie pouted, but reluctantly kissed Haetnim goodbye. They bid Seungwan and Sooyoung – who just got out the shower – a thanks and a farewell before making their departure out of the apartment building. Their journey home was silent as they hailed a taxi and trudged up Jennie’s neighborhood’s slope. Jisoo would like to think it’s because the younger girl was drained of energy, but she broke the silence.

  
  
  


“I know now,” said Jennie.

  
  
  


“Know what?”

  
  
  


“What’s home to me.”

  
  
  


They paused underneath a street lamp with a moth hovering by the bulb, their long shadows merging together on the pavement. Although it was hard to see Jennie’s eyes from the lighting, the soft gaze she held was all Jisoo needed.

  
  
  


“What do you mean?” Jisoo asked.

  
  
  


“The question you asked me this morning. I think I can answer it now.” Jennie exhaled deeply. “I might be a little corny here, so bear with me. I think you’re rubbing off on me.” 

  
  
  


Jisoo smirked. “Is that good or bad?”

  
  
  


“Not bad, but definitely not good.”

  
  
  


Jisoo rolled her eyes. “Get on with it.”

  
  
  


It was meant to be lighthearted. It was supposed to be lighthearted, but the air thickened despite her soft chuckle when Jennie’s gaze lingered momentarily, containing a delicate force pushing for honest conversation. The chuckling ceased into deafening silence as Jisoo’s breaths unsteadied, matched with her trembling heart, because even if it’s just for a moment, a moment with Jennie was a moment too long. In retrospect, Jisoo would’ve cherished it – every second with the girl – but she couldn’t right now. She couldn’t, not when her brown eyes were so frank and pensive and wistful and _searching_ for something. A deep breath from Jennie, tangiblized by a mist of cold air through her pink lips, grew the pang in her chest by tenfold. 

  
  
  


But it wasn’t her deep breath that caved Jisoo’s chest in with sharp inhales and shaky exhales that she was failing to stabilize. It was retracing. She was walking backwards and there they were: Jisoo eighteen and Jennie seventeen with a shiny barrette in her hair and brown eyes so bright, lovely, and simmering with glow. Her eyes, her eyes, her eyes: once a maze so easy to get lost in, now a prison of everything they were.

  
  
  


“Home is when I can smile endlessly, when I’m not afraid of anything, when I’m the safest – just like how you think it is. But because home is subjective, I think it’s fair to say you’ll know what home is – right here.” She patted her left breast softly, the patter resonating akin to a drum. “There’s no need to put it into words when this spot explains it all.”

  
  
  


Jisoo found herself mirroring Jennie, her palm over her heart that was being clawed and wrenched by an intangible force of emotion. “Here?”

  
  
  


“Yeah. You can feel it, too, huh?”

  
  
  


_Yes._ Jisoo’s throat constricted, unable to respond verbally. _I can feel it all too well._

  
  
  


“Aren’t you going to write that down?” 

  
  
  


“Uhm,” Jisoo gulped through the parchness and pointed to her temple. “I can store it up here, remember?”

  
  
  


“Right,” Jennie smiled softly, all too familiar with Jisoo’s antics. “Thank you for taking me home. Be safe.”

  
  
  


“No problem. Goodnight, Jennie.”

  
  
  


“Goodnight, Jisoo.”

  
  
  


The iron gates creaked as they opened and closed, and it wasn’t long until Jennie disappeared behind those big oak doors and Jisoo was left alone in the silent night. It took a lot of willpower – a _lot_ of willpower – to move, but slowly and eventually, her feet swiveled and shuffled down the slope.

  
  
  


_What is home to you?_ her tiny voice echoed. 

  
  
  


_Home is what you described it as._ Jisoo glanced over her shoulder to the mansion. The window of Jennie’s room was dark, but the girl was most likely awake. Was she looking at the same moon? The same stars? _You described it perfectly because you didn’t describe it at all. Because sometimes there’s no need for words, and that’s okay._

  
  
  


Jisoo’s palm lingered over her heart, steadied by the time she reached the bottom of the slope, but still pulsating a fresh ache. She sat down on the curb and hugged her legs to her chest, resting her chin between her knees as the revelation gnawed within her, the sensation almost nauseous. If she hadn’t buried her face into her legs, she would’ve made out the musky smell of spring rain that always lingered at this spot – never going away much like this sickness.

  
  
  


She was homesick.

  
  
  


Severely homesick.


	7. spiral limbo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the netflix documentary,,, absolute devastation it made me emo but it was sooo good and inspiring like i just had a sudden will to get my life together and get this show on da road and the way there might be a sequel !! ugh now i have to live until then,, and the amount of content we’re getting w netflix and variety shows tho UGH what a time to be alive but I CANT BELIEVE the era ended already UGHH I MISS THEM ALREADY until next time i guess ;-;

After every high, there was a terrible low – from the top of the world to the depths of the earth. It was awfully easy to get lost in the high, which made the crash down the ever more painful.

  
  
  


Jennie crashed from the height every time – all bruises, scratches, and broken bones. By this point, she should’ve seen it coming and cherished the high for just a little longer. Just a little longer, even if the ricochet of guilt grew tenfold. It couldn’t be helped. Again and again – that small taste of high – because as long as she bore it alone, as long as no one crashed with her, then it was okay. It was okay because, either within only her or not, the world would keep spinning and time would keep moving, so it’s best to choose the less destructive path for the better of everyone. 

  
  
  


Or so she thought. 

  
  
  


“Miss Kim?”

  
  
  


The middle aged man’s bushy eyebrows stitched together, a champagne glass in his hand and a nice, smooth gray suit. Although brushed and slicked, a stray white strand of his dyed dark hair flopped to the side when he tilted his head. Amused, a chuckle climbed up Jennie’s throat before dissipating just as quickly when her father cleared his throat beside her.

  
  
  


“Jennie,” her father said, a stern voice with an undertone of threat. “Mister Park was talking about investing stocks into our company. What do you think about that?”

  
  
  


Cocking an eyebrow, Jennie made a show of judging the man up and down from his spotless, leather shoes to the poor attempt of masking his gray, balding hair, much like the many other Misters at this party. She sipped her champagne and nodded curtly. “I suppose it doesn’t hurt. That’s very kind of you.”

  
  
  


Sarcasm naturally dripped in her words and demeanor. It couldn’t be helped. How else would she entertain herself at these boring parties? She took another sip to hide her smirk when Mister Park’s eye twitched, the steam whistling through his flared nostrils with a bruised ego.

  
  
  


“I heard that your son is enlisting in the military soon,” said Mister Park, an edge to his tone. “He’s a very fine gentleman.”

  
  
  


Her father nodded, chuckling along with the false image among many false images of their family. “Yes. We’re very proud of him.”

  
  
  


That was news to Jennie, having been so caught up in her own life problems that Taehyung’s enlistment passed over her head. Now that she thought about it, when was the last time since she talked to him? Other than at social gatherings? Not that they talked a lot in the first place, though.

  
  
  


“I’m sure it would’ve been better for Taehyung to inherit the company. Men, obviously, are a lot more rational than women, and better business leaders. What a shame for a fine man to not pursue his father’s role.”

  
  
  


First, she bit her tongue – hard. Then, she clenched her teeth. Then, she pinched her thigh, taking a few deep breaths, all of which were done in a matter of seconds. But the smugness of his smile was excruciatingly irking and, again, there was a lot that couldn’t be helped, like her short temper.

  
  
  


“You’re right, it is quite a shame.” Jennie twirled her tall glass in a nonchalant manner. “But yet, here we are – a woman inheriting a company bigger than what your name will ever be – and yet, here _you_ are, trying to gain money from said company. The world is quite unfair like that, I suppose – Mister Park.” She curtly added honorifics at the end, topping it off with a saccharine smile.

  
  
  


From the way his bushy eyebrows arched, they could’ve been mistaken as caterpillars. His thin lips gaped open and closed dumbly, completely speechless as Jennie sipped her drink unbothered, a comment to pluck his eyebrows too enticing to say, but her father was faster.

  
  
  


“She’s just joking,” her father chuckled, eye twitching and a strained smile. “She jokes like that. She has a very odd sense of humor that doesn’t resonate with everyone.”

  
  
  


A brief moment of tense silence ensued before Mister Park barked out a hearty laugh, nearby guests jumping at the sound. “Of course! That was funny, Miss Kim.”

  
  
  


Anyone could’ve seen it from a mile away, the way her father’s face was taut, eyes icy, demeanor stiff and passive aggressive. Either everyone chose to ignore it, were too scared to say anything, or both. Nonetheless, it hung in the atmosphere for the rest of the party and Jennie was frightened out of her wits – enough to regret retorting back to Mister Park, although he deserved it. Twenty four years and it made sense to have learned how to prepare and brace herself at this point, but she was still scared; one of many things that couldn’t be helped, and it was pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. 

  
  
  


And when he spoke that impending verdict, it had been a while since her legs shook so bad.

  
  
  


“Jennie. In my study. Now.” 

  
  
  


The party was over, the last few guests leaving with fake smiles, hugs, and wishes. Her father’s sharp heels echoed, menacing and stark within the marble walls, to his study at the left wing of the mansion. Every click jabbed Jennie’s head with bursts of pierces – to the point her trembling hands couldn’t support her shaky legs on the mahogany stand any longer – and she succumbed to slumping against the wall, hugging her knees and breathing slowly in an attempt to stifle the shakes. In and out, in and out, slowly.

  
  
  


_It’ll all be over soon. Just get it over with. Just get through until tomorrow._

  
  
  


“Miss Jennie?”

  
  
  


Through the curtain of hair, Joohyun was crouched to her level with a wet towel and an apron, concern etched in her frown. “Are you okay?”

  
  
  


Jennie grimaced a smile that was more of pursed lips. “Yes. I need to meet with my father.”

  
  
  


Joohyun’s eyes were apologetic, but much like Jennie, the older girl knew it couldn’t be helped, and simply patted her shoulder. “Remember to breathe,” she whispered before leaving with a bow. 

  
  
  


_Right, get a hold of yourself, Jennie. Breathe, breathe, breathe._

  
  
  


Traipsing, her inhales and exhales resonated down the hallway, ghosting the pattern of her father’s steps. Although the hallway spun and distorted from its parallel structure, breathing was the only thing keeping her head upright against the rattle of every fiber in her body. The wing was eerily quiet when she reached the dark oak door of the study, its height as louring as what laid behind it.

  
  
  


_You can do it._

  
  
  


Every word Jennie told herself became less convincing, and all of them unraveled and fell apart once the golden knob was turned.

  
  
  


Her father stood tall in front of his desk, broad back turned as he spun the thick, gold rings on his fingers. She closed the door behind her and hung her head down.

  
  
  


“Father.”

  
  
  


A brief, thick silence was present momentarily before he turned around, face unreadable and stance towering. He deeply inhaled, the sigh drawn out, a forewarn that sent shivers.

  
  
  


“What is wrong with you these days?” he said, tone dangerously low.

  
  
  


Jennie winced, the pounding of her heart expediting, and the simple act of standing and breathing became harder with each heavy second. _In, out, in, out, in_ –

  
  
  


“Do you want to die? Are you out of your mind? How dare you speak so disrespectfully to Mister Park. You’ve been disrespectful at every party, to every one of those gentlemen. How dare you.”

  
  
  


_In, out, in, out –_

  
  
  


“Do you think that, because I named you my heir, you could be all pretentious? Don’t flatter yourself. It was you or your brother, and your brother is as competent as a beggar. If Taehyung was better, then I wouldn’t hesitate to throw you out of this household from the amount of times you’ve disappointed me.”

  
  
  


_In, out, in –_

  
  
  


“You should be grateful I even put up with you. I wouldn’t be wasting my time with this wedding or networking just for you to throw it all out of the window. For an adult, your mannerisms are one of a child. Useless, useless, useless.”

  
  
  


_In, out –_

  
  
  


“It was useless to hire Kim Jisoo to write this biography of you. The whole point is to fix your image, but you’re messing everything up because you simply can’t wrap around your head the basic mannerisms you should show adults. What a useless daughter. Should I even call you my daughter? Fucking useless! Waste of food, waste of money, waste of space, waste of a fucking life. All you had to do was stand and smile, but you couldn’t even do just that.”

  
  
  


_In –_

  
  
  


“Do you need to be threatened again? You think you’re so untouchable, is that how it is? Like those years ago with that friend? You seriously want to play that game?”

  
  
  


Jennie’s heart stopped. _He remembers… but doesn’t know her…?_

  
  
  


“Because I won’t hesitate to do so because you need to be humbled and reminded of who got you this far. You wouldn’t even survive on the streets if I had thrown you out. Behave yourself or else. Do you understand?”

  
  
  


_In –_

  
  
  


“Look me in the eyes! Do you understand?”

  
  
  


_In – in – in –_

  
  
  


Jennie’s chest caved in, and that was when the gold rings met her cheek and stole all the failing breaths. Her father rarely hit her, the last time being seven years ago, because he was careful about her appearance that proportionally affected his reputation. It was smart, really, to verbally abuse her instead to avoid such controversies, but it didn’t make it any less painful when her knees hit the floor and the bullet of a slap scorched her face.

  
  
  


“Understand?”

  
  
  


_Understand? Get rid of her and do your duty._

  
  
  


Gasping and sputtering, she blinked profusely from the stinging in her eyes and bit her lip to stifle the cry. The rapid swelling of her cheek was matched with a wetness – red from what dripped on the rug – trickling from the cut of the rings. From the floor and through her tousled hair was her father’s black leather shoes: steel, shiny, sleek. 

  
  
  


“I said, do you _understand_?”

  
  
  


Jennie lowered her head until her forehead kissed the floor and heaved shakily. “Yes, father.” 

  
  
  


A pregnant silence followed, save for Jennie’s sobs that she was failing to control. Her father’s shoes were still there, and she was leveled with his shoes, and it was pathetic. 

  
  
  


It was pathetic, and it couldn’t be helped.

  
  
  


She couldn’t help being pathetic.

  
  
  


“Make sure Joohyun takes care of that before the next gathering. I don’t want anyone else seeing it.”

  
  
  


With that, her father strode out the room, leaving Jennie crumpled on the floor of his study. Her nails clawed the thin hairs of the rug – too thin to grasp – as her erratic breathing exponentiated, huge gulps of air expelled by her constricting lungs and matched with the angry pulses resonating from her cheek to her entire body.

  
  
  


_Get rid of her, or I’ll do it myself._

  
  
  


“Miss Jennie, are you okay?”

  
  
  


Joohyun’s gentle voice carried through the pounding as she knelt down beside Jennie. The wet towel was long discarded when Jennie grasped for Joohyun’s shirt, her fist slipping from hysteria, only for the latter to catch it to keep her balanced. 

  
  
  


_No, Joohyun. It hurts. It hurts so bad._ Her lips ghosted the words, her chords too frail and chest too agonized to speak, but it was enough for the older girl to drape her arms around Jennie’s trembling body. Burying herself into Joohyun’s embrace, Jennie heaved in the detergent of her linen shirt as Joohyun stroked her hair, resting her chin on her head and her throat faintly vibrating a lullaby. 

  
  
  


“I’m sorry,” mumbled Jennie under her breath – not to herself, and not particularly to Joohyun who deserved all the sorrys profusely tumbling out of Jennie’s mouth – because, among the many things she couldn’t help, it was Jisoo.

  
  
  


_I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


_Jisoo never cried._

  
  
  


_That’s what she claimed, and it served true for as long as Jennie knew her, which was around eight months (that felt like a lifetime). The only times she’d ever come close to such a thing were the times of severe anxiety, but even then she’s able to hold it in. It was admirable, the way Jisoo could stay so strong with a smile on her face._

  
  
  


_So, when Jisoo arrived under the tree with a hooded flannel instead of her school uniform – all teary eyed, shaky breaths, disheveled hair, and a tiny “I need a hug” – it didn’t take much for Jennie to open her arms and for the older girl stumble into her embrace and bury her face into the crook of her neck._

  
  
  


_“It’s okay. I got you,” Jennie whispered, running her hand along the girl’s back and stroking her dark hair, gingerly sorting through the knots and tangles._

  
  
  


_They stayed like that for a while, with Jennie faintly humming a lullaby and Jisoo’s arms around her waist, hands grasping the hem of her blazer as if she’d collapse if not. A million questions were at the tip of Jennie’s tongue, but her utmost priority was comforting the girl. It didn’t matter if it took all day because Jennie could – would – wait forever for Jisoo._

  
  
  


_“I tried to contact them again –” Jisoo choked. “– my parents.” Shaking her head, she released a shaky breath and chuckled bitterly. “Honestly, I don’t know what I expected. What was I hoping for…?”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo’s head shifted to face Jennie, her fringe veiling her brown eyes that were absent of their usual speckled light. Jennie brushed the bangs aside, tucking stray tendrils behind her ears and pillowing their foreheads together, so close that the latter’s long eyelashes tickled her face as they fluttered._

  
  
  


_“You won’t ever leave me, right?” Jisoo asked, voice husky and low, a weak plea._

  
  
  


_“Never,” replied Jennie in a heartbeat. It was easy to say, so easy to say, because it was the most absolute truth. “I will never leave you, Jisoo.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo hugged Jennie tighter, their bodies puzzle pieces that perfectly fell in place. Jennie’s breath hitched from the intimacy, but the intimacy was not one of fancy, but of the purest love; the purest love when Jennie cupped the girl’s cheeks, noses bumping, as Jisoo gazed deeply with all of it and nothing held back._

  
  
  


_That was one of many things about Jisoo – she never held anything back, so upfront about everything that Jennie was afraid – very afraid – when her heart somersaulted and her stomach knotted in complex ways and a warm, tickling sensation rose at the back of her neck and Jisoo’s eyes were so, so captivating._

  
  
  


_“Me too,” breathed Jisoo. “I won’t leave you. Even if we’re crashing and burning, I won’t ever give up on you, Jennie.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  


_~_

  
  
  
  
  
  


Joohyun’s makeup worked wonders, the wound barely there at all. Albeit, in a certain light, the angry blotch of purple showed through the foundation, that was only if the spot was scrutinized. It was highly doubtful that anyone would watch Jennie’s face that closely, considering she’d scare them off before they would even dare to.

  
  
  


Winter was looming around the corner, indicated by the substantially colder air. Although Jennie had to layer a jacket over a hoodie, it was more preferred than the heat, and although it wasn’t sunny, she donned a pair of black sunglasses. After all, it was part of her brand, and definitely not to avoid Jisoo noting anything wrong with her (that girl was quite attentive).

  
  
  


Jisoo arrived around noon, holding onto the strap of her satchel slung across her beige cardigan with shoulders squared. The air thickened from the mere sight of her, and when she flashed her pretty smile, it was a kick that knocked the breath out her lungs.

  
  
  


“Good afternoon, Jennie,” said Jisoo.

  
  
  


The girl’s eyes anxiously darted toward the maid beside her. Jennie dismissed the maid with the nudge of her head, noting to talk to the maid later and make sure she no longer made Jisoo uncomfortable for future visits.

  
  
  


“How are you doing today?” Jisoo asked – typical small talk – as they walked down the steps. 

  
  
  


“Fine,” Jennie replied curtly, eyes straight ahead as they descended the neighborhood. Jisoo seemed to be anticipating more from the way her gaze lingered, trying to meet the eyes hidden behind shades, but when Jennie stayed mum, she nodded knowingly and fished out a notepad from her pocket.

  
  
  


“Today, I was thinking of doing something more engaging instead of just sitting around and talking.” She waved the notepad. “What do you think about volunteering?”

  
  
  


Volunteering? She hadn’t volunteered since high school; truly volunteering, since the times after that were ingenuine for the sake of family reputation and newspapers. She shrugged, which Jisoo probably took as an okay from the way she nodded.

  
  
  


“There’s an elderly home that’s always open to volunteers. According to the flyer, they’re looking for people to help with events and brighten up the elders' days, like playing with them and stuff. It’s in the suburbs, so we’d have to take a taxi. Does that sound alright to you?”

  
  
  


A pause, a shrug, and nothing else was exchanged after that.

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


The suburbs were much flatter than the city, and a whole lot greener. The short, slanted roof houses with nicely kept lawns rolled by as the taxi cruised along the smooth pavement. The elderly home was bigger than the rest of its neighbors, with a lawn of cobbled paths, plants, and a beautiful metal archway decorated with flowers and vines. It was out of a fairytale, and took quite a resemblance to a cottage in the woods.

  
  
  


A middle-aged lady – dark hair tied in a bun and casually fashioning a blouse and trousers – greeted them upon the doorbell. 

  
  
  


“How kind of you to volunteer with us,” the lady said after they exchanged bows and greetings. “You can call me Miss Son. Not many young people come to volunteer with us nowadays. We appreciate the extra help.”

  
  
  


“Of course,” chimed Jisoo.

  
  
  


As Miss Son led them through the house, there were grandmas and grandpas alike playing board games, watching television, chatting by the tables, or idling by the arts and crafts lined on the shelves. If Jisoo hadn’t pulled her aside, Jennie would’ve crashed into a passing grandma in the midst of her reverie. Jennie was thankful, but Jisoo’s touch burned even through the two layers, so she quickly muttered a thanks and jerked away, much to the latter’s confusion.

  
  
  


“For today, we’re preparing for the small party we hold every month,” explained MIss Son, sliding the screen door open to the back porch and garden. Much like the front, the garden was littered with plants and cobbled paths, and a pond with a statue of a fish spouting water in the middle. Beside the wooden platform of the porch was a circled pavement, a few people – a teenage girl and some middle-aged people – chatting, crouched and hunched over big, red bowls of cabbage, vegetables, and chili paste. “Are you fine getting your hands a little dirty?”

  
  
  


“Yes. Right, Jennie?” Jisoo turned to Jennie who responded with a small nod.

  
  
  


Miss Son handed them plastic gloves. “We’re in the process of making kimchi. Let’s get some ingredients and meet everyone in the middle.”

  
  
  


At the steps of the platform were crates of ingredients wrapped in plastic that were amazingly stacked a few inches over Jennie’s height (not that she was _that_ tall). How much kimchi could old people possibly consume?

  
  
  


“Try to get many of each because we’re making big batches.” Before Miss Son could reach for a crate, a yell within the house diverted their attention to the paned window that displayed a grandma flailing her arms at a grandpa. “Sorry, excuse me!” She piped, hastily bounding toward the door. “They’re always fighting over games. If you need any help, feel free to call the other volunteers.”

  
  
  


Once Miss Son disappeared behind the screen door, Jisoo puffed, cracking her neck and knuckles dramatically. “Looks like it’s time for some heavy duty work. You think you can handle it?” she chuckled, elbowing Jennie playfully.

  
  
  


“I think I can manage,” Jennie said meekly as Jisoo tiptoed to reach the top crate. _Shouldn’t I be the one getting the top boxes since she’s shorter?_ Jennie wondered as Jisoo heaved the box into her open arms.

  
  
  


“I think two boxes each will be enough, and we’ll return if we need more.”

  
  
  


“Alright – ah!” As Jennie inattentively carried the second crate onto the first, her stray finger was caught in between, prompting her to jerk her hand away with a yelp. 

  
  
  


“Are you okay?” Jisoo exclaimed, dropping the crate in her hand and rushing to Jennie’s side. “What happened?” She reached for Jennie’s hand, but hesitated just as Jennie jolted away.

  
  
  


“Yeah,” Jennie grimaced. “It’s nothing, I just pinched myself.” Removing her shades, she pocketed them with a sigh. “I think these shades are making me sleepy. They’re very tinted and I must’ve spaced out.”

  
  
  


With eyebrows stitched, Jisoo stared at her. Not directly at her, more so a little below her eye. It wasn’t until Jisoo’s hand neared her cheek that Jennie realized what she’d been staring at, and shrunk away from her touch.

  
  
  


Jisoo worried her lip, hand faltering, and whispered, “Who did this to you?” 

  
  
  


Jennie avoided her gaze and shook her head. “It’s nothing.”

  
  
  


Anger flared in her eyes, but before she could say anymore, a patter of footsteps and a peppy greeting broke the tension as they diverted toward the newcomer.

  
  
  


“Hello!” the teenager chirped with a bow so low her ponytail flung itself over her head. “Do you need any help?”

  
  
  


Jennie raised her eyebrows and glanced at Jisoo. Jisoo’s frown lingered on her bruised cheek momentarily before her expression softened as she addressed the younger girl, “Hello! Yes, we could do with some help. Thank you.”

  
  
  


“I’m Yuna,” the girl said as she picked up two boxes – much to Jennie’s amazement – while Jennie and Jisoo carried the rest. “What school do you guys go to?”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled as they placed the boxes down at the circle. “Actually, we graduated already. I’m Jisoo, and she’s Jennie.”

  
  
  


Yuna’s jaw dropped and she bowed frantically, her hair flying all over the place. “I’m so sorry! You look so young, so I thought…”

  
  
  


“It’s alright.” Jisoo waved her hands reassuringly. “We get that a lot. Especially Jennie. I mean – look at her. She looks like a child.”

  
  
  


Jennie strained a smile, glaring at Jisoo and her innocent, toothless grin. “Yep. Way too many times.”

  
  
  


Yuna laughed, setting two bowls and plastic stools in front of them. “Do you know how to make kimchi?”

  
  
  


“Not really. I’ve always bought from the market.” Jisoo rubbed her neck sheepishly. “Neither has Jennie.”

  
  
  


“That’s okay. Lucky for you, I am an expert on kimchi,” Yuna beamed, rummaging through the crates. “We’ve prepared the cabbage and paste yesterday, so all we really need to do is add them together...”

  
  
  


Yuna demonstrated with her own bowl she carried over, Jisoo watching attentively with nods and hums as the younger girl explained the procedure as if she’d ever done that in her high school classes. It was simple from the looks of it: massage the cabbage with the paste, the only setback being the huge amount of cabbage and the possibility of sore arms tomorrow. 

  
  
  


“Any questions?” asked Yuna.

  
  
  


“I think we got it. Thank you so much,” Jisoo smiled.

  
  
  


“No problem. If you ever need help, there’s seven other people here to help!” With that, Yuna took her leave.

  
  
  


“Do you want to tie your hair up?” Jisoo asked as Jennie slipped on the gloves.

  
  
  


“I didn’t bring a hair tie.”

  
  
  


“I brought an extra one just in case – oh, I can tie your hair up for you,” Jisoo insisted when Jennie made to remove her gloves. 

  
  
  


“It’s fine. I can do it myself.”

  
  
  


“No, really. Keep your gloves on.” Before Jennie could retort, Jisoo stepped behind her and delicately stroked her tresses. Jennie’s breath hitched as ginger fingers collected the strands into a bunch, brushing the tips of her ears and the nape of her neck that made her hairs stand on end. Add that to the list of things Jennie couldn’t help: succumbing to Jisoo’s touch.

  
  
  


“Is that okay?” asked Jisoo, peeking her head to appraise Jennie’s front. 

  
  
  


“Yeah,” Jennie mumbled, dipping her head and quickly sitting down on the stool. “Thanks.”

  
  
  


Although Jisoo definitely wanted to say more – about her cheek or her coolness, Jennie wasn’t sure – but thankfully, the girl took the hint and settled in front of her own bowl of kimchi. Jennie should be grateful that Jisoo didn’t pursue the conversation, but a strange sense of disappointment stirred in her chest, considering Jisoo wasn’t one to give up such a matter.

  
  
  


That’s how they met, after all: from Jisoo’s stubbornness. So, as confusing as it was, Jennie was hoping for Jisoo to be stubborn again, only to be let down as the older girl worked on her batch of kimchi and made conversation with the other volunteers whose names flew through one ear and out the other.

  
  
  


_What did you expect?_ Along with her frustrations, Jennie’s massage intensified on the poor cabbages. _You really can’t help it, huh? Pushing her away again when it’s not her fault._

  
  
  


Time passed rather quickly for just massaging vegetables and chili paste together. Littered in that span of time were a few questions from Jisoo regarding the biography, such as “what is community to you?” or “how do you help the community?”

  
  
  


Typical, empty questions that were answered with typical, empty answers.

  
  
  


Other than that, no other words were exchanged between them, and when it was time to gather all the kimchi together to ferment, Jennie’s frustrations only grew, banging against the lid of the boiling pot that was her emotions.

  
  
  


“Let me help,” Jisoo said, hands brushing the back of Jennie’s as she dropped the bowl after her fifth attempt of lifting it. 

  
  
  


“I got it,” Jennie gritted and prepared another attempt as she crouched.

  
  
  


“Seriously, you look like you’re about to collapse.”

  
  
  


“I’m _fine._ ”

  
  
  


“I’m done carrying mine over, so let me just –”

  
  
  


Did Jennie mention that her short temper couldn’t be helped? The lid popped right off and everything spilled before Jennie could stop it.

  
  
  


“Why do you want to help me so much?” she snapped, evoking Jisoo to wince and retract her hands. “Why are you so nice?”

  
  
  


“I just –”

  
  
  


“Do you like me or something? Why are you so nice? I’ve done nothing but wrong to you. I can’t even –” Jennie swallowed thickly. _Say sorry._ “Why aren’t you hating me? Why?”

  
  
  


Jisoo frowned, confusion and hurt in her pout. “Jennie, stop yelling. You’re making a scene.”

  
  
  


The other volunteers that were shuffling with their bowls of kimchi, even passing elderly, dwindled in their tracks to watch the scene unravel. Jennie dipped her head to the ground, clenching and unclenching her fists. “I really can’t help it, huh? I can’t help being the problem.”

  
  
  


“What are you talking about?” Sighing heavily, Jisoo pinched the bridge of her nose. “Stop talking nonsense and let’s get this kimchi to the rest.”

  
  
  


When Jisoo crouched down to seize the bowl, Jennie shoved her hands away. “No, I can do it.”

  
  
  


“Jennie, just let me help you,” Jisoo seethed through her teeth, apprehensive eyes darting between Jennie and the bystanders who returned to their business, trying their best to ignore the scene. “It’s seriously not a big deal.”

  
  
  


“It is.”

  
  
  


“It is?”

  
  
  


“Yes, it’s a big deal,” croaked Jennie. “A very big deal.”

  
  


Jisoo closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, before peeling off her gloves. She threw the people an apologetic bow and grabbed Jennie’s wrist, not seeming to care if some kimchi from Jennie’s gloves got on her cuff. “We need to talk.”

  
  
  


The stares stuck on them until they rounded a corner of a shed, far from the crowd and concealed by the big plants. Once they were out of eye and ear shot, Jisoo released her grip and crossed her arms, face taut. “Why are you acting like this?”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s exasperated sigh clawed Jennie’s heart with guilt, but to be fair, Jennie was just as exasperated, if not more. Everything from the past week was catching up to her and she was about to burst. 

  
  
  


“Because I don’t understand. I honestly don’t understand why you’re back, why you’re so kind, why you don’t hate me. It’s frustrating. It really is.”

  
  
  


“Are you seriously doing this right now?” Jisoo ran her fingers through her hair. “We’re volunteering for heaven’s sake. It’s not really the time for this conversation, don’t you think? Why is finding a reason so important?”

  
  
  


“It’s important to me because –“ _You’re important to me, and everytime I think about you, everytime I’m around you, it’s hard to breathe._ “– it doesn’t make sense.”

  
  
  


“Do you want an answer? Will that help snap you out of this bullshit?”

  
  
  


Jennie stayed silent, prompting Jisoo to continue.

  
  
  


“Sometimes I want to hate you, but I can’t because I know you did nothing wrong. Because we were children back then, so naive to believe dreams so impossible and promises so fragile and easy to break. So that’s why I can’t hate you because we were just children. I can’t hate you then, and I can’t hate you now. I can’t hate you ever, and I don’t hate you at all. I know and understand why you had to do it, so stop sulking like a damn child and let me help you goddamn it!”

  
  
  


“You’re stupid.”

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


It came out a mumble, but Jennie repeated it slightly louder, “You’re so stupid.” Peeling off her gloves, Jennie’s fist feebly hit Jisoo’s chest. “Why do you do it if it hurts you, too? I know it hurts you. It’s written all over you, Kim Jisoo, because you’re so easy to read. It hurts you and that’s what I don’t understand. Why, why, _why_?”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s offence demeanor faltered to one of defense and confusion, eyebrows furrowed as she gulped and fumbled, “Because – because –”

  
  
  


“Because?”

  
  
  


“I – I don’t want to give up on you.”

  
  
  


Silence, save for their heavy breaths and the faint chirping of birds and music from the house’s radio. Jennie’s fist fell to her side as she backed up against the shed, her knees giving away as she slid down the paneled wood, resting her forehead on the heel of her palm. A pause was followed by tentative shuffling and Jisoo mutely sat beside her, elbows resting on her propped knees and head rested against the shed.

  
  
  


“Nothing will change if you keep doing this,” muttered Jisoo.

  
  
  


“Doing what?”

  
  
  


“Blaming yourself. No one is blaming you other than yourself.”

  
  
  


_You would’ve, Jisoo. You should’ve, but you never were the one to hold grudges._

  
  
  


Fiddling with her fingers – squeezing, scratching, picking – Jennie sighed, “I can’t help it, not when I walked away from you like that – broken and vulnerable and all – and looked you straight in the eye and broke my promise. Everytime I see you, it’s all I think about, and it’s killing me.”

  
  
  


“And that’s why I forgive you.”

  
  
  


Jennie turned to Jisoo and Jisoo turned to her. “What?”

  
  
  


“You know. You know what you did, so that’s why I forgive you.”

  
  
  


Jennie chuckled. “You throw the word forgive around so easily. You’re so forgiving, Jisoo. You forgive so easily, but I know you want to walk away. You should because there’s nothing you can do because we’re two measly girls in a restrictive society and we can’t do shit. We can’t do shit, so let’s just live our lives peacefully away from each other.”

  
  
  


Jisoo shook her head. “You’re right, but I don’t think I can. I thought I could, but I couldn’t when it’s so suffocating, when the world spins and time flows and I’m still stuck. Everything is moving, but I’m still stuck.”

  
  
  


A cool breeze picked up, wafting through the plants in a languid, mocking dance. The plants were dancing and Jennie and Jisoo were suffocating in their own limbo.

  
  
  


“Then, what now?” Jennie mumbled. “Between then until now, until this very conversation, nothing changed. Everything is moving just the same. What’s the point?”

  
  
  


“A wise person told me this, that although someone was born unlucky, they shouldn’t let that dictate their entire life. With enough willpower, they can make something of themselves – work around it and break free. All they have to do is be strong and try.”

  
  
  


Her heart was so heavy. It was too heavy to carry any longer, so Jennie closed her eyes and it fell. It fell from the top of the world to the depths of hell. 

  
  


“I’m not as strong as you think.”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“I guess that makes two of us.”

  
  
  


A knowing silence enveloped them, the breeze long gone and plants long slowed into their usual static position, but the music still played and the clouds still rolled. The world was spinning, time was flowing, Jisoo was stuck, and Jennie was going in circles.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


As a gift of appreciation, Miss Son gave them each a tupperware of kimchi with a neat bow on top. Wordlessly, they took a taxi to Jennie’s mansion, the sun having disappeared into an early dusk.

  
  
  


“I don’t need the kimchi,” said Jennie upon arriving at the iron gate. “Here, share it with Chaeyoung.”

  
  
  


Jisoo graciously accepted the kimchi. “Thank you. Let’s – let’s just get this biography done, alright?”

  
  
  


With a tiny nod, Jennie meant to walk away at that instant, but when Jisoo’s soft hands caressed her cheek, she didn’t flinch nor pull away. Unlike earlier, the touch didn’t hurt; it was simply warm – warm against the cold temperature, endearingly warm against Jennie’s aching chest and stinging eyes.

  
  
  


“Make sure to get some ointment on that,” Jisoo murmured. “Makeup isn’t enough to cover that up.”

  
  
  


Jennie stared at the back of Jisoo’s head until it disappeared around the corner, and even then, she stayed rooted on the spot, palm on her cheek where Jisoo’s warmth subsided until it was gone and cold again. 

  
  
  


Then, she entered through the iron gates.

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


_Jennie’s parents were on a business trip, so Jennie ecstatically took this opportunity to sneak to Jisoo’s house (courtesy of Joohyun for covering for her). In her school bag was makeup she “borrowed” from her mom’s drawer, a bunch of products she could get her tiny hands on and stuff into her bag. Did she know what she picked out? Not necessarily, but she no doubt had the essentials._

  
  
  


_“Can I practice makeup on you?” Jennie timidly asked, clutching her bag by the top that rattled with the various tools. “Joohyun had always done my makeup, so I wanted to try it.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo chuckled nervously as they sat on her bed, bringing her legs up in a criss cross with mismatched colored socks. “I’ve never dressed up before, much less tried makeup.”_

  
  
  


_Mirroring the latter’s criss cross position from across, Jennie fished out the makeup in handfuls and carefully laid them out on the linen sheets. “That’s okay,” said Jennie as she picked up a familiar product, foundation, and held the bottle against Jisoo’s skin. It was a tad lighter than her shade unfortunately, but it wasn’t like she had many options when “borrowing” from her mom. Beggars can’t be choosers, so they say. “First time for everything.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo squared her shoulders as Jennie dabbed the brush into the powder, tapping the excess off with excessive focus, and edged closer to the older girl until their knees bumped._

  
  
  


_Poising the brush on Jisoo’s cheek, Jennie used the back of her free hand to tuck aside her bangs. “You have very clear skin.”_

  
  
  


_A bashful smile played on Jisoo’s lips as she leaned in slightly, flicking her locks over her shoulder and eyes fluttering shut. “Thanks, I try. Should I put my hair up?”_

  
  
  


_“No, I like you with your hair down.”_

  
  
  


_“Not like that, silly. To help you put on the makeup.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie froze, her pinky pinning a few strands of tendrils aside and the brush hovered over Jisoo’s nose. The older girl was peering through the small cracks of her eyelids, corners of her lips curled into a subtle smirk._

  
  
  


_“It’s fine. I can manage.” Jennie cleared her throat and refocused on brushing along her tall nose bridge. Maybe if she ignored the heat in her cheeks, it wouldn’t give away her flusterness, but it didn’t help when Jisoo’s unwavering gaze twinkled._

  
  
  


_“You like me with my hair down?”_

  
  
  


_“Hey, don’t take it too deep. You just have really nice hair.”_

  
  
  


_“Whatever you say.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie glared – all play, of course – that seemed to amuse Jisoo more than scare her, much to her dismay. She angled back to appraise her work, brushing a few patchy spots on her chin before nodding in satisfaction._

  
  
  


_“The foundation is a little lighter, since your skin is pretty tan,” Jennie said as she faced a hand mirror to Jisoo. “What do you think?”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh wow, it’s super light. I look like a ghost.”_

  
  
  


_“Is it bad?”_

  
  
  


_“No! It’s not bad. It’s good.” She waved her hands and laughed. “I just never – I’m probably the last person to ask about makeup. I think it’s good.”_

  
  
  


_“True.” Ears burning, Jennie placed down the mirror to rummage for another tool, not entirely sure what she was searching for in the midst of her turmoil, until her fingers wrapped around an eyeliner pencil._

  
  
  


_“Jendeuk, I’m serious. It’s good. You’re doing a great job so far!”_

  
  
  


_Jennie pouted, but her heart warmed with appreciation. “Says the person that just said she’d be the last person to talk about makeup.”_

  
  
  


_“Are my words not as valuable as a makeup expert?” Jisoo palmed her chest in faux hurt. “Must I get a professional makeup degree to make you believe me?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie smiled in response and lifted the pencil. “This is eyeliner. I have to apply it close to your eyes. Is that okay?”_

  
  
  


_“Of course,” said Jisoo, but when Jennie neared with the tip, she backed away and eyed her suspiciously. “You won’t poke my eye out, right?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie’s head fell back in laughter. “If you make me mad.”_

  
  
  


_Which was false, because she’d never hurt Jisoo, and unlikely, because Jisoo never made her mad._

  
  
  


_Jisoo debated for a moment before leaning in again. “I trust you, makeup artist Jennie Kim.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie’s hands were incredibly steady, the heel of her palm gently pressed on the older girl’s cheek and working from the inner corner of the eye. Jisoo shifted without warning and she immediately paused, afraid to draw astray and possibly poke her eye._

  
  
  


_“Stop moving, Jisoo.”_

  
  
  


_“I can’t help it. Your breathing tickles me.”_

  
  
  


_The comment prompted a realization of how close their faces were – so close Jennie could count her eyelashes – and Jennie leaned away with yet another pair of burning ears. At this rate, they’d be scorched red by the end of the day._

  
  
  


_Jisoo smiled and stretched her arms, yawning. “And my back hurts. Sitting on a desk all day is so tiring. Can I lay down?”_

  
  
  


_“Would that help you stay still?”_

  
  
  


_“I think so because I’m laying. I’ll take full responsibility if I can’t.”_

  
  
  


_“Alright.” Jennie scooted over to her side as Jisoo settled her head on the pillow. “You’re such an old grandma.”_

  
  
  


_“To be fair, anyone who sits at a desk for more than half a day would –”_

  
  
  


_“Shush. You’re moving too much.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo pouted, but obediently zipped her lips. Jennie was amused, to say the least. Her position was uncomfortable, having to crane to apply the eyeliner, so she adjusted herself: laying on her stomach, feet up, setting her elbows on either side of Jisoo’s head, and resting slightly on the girl’s chest. It alleviated pressure on her back and she moved her hair over her shoulder before continuing on the eyeliner._

  
  
  


_“You’re very pretty, Jennie.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie’s head snapped to the side to choke before swiveling back to an amused Jisoo. “Huh?”_

  
  
  


_“You’re pretty.” Jisoo enunciated every syllable. “Have you had a boyfriend yet? Or a girlfriend. Tomayto tomahto.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie’s face was crazy hot, enough to substitute the house’s heater. She stiffened any form of expression that could give away her panic – the only thing she couldn’t stiffen being her one-hundred-miles-per-hour palpitating heart that hopefully Jisoo wouldn’t feel or hear – and returned to the right eye, shaking her head. “Nope.”_

  
  
  


_“Sixteen, looking like that, and haven’t had your first kiss? That’s surprising.”_

  
  
  


_“Well – boys do like me. They asked me out, but I didn’t like them.”_

  
  
  


_“Even the handsome ones?”_

  
  
  


_“Even the handsome ones. Those were the most cocky, though.”_

  
  
  


_“What’s your ideal type?”_

  
  
  


_Inching away, Jennie appraised the eyeliner work. The wing was sharp, but not too thick nor too thin. It complimented Jisoo's doe eyes well – subtle, yet accentuated her natural beauty._

  
  
  


_“My ideal type?” Jennie mumbled, turning attention to the left eye. “I guess a nice personality.”_

  
  
  


_“That’s so vague. Tell me more.”_

  
  
  


_“I never had a real crush, so I don’t know.”_

  
  
  


_“Really? It could be anything, like anything that makes them more appealing – or tolerable, in your case. Just a little goes a long way.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie flicked the tip of the pencil as she shaped the wing. “Uhm, someone who's passionate, I suppose. Passionate and devoted to what they do, hardworking, all of that. I really like that.”_

  
  
  


_“Sexy or cute?”_

  
  
  


_“What kind of question is this?”_

  
  
  


_“It’s a typical question girls ask each other.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie rubbed her neck and chuckled in disbelief. Was she really having this conversation with Jisoo right now? “To be honest… sexy.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo’s laughter erupted, eyes upturned and Jennie jerked the pencil tip away to avoid skewing her work. “Wow! I didn’t expect that from you.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie punched her shoulder, frantically waving her heated face. “Hey! Don’t make fun of me.”_

  
  
  


_“I’m not, I swear! You’re the one who's making a big deal out of it.”_

  
  
  


_Rolling her eyes, Jennie poised the pencil above Jisoo’s eye and deadpanned, “I’ll poke your eye out.”_

  
  
  


_“Ah! No, please.”_

  
  
  


_Lighthearted chuckles ceased into comfortable silence as Jennie alternated between the two eyes to fix unevenness and disproportionality. The smile never left Jisoo’s lips._

  
  
  


_“Anything else?” Jisoo mumbled in an attempt to stay as still as possible._

  
  
  


_“Uhm, a funny person.”_

  
  
  


_“Someone that makes you laugh?”_

  
  
  


_“Yeah. Someone that makes me laugh without trying. They could do anything, or say anything, and it’d just be the funniest thing ever. A bit like –”_

  
  
  


_Jennie paused, throat catching the last word before it slipped, and locked with Jisoo’s curious gaze, searching her without showing forthright. From the soft glow of the bedside lamp, her dilated, brown eyes simmered – enough for the twinkling specks, but not enough to entirely boil over – and the air of the small gap between them heavied with such indescribable thickness that Jennie had to wet her lips out of sheer nervousness._

  
  
  


_“Like?”_

  
  
  


_Shaking her head, Jennie retreated, sitting back up and away from Jisoo’s face, and rummaged for another tool. “I don’t know.”_

  
  
  


_A hint of disappointment showed in Jisoo’s frown, but it was washed away just as quickly with a smile. “Can I see your work so far?”_

  
  
  


_“I’ll show you when I’m finished. I think it’ll look a lot better when I’m done with everything.”_

  
  
  


_“Okay.” Jisoo sat up as Jennie picked a tube of lipstick. “I expect to look like a sexy goddess.”_

  
  
  


_“You are –” Jennie began unconsciously as she uncapped the lipstick, but frowned at the choice of words. “You’re expecting a lot from a first timer.”_

  
  
  


_“Because I have full belief in you.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie smiled softly and hovered the tip of the lipstick above Jisoo’s rosy lips. “You’re ridiculous.”_

  
  
  


_“That’s my middle –”_

  
  
  


_“Shush, you’re moving too much again.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie meticulously traced the outline of Jisoo’s lips that resembled much of a heart. Unlike the eyeliner and foundation, her hands shook with the lipstick; either because Jisoo’s lips were her most favorite feature, or all the flusterness from before was accumulating into a big boulder crashing into her heart. Jisoo’s lips were parted, breaths just as light as Jennie’s and the thumb grazing over her plump bottom lip unknowingly. Much like Jennie, her thumb couldn’t remove itself from her lips, and when Jennie trailed up from her lips, to her nose, to her alluring eyes, the world stopped._

  
  
  


_The world stopped and it was only Jisoo; honestly, truly, completely, absolutely, always Jisoo._

  
  
  


_With two fingers, Jisoo skimmed over Jennie’s thumb, pressing the tips on her own lips and placed them on Jennie’s, a gesture that was a domino effect from her lips, to her head, to her heart, to her whole being. It all crashed, but it all clicked, and everything made sense._

  
  
  


_But Jennie didn’t want to ruin anything. She truly didn’t, but she had a streak of ruining things, and this was no exception because those damned words tumbled out anyway, and there was no way that she could take it back. She couldn’t take it back because it was written in the stars of her heart, so it tumbled._

  
  
  


_“I think I like you.”_


	8. first snow

No matter how many layers Jisoo had on, there was no winning against the cold that always managed to seep through the threads of her clothes. Shoulders squared against the shivers, she dashed up the metal stairwell behind the café, two tote bags of groceries in each hand and the wooden door of the apartment in her sight. 

  
  
  


Dropping the bags at her feet, she fished out her keys from her overcoat pocket, cursing under her breath as numb fingers fumbled for the right key of the chain of three. The door gave way with one turn and click and she exhaled in relief when the heater’s warmth washed over her.

  
  


With shoulders first to keep the gradually closing door open, she stumbled into the apartment, kicking off her sneakers on the way to the kitchen island and heaving the grocery bags on the tiled surface in one swift motion. She huffed, rubbing her palms together to entice warmth, before pausing upon the realization that the chatter in the room died down.

  
  
  


On the couch were two women looking at her: Chaeyoung – in an oversized knit sweater, high fuzzy socks, brown hair cascaded over her shoulders, and knees tucked to her chest – and another girl – sweats matched with her large hoodie, the hood over her short, wavy, ash brown banged hair that had Jisoo squinting to recognize the face.

  
  
  


“Lisa? Manoban?” Jisoo gasped as the model waved with a wide smile.

  
  
  


“Hi Jisoo!” Lisa chimed, the two girls hopping off the cushions and waltzing over. “Long time, no see.”

  
  
  


“When did you get here?”

  
  
  


“A few minutes after you left for groceries,” Chaeyoung said, peering into the bags as Lisa propped her elbows on the counter, endearing eyes following the latter. “I was surprised, too. I heard the doorbell, then I opened the door, and there she was all covered up with shades. I thought we were about to get robbed! Showed up totally unannounced, in the middle of the day, _and_ with her busy schedule? I wouldn’t have thought it was her.”

  
  
  


“I almost got hit!” Lisa added, the two girls sharing a laugh as Jisoo organized cans and containers in the bottom cupboard. “If I took my shades off a split second too late, I probably would’ve died. Thankfully I’m still in one piece. I decided to come by because, honestly, why not! I was bored.”

  
  
  


“We are _so_ graced with your presence.” Chaeyoung rolled her eyes, evoking a whine from Lisa, followed by another fit of giggles as Jisoo discarded the first bag she emptied to the floor.

  
  
  


“Oh, she is. You have _no_ idea,” Jisoo smirked, rummaging through the second bag. “If I had a thousand won for every time she talked about you –”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung’s jaw dropped, what would’ve been a flustered act of denial replaced by the chime of the doorbell. All heads perked to the door, and when another chime sang, it was Chaeyoung who bolted to the door with a quick, “I’ll get that!”

  
  
  


Chuckling softly, Lisa turned back to Jisoo and poked her arm into the third bag. “Do you need help? I’ll take these out for you.”

  
  
  


“It’s alright. I got it,” replied Jisoo, despite the latter proceeding to lay the groceries out on the countertop. She closed the cupboard with her foot, the appearance of Lisa resurfacing a question kept in the back of her mind since receiving the business card. Along with it was that nervousness everytime Jisoo thought about it, although the question wasn’t hard to ask. It was anxiety for something else: the inevitable.

  
  
  


Inevitable was what escaping this town was. It was bound to happen because – in truth – Jisoo did want to escape, to run away, but the mere notion churned her stomach, paired with headaches so stressful that she’s better off not thinking about it. But here Lisa was, and here was the question at the tip of her tongue.

  
  
  


She’d face it sooner or later. That was what inevitable meant.

  
  
  


“Hey, Lisa, about that offer two months ago…”

  
  
  


“Hmm? The offer from JYP?” The mention piqued Lisa’s interest, eyes flicking up. “Have you thought about it yet?”

  
  
  


“I’m still thinking about it. I was just wondering, since I’m not too thrilled about writing about celebrities my whole life, if I would have to – write about celebrities, that is.”

  
  
  


Lisa waved her hands, shaking her head. “Ah! No, not at all. They’re willing to support any of your works. It would be pretty boring to be restrained in what you write, so they’re totally opened to whatever you do. But, of course, you’d do the things they need from you, you know? They’re willing to take care of offers and connections and all that networking stuff.”

  
  
  


“Ah, I see.” Frankly, the information didn’t calm Jisoo down. Instead, it fueled the anxiety more because it made the offer ever more enticing to take. 

  
  
  


And that meant running away from this town. 

  
  
  


From Jennie.

  
  
  


“Have you talked to Chaeyoung about it yet?”

  
  
  


“No, to be honest.”

  
  
  


“Shouldn’t you? I mean, you live together and are really close friends. I’d figure you’d tell her by now.”

  
  
  


“Not yet,” Jisoo sighed, her nails tapping on a glass bottle of soy sauce. “Right now, I have a job to finish. I think I’ll make up my mind by then, and talk to her by then too.”

  
  
  


“Okay. I wish you the best of luck.”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled, the comment out of the blue. “What’s with the sentimentality?”

  
  
  


“When you said you had a job to do, you looked kind of down about it. Are you having a hard time? Clients could be the worst thing that’ll ever happen to you. I get it.”

  
  
  


The remark and Lisa’s comprehensive look took Jisoo aback. Was she really that easy to read? Like how Jennie said? She shook her head. “No, she’s –”

  
  
  


_She’s the best thing that’ll ever happen to me._

  
  
  


For a moment, Lisa regarded her meaningfully before patting the back of her hand. “You work so hard even when things are tough, huh? Respect!” she chimed, shooting a thumbs up and a toothless smile.

  
  
  


“What’s getting tough?” asked Chaeyoung, sauntering into the kitchen with a plastic basket of snacks in her arms. 

  
  
  


“We were just talking about Jisoo’s job,” said Lisa. “She’s such a hard worker.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung, who was unpacking the basket to inspect the content, froze and snapped to Jisoo with a taut expression. “Her job is getting tough?”

  
  
  


“It’s not a big deal,” Jisoo blurted to defuse the other’s rising assumptions. “Besides, is it okay for me to give up just because things got a little tough?”

  
  
  


The haste reassurance and meek chuckle were proven unsuccessful from the way Chaeyoung’s eyebrows stitched – her pensive eyes sending a clear _we’ll talk later_ – before averting toward Lisa, expression shifting from serious to bright like a light switch. Jisoo silently scoffed and returned to picking out the various sauces from the bag. The girl was talented indeed, singing and acting in her portfolio.

  
  
  


“The lady across the street kindly gifted this to us,” Chaeyoung chirped, spreading her arms over the plentiful bags of chips and other goodies. “How about we have a small movie night? Since Lisa is over?”

  
  
  


“That sounds fun! This would totally go well with soju.” Lisa shook a bag of dried shredded squid. “You guys have soju, right?”

  
  
  


“Of course.” Chaeyoung bobbed her head as Jisoo opened the fridge. “We always have –”

  
  
  


“There’s no more soju.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s comment left Chaeyoung’s mouth gaped mid sentence, the girl snapping to the shelf where the bottles would have resided, only to find it empty – save for a few boxes of milk – just like Jisoo said. “Ah, I think – I think I drank it all,” she giggled sheepishly, rubbing her neck. 

  
  
  


Lisa’s eyes widened. “All by yourself?”

  
  
  


“Have you tried soju and kimchi? It’s so good.” Chaeyoung’s eyes nervously darted between Lisa and Jisoo, both regarding her skeptically. _Soju? With kimchi? Out of all food?_ “I think I got carried away when you brought home the kimchi from your volunteering, Jisoo. It was so good!”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled and closed the fridge. “It’s okay. I’ll head to the convenience store real quick for a pack.”

  
  
  


“I’ll get it. I drank all of it, after all.”

  
  
  


“It’s really cold outside and I’m already dressed, so might as well. You and Lisa choose a movie. You’ve always been better at choosing movies than me.”

  
  
  


After a few minutes of Chaeyoung’s amusing antics – all insistence and apologetic looks – the younger girl succumbed, Lisa dragging her over to scour the box of VHS tapes tucked underneath the television stand. Slipping her sneakers on, Jisoo grimaced from the damp fabric before stepping out of the warmth apartment into the biting cold once again. A small sound of disgruntlement rumbled in her throat from the absence of warmth as she pulled closer the lapels of her coat to rekindle some of it.

  
  
  


Before Jisoo closed the door completely, Chaeyoung’s small sing-song voice wafted through the crack, saying something that piqued her interest and was mentally stored away as another reason to tease the younger girl later, before it was sealed with a click of the lock.

  
  
  


“Lisa, do you think we’ll see the first snow together _?_ ”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Four months until the wedding. 

  
  
  


Jennie wished that wasn’t the case, but alas, here she was going through the ever growing guest list (that seemed to have grown tenfold since the last time she’d seen it) for the wedding four months away. 

  
  
  


Sat beside her at her desk was Joohyun, reading off the guest names of the registry book lit bright by the desk lamp as Jennie, spectacles perched on her nose, signed away at meaningless stacks of documents whose words she really couldn’t care to read. Only the lines at the bottom were deemed relevant because that’s where she signed her signature.

  
  
  


“... Ji Chang Wook, Jo In Sung, Jun Ji Hyun, Jung Hae In…”

  
  
  


_We’re only on the J’s? Seriously?_ Jennie sighed as her ballpoint pen absently scratched the parchment, propping her temple on her knuckles. At least she was fortunate enough for Joohyun’s help to go through the list, although it was inevitably useless, considering Jennie _really_ didn’t care about a damn name on that list and all she had to do was approve their attendance. Not only that, but if she _were_ to disprove, her parents always overridden her judgement anyway.

  
  
  


“... Kim Bum, Kim Hee Sun, Kim Ji Soo, Kim Ji Soo, Kim Ji Soo, Kim Ji Soo…”

  
  
  


“Kim Jisoo?” The tip of Jennie’s pen paused in the midst of her signature as her head snapped to Joohyun, who jumped from the sudden remark. “Why are there four Kim Jisoos?”

  
  
  


“One is an actress,” Joohyun scrutinized the book, finger tracing along the column, “another is a singer, the other is an actor, and the last one is the writer – the one writing your biography.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s grip tightened around the pen. _Jisoo is invited to the wedding? Would she even go? Oh god, and I’m marrying Jongin…_ The pen clattered on the wood along with her spectacles as her palms pressed on her strained eyes. _Will she be offended? Will it… hurt her? But I can’t disprove her, or else it would be suspicious, right? Why would I disprove my writer?_

  
  
  


The endless waves of thoughts and worries crashed after one another until her stomach churned, nausea rising along with a familiar headache that seemed to make itself her companion for the past few months. Joohyun’s silence was patient as Jennie deeply inhaled and exhaled.

  
  
  


_She’d be invited anyway. There’s really no point in stressing over such a thing. Things like that can’t be helped._

  
  
  


“Okay,” Jennie puffed and jogged the signed documents into a neat stack, flitting a blind eye to the unfinished stack much bigger than the finished ones. “I think that’s enough for today. We’ll continue another day.”

  
  
  


Joohyun gave a knowing nod, closing the registry book and organizing all the papers littered across the desk as Jennie yawned and stretched, her stiff muscles cracking in appreciation. The large window of her room framed a cloudy day, the gray hue of the outside bleeding onto her floorboards. It looked like winter, and it looked depressing – but it didn’t have to be winter for the world to be depressing. Depression lingered year round in all the seasons, especially spring. 

  
  
  


Or maybe that was just Jennie because, too many other people, spring brought happiness. Happiness, liveliness, new beginnings.

  
  
  


Yeah, maybe it was just her.

  
  
  


“I’m really burnt out, Joohyun,” Jennie confessed, assisting Joohyun with clearing away her pens and remaining papers. “Is it fine if I can take a walk?”

  
  
  


There was really no need to ask because, regardless of the older girl’s answer, she meant to do it anyway. Joohyun merely hummed as Jennie was halfway to her closet, sifting through her various hung jackets. From the window, it seemed that the weather outside was freezing – and with the absence of breeze, most likely dry – so she settled for a simple trench coat over her sweater, snug pants, and a black knit stocking cap.

  
  
  


“I’ll be back before dinner,” Jennie said with leather boots in her hand, Joohyun’s response unheard as she hurried toward the front door. Luckily, there were no maids in sight upon reaching the door that would no doubt have questions that’d irk her more. 

  
  
  


The cold smacked her face with a force equal to a train, paralyzing her in place momentarily before she closed the door behind her, blinking away the dryness and wetting her lips. It was hard to tell the time of day with no vision of the sun, but it was bright enough to deduct it as at least mid day. Although the air was dry, anywhere was better than the suffocating house, so Jennie breathed it all in with her hands shoved into her pockets as her feet went along their way out the gate and down the sloped neighborhood.

  
  
  


It started out a dubious idea – just walking and walking and letting her feet take her to wherever, like that night she followed the stars. This time, there were no stars to follow, only a landscape canvas of a gray sea, but her feet moved nevertheless with the fervor of an invisible string tugging her gut along at every corner, twist, and turn. In that way, it should be no different from a car, but the way the subtle breeze kissed her skin and the way twenty nine pebbles were counted as she challenged herself to dance around the assorted cracks on the sidewalk made everything a little realer. 

  
  
  


Just a little.

  
  
  


Now it was a habit – almost a lifestyle – to anticipate and scrutinize the world – and unconsciously so, with the melancholic resonation of that husky voice speaking her wise words like the wise person she was.

  
  
  


_So that’s why taking walks is better._ The corners of Jennie’s lips tugged, her nimble feet slowing to a stop as the tug lessened and lessened. The invisible string had fallen flat, the end of it coiled in front of a familiar corner convenience store; familiar with its few tables and stools lined along the outside, the ice cream container with a chipped poster of flavors beside the door, and the ghostly soft touch of a white flake on the tip of her nose. 

  
  
  


Through the window was the cashier – a young girl (a part-timer from the looks of her) with her black ponytail over her visor. She had set her book down as someone arrived at the counter, heaving a box of soju on. Numbness seized Jennie’s body as the customer faced the window, patting her pockets for – presumably – her wallet, and it was hard to mistake her. Hard to mistaken that sun-kissed skin, the dark fringe-framed locks, and the heart-shaped smile flashed when she handed won to the cashier, chattering small talk from the way she bobbed her head politely.

  
  
  


_Of course._ Jennie heaved a sigh, eyes dropping to her feet. _I always seem to find my way to Jisoo._

  
  
  


Everything about Jisoo was natural. It was a known fact – but to the point where her mind couldn’t deviate from the girl, and now with her feet spontaneously finding their way to her, it’s so natural that it’s _unnatural_. Unnatural, the way there had yet been a passing day that Jisoo wasn’t on her mind, the way Jisoo occupied every corner of her world, the way Jennie should turn around and walk back home, but stayed rooted because of the want to see Jisoo overpowered the hurt.

  
  
  


All of it was unnatural – all of it symptoms of a special type of sickness.

  
  
  


Lovesickness.

  
  
  


The storebell jingled, Jisoo exchanging a few bows to the cashier as she dashed out. Jennie’s eyes flitted to a black item falling from her pocket at the doorway, unbeknown to the girl heaving the soju pack on a nearby table and patting her overcoat. 

  
  
  


_Clumsy._ Clicking her tongue, Jennie picked up the wallet while Jisoo’s head swiveled around and under frantically. Jisoo or not, it was common courtesy to help, so Jennie tapped her shoulder, prompting the latter to jump a few inches off the ground.

  
  
  


“Jennie!” Jisoo squeaked, palming her chest from the fright.

  
  
  


“You dropped your wallet,” mumbled Jennie, timidly holding the leather wallet out.

  
  
  


“Thank you. I was just trying to find it,” she chuckled, graciously taking it. “Why are you out and about in this weather? You get sick easily.”

  
  
  


“I was just walking.” Jennie paused. Would it be weird to admit coincidence? It _was_ a coincidence, but with Jisoo, nothing seemed to be coincidental. It seemed almost fated, the way all paths led to her, but obviously she wasn’t going to say that. That’s just sappy. “I don’t know, but I just happened to walk by here and saw you drop your wallet.”

  
  
  


“Thank goodness. If you hadn’t walked by, then I would’ve lost my wallet.”

  
  
  


The lighthearted laugh quickly ebbed into awkward silence as they exchanged awkward smiles, swaying and rocking at the balls of their feet. _Fuck, this is so awkward._ Jennie bit the inside of her cheek, heat rushing up her face while Jisoo rubbed the nape of her neck. _Fuck, I knew this was a bad idea. Abort abort abort._

  
  
  


Both lips parted simultaneously, the words clashing together in a tangled lingo. 

  
  
  


“I think I’ll go now –”

  
  
  


“– have a drink with me.”

  
  
  


“A drink?” Jennie’s eyebrows shot up.

  
  
  


Jisoo flashed a toothless smile, patting the pack under her elbow. “Yep.”

  
  
  


“But you just bought that.”

  
  
  


“It’s fine. It’s for a movie night with Chaeyoung and her friend. They wouldn’t notice two missing bottles. I mean, heck, Chaeyoung burns through a pack, so it wouldn’t matter all that much. She’s not an alcoholic, though, by the way,” she hastily added at the end.

  
  
  


Jennie hesitated, but sat down on the plastic stool anyway as Jisoo took a seat on the one across. She opened the flap of the box and slipped out two jade bottles, sliding one to Jennie. “Do you know how to open a soju bottle?”

  
  
  


“Not really. I’ve never drank soju before.”

  
  
  


“Right, rich kid, with all your wines and champagnes.” Jisoo’s lips quirked, poising the bottle sideways in front of her: one hand wrapped around the cap and the other splayed at the body. “You hold it here and here, and then you twist!”

  
  
  


In one fluid motion – so fast Jennie wasn’t able to register it – the cap popped open and Jisoo triumphantly exhibited the opened bottle of soju, “And that’s how it’s done.”

  
  
  


“I did not get any of that,” Jennie deadpanned, her own bottle tentatively rolling between her palms.

  
  
  


Jisoo reached over the table, hands briefly pausing over Jennie’s hands whose breath hitched, before tapping the cap. “Hold the cap tight, and then the body. No, that’s too low – oh right, you have small hands.” They giggled softly as Jisoo’s fingers guided Jennie’s fingers, positioning them accordingly along the bottle, all previous awkwardness washed away with the focus on the bottle. “Here, and you have to twist your arms like this, and it should pop open.”

  
  
  


Jennie froze, unsure how to initiate the procedure with her arms in such a cumbersome style. She casted an uncertain look at Jisoo, the girl nodding in encouragement, as she wiggled the bottle. “Like this?”

  
  
  


“Yeah and just twist.”

  
  
  


Jennie pressed her lips in a thin line and, with a grunt, exerted as much strength into twisting the bottle, only for the cap to not budge. Flailing her hand pricked by the friction of the cap, Jennie sucked in between her teeth, “My hands are cold, so it’s harder to hold it. That was a test run.”

  
  
  


Jisoo watched, amused, with her chin on her palm as Jennie tried again. She exhaled and rubbed warm air between her hands before positioning them once again. Breathing deeply and squaring her shoulders, Jennie clenched her teeth and twisted.

  
  
  


It didn’t budge.

  
  
  


“I think I’ll just do it for you.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s cheeks burned, defeated, as she handed it to Jisoo who, of course, opened it like a professional. 

  
  
  


“It’s okay. It’s not easy the first time,” Jisoo reassured, laughing at Jennie’s pout. “If you kept trying now, we’d freeze to death before you’d get it opened. Maybe next time.”

  
  
  


_Next time?_ Jisoo seemed to have caught her mistake, demeanor stiffened and poorly masked with the sip of her soju. Jennie frowned, but wordlessly sipped, too. The sweet taste was foreign to her tongue, very different from the drinks at formal parties, with an almost authentic texture. It was good, though, so she took another sip, letting it roll on her tongue. _Although, a next time doesn’t sound so bad…_

  
  
  


“What movie are you watching?” asked Jennie.

  
  
  


“I don’t know. They’re picking it right now, I think. Your cheek looks better.”

  
  
  


“Yeah. Ointment did the trick,” Jennie hummed and nodded, eyes sweeping around the street. Considering it was settled within a small road of apartment complexes, it wasn’t surprising that the area was empty and quiet. Empty and quiet, but in a serene way, the world asleep and Jennie and Jisoo in their own small space at this small table at this small convenience store. It was strange, the way Jisoo lingered everywhere – even in this elusive spot – the mere notion of her resurfacing all the space and memories they once shared, phantoms of all of what they used to be.

  
  
  


Strange, scary – but nice, if an aching heart was anywhere near nice. Much better than a broken heart in retrospect.

  
  
  


Jennie’s eyes flitted to Jisoo, who was staring off into the distance and taking occasional sips before her eyes slid to meet Jennie’s gaze. Against Jisoo’s dark hair was a white speck, hanging on the strands framing her face.

  
  
  


“There’s something on your hair,” Jennie said, her hand with a mind of its own when it reached over to pluck it off. “Here, let me get –”

  
  
  


But when she plucked it off, the speck crumbling into nothingness between her fingers, another drifted down, settling itself on the tip of Jisoo’s fringe. Then, another, and another, and another. Beautiful snowflakes were sprinkling down and Jennie could only stare into Jisoo’s eyes, hand hovered over her cheek, as the flakes reflected off that twinkling hazel brown hue, almost golden against the world’s gray palette.

  
  
  


“It’s snowing,” Jisoo breathed, eyes yet to tear away, a gravitational pull keeping them locked and Jennie deep.

  
  
  


_No shit,_ Jennie wanted to say, but instead, her hand retracted from Jisoo’s soft hair and she merely nodded. “It is.”

  
  
  


“It’s the first snow.”

  
  
  


“It is.”

  
  
  


Jisoo smiled. “Do you know what they say about the first snow?”

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


“If people see the first snow together, true love will blossom between them and they’ll stay together forever.” Jisoo tilted her head back to the sky, her jawline sharp as she breathed in the air – no longer dry, but crisp and fresh and vanilla. It was hard to turn away, to look at anywhere but Jisoo, because at the moment, the girl never looked more angelic. 

  
  
  


Even in the depressing, bleak winter, Jisoo diminished the grayness with color and _liveliness_ – so much _liveliness_ – and all Jennie could do was sip the sweet liquid to ease the heartache. Snowflakes scattered around them – drifting away little by little, but lingering in their space, be it around their feet, on the table, on the girl’s coat, or in the air – never landing in their endless descent.

  
  
  


Lingering and never going away was the snow. The snow held on, even though it crumbled away so easily with a pinch of two fingers. So delicate, yet it held on.

  
  
  


“So they say.”

  
  
  


Jisoo turned to Jennie with a wistful smile, pointing the tip of her bottle toward Jennie, to which they clinked glasses.

  
  
  


“So they say.”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


_It was so cold it hurt. Jennie’s fingers were numb despite the thick winter gloves, and her scarf did little for her frozen face that was half buried into its wool. She was a walking marshmallow from the amount of clothes she had on, but it still couldn’t beat the cold, so she endured and marched on._

  
  
  


_But where was she going? She had ran away from her chauffeur once again, and she didn’t want to go to the library nor the park, anywhere that she might bump into Jisoo who’d she’d been avoiding for the past week._

  
  
  


_Speaking of Jisoo…_

  
  
  


_Jennie groaned, the memory of that day flaming her cheeks and resurfacing a headache._

  
  
  


_“Why did you have to say that?” she sighed to herself, slapping her forehead. “You ruin everything, Jennie.”_

  
  


_Her feet turned a corner, into a small road veering off the street. The apartment complexes were tall, the pavement cracked and, nuzzled between such tall buildings, was a small corner convenience store with a few tables and stools lined along the outside._

  
  
  


_“Should I get some ice cream?” Jennie pondered at the sight of the ice cream container situated outside the doorway, the poster advertising a variety of flavors, including milk flavor. She licked her lips at the thought. Albeit the cold, milk-flavored ice cream was rather hard to pass._

  
  
  


_“Jennie!”_

  
  
  


_The husky voice seized all Jennie’s muscles, heart thumping as her head whipped over her shoulder to see the girl she’d been avoiding bounding over – more of a full sprint from the way her bangs flew off her forehead. “Jennie!” she shouted again._

  
  
  


_Jennie dipped her head and forced her feet to move, but Jisoo jumped in front of her tracks – all flurry of dark hair, sun-kissed skin, and breathless breaths through pale lips._

  
  
  


_“We need to talk.”_

  
  
  


_“No.” Jennie shook her head, averting from Jisoo’s gaze. “It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said that. You think I’m weird, huh?”_

  
  
  


_“That’s not –”_

  
  
  


_“No, really. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that and now I ruined everything between us.”_

  
  
  


_“Ruined? What are you talking about –”_

  
  
  


_“It’s wrong of me,” Jennie blurted, all of whatever thoughts built up from last week spilling out her mouth in a jumble of words and raw emotion. “It’s wrong because I’m not supposed to think of you like this. You’re my friend, my closest friend, and it feels wrong – all these feelings feel wrong.” She paused, taking a painful breath as her throat thickened. “How can I think of you as a friend when I want to hold your hand, or hug, or lay together – all of which are probably normal for friends – but what’s not normal is that my heart beats. It beats really fast for you whenever we do those things.” Her eyes squeezed shut, unable to bear the sight of the latter. “It was a mistake because I shouldn’t – I shouldn’t feel this way. But I can’t help but feel this way when all I want to do is look at you, you and your stupid pretty face – your stupid pretty eyes – and your stupid pretty lips – even when you’re saying stupid things because you’re Kim Jisoo. That’s why it was a mistake because I ruined us and you’re weirded out by me.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie peeked out the crack of her eyelids, surprised to find Jisoo still standing in front of her, even more surprised when those favorite heart-shaped lips tugged into a lopsided grin that only enticed her confusion and agitation further._

  
  
  


_“Why are you –”_

  
  
  


_But those favorite pair of lips kissed her._

  
  
  


_It was awkward, it was clumsy, it wasn’t the typical first kiss written in romance novels. It wasn’t dramatic, it wasn’t cliché, it’s what’s expected from two inexperienced kids._

  
  
  


_But Jennie exploded all the same, all the corny feelings found in those romance novels – butterflies, sparks, fireworks – exploded, all that and more. Even if their teeth clashed and their lips ungracefully mushed together, the warmth – over its boiling point – pumped her engine of a heart into overdrive that dispelled all initial harsh coldness. Even if it was only for a split second and Jennie couldn’t register the taste and feel of Jisoo’s lips before she pulled away with an equally flushed face, it took her breath away. Precipitation of winter air cut through the silence between them as they stared into each other, both dumbstruck and speechless and blushing like mad._

  
  
  


_The first snowflake wafted down, slow with all the time in the world and blinding white on Jisoo’s dark hair. The second snowflake followed, the soft cold sensitive on the tip of Jennie’s heated nose. Then, came the third – then, the fourth – then, a gentle sprinkle of snow, steady and feather light as it spotted Jisoo’s fleece coat, dancing and drifting around them._

  
  
  


_And when Jennie thought her heart couldn’t burst more, the words Jisoo spoke sent it over the edge._

  
  
  


_“I think I like you too.”_

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Christmas spirit flowed through all Seungwan’s house; from the over the top decorations of garlands strung along the walls and stairwell, wreaths above every cased opening and fireplace, an assortment of reindeers and snowmen on every surface of furniture, and swags on the doors to the jolly music from the radio, scented candles, and cozy warmth in every room. 

  
  
  


The girls often hosted holiday parties at Seungwan’s house because it was much bigger than all of their compact apartments (and had cool decorations), and this year was no exception. Sooyoung and Yeri were in the kitchen, most likely bothering Chaeyoung and Seungwan, and Nayeon and Seulgi sat on armchairs by the fireplace, drinking wine over soft chatter. The house was warm, a mix of fire and cinnamon, that starkly contrasted the heavy snowstorm outside, the flakes quick and miniscule against the night as they coated the world in white.

  
  
  


Jisoo, sat on the cushions of the bay window with knees tucked to her sweatered chest, fiddled with her pager in one hand with a wine glass in the other. An internal debate was at the tip of her fingertips that punched the buttons of the pager every so often, only to delete the message and return to fiddling. She sighed and sipped her wine as the battering of the snow fell in rhythm to the radio’s cheery music.

  
  
  


Even amidst all the jolly Christmas joy, Jisoo couldn’t enjoy it. The moment around her ebbed irrelevant in the front of the storm, the storm much like her endless thoughts about a certain girl.

  
  
  


No, she wasn’t usually this melancholic at gatherings with her friends. Most of the time, she’s buoyant and spirited, joining in all of her friends’ antics and drinking the night away. But much like this snowstorm that, according to the news, was the first heavy snowstorm in a decade, her melancholy came unwonted.

  
  
  


_What’s Jennie up to? Is she well? Has she eaten yet? Is she eating with her family right now? Is she cold? Is she lonely? Is she looking at the same snow?_

  
  
  


Another heavy sigh escaped Jisoo’s lips as someone approached her, moving some of the pillows before sitting crisscrossed beside her.

  
  
  


“Penny for your thoughts?” asked Seulgi, craning into Jisoo’s peripheral view. “You’re sighing a lot these days.”

  
  
  


“Nothing much.”

  
  
  


“Are you messaging someone?” She nudged her chin to the pager, blank and idle between Jisoo’s fingers.

  
  
  


“Maybe. I don’t know if I should wish them a merry christmas or not.”

  
  
  


“Why not? It wouldn’t hurt.”

  
  
  


Jisoo sucked in between her teeth, eyes averting from the window to the other’s inquisitive gaze. “It’s not that simple, Seulgi.”

  
  
  


Seulgi scoffed, “You’re weird.”

  
  
  


“What? Why?”

  
  
  


“You keep saying the most simple things aren’t that simple. You’re not an overthinker from what I’ve known. You always went with the flow.”

  
  
  


“I’m not.”

  
  
  


“Then, what’s the problem?” Seulgi spun the stem of her wine glass. “The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in the person’s determination. If you keep thinking things aren’t simple – which, I think, makes you think it’s impossible – you’re really not going to get anything done. And you’re one to always get things done. That being said, just send it.”

  
  
  


“I don’t know –”

  
  
  


“Who’s the person anyway? They must be special if they’re giving you such a hard time. An ex-boyfriend?”

  
  
  


Jisoo grimaced, eyes flitting from Seulgi to her fuzzy socks that were a gift from Nayeon from their game of Secret Santa. “Actually, it’s a girl.”

  
  
  


Seulgi’s wine glass stilled. “An ex-friend, then?”

  
  
  


To be clear, Seulgi wasn’t one to hold things such as sexuality against people. She was open-minded about a lot of things deemed controversial in Korea (she’s nonchalant like that) so there was really no harm in telling Seulgi the truth about Jennie. But Jisoo was conserved about it, and she wasn’t in the mood to confess such a thing, so she merely nodded along. “Yeah. An ex-friend.”

  
  
  


“Are you guys on bad terms?”

  
  
  


“Not really. It’s kind of complicated.”

  
  
  


“What’s complicated about it?”

  
  
  


_It hurts._ The angsty words almost rolled off her tongue from the pungent taste of the wine, but they were caught at the tip just in time. All her thoughts were too angsty and, if spoken, were bound to sour the Christmas spirit, so they were washed down with another sip. “I’m just not sure if it’s okay to talk to her.”

  
  
  


“I think this is the perfect opportunity to mend a friendship. There’s literally no harm in wishing a merry christmas. What would she do, curse you out for wishing her such a thing? What if she wants to do the same? You miss every shot you don’t take. You’re Jisoo, you’ll be okay.”

  
  
  


Jisoo frowned, lips pressed in a thin line at the pager in her hand as the older girl’s words resonated in her head. Resonating, but her thoughts remained unchanged and uncertain. After a moment of silence, Seulgi heaved an exasperated sigh and plucked the device right off her palm.

  
  
  


“Hey!” Jisoo protested. despite the lack of attempt to grab it back. Seulgi thumbed the buttons hurriedly, and in a second, she exhibited the screen displaying a _Merry Christmas_.

  
  
  


“Now all you have to do is type in her number. I did the hard stuff for you, right? Typing in merry christmas?”

  
  
  


The corners of Jisoo’s lips tugged at Seulgi’s gesture, the older girl with a small smirk and wiggling the pager encouragingly. Shaking her head with a soft chuckle, Jisoo took it, making sure to shoot Seulgi a playful glare. “Alright.”

  
  
  


Seulgi earnestly watched over Jisoo’s shoulder as she typed in the number, her thumb hovering over the green button in brief hesitation as she worried her lip.

  
  
  


_Fuck it._

  
  
  


The green button was pressed and the message was sent. Jisoo exhaled, the weight of the internal debate over this simple act lifting off her chest, and Seulgi patted her shoulder proudly.

  
  
  


“Let’s go back to the rest,” said Seulgi. “They’re pulling out the dessert.”

  
  
  


Jisoo smiled and shook her head. “I’ll join later. I want to watch the snow for a little bit longer, if that’s alright.”

  
  
  


“Yeah, no problem.” Seulgi crawled off the cushions and stretched her arms, releasing a noisy yawn. “I can’t guarantee you any dessert though, because Chaeyoung and I won’t hold back.”

  
  
  


“Hey! There better be at least some cakes left. The ones with the sweet red bean paste.”

  
  
  


Laughing, Seulgi walked away, shouting over her shoulder, “No guarantee!”

  
  
  


Once Seulgi turned into the rowdy kitchen – the girls doing god knew what in there – Jisoo returned to the window. Albeit the relentless storm, there was a strange sort of peace within it. She was inside and the storm was outside, with only this layer of glass separating them.

  
  
  


_Is it that easy?_ Jisoo made to take another sip, but her glass was empty, much to her dismay. She set the glass down by her side and wrapped her arms around her knees, the pager clenched tightly in her palm. _Am I just thinking too hard about all of it? Am I giving myself a hard time?_

  
  
  


_Is Jennie having a hard time like me? Is what I’m doing for the worst instead of the better? Is this right? Was sending that right? Was that why she freaked a few weeks ago at the elderly home? From all these things I’m doing? Am I confusing her? Fuck, what am I doing._ _What am I doing, what am I doing, what am I doing._

  
  
  


Jisoo squeezed her eyes shut and rested her forehead on her knees. She didn’t overthink much, but only about Jennie would she overthink. Thoughts, feelings, and worries about Jennie a running train, accompanied by that constant, sickening ache.

  
  
  


It wasn’t that easy. 

  
  
  


But that was okay. 

  
  
  


Like this snowstorm, things pass. Even if it came back the next decade, it’d pass once again. This snowstorm would pass eventually, so Jisoo watched it cover the world in white fluff that was fated to melt in the upcoming spring.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


In the foyer was a grand Christmas tree, donned head to toe in wreaths, bulbs, ornaments, lights, and an angel on the peak with a touch of fake snow and a red rug ringing the base. With a height reaching the balcony of the staircase, it was practically every child’s Christmas dream to wake up to, typically with a mound of presents at the bottom.

  
  
  


Unfortunately, there were no mound of presents in sight, nor was it Jennie’s Christmas dream to wake up to. As a matter of fact, she disdained everything about the holiday and its fake, joyous spirit, so she hardly gave the obnoxious attraction a glance and proceeded toward the dining room, a small gift box in hand. It was an obligatory present for Jongin – a request-but-not-a-request from her mother – and who was Jennie but not a dutiful daughter? Hence, here she was with the gift, walking in fashionably late to the Christmas family dinner that wasn’t any different from the other dinners. 

  
  
  


Sat in their usual seating arrangement were her family and Jongin’s family, all dressed up with a grand feast laid before them, an array of foods such as bulgogi, side dishes like kimchi, a golden roasted turkey, and dessert including a plate of rice cakes decorated with fruit and more. Frankly, it looked as delicious as it smelled.

  
  
  


And, as always, her father had something to comment.

  
  
  


“We’re glad you could make it, even if it’s eventually,” her father quipped after Jennie bowed to Jongin’s family, smoothening her red velvet dress and taking her seat beside Taehyung, whose hair seemed to grow in length and was as bored as ever. “At least it was before the turkey got cold.”

  
  
  


Jennie forced a smile. “I try my best.”

  
  
  


His nostrils flared for a split second before he chuckled, the other adults joining in as he raised his wine glass. “Anyway, it’s so spirited with everyone here celebrating Christmas for the first time as a future family. Cheers to the Kims and the future of YG Times and SM Post.”

  
  
  


Everyone raised their glasses, chanting after him (the older adults more enthusiastic than the younger ones) before diving into the meal. Jongin crooked a kind smile to Jennie which she strained to return out of courtesy. 

  
  
  


Much like other dinners, tonight was uneventful with the usual adult chatter, Jongin’s awkward glances, spaced out Taehyung, and Jennie’s lack of appetite. She managed to down some bulgogi, but the other foods – although appetizing – left a bad taste in her mouth. After a few reluctant bites of rice cake, she set her fork and knife down for the better and drank water for the rest of dinner.

  
  
  


It was okay. She wasn’t hungry anyway.

  
  
  


Per usual, after the dinner was over, Taehyung beelined to his room and Jennie and Jongin stood by the Christmas tree, holding their presents for the other.

  
  
  


“You look beautiful tonight,” said Jongin, scratching the back of his neck.

  
  
  


“Thank you. You look handsome, too,” Jennie replied monotonously, unimpressed by the compliment. “I got a present for you.”

  
  
  


Jongin took the gift graciously, eyes twinkling and lips curled as he unwrapped the paper, revealing a sleek, leather box. Upon opening it was a beautiful, golden watch – twenty four carat, to be exact – nestled in the black fabric. Jongin beamed perfect rows of teeth, eyes lighting up.

  
  
  


“Wow, this is amazing! Thank you.”

  
  
  


“You’re welcome.”

  
  
  


He tucked the box under his arm and handed Jennie his gift, most likely a jewelry box from the size and dimensions. “I got a present for you, too.”

  
  
  


Under the wrapping was a faux leather black box, and within it was a diamond necklace with small, sparkling diamonds all around. It must’ve cost a fortune from the looks of it.

  
  
  


“It’s beautiful.” 

  
  
  


“That’s good. I mean –” Jongin chuckled nervously. “– I’m not that good at picking out accessories. My mother helped me with it, so I’m glad you like it.” He cleared his throat. “Can I put it on you? If that’s okay?”

  
  
  


“Uhm, sure.”

  
  
  


Bundling her hair up into a tail to expose her neck, Jennie turned around as Jongin gingerly took the necklace out the box. His hand briefly brushed the nape as he rounded from the front to the back, the diamond cold on her skin. 

  
  
  


“Thank you,” Jennie muttered. “Get home safe. It’s snowing a lot.”

  
  
  


“Will do,” Jongin smiled, shooting a small salute. “See you around.”

  
  
  


Jongin’s family left, the mansion ebbed into its usual eerie emptiness, and the uncomfortable comfort of her bedroom greeted Jennie once again. The curtains of her window were pulled back, displaying the night’s heavy snowstorm, when she rummaged through her drawer for her scrapbook. 

  
  
  


It was one of those nights, those nights where that frequent sentimentality gnawed at her heart and her scrapbook was the only sedative. Sitting in front of the window, tucking her knees to her chest, and setting the book in front of her feet, Jennie opened it, fingers aimlessly letting the pages fly until it landed on a random page – a random page the same as the many other pages. 

  
  
  


It was three polaroids, arrayed in a straight horizontal line: Jisoo adorned in a fluffy scarf and a fleece coat, with a bright eye smile and a peace sign; Jisoo’s back profile in a casual walk down the street, the action of turning over her shoulder captured with the tip of her nose peeking out her flying hair; Jisoo’s side profile, the girl’s chin tilted up as she admired the Christmas bulbs of a tree, all twinkling eyes and glowing complexion.

  
  
  


_What’s Jisoo up to? Is she well? Has she eaten yet? Is she celebrating with her friends right now? Is she warm? Is she having fun? Is she looking at the same snow?_

  
  
  


She sighed and shook her head. _No, she wouldn’t be looking at the same snow, because she would be having fun with her friends. She wouldn’t be, right? Of course she wouldn't be._

  
  
  


A tiny beep sounded from her desk, snapping Jennie out her reverie. Her arm stretched up and over to the wooden surface, hand blindly searching for the device and fingers itching the pager closer once there was a feel for it. Huffing with the pager finally in her hand, the dim light of outside’s street lamps and garden decor pronounced the message clearer.

  
  
  


_Merry Christmas - J_

  
  
  


Her heart stopped, then it beated, then it warmed. Jennie read the message thrice over, the corners of her lips tugging into a small smile as the message inked itself into her mind. Two words. It was just two words, but it was worth more than a million diamond necklaces.

  
  
  


_Merry Christmas,_ Jennie typed, thumbing the send button with no hesitation. The screen blanked and she was left in her room once again with the remnants of Jisoo in front of her.

  
  
  


It was lonely. This Christmas, like the seven previous ones, was lonely.

  
  
  


But it was a little less lonely, a little less chaotic, as the flurry of snow blurred and caked everything in its pure white. Relentless, stormy, rapid – but peaceful. However strange it was, it was peaceful because Jisoo was watching the same storm.

  
  
  


That was enough to comfort Jennie.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


_“I think I like you too.”_

  
  
  


_Snowflakes wafted around and between them, a blanket of soft swirls of flecks. Between the stillness of the street and the sedated drift, the world slowed down – as slow as Jennie’s mind trying to process Jisoo’s words._

  
  
  


_“What?”_

  
  
  


_“I think I like you,” Jisoo said. “Actually, I like you. I don’t think I like you because I know I do. I do like you, Jennie Kim. I like you. I like you a lot. I like your hair and I like your eyes and I like your cute smile and I like the way your nose scrunches up when I tease you and I like the way my hand fits in yours and I like your laugh and I like your hugs and I like everything you say. I like everything about you.” She paused, taking a deep breath from lack of air, before smiling. “I like you, Jennie.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie had plenty of love confessions from schoolboys, typically partnered with flowers and their group of friends cheering them on from around the corner. They were all empty, though. Empty bouquets of infatuation and empty promises of love. But those schoolboys never struck like Jisoo because all of it was full – all those words full, raw, and sincere because Jisoo never held anything back._

  
  


_Yeah, it was scary, but in the moment, Jennie couldn’t care less._

  
  
  


_Because she was happy._

  
  
  


_“Me too – like you too, I mean,” Jennie blurted. “I know I already said it, but I like you a lot, too, Jisoo. And –” she cleared her throat, “– that was my first kiss.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo’s eyebrows shot up and her mouth gaped. “Oh! I should’ve planned this out better. That wasn’t romantic at all, huh? It played out differently in my head…”_

  
  
  


_“No, it’s okay! Things like this aren’t usually planned out exactly, I think.”_

  
  
  


_They simultaneously dipped their chins, giggling as the snow collected around their sneakers. It was lame – so lame – and Jennie mentally slapped herself for such a lame confession and such a lame reaction, but Jisoo didn’t seem to mind. The girl didn’t mind a lot of things, one of the many things Jennie was grateful for because currently, she was dying from embarrassment._

  
  
  


_“Can – can I kiss you again?” asked Jisoo. “Redo your first kiss all over? I swear I’ll do it better.”_

  
  
  


_“Ah, yeah, sure, yes,” Jennie stammered, gulping nervously. “I don’t know how to kiss, though.”_

  
  
  


_“Me neither,” Jisoo laughed. “First time for everything, right? Well, second time, but since we’re redoing it, then first time. I wung the first time, which was probably why it was bad, but I’m ready now.” She shut her mouth, catching on that she was rambling, before exhaling steadily. “Just close your eyes. Trust me?”_

  
  
  


_“Yeah.”_

  
  
  


_Always._

  
  
  


_Jennie’s eyes fluttered shut, wetting her lips from the nervousness pounding in her heart in the brief moment of silence and blindness. A shuffle of feet neared until there was faint breathing tickling her face and the scent of vanilla. Breath hitched, the shape of Jisoo’s lips brushed over Jennie’s tentatively before it all disappeared – the final bit of space, the world around them, the cold and the fear._

  
  
  


_All of it disappeared and it was just Jisoo and only Jisoo._

  
  
  


_It was sure, it was soft, it was the first kiss portrayed in dramas. It was delicate, it was sweet, it was what’s expected from two girls falling in love._

  
  
  


_Gentle._

  
  
  


_Beautiful._

  
  
  


_Natural._

  
  
  


_Like the falling of the first snow._


	9. page zero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: i went back to fix all the dialogue tags because they were all wrong BAHAHA im sure i missed some but i hope it isn’t too distracting
> 
> also, this update is a tad shorter than usual, but im grinding out college apps and i wanted to update before i completely switch my focus to them. So there won’t be an update anytime soon sorry :(( but do not worry, i will come back after college app szn B) also streets are saying jisoo’s drama airs in april woooo

The snow had yet to cease.

  
  
  


According to the weather forecast, the storm should’ve lasted a maximum of five days – just before New Years – but it stretched into a week. It thwarted Chaeyoung’s plans to go home to her family to celebrate the new year and Jisoo’s plans to drink it away with Seulgi and Nayeon. Most of the roads and trains were closed due to the heavy snow, so here they were stuck in their apartment, watching the news on their small television and drinking soju on the couch.

  
  
  


Not the most ideal New Years, but they made it work. They always did. That’s what made them such good roommates.

  
  
  


“Who knew kimchi with soju would taste so good?” Chaeyoung slurred, flushed cheeks full as clumsy chopsticks picked kimchi out of the half empty tupperware on her lap – the one from Jennie. “It’s unbelievably good. I mean, I knew kimchi went well with a lot of things, but _soju_? I can eat it all day.”

  
  
  


“Lemme try one.” Jisoo tugged at her sleeve, her mouth widening with a drawn _aw_ sound.

  
  
  


Chaeyoung’s nose scrunched at Jisoo’s antics and stuffed the piece of kimchi in her mouth, quickly followed by a sip of soju. Jisoo’s eyebrows furrowed as the taste gradually mixed itself on her tongue. Sour, salty, spicy, and sweet – a very strange combination. Very strange indeed, and definitely not to Jisoo’s liking.

  
  
  


“It tastes weird.” 

  
  
  


“You just don’t know taste.” She jabbed the chopsticks in Jisoo's direction before eating another piece of kimchi. “I can’t believe I’m stuck with you for new years. You can’t even appreciate this fine dine.”

  
  
  


Jisoo gasped, dramatically falling back on the couch. “I knew you were getting sick of me. I’d figure liquid courage was all it took for you to admit it.”

  
  
  


She laughed, “It took you this long to realize?”

  
  
  


A glare challenged Chaeyoung’s playful eyes before the girl was pulled into a headlock, Jisoo ruffling her brown hair as she yelled indignantly, ranging from “my hair!” to “my kimchi!” that almost tipped from her lap onto the rug. Only then did Jisoo release her from the punishment, simply because she didn't want to ruin the rug, and not because the younger girl was stronger than her and almost escaped from her headlock.

  
  
  


“That was mean,” Chaeyoung pouted, raking her bangs back in place.

  
  
  


Jisoo stuck her tongue out. “That’s what you get for hurting my feelings.”

  
  
  


“Ah, whatever. Fine, we’re even.”

  
  
  


Giggling, their attention averted back to the television that displayed the same reporter they’d been watching for the past few hours. He was bundled up in a coat and a scarf and presumably in a very tall building from the way he was backed by windows overlooking the bright city of Seoul. Beside him was a clock, hands ticking down to New Years. 

  
  
  


Only a few minutes to go.

  
  
  


Only a few minutes to go until a “new year” and that “new year” would pass like every other “new year” until the next “new year”. It was an endless cycle of new years – a play on the surreal concept of time – and the resolution shit made it all the faker _._ What was time without clocks? Numbers and hands? The only thing that told time was not clocks, but days, nights, and seasons – all those passing by the same, too. Everything passed the same. It was overbearingly taxing to live in this limbo, where this “new year” would be the same as the last “new year”, and the last “new year”, and the last “new year”. 

  
  


That prompted a headache. Sighing, Jisoo set her bottle on the coffee table and closed her eyes, her head falling back on the couchrest. “Chaeyoung~ah.”

  
  
  


“Hm?”

  
  
  


“What if I move out to another city?”

  
  
  


“You’re leaving me?”

  
  
  


“No – well, I don’t know. I’m just asking.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung stared at her, seemingly searching. Her seriousness rose goosebumps and Jisoo considered playing it off as a joke before the girl splitted a wide grin and pounced on her cheeks. “Aw, my baby is all grown!”

  
  
  


“Ah! Let go!” Jisoo yelped, wiggling out and slapping away her strong pinches.

  
  
  


“You’re so grown, Soo~yah,” Chaeyoung hummed as Jisoo rubbed her abused cheeks. “I would miss you, of course, but I’ll be proud of you.”

  
  
  


“Really?”

  
  
  


“Of course! Just make sure to keep in touch, since you’re bad at that. I might just have to be the one keeping in touch.” She threw her head back, laughing before clapping her hands and gasping with an epiphany. “Speaking of which, we need to celebrate your birthday. It’s so soon!”

  
  
  


“That’s alright. It’s not that important of a day.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung gasped, “What do you mean? It’s literally the day you were born.” She pressed a finger on Jisoo’s parted lips, the words “no seriously, it’s just another day” at the tip of her tongue. It’d been like this every year, and although Jisoo didn’t expect much on her birthdays, it always warmed her heart whenever the girl did something (which was everytime). “Do not worry. I will plan something, like it or not.”

  
  
  


“Seriously –”

  
  
  


“Look! They’re counting down!”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung’s fingers slipped from Jisoo’s lips to jerk her chin to the television, so quickly it almost gave her whiplash. Now adorned in a party hat and equipped with a party horn, the reporter was counting down the last few seconds as the hand ticked closer to twelve. Chaeyoung grabbed Jisoo’s hand, all giddy and bounced on her seat as she chanted with the reporter.

  
  
  


“Three!”

  
  
  


“Two!”

  
  
  


“One!”

  
  
  


“Happy New Year!”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung sprang up – almost knocking over the kimchi if Jisoo hadn’t swiped it off her lap in time – and spilled a few drops of soju in the midst of her dance. “Happy New Year!” She extended her bottle toward Jisoo, shaking it to egg a clink. “Here’s to a new year, new us, new dreams, new goals, and new beginnings.”

  
  
  


Jisoo smiled, cynical thoughts diminished in front of Chaeyoung’s cute antics, and clinked. “Amen to that.”

  
  
  


While the latter dashed toward the kitchen – probably phoning everyone she knew a happy new year – the reporter, blowing the horn, had popped confetti on his small desk. All of it was so joyous that the festivity of New Years was getting to Jisoo, expedited by the liquid buzz in her head.

  
  
  


Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to be more optimistic about opportunities like these – opportunities to start anew. Resolutions weren’t made for people to fool themselves. Resolutions were made as a motivation to change.

  
  
  


Change. 

  
  
  


That was added to Jisoo’s minted list of resolutions.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


The snow had yet to cease.

  
  
  


The past week’s buildup was apparent through the window, showcasing a street slathered in pure white. From the way the doors were half buried in snow, it was inches deep, much to Chaeyoung’s dismay. A hard day of shoveling snow away from the café entrance was bound, on top of buying more groceries. Thankfully, Jisoo had bought just enough the day Lisa came by, and with their kind neighbor’s snacks, it’s safe to say they’re going to survive being snowed in regardless of Chaeyoung’s eating habits.

  
  
  


And also to Chaeyoung’s dismay, the snow had thwarted her plans once again. 

  
  
  


“The girls can’t come over,” she grumbled, elbows propped on the kitchen island as she hung up the fifth and last phone call. “The snow is too thick to walk through. but they said happy birthday.”

  
  
  


Jisoo, chewing on a pepero stick with last week’s newspaper splayed on the table, dismissed the unfortunance with a wave of her hand. “It’s alright. It can’t be helped.”

  
  
  


“But it’s your birthday.”

  
  
  


“I already said it’s not that big of a deal. It’s okay whether we celebrate it or not. It’s just another day.”

  
  
  


“But I want to make it special for you.” The latter plopped herself on the chair across from Jisoo. “ _Someone_ has to celebrate it if you aren’t.”

  
  
  


Jisoo pointed a stick toward Chaeyoung, the girl taking it between her teeth. “I said it’s alright. Just being like this is enough.”

  
  
  


She sighed, breaking the stick and resting her cheek on her palm. “This damn snow.”

  
  
  


“That’s not what you said about it the other day.”

  
  
  


“What do you mean?”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s hands clasped together to her heart, eyes fluttering to the ceiling and sang, “Oh Lisa, will we see the first – hey!”

  
  
  


The half bitten stick hit Jisoo square on her nose, the perpetrator’s face red as she scoffed. 

  
  
  


“Never mind your birthday.”

  
  
  


“That’s what I’ve been saying,” quipped Jisoo, chomping on the stick thrown at her. At least it landed on the table.

  
  
  


“You’re hopeless.” Chaeyoung pouted, playing with the ends of her hair in deep thought. “I mean, it would be fun to have a party.” 

  
  
  


“Can’t argue with that.”

  
  
  


Her eyes lit up just as Jisoo ate the last of the pepero sticks. “Ah, I know how to make everything up! Do we have any seaweed?”

  
  
  


“Should be in the cupboard to the left,” Jisoo instructed, crumpling up the bag as Chaeyoung rummaged through the supplies. “What are you making?”

  
  
  


The younger girl sprang around with the bag of seaweed, beaming. “Seaweed soup! It’s a birthday classic.”

  
  
  


“Seaweed soup?”

  
  
  


“Yep! Usually mothers would make it for their children, so I’m your mother and you’re my child and we’re celebrating your birthday no matter what!”

  
  
  


Vertigo had Jisoo grimacing, along with a pang constricting her chest, but she strained a smile before Chaeyoung averted her attention to the stove and laid out ingredients. The dizziness went as soon as it came, but not the perturbation in her heart. The girl meant well, so it was quite frustrating that it’d been a decade and a mere mention of such things had the power to open the scars.

  
  
  


Add that to her list of resolutions: heal.

  
  
  


“Mmm, doesn’t that smell good?” Chaeyoung chimed, approaching with a bowl of steaming soup held with oven mitts. 

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled, clearing away the table as Chaeyoung set the bowl down in front of her. It smelled as good as it looked, which was insanely good, so much so that it’s hard to tell whether the stinging in Jisoo’s eyes were from the soup, a profound gratitude for the younger girl, or the bittersweetness of it all. “You really didn’t have to do this.”

  
  
  


“Of course I have to,” she puffed, lips curled as she took the seat across. “If I don’t, no one will.”

  
  
  


_Someone would,_ Jisoo almost reassured, but flashed a smile instead. “Thank you.”

  
  
  


After Chaeyoung sang happy birthday with overly enthusiastic cheering (Jisoo clapping along to ease her own awkwardness), Jisoo ate the soup. It was tasty and warm to her stomach, the broth soothing the lump in her throat.

  
  
  


“Thank you, Chaeng,” Jisoo said, fanning away the pricks in her eyes. “I really – I really appreciate it. This is really good.”

  
  
  


“Of course. I’m glad it’s good,” Chaeyoung said gently, smiling softly. “Happy birthday, Jisoo.”

  
  
  


Frankly, Jisoo didn’t feel a day older, much less a year older. The longer life went on, the more the years blended together, but days like these were a setback to that same routine. It wouldn’t hurt to appreciate special days, too. Life’s more interesting with them.

  
  
  


Nighttime fell after a productive day of binging movies and goodnights were exchanged as they left to their respective bedrooms. Jisoo’s room was rather simple: white walls, a twin bed adjacent to a closet and nightstand, a small shelf of a few books and trinkets, and a wooden desk at the corner, a desk lamp and small radio perched on opposite ends. Pulling on the lamp’s string, she sunk into the office chair with a sigh.

  
  
  


In truth, Jisoo didn’t like hoarding things. From teenage years until now, many things were thrown out – the small things, like toys and such. All they were good for was taking up space and Jisoo liked keeping things clean and simple.

  
  
  


So the leather journal was out of place, weariness sticking out like a sore thumb on her unblemished desk, along with the black ring box she took out her drawer that was nestled between papers and pencils. Under the soft glow of the desk lamp, the gold ring caught the light on its unscathed surface. 

  
  
  


Turning the radio on, she twisted the knobs to a considerate volume – low enough so it wouldn’t disturb Chaeyoung – and surfed the channels. Some were news, some were static, and it was until the ballad music played that she stopped surfing.

  
  
  


Then, Jisoo sat back, closed her eyes, and walked backwards.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


_“Are you insane?” Jisoo hushed through grit teeth upon the sight of Jennie bundled up and at her doorstep at midnight. “Why are you here so late? How’d you get here? What if you get caught?”_

  
  
  


_“It’s alright,” Jennie said as Jisoo pulled her into the house and carefully closed the door to avoid creaks. “No one really checks if I’m in my room.”_

  
  
  


_“No, but –” Jisoo crossed her arms and pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s in the middle of the night. Do you know how dangerous it is? That you snuck out this late? Without anyone knowing? What if something happened to you?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie bit her lip and dipped her chin shamefully. “Well, Joohyun knows – she’s the only one I tell – but I understand.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo huffed, anger hard to keep in front of Jennie’s pout and sad puppy eyes, so she took the girl’s hand. “Let’s go to my room.”_

  
  
  


_Her room was washed in a soft glow from one pull of the lamp’s string. Jennie stood by idly as Jisoo fixed the sheets that were embarrassingly messy, but then again, she was sleeping on them mere minutes ago before the latter decided to throw rocks at her window._

  
  
  


_“So, what brings you here at this hour?” Jisoo asked – gently in contrast to her initial chastising – once they sat down on the edge of her bed, Jennie taking off her coat with a sweater underneath and hanging it in the back of the desk chair._

  
  
  


_“Well, I –” Jennie cleared her throat and rubbed her neck. “I was too excited to wait until day, and I wanted to be the first one to say it.”_

  
  
  


_“Say what?”_

  
  
  


_“What do you mean what? It’s your birthday, so happy birthday!”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo blinked once at Jennie’s gummy smile, twice when Jennie revealed a small black box from behind her back._

  
  
  


_“My birthday?”_

  
  
  


_“Yeah and I got this for you,” said Jennie. “Don’t tell me you forgot your own birthday.”_

  
  
  


_“It might’ve flown over my head,” Jisoo said meekly, graciously taking the box. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”_

  
  
  


_“Don’t worry, I wanted to. Open it!”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo chuckled at Jennie’s eagerness and flipped the lid open. Nestled in black velvet was a gorgeous gold ring, its shiny surface absorbing the glow of the room._

  
  
  


_“Holy –” Jisoo shut the box closed in disbelief and snapped toward Jennie. “How much did this cost?”_

  
  


_“Don’t worry about that.” Jennie waved her hands. “Happy birthday!”_

  
  
  


_It was hard to tell whether Jisoo wanted to knock her head for such a feat or kiss her. The other was more to her favor, so Jisoo pecked Jennie on the lips and the mole just underneath her brow. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? Wandering out at night just to do this?”_

  
  
  


_“Do you like it?”_

  
  
  


_“I love it. I love it very much. Thank you.”_

  
  
  


_“Aren’t you going to wear it? You haven’t even taken it out the box.”_

  
  
  


_“I’m scared that I might ruin it, or worse, lose it. Small things like these are easy to lose in my hands.”_

  
  
  


_“But the purpose of rings is to wear them.” Jennie took the box and plucked the ring out. “Give me your hand.”_

  
  
  


_“It’s so beautiful, I really don’t want to ruin it,” insisted Jisoo as Jennie gingerly slipped it on her ring finger. Much to her surprise, it was the perfect fit. “Woah, it fits so well. How’d you get my size correct?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie blushed. “To be fair, we’ve held hands a lot, so it was easy to guess.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo cracked a grin and kissed Jennie again. Between the overwhelmingly kind gesture and, well, simply Jennie, it was irresistible to not kiss the girl, so she added a hug for good measure. “That’s so sweet. No one had done this for me before.”_

  
  
  


_“It’s nothing.” Jennie puffed nonchalantly despite the smile tugged on her lips._

  
  
  


_Jisoo admired the ring from the back of her hand before waltzing to her desk for the small radio. Turning it on, she twisted the knobs through the channels – some news, some static – until she stumbled onto the ballad music. Lowering the volume so it wouldn’t seep through the thin walls, Jisoo held her hand out toward Jennie and wiggled her fingers. “Dance with me,” she dared._

  
  
  


_Jennie laughed, looking at Jisoo as if she was crazy. “I can’t dance.”_

  
  
  


_“Me neither.” Jisoo coaxed Jennie off the bed with entwined fingers and led her to the middle of the room, which wasn’t that spacious. “First time for everything, right?”_

  
  
  


_“I really can’t dance.” Jennie shook her head. “Like, I’m going to embarrass myself.”_

  
  
  


_“Please dance with me.” Jisoo pouted, batting her lashes and wrapping her arms around Jennie’s waist. “It’s my birthday.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie sighed defeatedly, rolling her eyes. “Where do I even put my hands?”_

  
  
  


_“Just hold me.”_

  
  
  


_After a moment of uncertainty, Jennie’s arms settled themselves on Jisoo’s shoulders, wrapped around the nape of her neck that brought the two closer. They fitted together like puzzle pieces, so it was stupid how easy it was to hold Jennie close and tight, her rich lavender fragrance a high that Jisoo could take in forever. The ballad music had done its part in setting the mood because it was long forgotten as they immersed themselves instead in the melody of each other’s breathing, heartbeats, scent, and warmth – their dance more of a languid shuffle from the way they swayed into the other. Essentially a hug with a few uncoordinated steps._

  
  
  


_“Sorry,” Jennie murmured, the hum tickling Jisoo’s ear. “I stepped on your foot.”_

  
  
  


_“It’s okay,” Jisoo smiled against her neck. “I didn’t even notice.”_

  
  
  


_“I don’t know what I’m doing.”_

  
  
  


_“Me neither. You’re really warm.”_

  
  
  


_“You too – warm, I mean.”_

  
  
  


_“I like you a lot, Jennie.”_

  
  
  


_“You’ve already said that.”_

  
  
  


_“I know, but I can say it a thousand – a million times. I can say it forever. I like you so much my kidneys beat.”_

  
  
  


_“Your… kidneys?” Jennie giggled, the tune lovely to the sound. “You’re so –”_

  
  
  


_“Ridiculous?”_

  
  
  


_“– amazing.”_

  
  
  


_“That’s a first,” quipped Jisoo, bringing Jennie the ever so closer – although there wasn’t an inch between them left to close – and nuzzled her head into the crook of Jennie’s neck. “Thank you.”_

  
  
  


_“Happy birthday, Jisoo.”_

  
  
  
  
  


_~_

  
  
  
  
  


The snow had yet to cease.

  
  
  


The streets had thinned enough to walk through, but not enough for vehicles to drive. Thus, with the snow crunching underneath her new boots (because her sneakers didn’t suffice against this terrain), Jisoo trudged to Jennie’s house for the biography appointment. Rescheduling wasn’t an option since they had only a handful of days to work together, so Jisoo made do with what she had.

  
  
  


Upon arriving at the doorstep of the mansion, Jisoo shook and brushed off the several snowflakes on her coat and hair until she was mildly presentable and knocked the door knocker. Within three knocks, the door gave way to Jennie, and to Jisoo’s surprise, equally as bundled up as her.

  
  
  


“Hello,” Jisoo said. “Are you going somewhere? Did I come at the wrong time?”

  
  
  


“Aren’t we going somewhere for the appointment?”

  
  
  


“Well, I thought that it would be better if we just did it here.” Jisoo chuckled sheepishly. “Not many places are accessible because of the snow.”

  
  
  


Jennie blinked, then nodded. Disappointment was etched in her frown. She probably looked forward to stepping out the house and it was figurable that she’d been stuck in here because of the weather. “Oh, okay. Come in.”

  
  
  


The mansion either didn’t have a heater or the atmosphere was permanently cold – physically and metaphorically – and reduced the heater ineffective. Jennie offered Jisoo a pair of house slippers and led her to the living room, where a fireplace burned heartily. Even when Jisoo took the armchair closest to the hearth – Jennie taking one from across the coffee table – it was freezing. 

  
  
  


“Joohyun,” Jennie called, prompting a woman to poke her head from around the corner, “can you get us some tea?”

  
  
  


“Yes, Miss Jennie,” Joohyun replied before disappearing.

  
  
  


Jennie unwrapped her scarf, took off her hat, and shrugged off her coat, placing them on the cushion’s arm. “Was it hard to get here?”

  
  
  


“It was quite the workout,” Jisoo admitted, lifting off her satchel’s strap, taking off her gloves, and fishing out her journal and pen. “But it wasn’t a big deal. It worked out my legs enough to warm them against the cold.”

  
  
  


“Ah, I see – thank you, Joohyun,” Jennie said upon the arrival of the maid with a porcelain tea set. Setting it down on the table, she bowed and left. “I didn’t want to trouble you.”

  
  
  


“No trouble here.” 

  
  
  


“Treat yourself to some tea. Joohyun makes good tea.”

  
  
  


“Thank you.” Jisoo cupped the teacup, the heat not too scalding nor too cool.

  
  
  


The tea’s aroma was soothing and the taste rich to the tongue. It was hard to refrain from drinking it all up, the latter barely taking a few sips of her own, so Jisoo set it down and averted to her journal.

  
  
  


“Alright, first question…”

  
  
  


The questions today weren’t of any particular order or category. Miscellaneous were what they were, a jumble of whatever Jisoo thought made a person interesting.

  
  
  


“What would people find surprising about you as a teen?”

  
  
  


“I would say I snuck out a lot, but for reputation sake, I’d say that I learned the flute.”

  
  
  


Questions like that.

  
  
  


Joohyun had brought them a plate of biscuits. They were delicious when paired with the tea. Jisoo couldn’t help but drink three cups of it, the warmth mildly easing her shaky hands and her dry throat.

  
  
  


“What are the main lessons you’ve learned in life?”

  
  
  


“Given that I haven’t lived that long yet, I guess a take away would be to live it to the fullest.”

  
  
  


The tea was gone. On the plate only remained crumbs. It was considerably warmer from sitting so long near the fire, prompting Jisoo’s scarf off. Jennie had yet to finish her first cup of tea, her sips excruciatingly slow. It must be stone cold by now. Maybe Jisoo shouldn’t have drank all the tea, so the girl could pour herself a new one.

  
  
  


“What is your greatest fear?”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“Forgetting.” 

  
  
  


“Forgetting what?”

  
  
  


“Forgetting happy things. Things that make life worth living. That’s why – that’s why I like to take pictures. To preserve those things, so I’ll never forget.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s pen tapped the list anxiously, a page of scribbles and crossed out questions. It was either two things: a sense of denial that there was no more to ask, or the desire to stay with Jennie a little longer. It was most likely both, the other a lot stronger. Before Jisoo could think of a question at the top of her head to keep the conversation flowing, Joohyun popped in with impeccable timing.

  
  
  


“Miss Jennie, sorry to interrupt,” Joohyun said apologetically. “There’s a phone call and they need you to do things right now.”

  
  
  


“Oh.” Jennie’s lips pursed into a thin line. “Do you have any more questions, Jisoo?”

  
  
  


_Yes._

  
  
  


“No.” 

  
  
  


“Then, is it fine if we cut this appointment a little short?”

  
  
  


_No._

  
  
  


“Yes. That’s perfectly fine. We’ll pick up from where we left off next time.”

  
  
  


After Jisoo thanked Joohyun for the hospitality, Jennie escorted her to the door. Jisoo adjusted her clothes, scarf, and satchel with more care than usual in an attempt to prolong her stay with the girl. Frankly, it was quite pathetic to do so and Jisoo would’ve scolded herself if it weren’t for Jennie doing the same thing, her tiny hand fiddling with the doorknob yet to open.

  
  
  


Here they were, prolonging the inevitable and that never worked; the inevitable was meant to happen and they had no power to change such a fact.

  
  
  


“It was your birthday last week,” said Jennie as Jisoo stepped out the door. Not a question, but a mere statement.

  
  
  


“Oh, yeah,” Jisoo chuckled. “It was.”

  
  
  


“Happy late birthday,” Jennie smiled softly. “Keep living a healthy life.”

  
  
  


They stood there for a moment, Jennie inside and Jisoo outside, reflecting each other with a mirror that was the door jamb. It was already freezing with one step out the mansion and it was a wonder that Jennie could bear it right now. 

  
  
  


Or maybe she wasn’t. It was times like these that reading Jennie was hard, when her face was all expressionless, but the demeanor said it all: tight shoulders, shifty feet, clenched fists. And most of all were her eyes, rawly portraying pleas, longing, all those feelings so mutual that perhaps the mirror wasn’t the door jamb, but Jennie’s eyes all along.

  
  
  


She wasn’t bearing it well at all.

  
  
  


_They_ weren’t bearing it well at all.

  
  
  


It was incredible how they were still standing on their own two feet in the front of their collapse, these past months a poorly built sandcastle fated to crumble away to the waves that was time. If clocks told time, Jisoo would stop it, turn it back, but no clock could count down and prepare them for this. They were in an ending season and no amount of extra questions could save it because it had run out. 

  
  
  


But Jennie didn’t know that yet, so Jisoo just smiled.

  
  
  


“Thank you,” Jisoo croaked. “Have a nice day, Jennie.”

  
  
  


After a brief moment of lingering, Jennie subsequently bowed her head and closed the door. It was only until the click of the lock that Jisoo turned her back on the door to the white front of the mansion. 

  
  
  


The journal was still in Jisoo’s hands, the pen jutting out from the page she finished at. She thumbed through the pages, clumsily due to her thick gloves, to reach the pen – the pen that sat nestled in the dip between the last sheet and the leather back. 

  
  
  


The air had turned colder as Jisoo flicked through the pages – from the last to the first – and it was only until the first page came the realization of the absence of snowflakes.

  
  
  


There were no more snowflakes.

  
  
  


There were no more questions.

  
  
  


There were no more pages.

  
  
  


The snow had ceased.

  
  
  


And Jisoo ended at page zero.


	10. falling ashes

Jennie lost track of how many parties she’d been to thus far. Fifty? A hundred? A thousand? Probably more than a hundred, considering it seemed at least one was hosted every week, and for seven years – she didn’t want to do the math. Even her birthday parties blended itself well with the rest, the five layers of fancy cake the only thing setting the occasion apart. Only that, though, because everything else was the same: the fake guests, the champagnes, her mask, and the indifference of time. 

  
  
  


Right now, she was who she was exactly a year ago, and the year before that, and the year before that. What was time good for if there was no change? If time could whisk her away from this torment, then she’d comply by all means, but alas, here she was, toasting to her birthday after her father’s ever so heartfelt speech.

  
  
  


Yeah. Time was good for nothing. 

  
  
  


Presents were piled up at the corner, a mountain if you will. They all must be expensive, but Jennie wasn’t excited at the slightest. Many would perceive her as spoiled and ungrateful, and maybe she was. Giving a damn was hard when gossip was commonplace in this crowd, so let them think what they want. They were still the ones kissing her ass.

  
  
  


That was comforting to think about. Especially whenever one of the Misters – that disturbingly looked so much alike Mister Park that they must be twins – talked to her. At least Jongin was by her side this time, or else her tongue would slip again and another reprimand from her father didn’t sound appealing. He did the talking and she kept her mouth shut, simple as that.

  
  
  


“Jennie and I appreciate your gift,” Jongin smiled. “We’re happy you took time out of your day to celebrate her birthday.”

  
  
  


“Of course!” The Mister barked a laugh, his Mistress nodding along. “Who wouldn’t want to wish the princess a happy birthday? It’s her special day.”

  
  
  


Jennie strained a smile. “Thank you, Mister.”

  
  
  


Now take that conversation and multiply it by fifty, and that was the average amount of guests she would speak to. No wonder she was always drunk by the end of the night; the will to power through parties was only contained within the strong wine, but even the wine was losing its power. How unfortunate.

  
  
  


“Your wedding is two months from now, correct?”

  
  
  


“Yes.” Jongin took Jennie’s hand. “We’re very excited. You’ll be coming, I hope?”

  
  
  


“Of course! No one would want to miss such a momentous day – ah, there’s Mister Kim. Well, I’ll leave you lovebirds to it. Farewell.”

  
  
  


After the couple bidded goodbye, Jennie wordlessly slipped her hand out of Jongin’s and slumped into the nearest chair, some people at the table shooting her a frowned glance. Who cared if she stole someone’s seat? The tremendous headache was the main concern, the heels of her palms rubbing her temples vigorously to subdue it.

  
  
  


“Are you alright, Jennie?” Jongin asked, eyebrows creased as he pulled up a chair in front of her, not before giving the people apologetic bows.

  
  
  


“No,” Jennie replied, sighing heavily. “I’m so tired.”

  
  
  


Jongin worried his lip. “There’s a couple more hours until the night ends.”

  
  
  


“Fuck,” Jennie huffed under her breath, her face burying into her hands. “I can’t do this anymore, Jongin. I really can’t. My head is about to burst and these heels _hurt._ ”

  
  
  


“Can you endure it for a little longer?”

  
  
  


The thing was, Jongin was very understanding. Despite their differences and awkwardness, he cared for Jennie and that couldn’t be more apparent. But it wasn’t deserved, and considering all he did for her and all he had to put up with, enduring for a little longer was the absolute least Jennie could do.

  
  
  


But she was so weak. Weak, nauseous, and languid. Not even the live band — which probably was the second best thing besides wine at these parties — could soothe her. The thought of crawling into bed and sleeping forever was irresistible at the moment, so Jennie shook her head.

  
  
  


“No,” she grumbled. “I can’t take another second of this.”

  
  
  


Jongin’s lips pursed into a thin line before he nodded, gaze soft as he eased the wine glass out her hand. “Alright. Let’s get you to your room. I’ll tell Joohyun.”

  
  
  


“Thank you.” The words were genuine, neither forced or awkward like many times before. Jongin seemed to pick up on that, the corners of his lips tugging ever so slightly while he supported her by her waist up the staircase. Appreciation swelled in her chest, and although it wasn’t said, hopefully he picked that up, too.

  
  
  


Jongin was both a blessing and a curse – a blessing because he was sincere, a curse because he was an unwanted arranged marriage. Of all the things to be lucky about, it had to be Jongin, which was quite ironic. But imagine if Jennie married another suitor? One of the sleazy ones? Shivers ran down her spine from the mere thought, or perhaps it was the coldness of her bedroom once they arrived.

  
  
  


“I’ll get water for you,” he said, lowering her to the bed after flipping the covers. “I’ll be right back.”

  
  
  


“Thank you,” Jennie muttered into the sheets fluffed to her chin.

  
  
  


After Jongin left the room, Jennie’s body sluggishly faced the window and curled into a ball for warmth, the cold still biting despite the covers. The curtains were opened, the bleary moonlight of the waning crescent bleeding onto her white walls. 

  
  
  


Jennie’s feeble fingers squeezed and unsqueezed the fleece. The moon was beautiful tonight and snapping a shot was tempting, but her camera was excruciatingly far and she was in bed. No amount of energy could get her up to do so, even for a picture that’d look pretty in her scrapbook. It was unusual to miss an opportunity like this, but the drowsiness overtaking her senses left no room to think much more of it.

  
  
  


So she succumbed, settling to reminiscence the night of the moon’s other half instead.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


_The night couldn’t have passed by any slower. The grandfather clock told a quarter past ten, the golden pendulum swinging back and forth mockingly. Albeit the chattering of the birthday party, the heavy ticks echoed clear as day, tormenting Jennie as she sat at the banquet table, fingers drumming on the linen and occasionally looking up to greet the guests that came by to converse. About what? Who knows. All the words entered one ear and out the other._

  
  
  


_All that was known was that Jennie was late. Jisoo had told her to meet at ten, and the hand inching nearer to half past ten induced anxiety and impatience. Was the girl still there? How long was she willing to wait? The leather shoes of another pair of guests snapped her out the loop, her eyes trailing up from the table to a man and a boy._

  
  
  


_“Hello Miss Jennie Kim,” chirped the man. “We wish you a happy birthday.”_

  
  
  


_“Thank you,” Jennie replied robotically, engineering the same mask she’d worn the whole night. Her gaze dropped back on the table, the prospect that they’d leave proven false when their leather shoes were still there._

  
  
  


_“This is my son, Jongin,” he said, patting the boy’s shoulder who fashioned an awkward demeanor. “His birthday was actually two days ago. You two are practically birthday twins.”_

  
  
  


_“Father!” Jongin whispered through grit teeth, his cheeks tinted pink._

  
  
  


_“Is that so?” Jennie said, flashing him a half-hearted smile. “Happy late birthday, Jongin.”_

  
  
  


_“Uh – thanks.” Jongin dipped his chin bashfully, rubbing the nape of his neck._

  
  
  


_“He’s a nice boy,” the man continued as if auctioning him off. The ulterior motive was easy to dissect, considering it had happened around fifteen times – maybe more – since last year. Jennie bit her tongue to fight off the distaste bound to show in her expression. “He’s smart and very charming, don’t you think? I think you two will get along well!”_

  
  
  


_“Father!” Jongin whined. At least this time was amusing. Most of the time, the son would shamelessly agree with all his father’s compliments, their arrogance only feeding Jennie’s disdain rather than her attraction – not like she wanted to be attracted to them anyway._

  
  
  


_“That’s great.” Jennie offered her hand out to Jongin. “Nice to meet you.”_

  
  
  


_His father nudged his hand, wide eyes urging him to shake. Jongin shot him a look before taking Jennie’s hand. “Nice to meet you, too, Jennie.”_

  
  
  


_The clock told eleven by the time they left. The eagerness for the party to disperse, to breathe the night air, and to see Jisoo was unbearable. Jennie’s nails raked the linen restlessly, and it was until it was ten past eleven that her mind couldn’t take it anymore, prompting her to slip out the hall to find Joohyun._

  
  
  


_“Joohyun!” Jennie called upon spotting the maid sweeping by the entrance. The other’s head perked up as she bounded over._

  
  
  


_“Yes, Miss Jennie?”_

  
  
  


_“I want to – uhm – take a walk. Is that fine?”_

  
  
  


_Joohyun’s eyebrows rose, her eyes darting around the empty foyer. “On your birthday, Miss Jennie?”_

  
  
  


_“Yeah. I know I’m supposed to be at the party, but it’s so suffocating there. I just want some fresh air.”_

  
  
  


_Joohyun pursed her lips before nodding. Sometimes guilt gnawed at Jennie’s heart for treating Joohyun like a pushover, but sometimes something told her that the older girl knew what she was doing, that she was smarter than what her maid persona made her out to be. “Alright. Make sure no one sees you, though.”_

  
  
  


_After jumping out her dress into warm clothes, Jennie raced out the door following Joohyun’s “okay” signal at the bottom of the staircase. The gust of cold air was rendered ineffective from the adrenaline pumping in Jennie’s veins as she blasted down the neighborhood slope, her eyes fixed straight ahead and a smile wide on her lips._

  
  
  


_“Jisoo!” Jennie exclaimed at the sight of the older girl’s back by the pole of a street lamp. Jisoo turned around just in time for Jennie to crash into her arms, the attempt to halt to a stop failing from the momentum of her exhilaration._

  
  
  


_“Woah, Jennie!” Jisoo laughed, steadying her. Jennie was breathless from her run, but Jisoo’s laugh was oxygen taken all in. “Slow down there. You might hurt yourself.”_

  
  
  


_“I’m so sorry! How long have you been waiting here? I know I’m late, don’t sugarcoat it.”_

  
  
  


_Although the bulb of the street lamp was dim, Jisoo's smile and upturned eyes were bright. She was wholly bright, glowing more like, as she slipped her hand into Jennie’s._

  
  
  


_“I don’t have a watch, so I don’t know. But it didn’t feel long, so don’t worry.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie pouted with guilt. The redness of Jisoo’s nose and flushed cheeks told well about how long she’d been waiting out here in the cold. “It was an hour, by the way. I was an hour late.”_

  
  
  


_“That’s surprising. It didn’t feel like an hour. Don’t worry!” Jisoo reassured, bending down to pick up the weaved handle of a picnic basket. “You’re here now, so that’s all that matters.”_

  
  
  


_“What’s this?” Jennie asked, regarding the basket as Jisoo led her down the street._

  
  
  


_“My present to you,” Jisoo chuckled sheepishly. “It’s no gold ring, but I’d figure you’d want to go outside after a party, so I thought a night picnic would help you. That doesn’t sound lame, I hope? I mean, it kind of is –”_

  
  
  


_“No.” Jennie interrupted her with a peck on the lips before she could start rambling. Thankfully they were relatively the same height because it made the kisses easier to give. “It doesn’t sound lame at all. It’s actually kind of romantic.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo hiccuped, the moonlight accentuating the blush. “Really? That’s a relief. I spent all day making food. I’m not the best cook, though. Just a disclaimer.”_

  
  
  


_It wasn’t everyday that Jisoo was flustered. It was the perfect opportunity to tease her for all the times she teased Jennie, but the girl was clearly nervous once they arrived at the park, and Jennie wasn’t that mean. Maybe for another time._

  
  
  


_Jisoo opened the flap of the basket and took out a white sheet, gingerly spreading it out on the grass for them to sit on. She worked on arranging the tupperwares of food and snacks, her eyebrows drawn and pale lips a thin line in dedicated concentration. Her hands were turtled into her sleeves – tiny compared to the fluff of the coat – with only the fingers poking out to organize the things. Jisoo was discernibly cold, and the guilt of being late grew tenfold in Jennie’s chest._

  
  
  


_“Have my scarf,” Jennie said._

  
  
  


_“What?” Jisoo looked up as Jennie unwrapped her scarf. “Why?”_

  
  
  


_“You’re cold.” Jennie rolled her eyes, proceeding to scoot closer to wrap the scarf around Jisoo’s neck. “And don’t say otherwise. It’s pretty obvious.”_

  
  
  


_“But –”_

  
  
  


_A peck on the lips quieted her once again. Jennie couldn’t help but giggle at Jisoo’s flustered face._

  
  
  


_“Are you –” Jisoo hiccuped. “Are you going to keep doing that whenever I don’t shut up?”_

  
  
  


_“Maybe.”_

  
  
  


_“Should I keep talking then?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie playfully slapped her arm. “Nice try. It won’t work if I know you’re doing it intentionally.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo pouted, edging closer until their shoulders bumped. “How will you know I’m doing it intentionally or not?”_

  
  
  


_“Trust me, I’ll know. Like right now, you’re trying to get another kiss,” Jennie said matter of factly, teasingly leaning away from Jisoo as Jisoo leaned in. “What do you take me for, a kissing charity?”_

  
  
  


_“Yes?”_

  
  
  


_“No, I’m not a kissing charity. I’ll give out kisses when I see fit. Now show me your food!”_

  
  
  


_A little whine emitted from the older girl as she reached over to grab a tupperware. How endearingly childish. “This is some kimbap I made. Eat with caution.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie laughed and plucked a roll out the box. “How’d you get all these ingredients? I mean, your uncle wouldn’t have sponsored this.”_ _  
  
_

  
  


_“I work – well, I tutor. It’s so easy to tutor. Just sit there and let them solve the problems by themselves, and then check if they did it right.”_

  
  
  


_“You tutor?”_

  
  
  


_“Are you surprised?”_

  
  
  


_“Yeah, I mean, you don’t even care about grades.”_

  
  
  


_“True, but it doesn’t mean I’m dumb. I just don’t like doing homework.”_

  
  
  


_“Reasonable.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo regarded Jennie thoughtfully as she chewed on the food. Jennie’s eyebrows shot up, the kimbap tastier than anticipated. It wasn’t that Jennie thought Jisoo was a bad cook, but from the way Jisoo kept downplaying her skills, she’d expect it at least to be saltier than needed._

  
  
  


_“Mmm! It’s good!”_

  
  
  


_“Really? You like it?”_

  
  
  


_“I do. Bad cook my butt. You’re good at everything.”_

  
  
  


_“I just never cooked before! I’m glad you like it. Also, I’m not good at math or –” She pouted in thought. “– riding a bike.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie’s lips tugged at Jisoo’s content smile as she set the tupperware aside and laid supine on the sheet. The night sky was beautiful. It was always beautiful, but tonight was extraordinarily beautiful, especially with the waxing crescent._

  
  
  


_“Are you not going to eat the food?” Jisoo asked, laying beside her in the same manner._

  
  
  


_“I am.” Jennie rolled on her side to face Jisoo who mirrored her, tucking her head under her arm. “I just want to look at you for a second.”_

  
  
  


_“That’s a bit too corny coming from you.”_

  
  
  


_“Shut up.”_

  
  
  


_“Does that deserve a kiss?”_

  
  
  


_“No,” Jennie laughed softly. “It would’ve, but I changed my mind just because you asked.”_

  
  
  


_“Shucks.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie had probably looked at Jisoo a thousand times – no, a million times. But each time never failed to take her breath away, the feeling on that fateful day under the library awning resonating ever so strongly; seeing Jisoo for the millionth time was seeing her for the first time. Her fingertip delicately traced from Jisoo’s forehead, down her nose bridge, and finally the shape of her lips that were soft to the touch. The girl was seemingly nervous from the way her parted lips produced the lightest of breaths that only indicated that her heart must be pounding. It must be pounding because Jennie’s was. Jennie’s heart was pounding so hard it was about to burst out her chest._

  
  
  


_That was strangely reassuring. Jisoo was just as into Jennie as Jennie was into her. The question was, was she just as scared, too?_

  
  
  


_Jisoo’s gaze didn’t waver when Jennie took her hand, bringing it up to the space between them. Her fingertips pressed to Jisoo’s lightly – from the thumb to the pinky one at a time – touching ever so slightly, but touching all the same._

  
  
  


_“Jisoo, be honest with me.”_

  
  
  


_“Okay.”_

  
  
  


_“Are you scared?”_

  
  
  


_A pause. Jisoo’s eyes searched hers, trying to decipher the question. She would be disappointed because there was nothing to decipher. It was a straightforward question._

  
  
  


_“What’s there to be scared of?”_

  
  
  


_“I don’t know.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie wanted to say that this was scary – that having Jisoo was scary – because once you had something, it was subject to be taken away._

  
  
  


_“No. I’m not scared.”_

  
  
  


_“Why?”_

  
  
  


_“If you asked me if I’m scared of bugs, I’d say yes. But you don’t know. Should I be scared of something we don’t know?”_

  
  
  


_“Yes you should.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo pressed her palm against Jennie’s, enclosing the gap of their fingertips. It was warm. “I’m still not scared.”_

  
  
  


_“Why?”_

  
  
  


_“Because you make me feel safe. With you, I’m never scared of anything.”_ _  
  
_

  
  


_“Are you saying that to be corny?”_

  
  
  


_“I’m saying that because it’s true.”_

  
  
  


_Jennie gulped. “You’re putting a bit too much faith in me.”_

  
  
  


_“Am I?”_

  
  
  


_“I’m afraid I might disappoint you.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo took Jennie’s palm and pressed it on her cheek. It was also warm. Everything about Jisoo was warm, but that was bad. That was bad news because Jisoo was a candle and candles were prone to being snuffed out with one simple blow._

_And for it to take one simple blow meant ruining Jisoo was easy. It was so easy because she was delicate – even if she showed otherwise – because that was ridiculously easy to decipher. It was the first thing figured upon their first handshake, and confirmed on the rooftop of her house._

  
  
  


_Jisoo was delicate, as susceptible as a wick in the wind._

  
  
  


_And that was what made it all the scarier._

  
  
  


_“That’s good.”_

  
  
  


_“Good?”_

  
  
  


_“Yes,” Jisoo smiled, “because I’ll be the verdict on whether you disappoint me or not. And I know with my whole heart that you won’t ever disappoint me. So don’t be afraid, Jennie, because it’s not going to happen. I promise.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


“... Ma Dong Seok, Lalisa Manoban, Min Hyo Rin, Moon Ga Young …”

  
  
  


Jennie’s hand was stiff from signing documents. The pile seemed neverending, the stack just as high as it was the weeks before, if not higher. What were all these documents for anyway? However, no amount of curiosity would make her read a word on these papers, so her hand continued signing away.

  
  
  


“.. Park Bo Gum, Park Bo Young, Park Hyung Sik, Park Seo Joon…”

  
  
  


_Park?_ Jennie’s head perked up from resting on her palm at the name. “Are we at the Parks?”

  
  
  


“Yes,” Joohyun replied.

  
  
  


Jennie bit her lip. For some reason, her heart thumped with excitement at the mere name, but why? Why…

  
  
  


_Ah. Park Chaeyoung._

  
  
  


Park Chaeyoung and the rest of Jisoo’s friends; Seulgi, was it? It was Seulgi, then Nayeon, then Yeri, Sooyoung, Seungwan… 

  
  
  


Her heart thumped again, but with an impulsive thought. Her fingernail tapped the desk as her jaw shifted in contemplation. 

  
  
  


Would it be weird to invite them? Probably.

  
  
  


Were they even friends? They only met once.

  
  
  


“What’s the matter, Miss Jennie?” 

  
  
  


“Uh.” Jennie scratched her head. “Can you actually add a few more people on that list?”

  
  
  


“Okay. Who?”

  
  
  


Another rush of doubt rendered Jennie silent as Joohyun poised the pen over the paper, ready to write down the names. _If I don’t even want Jisoo to come, who am I to invite her friends? Wouldn’t that be even more offensive?_

  
  
  


“Miss Jennie?”

  
  
  


“Sorry, uhm.” Jennie furrowed her eyebrows. “I actually don’t know all their last names, but I know one of their names and their address. Park Chaeyoung, Seungwan, Sooyoung, Yeri, Nayeon, and Seulgi.”

  
  
  


Joohyun scratched her chin. “Since you don’t know all their addresses, would it be okay to send the invitations all to Park Chaeyoung’s address?”

  
  
  


“Yeah, that’ll be good.” 

  
  
  


“Who are they, if you don’t mind me asking? Actresses?”

  
  
  


Jennie hesitated before uttering, “People I know.”

  
  
  


“Okay,” Joohyun gave a knowing nod. The girl never pried and that was appreciated. “Is that all? Shall we continue?”

  
  
  


“Yeah, that’s all.”

  
  
  


As Joohyun returned to listing the guests, Jennie’s eyes wandered to the window. The snow had long melted, uncovering the unsaturated greens of the trees and garden and dull sky. The world was seeped of its natural colors and the depression was all the more obtrusive, if that was even possible.

  
  
  


And a sinking feeling told her that this time, it was going to last forever.

  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  
  


_For the first time in a long time, Jennie was happy._

  
  
  


_Maybe spring was really a season of new beginnings._

  
  
  


_After a grueling day of studying (that wasn’t as productive as it should’ve been because Jisoo was distracting), Jennie slipped through the front door just as the sun set. Usually, she was met by the silence of an alienated mansion, but there was nothing silent about Joohyun grabbing her wrist and dragging her into the kitchen urgently._

  
  
  


_“What’s wrong?” Jennie asked after the shock subsided. The older girl had never been this agitated, and the fearful expression wasn’t commonplace. Joohyun scanned the area – waving away one of the maids near the cupboards who complied without question – before dipping her chin._

  
  
  


_“Did anyone see you?”_

  
  
  


_“What do you mean?”_

  
  
  


_“On that night of your birthday. Did anyone see you?”_

  
  
  


_“No.”_

  
  
  


_“Are you sure?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie hesitated. “I’m not sure. You’re making me nervous, Joohyun.”_

  
  
  


_Joohyun pursed her lips. “Miss Jennie, I think someone saw you.”_

  
  
  


_Her heart plummeted. “What?”_

  
  
  


_“The chauffeur, Mister Jo. He saw you. I heard it through Mister Kim’s office door. They were talking, and he saw you leave the party and he followed you and he took pictures. And he saw something Mister Kim didn’t like.”_

  
  
  


_The kitchen was spinning, the vertigo crashing until Jennie’s spine jabbed into the edge of the kitchen counter. Her knees buckled subsequently, the cabinet’s wood jarring against her back as it slid down. It wasn’t until Joohyun knelt down and placed a gentle palm on Jennie’s chest that the ringing was overpowered by her erratic breaths._

  
  
  


_“What now?” whispered Jennie._

  
  
  


_Joohyun gulped. For however long Jennie had known Joohyun, the girl was someone who knew all the answers, someone ridiculously wise beyond her years. It was wondrous why she was a maid instead of something bigger, like getting an education in college. But for the first time, she looked uncertain._

  
  
  


_“Brace yourself,” was all she could say._

  
  
  


_A note was tacked on Jennie’s bedroom door. Joohyun ripped it off, probably to prevent Jennie from seeing the impending message and reiterate it with more gentleness, but it wasn’t hard to misread two words:_

  
  
  


_My office._

  
  
  


_The mansion was silent, its tight walls making the silence all the more suffocating. Jennie’s breaths echoed with each step toward the office, the thumps of her heart against her rib cage so painful that not even Joohyun’s occasional hand squeezes could help it. Upon the front of the office door with light seeping through the cracks, Jennie froze._

  
  
  


_Should she just run away? Far from this mansion, far from her father? What would she do, where would she go? To Jisoo? No, he had pictures and this was Jennie’s fault; Jisoo was in danger and it had to be fixed. Running away would be cowardly, but what was she if not a coward? She was a coward, Jisoo’s fate the only thing keeping her feet planted in front of doom._

  
  
  


_That was the most cowardly act of all._

  
  
  


_“Breathe,” was Joohyun’s last message before Jennie stepped through the door._

  
  
  


_The office was scentless, save for the poignant smell of papers. Papers, papers, papers – be it the documents stacked on the desk, the books lined on the shelves, or the certificates tacked on the walls. Every inch of Jennie hated this place because nothing good ever came out of it, and tonight was no exception._

  
  
  


_Her father’s back was large and lean, his suit neat and as black as the night sky through the arched window._

  
  
  


_“Father,” Jennie said._

  
  
  


_The moment of silence only added to the heavy tension. Jennie exhaled unsteadily before calling him again._

  
  
  


_“Father –”_

  
  
  


_“Where did you go today?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie bit her lip. “I was studying.”_

  
  
  


_“Where?”_

  
  
  


_“The library.”_

  
  
  


_“With who?”_

  
  
  


_She swallowed thickly. He was purposely tormenting her; he already won the game and he was dragging out the victory. There was no use beating around the bush, but nothing could bring her to admit it._

  
  
  


_“A friend.”_

  
  
  


_“A friend?”_

  
  
  


_“Y – yes.”_

  
  
  


_His face was absent of remorse when he turned around. It was hard to read him – either that, or Jennie’s eyes couldn’t bring themselves to make eye contact – but there was no need to read when the photos tossed over the desk said it all as they scattered in front of Jennie’s feet._

  
  
  


_“Friend?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie’s breathing stopped altogether. It was them – Jennie and Jisoo – shot from the back – hugging, kissing, holding hands, laying down – all the moments that were meant to be private and intimate laid splayed on the floor for anyone to see. Anger wrenched her chest, but what was she angry about? Mister Jo, who deliberately took these? No, he was just doing his job. Why did it take him this long to hand over the pictures anyway? It was her fault for being careless, her fault for ruining things._

  
  
  


_The last thing she wanted to do was ruin the best thing in her life._

  
  
  


_But even that couldn’t escape her curse._

  
  
  


_“Explain.”_

  
  
  


_“There’s nothing to explain.”_

  
  
  


_After a pause, he walked around the desk and the soles of his leather shoes crushed the photos once they stopped in front of Jennie. It petrified her, and her eyes couldn’t look anywhere else but that damned sleek black._

  
  
  


_“Correct. The pictures explain it all. You’ve been sneaking out to see this – person, committing sins beyond comprehension, risking tarnishing our family, and disobeying me. Did you think you can do as you please?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie remained mum as he picked up one of the photos, chuckling darkly. “She looks around your age, a high schooler. Do you know how easy it is to find her? With the amount of high schools in this city?”_

  
  
  


_He didn’t wait for a response. “It’s easy, Jennie. It’s really easy. That’s what wealth gets you; power. With the snap of my fingers I can,” he held the photo at her eye level, pinching both corners, “ruin her,” the tear was piercing, every crack sharp in her chest as it ran down the middle – ripping Jennie and Jisoo apart, “just like that.”_

  
  
  


_The pieces fluttered to the floor. The pounds intensified. Everything was pounding – from her entire body to this mansion. The pounds threatened to sweep her off her feet, to force her on her knees to beg for forgiveness, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t when her body was numb and her eyes could only focus on the ripped half of Jisoo and her captured smile._

  
  
  


_“I’ll give you one last chance, Jennie. Get rid of her by tomorrow.”_

  
  
  


_Thump, thump, thump._

  
  
  


_“Understand? Get rid of her and do your duty.”_

  
  


_He picked up the ripped half, her eyes unable to do anything but follow until they met his eyes. With one last beat, he crushed Jisoo under his fist, the crumpling sound a gavel that concluded the verdict._

  
  
  


_“Get rid of her, or I’ll do it myself.”_

  
  
  


_And all was silent._

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


The world was gray. Gray, sick, and dying. The snow had ceased and melted away, only to reveal a disease. Could it be the symptoms of winter? It must be contagious because it infected Jisoo, too. She was gray, sick, and dying, the journal clutched to her chest the only thing keeping her alive as she laid on her deathbed in her bedroom.

  
  
  


“Jisoo, you have to eat,” Chaeyoung sighed, sat on a stool on her bedside with a bowl of porridge. “At least eat.”

  
  
  


“I’m not hungry.”

  
  
  


“Not hungry my ass. You’re so thin and pale. Eat. You’re going to die at this rate, and you’re not dying on my watch.”

  
  
  


“Chaeyoung, stop.”

  
  
  


“No,” Chaeyoung huffed, exasperated, and set the bowl down on the nightstand. “How can I stop when you’re practically killing yourself? You haven’t gotten out of bed for the past week or ate. Have you even showered? All you do is lay and hug that journal. You haven’t even spoken to me. How can you tell me to stop?”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s eyes flitted from the ceiling to Chaeyoung’s distressed face, her eyebrows furrowed and nose flared. “When you put it that way, I feel terrible.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung heaved a sigh. “Jisoo, talk to me.”

  
  
  


“I’m done.”

  
  
  


“Done with what?”

  
  
  


“The biography.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung’s face softened, replaced by the next worst thing – pity. Maybe Jisoo shouldn’t have said anything and kept her distraught instead.

  
  
  


“So, what now?”

  
  
  


“That’s the problem. I don’t know.”

  
  
  


“Does Jennie know it’s done?”

  
  
  


“No.” 

  
  
  


“When will you tell her?”

  
  
  


“I don’t know. I’m not sure if I want to tell her.”

  
  
  


“You’ll have to. It’s –”

  
  
  


“Inevitable, I know. I know, Chaeyoung. It doesn’t make it any less hard; quite the opposite, actually. And I’m stupid for not telling her on our last appointment because I know I was too scared to face it.”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“When’s your next appointment?”

  
  
  


“What day is it?”

  
  
  


“The twenty-first.”

  
  
  


“In two days.”

  
  
  


“Will you tell her then?”

  
  
  


“I think I have to.”

  
  
  


_And that’ll mean I won’t see her again._

  
  
  


Chaeyoung squeezed Jisoo’s arm lightly. It didn’t ease the sickness, but it was reassuring at least. “You can do it.”

  
  
  


_I can’t,_ Jisoo wanted to say, but it was useless to keep saying so. Chaeyoung was persistent, the type of person that won’t leave someone alone until they feel better, so Jisoo strained a smile instead. “Thanks, Chaeng.”

  
  
  


“Will you eat the porridge now?”

  
  
  


“Yes.”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


The trees were gray. The grass was gray. The sky was gray. Jennie was gray, her fair skin pale with the palette and brown eyes transparent of its warm hue. Dead was an understatement because the girl resembled more of an empty shell – cursed to continue living on this earth when there was nothing to live for. Through and through, Jennie and Jisoo were two sides of the same coin; ironically amusing, tragically sad.

  
  
  


There was no telling how much time had passed since they’d stood underneath the park’s tree, facing each other in silence. The bench laid beside them, but neither made a move to take a seat. Did Jennie know? Could she sense it? The beginning of the end? Jisoo tugged at the strap of her satchel, picking at the leather.

  
  
  


“Jennie, how are you?”

  
  
  


“Could be better.”

  
  


“That’s fair.”

  
  
  


Jennie was looking at her, but rather than locking gazes, Jisoo’s eyes trained on her button nose almost hidden under the scarf. It shouldn’t take this long – that’s why there was no reason to sit and settle – but it was sure difficult. Was that how Jennie sensed something was amiss? That they weren’t sitting? That Jisoo wasn’t asking any questions and simply saying nothing? Or perhaps it was none and it was all Jisoo who spoiled it. It wouldn’t be the first time Jennie read right through her.

  
  
  


That only meant there was no going back, no turning back the clocks, no nothing. After avoiding it for months, the inevitable stood right in front of Jisoo – and she was scared.

  
  
  


Absolutely scared.

  
  
  


“Jennie,” Jisoo said. “It’s done.”

  
  
  


“Done?”

  
  
  


“The biography. We’re done.”

  
  
  


There was no reaction, not even a blink. Jennie was completely void of expression. She probably knew the end was near, and the guilt only grew for not saying it sooner. It was killing her like how it was killing Jisoo – slowly and painfully – as the days counted down to this very moment.

  
  
  


“So,” Jisoo continued carefully, “that means I don’t have any more questions. So, that means this is our last appointment. And – and that means…”

  
  
  


_We won’t be seeing each other anymore._

  
  
  


She didn’t have to say it. Jennie perfectly understood from the way her head subtly nodded. The inability to read her only fed the fear, her lack of response even scarier.

  
  
  


“Do you have any questions or concerns?” Jisoo croaked. “Before we – part.”

  
  
  


_Say something. Please._

  
  


Jennie’s gaze dropped to the ground. Jisoo bit the inside of her cheek – so hard blood drew, the iron bitter. Every second that silently passed was harrowing, the anticipation for the girl to say something – _anything_ – only built upon the anxiety. Patience for Jennie would’ve been tolerable any other time, but this time was not any other time.

  
  
  


Because this time, there wouldn’t be anymore other times.

  
  


“Jennie –”

  
  
  


“Can I hold you? Once more?”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s breath hitched, the request taking her aback, surreal in her ears. But Jennie was sincere, her eyes frank – the most they had ever shown today. It wouldn’t be smart. She shouldn’t succumb because it’d only make it harder than it already was. 

  
  
  


But fighting it was a lot harder. It was a losing battle and she had lost.

  
  
  


Jennie was warm, contrary to winter’s disease. For a split, feverish second, nature was green as Jisoo sank into Jennie’s arms draped around her shoulders, her own arms couldn’t help but to wrap around the girl’s waist to encase more of the warmth – more of her. 

  
  
  


But it took every fiber in Jisoo’s body to not hold Jennie close, to hold her as if they were crashing and burning and she was the only solace, to hold her so tight that their pounding hearts melded and all there was left to breathe was her, to hold her like nothing else mattered in the world because nothing else did matter. Only Jennie mattered, so she settled for a pat on her back; one pat, two pats. The third came hesitant when Jennie murmured something in her ear – muffled by the ringing in her head.

  
  
  


“Walk away now.”

  
  
  


Her hand hovered, frozen over the small of Jennie’s shaking back. Her feet were heavy, excruciatingly heavy – rooted into the earth a hundred feet deep with her heart that plunged into the same cavity.

  
  
  


_No, don’t let me._

  
  
  


“Jisoo, walk away.”

  
  
  


_No, don’t. Don’t._

  
  


“Walk away. It’s okay.”

  
  
  


Circles, circles, circles; around and around and around. The world was spinning, the park distorted in its haze. It was nauseating, so Jisoo dropped her forehead on Jennie’s shoulder, biting her lip to stifle the sobs. She couldn’t cry – she couldn’t. She couldn’t because if she did, they’d fall right off the edge into the abyss. Holding it together was a must; at least for now, at least for Jennie.

  
  
  


“Jennie –”

  
  
  


“Jisoo.”

  
  
  


The plea – a broken, languid plea that was barely above a whisper – to unlock them only locked them tighter. Jennie’s breath was unsteady, gentle, and frail – a poor attempt of staying calm, and ultimately failing because her trembling body said it all. Reading Jennie’s body always came easy, but this was one of the very few times that it would’ve been a bliss if it wasn’t so – a beautiful, ignorant bliss – because Jisoo was cracking and holding it together was as good as holding sand in her fingers.

  
  
  


“Don’t –” Jisoo breathed, her voice breaking as she bit back another sob – futile because it escaped her lips anyway. “Don’t let me lose you now.”

  
  
  


Silence.

  
  
  


“Walk away now, or else we might not be able to let each other go.”

  
  
  


Smoke.

  
  
  


Smoke was everywhere.

  
  
  


They crashed and burned and everything was smoke. Inhaling, exhaling, simply breathing hurt. Breathing in Jennie hurt – her rich fragrant, her eyes, nose, lips, her silky hair – everything that was her. It hurt so much, it hurt so bad, but Jisoo breathed in all of her anyway – even when her chest caved and her lungs burned and she was suffocating because there was no other way to live if it wasn’t in this agony.

  
  
  


The third pat came, lingering on the spot between the girl’s trembling shoulder blades before her arms slipped off and the abyss swallowed them whole. The tiny fists clenching her coat loosened and fell as Jisoo’s head heaved itself off Jennie. Her eyes were downcasted and Jisoo could only swallow thickly before concluding the end.

  
  
  


“It was a pleasure doing business with you, and you’ll receive the first copy of your biography once it’s finished. Goodbye, Jennie.”

  
  
  


_I don’t want to forget you._

  
  
  


Miraculously, her legs worked. Jisoo turned around, an anguish breath mystifying in the winter air, and heaved one step – then, two steps – then, three. It was unknown whether Jennie had said anything, or moved at all, but nothing really could be heard save for the cracks of her heart and pounding in her head. 

  
  
  


_But I’ll forget you._

  
  
  


The world was a stronger grayscale, the winter disease worsening and eating away at Jisoo by the second. Every step staggered, her mind blank of any particular destination, but her eyes looked straight ahead. Never back, never again.

  
  
  


_I can forget you._

  
  
  


_I’ll forget you, Jennie._

  
  
  


_Because it’ll hurt less than to blame you._


	11. time lapse

The steak was disgusting. The wine was nauseating. The piano music was appalling. The chatters of the other diners were annoying. For a five-star restaurant, the service was awful.

  
  
  


Jongin was talking. His lips were moving and his eyes were shining. He was probably talking about something he liked. What _did_ he like? What _were_ his hobbies? That wasn’t about to be learned anytime soon because Jennie’s ears had tuned him out. 

  
  
  


“... and then my friend from Seoul …”

  
  
  


Her head was nodding along, though. As her fork picked at the steak, her head was bobbing and her throat was humming occasionally. Her chin rested on her palm, her fingers picking at the dead skin on her lips with no concern for the lipstick.

  
  
  


“... Jennie?”

  
  
  


“That’s interesting.”

  
  
  


“Jennie.”

  
  
  


The second time around snapped Jennie out her daze. Jongin was regarding her with concern, his eyebrows stitched and his utensils set neatly on his finished plate. 

  
  
  


“Are you okay, Jennie?” he asked. “Were you even listening to me?”

  
  
  


The fork clattered on the porcelain as she sighed. “Sorry. I spaced out.”

  
  
  


“Are you feeling alright? You’re super pale.”

  
  
  


“Yeah, I’m fine.”

  
  
  


“No, you’re not.”

  
  
  


Jennie smiled wryly. “Why do you even ask if you know the answer?”

  
  
  


“Because that means you lie.”

  
  
  


Her fingers drummed on the white table sheet. “Quite an astute observation, Jongin.”

  
  
  


He wasn’t amused, heaving a sigh with his whole chest and leaned back on his seat. “I didn’t even notice.”

  
  
  


“Notice what?”

  
  
  


“Our relationship ending.”

  
  


_There was none in the first place,_ the words at the tip of Jennie’s tongue. That was probably not appropriate to say with the atmosphere so tense and the subject at hand, so the mask was put on again. But the mask was heavier and harder this time, deteriorating with every wear. It was about time, simply inevitable; it was only a matter of who could look through it first. 

  
  
  


“Neither did I.”

  
  
  


“That was another lie.”

  
  
  


There was no use now. It would’ve been scary to lay her emotions out so stark and bare, but there was nothing left to be scared of, nothing to lose; and Jennie was tired of acts, and Jongin was kind, so thus the mask fell and crumbled into ashes.

  
  
  


“Yes, that was a lie.”

  
  
  


Jongin nodded, appreciating the honesty even though the slight twitch of his lips showed hurt. “I thought so. I thought that as the wedding neared, we’d be more comfortable with each other, but honestly, you’re really hard to get close to. You’re supposed to be my wife in a month, but I have no idea who you are, what you like, and what you do. You’re a stranger. That’s a little sad, isn’t it?”

  
  
  


“It’s not your fault.”

  
  
  


“It isn’t. Neither is it yours. It’s neither of our faults, especially since it’s arranged.” He picked up his wine glass, but didn’t take a sip. He simply stared at it, the dark crimson liquid that was barely consumed. Jongin was the type to not drink alcohol when he could avoid it, but his eyes looked tempted. “So, I’ll stop trying. Let’s just get through this marriage and live comfortably afterwards, preferably away from our parents. I think that’ll be the best for us.”

  
  
  


Guilt should be clawing at her. The boy spent six years trying to win her love, only to have no chance to begin with. Guilt should be clawing, but there was nothing. It was relief her head nodded to, not guilt. It was terrible, the way Jongin’s heartbroken eyes casted down and that didn’t even evoke an ounce of care. That was amusing to some degree – the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

  
  
  


“Yes,” she said. “That’ll be for the best.”

  
  
  


Dinner was cut short with a wordless, awkward car ride back. The mansion was dark, so dark that the moonlight couldn’t alleviate it from the shroud. In front of the glass wine cabinet, Jennie’s reflection was unrecognizable, all dark and distorted. But it wasn’t her reflection she came here for – herself being the last thing she wanted to see tonight – it was for some wine.

  
  
  


Should she be drinking on an empty stomach? No, but it didn’t stop her fingers wrapping around the neck of a random bottle that looked the same as the many other bottles lined on the shelf. Where should she drink? Her room? No, this mansion was the last place she’d want to drink at. 

  
  
  


Where should she go?

  
  
  


_Just let the wind carry you and you’ll find things you would’ve never discovered. That’s how I like to live life._

  
  
  


“You’re right,” Jennie muttered to her reflection on the green, glass bottle. Sometimes it was okay to have no idea where to go. Perhaps she shouldn’t think so much and just go.

  
  
  


Where was Joohyun? Informing the girl of her nightly strolls was always the first thing to do, but time was of the essence and the will to find her was off putting. The impulse to go as soon as possible was the only thing keeping her from collapsing. 

  
  
  


_I won't be gone for long. It shouldn’t be a problem._

  
  
  


The night air kissed Jennie’s skin as the windless wind carried her along the trailing stars once more, to a place where the water was blue and the skyline stark in the horizon.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Her fingers ached. Her eyelids sank. The clock ticked. Tick, tick, tick. All it could do was tick, and Jisoo would’ve chucked it a long time ago with the one in her apartment if her passionate insomnia hadn’t rendered her a zombie, doomed to type away at the typewriter. Overgrown bangs tickled her eyes as they flitted between the opened journal and the ink minting on the parchment, her brain autopiloting the information to the new page. 

  
  
  


“Damn, Jisoo. You’re still here?”

  
  
  


Coffee scented the office, but Jisoo’s head never turned to meet the older girl. All it could do was face the typewriter as the keys clicked away. Click, click, click. Tick, tick, tick.

  
  
  


“Earth to Jisoo?”

  
  
  


It was only until Seulgi pulled off the hood of her oversized flannel that Jisoo’s head turned. The latter was regarding her with worry, which was relieving because at least it wasn’t pity; she had enough from Chaeyoung.

  
  
  


“Sorry,” Jisoo said, flashing a meek smile. She removed her spectacles and rubbed her eyes with the heel of her palms. “I guess I was too busy writing to hear you.”

  
  
  


“I can see that,” Seulgi quipped, scanning the workplace with pursed lips. It wasn’t much, just the typewriter, an empty teacup, her satchel, her journal, and her pen in the dip of the binder. “Do you know how late it is? It’s half past one in the morning. I need to close my office sooner or later, you know.”

  
  
  


Jisoo scratched her head sheepishly. “Sorry for keeping you up so late.”

  
  
  


“That was a joke.” Seulgi scooted the teacup aside before hopping on the desk and taking a sip of her coffee. “I would’ve left a long time ago if I wanted. I’m a night owl anyway. Does Chaeyoung know you’re here?”

  
  
  


“No. She isn’t home. She’s celebrating her birthday with her family.”

  
  
  


“Oh, right. That girl is so close to her family, I can’t help but be jealous,” Seulgi chuckled. 

  
  
  


The corners of Jisoo’s lips curled, nails picking at the denim of her knees brought up to her chest. “What have you been working on?”

  
  
  


“Organizing potential stories, sorting Nayeon’s job offers, blah blah blah, the boring behind the scenes stuff. Speaking of which, have you heard of the student riots near that one university? You should write about that next. That’d be a good story.”

  
  
  


Seulgi’s gaze was hopeful as she twiddled with the button of her coat and swayed her legs idly. It was a good time to tell her. Actually, it was the perfect time, so Jisoo’s eyes averted to focus on the stray thread of her jeans’ inner seam. There was something hard about confrontation and eye contact. Confrontation was already difficult in itself, and to look the person in the eye while saying something that’d hurt them? She’d rather not. 

  
  
  


“Actually, Seulgi,” sighed Jisoo, “Sorry to burst your bubble, but I’m leaving.”

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


“I’m going to Seoul. That one entertainment company – JYP – they offered me a job and I’m taking it.”

  
  
  


There was no need to look up to witness Seulgi’s crestfallen face; her legs had stopped swaying and her finger had stopped fiddling. Guilt impelled her nails to pick at the dry cuticles more forcefully.

  
  
  


“Okay.” Seulgi’s voice was leveled, tone cautious, but it didn’t hide the underlying disappointment. “I’m sure they’ll pay you more, and you’ll meet the biggest celebrities. That’s cool. You should get me an autograph.”

  
  
  


Jisoo smiled softly. “Will do.”

  
  
  


Seulgi puffed and set her coffee cup next to the teacup. “I guess this is your last job with me. I’ll miss you.”

  
  
  


“I’m still your friend. We’ll still see each other.”

  
  
  


“I don’t know about that. It’s pretty hard for you to keep in touch, especially without Chaeyoung’s help.”

  
  
  


Jisoo pouted. “I’ll try, I promise. I’ll even make reminders for myself.”

  
  
  


“Oh, so you need reminders to even think about your friends?”

  
  
  


“Hey! I’m trying.”

  
  
  


Seulgi laughed when Jisoo slapped her knee, the infectious giggle enticing one from Jisoo herself. The giggles ebbed into chuckles, which eased into soft smiles, and finally silence – a comfortable, bittersweet silence.

  
  
  


“You should get some sleep soon,” commented Seulgi, tenderly brushing Jisoo’s disheveled hair. “Your eyebags are so bad that you look like a racoon.”

  
  
  


“I will. I just – I just need to finish this.”

  
  
  


“Alright, but don’t kill yourself over it. You’re only human. Do you want some of my coffee?”

  
  
  


“Thanks.” Jisoo graciously accepted the cup, the porcelain warm in her hands, the drink even warmer in her stomach. Before her lips moved to take another sip, a buzz vibrated in her satchel. 

  
  
  


“Woah, who’d message at this hour?” Seulgi wondered as Jisoo scrambled to fish the pager out the bag. 

  
  
  


“Beats me,” Jisoo said, feeble fingers fumbling to turn the pager upright. Once the message was discernible, everything stopped.

  
  
  


_Meet at cafe now - J_

  
  
  


_J?_

  
  
  


_J…_

  
  
  


It took many shoulder nudges from Seulgi to yank Jisoo out of the dark pool. Suffocation subsided as the bleariness of the other’s wide, concerned eyes cleared, her moving lips saying something that wasn’t distinguishable at first until it was said for the nth time.

  
  


“Who is it?” 

  
  
  


Jisoo swallowed thickly. “I think – I think it’s Jennie.” 

  
  
  


“Jennie? Kim? What does she want if the biography is done – woah!” Seulgi yelped when Jisoo shot up from her seat and bolted toward the door, the suddenness almost knocking the girl over. “Hey, you forgot your stuff!”

  
  
  


“I’ll be back!” Jisoo shouted over her shoulder, already halfway down the hall. By the time the inference that the elevator would take too long crossed her mind, her feet had carried her down the long flight of stairs and into the night.

  
  
  


Either from the coffee or the profound adrenaline, the energy pumping through Jisoo’s veins was an engine worthy of a train, driving her down the main street at lightning speed. Some pedestrians stumbled out of the way, some yelled curses, but none of that was fazing – not even the scary fact that a mere, obscure message from the very person she wasn’t supposed to see again had her sprinting in a heartbeat.

  
  


Everything was scary, and some sort of mechanism should’ve developed by now to shy her away from scary things, like the silhouette by the streetlamp in front of the café. It was scary, it was dangerous, but the survival instinct to retreat was nonexistent as she stumbled headfirst into a halt, chest heaving and hands on her knees as the figure turned around.

  
  
  


“Jennie?”

  
  
  


But it wasn’t her. From the lighting of the lamp, the cap shadowed the upper half of the person’s face, yet her tresses were black instead of brown, her face thin instead of round, her nose tall instead of button. The cap was removed, revealing…

  
  
  


“Joohyun?”

  
  
  


“Jisoo.”

  
  
  


Confusion rendered Jisoo speechless for a moment, comprehension hindered from gasping breaths of air. “What are you doing here? Were you the one that messaged me?”

  
  
  


Joohyun nodded, her expression grim. “I did. I have a concern, but you weren’t home.”

  
  
  


“Okay, uhm,” Jisoo leaned her elbow on the lamp post and rested her hand on her hip, “What is it?”

  
  
  


“Do you know where Jennie is?”

  
  
  


Her throat caught. _Shouldn’t she be at home?_ “Jennie? No, I haven’t seen her for a few weeks. What’s the problem? Wouldn’t she tell you where she’d gone?”

  
  
  


“That’s the problem. She didn’t tell me.” Joohyun pursed her lips. “It’s been hours since Jongin took her home; I don’t know where she is and I can’t ask around the house.” She furrowed her eyebrows and rubbed her forehead. “She hasn’t been herself these days either. Her mood swings a lot, but for as long as I’ve known her, the swing had never been this severe. I think she took a bottle of wine, too. The cabinet was missing one when I cleaned it a while ago.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s heart dropped. “Wine?”

  
  
  


“Yes. I’m worried sick, Jisoo. I thought you’d know where she is, but it looks like neither of us know.”

  
  
  


“No.” Jisoo shook her head, her feet backpedaling one by one. “I’ll find her. I’ll find her. Don’t worry, Joohyun, I’ll find her.”

  
  
  


Joohyun’s shout for her name was drowned out by the strident pounds of everything; not only her heart or her head, but her whole body and the whole world. Everything was pounding, screaming, and agonizing as her worn sneakers slammed on the pavement – each stride shooting shocks through her muscles, each step thunderous with vehemence. 

  
  
  


_I was wrong, Jennie._

  
  
  


The phantom drops of spring rain pierced her skin at the bottom of the winding slope of the rich neighborhood. The ghost of puddles splashed on her legs and soaked her socks underneath the green awning of the closed library.

  
  
  


Jennie wasn’t here.

  
  
  


_I say that I can forget you –_

  
  
  


The boughs of the looming tree painted the grass with fragments of moonlight, the leaves whispering to her in abstract languages throughout the park. The light of the movie title box flickered and buzzed, the faded names and posters matching with the poignant smell of the rundown theater as it wafted past her. 

  
  
  


Jennie wasn’t here.

  
  
  


_– but up until now –_

  
  
  


The dog bone sign creaked as it swayed ever so slightly over the door, the nonadhesive corners of the flyers on the window fluttering from the wind of her sprint. A snowflake kissed her skin, the air chilly at the cracked road of the convenience store towered by apartment complexes. 

  
  


Jennie… she wasn’t here… 

  
  
  


– _I know I can’t let you go –_

  
  
  


Her legs buckled, a cry of pain jolting her feet to a staggering stop. The scent of a river was in the air as Jisoo scrambled for the bridge’s railing for support, the metal crashing into her rib cage and robbing her of the little breath she had. From head to toe, every inch of her body was throbbing in agony, and she could only choke a sob once her knees hit the concrete and her back flattened on the iron.

  
  
  


– _or give up on you._

  
  
  


“Jennie, where are you?” she bawled up toward the sky, the cries scratching her throat raw. “Where are you? Where are you? Where are you. Where are you...”

  
  
  


“Jisoo?” what sounded like Jennie’s voice echoing in her head. Not only was Jisoo crazy, but she was hallucinating as well. How fitting for her unhinged state of mind. Two could play that game.

  
  
  


“Where are you?” she hoarsely answered to the voice.

  
  
  


“Over here.”

  
  
  


That was a little too real in her left ear. Through her bleary vision, there was someone sitting in the middle of the bridge directly linear to Jisoo, the profile tiny – almost a mere dot in the distance.

  
  
  


“Jennie?” Hauling herself up with the railing, Jisoo’s hands gripped the ice cold metal as they pulled her inch by inch toward the person. Her feet occasionally stumbled from painful spikes in her ankles, but dedicated determination had her teeth gritted and her eyes focused on the small figure. “Jennie?”

  
  
  


The bridge was pitch dark, the only sources of light being the streetlamps at the ends and the moonlight that casted a long shadow. The steady rhythm of the river’s stream was more prominent the nearer the midpoint was, the throbs ebbing into a dull pulse with the area’s strange serenity. By the time the midpoint was reached, the only things seizing Jisoo’s senses were her breathing and the girl in front of her – donned in an evening dress and mismatched house slippers, her knees hugged to her chest with a wine bottle by her side and shivering uncontrollably.

  
  
  


“Jennie,” Jisoo sniffled, wiping the wetness underneath her eyes with the cuff of her sleeve. Because the one thing that felt reasonably real was the stinging iron in her palm, the urge to reach out to Jennie was ever the more enticing – just to make sure she wasn’t a figment of her imagination. But out of all the things that were scary, this _had_ to be the one that prompted hesitation when Jisoo’s hand hovered just above the head of brown hair, only to loosely fall by her side.

  
  
  


What if she wasn’t real? What if Jisoo’s hand passed right through her and broke her heart all over again? Perhaps it was for the better not to check, and let reality check itself out tonight. At least her heart was at peace for the moment.

  
  
  


“Jennie,” Jisoo said again, her voice wavering. “What are you doing out here? Do you know what time it is? It’s really late; it’s dangerous to be out here alone at this hour. You didn’t even bring a sweater; you’re going to get sick.” Her fingers ran through her hair in fatigued frustration. “Shit Jennie, what were you _thinking_?” 

  
  
  


For a silent moment, Jennie stared up at Jisoo, her expression with the usual void of transparency, before dropping her gaze to the river. Jisoo sighed, picking up the glass bottle. This was tangible at least, the lightness indicating it’d been emptied wholly.

  
  
  


“Did you drink this whole thing by yourself?” 

  
  
  


Another silence answered her. Jennie was rubbing her arms folded tightly to her chest, so Jisoo shrugged off her flannel and draped it over the girl’s tiny frame. In only her red tee, the air was harsh to the skin, but that didn’t matter all that much; it didn’t matter at all. A lot didn’t matter at the moment.

  
  


“Jennie.” Jisoo knelt down carefully, wincing from the audible cracks of her legs. “You can’t stay here. You need to go home.”

  
  
  


Jennie regarded her from the corner of her eye. Instead of another silence, she mumbled, “I don’t want to go back to that place.”

  
  
  


Jisoo worried her lip as the girl returned to watching the river, and Jisoo’s eyes couldn’t help but track her eyesight as well. The water was a black abyss, capturing the moonlight in patches of gray on its rippling surface. The waves were subtle, just enough to distort the moon’s reflection as they rolled down the bank. The skyline was hazy with fog, but the tall buildings were stark against the dark blue. In front of them stretched a landscape that was a painting, and they were merely observers into this slumbering world.

  
  
  


“How about I take you back to my place?” Jisoo prodded cautiously, attentive for any signs of disfavor. When the other’s face remained stoic, she continued, “You can stay there. As long as you need. You don’t have to go back. I’ll tell Joohyun, but only if that’s fine with you. Does that sound good?”

  
  
  


“But I have to. I have to go back. I know I have to go back eventually.”

  
  
  


“Then, just stay at my place for the time being. At least not,” she gestured to their surroundings, “here. It’ll be warmer.”

  
  
  


The corners of Jennie’s lips twitched. “I have wedding preparations tomorrow. What will happen?”

  
  
  


“I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out.” She offered her hand. “Together.”

  
  


Jennie eyed Jisoo’s open palm apprehensively. A small breeze wafted stray strands on her thin cheeks that used to be so plumped before. The compulsion to tuck away the strands and cup the girl’s face itched Jisoo’s nerves, but she stood her ground. The palm was still open, still cold, still empty.

  
  
  


But that was okay because waiting for Jennie was second nature – and for Jennie, Jisoo would wait forever.

  
  
  


There was no telling how much time had passed with the only sound being the trickling water. Jisoo’s knees throbbed, the overexerted energy crushing her muscles, but they stayed planted. With every breeze, the shivers became harder and harder to combat, but the palm remained inflexible – still open, still cold, still empty.

  
  
  


_Just a little more. Just a little longer._

  
  
  


Jennie moved her hand. The motion was slow, sedated, and nerve-racking as her tiny palm hovered over the surface of Jisoo’s. Tiny, but fitting – the perfect puzzle piece once the space between them enclosed, the creases slipping into place like they never left, their fingers wrapping and locking the ember from the winter. With one hand entwined and the other on the girl’s opposite forearm, Jennie unsteadily rose to her feet, much of her weight on Jisoo.

  
  
  


“Can you walk?” Jisoo asked, gingerly pulling the lapels of the flannel closer.

  
  
  


Although Jennie weakly nodded, her first step sent her stumbling into Jisoo who almost fell backward from her weight, her legs trembling to heave them back upright. 

  
  
  


“No, don’t try. You can’t.” Jisoo worried her lip, exhaling deeply before turning around and bending over, her arms brought behind as her fingers coaxed the girl. “Get on my back.”

  
  
  


“Are you sure you can carry me?”

  
  
  


“Yes. We won’t get anywhere in your state.”

  
  
  


“Jisoo, you’re shaking.”

  
  
  


She grimaced. Nothing passed that girl’s keen sight. “Don’t worry about it. Just trust me.”

  
  
  


The longer the silence dragged on, the more Jisoo’s muscles burned. Her head hankered to look back until delicate arms draped over her shoulders, the warmth of the girl’s body pressed on her back as she feebly climbed onto it. Jisoo’s knees dipped lower to help out – panging in protest – and when Jennie was securely on with the support of Jisoo’s forearms bearing her thighs, one grunt heaved them off the ground.

  
  
  


The first second cracked her bones. The second second blurred her vision. The third second inflamed her lungs. The fourth second evoked a whimper that her tongue couldn’t catch in time. The seventh second regained some balance. The tenth second was a precarious step. The twentieth second was another. Then, another and another. By the third hundredth second, the piercing cold ebbed into a kindling fire that was Jennie as their melded shadows trudged through the dull lights of street lamps. Jennie’s breathing quivered in a steady rhythm – faint, weak, but there. 

  
  
  


She was real. Broken, but real.

  
  
  


“I miss you.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s breath hitched. It was barely discerned and would’ve been missed if it wasn’t mumbled next to her ear, if the girl’s breathing wasn’t the only thing relevant to her senses. But her eyes stuck ahead to the length of the empty street. 

  
  
  


“I miss you,” sighed Jennie. “Saying this makes me miss you even more.” Her arms slightly wrapped themselves closer around Jisoo, around her palpitating heart. “Everything just reminds me of you. I miss you.”

Maybe there was a feeling, maybe there wasn’t; Jisoo could only look ahead because if she looked anywhere else, she might collapse. The ideal that there was no other way but forward was promising, but that was wrong. Forward and backward were one and the same because everything was circles with no real direction. They were walking forward and backward and left and right and all around, dropping fragments of each other wherever they go. Everything was scattered in every nook and cranny, impossible to recover and impossible to piece back together. It’s the existence of those remnants that indefinitely tied them together, the invisible string never cut because it was held by a thread that was their memories. 

  
  


Since it was impossible to forget, bearing it was the only thing to do – the only thing _left_ to do – but it was for naught. It didn’t help, it couldn’t help. Not when it’s painful to have Jennie by, but even more painful to have her away. Not when it’s suffocating to have Jennie’s warmth, but even more suffocating to lack it. And the cruelest of all was time – the way it ripped them apart, only to stitch them back together imperfectly.

  
  
  


So, no, it didn’t help. There was no cure. It would be easier to think that was okay, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay because it was killing her – killing them. They were the other’s ultimate demise and it couldn’t be helped, not when it was so easy to walk backward into each other until it was no longer chance but fate. 

  
  
  


“I miss you too,” whispered Jisoo, unsure whether the latter heard her at all.

  
  


Upon the bottom of the apartment’s stairwell, Jisoo helped ease Jennie off her back and onto her feet. Leaning on one another, each of their steps clambered up with support of the railing. It was clumsy and grueling, but once Jisoo rummaged the extra key from under the doormat and stumbled into the apartment, the huff of relief was well earned once they plopped on the couch, breathless.

  
  
  


There was no clock this time, no irking ticks counting down. Only inhales and exhales – ticks of their own – with their reflections distorted on the television screen. A lot of things were distorted these days. Wondrous, really. Wondrous in the sense that everything was distorted, but Jennie remained patent: her milky complexion that glowed in the moonlight, her disheveled, brown locks that tumbled over her shoulders in the neatest, messiest way, her pale lips that parted and unparted with wordless speech, and her hooded eyes that spelled everything at once. 

  
  
  


Jisoo’s throat was parched. Swallowing was difficult and talking was toiling, so she husked, “I’ll get you warmer clothes. Wait here.”

  
  
  


But Jisoo barely left the couch before she was pulled back under by arms around her waist, pinning her in the crook of the backing and armrest.

  
  
  


“Can you stay with me?” 

  
  
  


It was scary, the way she didn’t need to ask. She didn’t need to ask because all Jisoo needed was to be told and she’d do it in a heartbeat. All it took was one word to surrender, one touch to unravel, and Jisoo was at the mercy of those alluring, brown eyes. Her light, unsteady breaths tickled, her lips so close yet so far. One mere inch, but to seal it was terrifying; it hung in the balance and one wrong move may break it all.

  
  
  


“What is it, Jennie?” whispered Jisoo, so faint that it was solely distinct due to the scarce space between them. 

  
  
  


Yearning, fear, intoxication, everything in between; it was the first time that Jennie could be read without perusing. She was bare – everything laid out – and all Jisoo had to do was put it together. But it was impossible to think, much less comprehend, much less do anything when Jennie’s hand lingered on her thigh, tantalizing to the touch. The air was full of Jennie – all pungent wine and rich perfume that was inebriating to the scent, but there was nothing rich about the girl right now. Rich or wrecked, the difference was unperceivable when the heat that was so unbearable – its boiling point threatening to peak at any millisecond – as all the rationale to resist slipped out her head with every passing beat.

  
  
  


Jisoo missed her.

  
  
  


Jisoo needed her.

  
  
  


Jisoo wanted her.

  
  
  


Jisoo wanted Jennie so bad.

  
  
  


And all Jennie had to do was say it.

  
  
  


“I want you.”


	12. full circle

_Jisoo._

  
  
  


_Her hazel eyes._

  
  
  


_Her rosy lips._

  
  
  


_Her pretty nose._

  
  
  


_Her long lashes._

  
  
  


_Her slim cheeks._

  
  
  


_Her raven locks._

  
  
  


_Her anxious gaze as they stood in silence, facing each other on the pavement outside the library; not directly in front nor under the awning. No, a little away from the place because it was difficult enough to tell Jisoo here, much less at the spot where they first met._

  
  
  


_It was too much._

  
  
  


_Everything was too much._

  
  
  


_Jennie had less than twenty-four hours to formulate the words and how to approach the subject. She had from night to dawn to this very moment to do so, yet her mind was blank. Words were none; only the dread, the ache, and the guilt._

  
  
  


_“Why don’t you want to go to the library today?” asked Jisoo, head tilted. “We can go somewhere else if you want.”_

  
  
  


_No, it wasn’t that. The gnawing told Jennie to say the truth, to be as blunt as possible with no sugarcoating. But it wasn’t a matter of sugarcoating it or not, because it was hard to say anything at all when Jisoo’s fingers were wrapped around her pinky, thumb circling the back tenderly. It burned terribly, her touch, so Jennie’s hand slipped out and clenched by her side._

  
  
  


_“I need to say something, Jisoo,” she gritted._

  
  
  


_Confusion and hurt flashed in Jisoo’s face, but the girl patiently waited. How could she be so patient? When they’d been standing here for the past several minutes and Jennie had yet to say anything and only added to the anxious air?_

  
  
  


_“What is it?”_

  
  
  


_Jennie swallowed thickly, fixating on the dip between Jisoo’s brows instead of her eyes that held apprehensively. It would be too much to look her in the eye. Too much for her, too much for them, too much for the matter at hand. Seconds ticked by, the breeze of spring picking up with each passing one._

  
  
  


_“That night of my birthday –” she paused, her throat caught. She tried again. “That night –”_

  
  
  


_“Ah, was the food bad? It was the rice balls, huh? I knew I put too much –”_

  
  
  


_“No, it’s not that –”_

  
  
  


_“Oh, then a park was a weird place for a date, right? Especially at night –”_

  
  
  


_“Jisoo –”_

  
  
  


_“Or was it –”_

  
  
  


_“Jisoo!” Her exasperated cry made the latter jump. It was unbearable, painfully unbearable, when the girl’s expression struck with fear, the corners of her lips down instead of the grin it was accustomed to, her eyes so wide and so afraid. Jisoo was afraid; she should be. She was foolish to think there was nothing to be afraid of because there was so much to be afraid of, like the words that tumbled out Jennie’s mouth._

  
  
  


_“We got caught; Jisoo, we got caught. My father caught us that night and it was my damn fault!”_

  
  
  


_The first seconds were silent. Could Jisoo’s mouth do anything else but gape? The seconds ticked, not by the clock, but by Jennie’s heartbeats, her unsteady breaths, the pounding in her head. The cat was out of the bag, so could Jisoo do anything else but look at Jennie? Her gaze was suffocating, so Jennie’s eyes averted to the gray clouds above, slowly rolling and conquering the blue sky._

  
  
  


_“And?” The question was tiny, quiet, hesitant._

  
  
  


_“And –” The lump in her throat made it hard to speak; the pounding in her entire body made it hard to think; the pricks in her eyes made it hard to focus. But through all that, the sky was gray and there was no other way than this. None. “We can’t do this anymore.”_

  
  
  


_A pause._

  
  
  


_“Do what?”_

  
  
  


_“Us! Us, whatever we have. Whatever this is.”_

  
  
  


_“Why?”_

  
  
  


_“Why? Why?” Jennie was utterly flabbergasted. “What do you think? Jisoo, he has pictures. He’s going to ruin your life.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo finally looked away. Finally that breath of air, even if it’s for a second. Downcasted, she worried her lip and exhaled deeply. “Is that all?”_

  
  
  


_Crazy. Absolutely out of her mind. Jennie’s fists shook, either from the incredulous urge to slap the girl or break down._

  
  
  


_“What do you mean is that all? What are you saying?”_

  
  
  


_“I don’t have much going on in my life to ruin. I’m not that important.”_

  
  
  


_“You don’t understand the severity of this, do you? You want to be a writer and he owns the biggest writing company for heaven’s sake. He’s going to ruin your future! Your career! And – you’re important. God, you’re so important. Stop downplaying yourself and start getting this through your head.”_

  
  
  


_“All he has is pictures –”_

  
  
  


_“No, he’ll find you. He’ll find every little thing about you. Your face is all he needs and he has it.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo ran her fingers through her fringe and huffed, one hand on her hip as she paced. “Well, what about you?”_

  
  
  


_“What about me?”_

  
  
  


_“Are you just going to let him do that?”_

  
  
  


_“What? No! Of course not! That’s why I’m telling you this.”_

  
  
  


_“But you’re letting him win.”_

  
  
  


_“What else am I supposed to do? He already won. This isn’t about me, this is about you.”_

  
  
  


_“No, this is about you, too, Jennie. You’re letting him walk all over you like that without a fight. You’ve never been anything but an obedient daughter, but not even this changes that fact? It’s hard to be anything else, huh? He’s insane, but you’re still doing what he wants.”_

  
  
  


_“Stop turning this on me.” Jennie’s fists were shaking uncontrollably; her whole body was shaking uncontrollably. “I’m trying to tell you we can’t see each other anymore.”_

  
  
  


_“Is that what you want?”_

  
  
  


_“No –”_

  
  
  


_“Then why are you doing it?”_

  
  
  


_“Did you not hear what I said? My father –”_

  
  
  


_“My father this, my father that.” Jisoo threw her hands up. “When will you ever think for yourself?”_

  
  
  


_“I said don’t turn this on me –”_

  
  
  


_“Why do you keep listening to him?”_

  
  
  


_“Because he’s my family!”_

  
  
  


_The cry cut through the silent street. Maybe someone heard, maybe it echoed for the entire city to hear, but that was the last thing on Jennie’s mind because Jisoo was so frustrating. Or maybe it was the doubt casted with each question that challenged what was right or wrong – if this was right or wrong, if this sense of filial duty that had strung her along her whole life was right or wrong, if the words she spoke were right or wrong – and it split her head in two. It tore her body into shreds until there was nothing left of her, until her own self was a complete stranger to everything that shaped her._

  
  
  


_“And what about me? Am I not – not worth just as much?”_

  
  
  


_“It’s not like that,” Jennie sighed. “I just – it’s –”_

  
  
  


_“How can family be that important? If they don’t even want you to be happy? How can you call them family if all they do is make you sad? What kind of family does that?”_

  
  
  


_“But still – it’s my father for heaven’s sake –”_

  
  
  


_“Family!” the girl hollered in disbelief. “Family! What are families good for? I don’t understand. I really don’t understand what makes you go back to them after all the things they’ve done to you. Fill me in because I’m absolutely clueless.”_

  
  
  


_“Because – because I can’t betray them like that –”_

  
  
  


_“– you can stay at my place –”_

  
  
  


_“– it’s not that easy to walk away –”_

  
  
  


_“– no, you’re just weak –”_

  
  
  


_“– call me weak for all I care. Maybe I am because I’m not like you, Jisoo. You’re not me and I’m not you. How can you understand anyway? You don’t understand because you got disowned by yours!”_

  
  
  


_The pin dropped. Jennie slapped her hand over her mouth, but the damage was already done. Jisoo faltered, eyes blinking once, twice, thrice. Sorry was at the tip of Jennie’s tongue even though sorry wasn’t enough, but all of it plunged along with her heart once Jisoo, barely above a whisper, said, “I’ll wait for you.”_

  
  
  


_“Don’t. Don’t wait for me.”_

  
  
  


_“Jennie –”_

  
  
  


_“Stop it!” she screamed. Everything was penting up, bound to overboil, bound to explode. She couldn’t let anger get the best of her – let it lash out on Jisoo out of all people – but it was getting too much. There was only so much she could do, so much she could take. “It’s not going to work. We’re not going to work. We’re never going to work! Don’t you understand? We can’t do it.”_

  
  
  


_Jisoo grasped Jennie’s wrist. She was incredibly strong, the burning firmness of a fervent plea leaving nothing else but the temptation to succumb to it and the overwhelming compulsion to break. “We can. If we really wanted to.”_

  
  
  


_“No, we can’t. We can’t and you know it.”_

  
  
  


_“Then you got me wrong, because I won’t give up on you. I said it once and I’ll say it again. Jennie, I won’t ever give up on you.”_

  
  
  


_The wind was picking up, more intense than a mere breeze – a storm from the way the gust snapped at the hems of their uniform, the way Jisoo’s hair flew all over the place, the way the buildings creaked and the trees groaned. It would be easy, so easy, to trust Jisoo in the moment, to follow her blindly, to forget everything and stay by her side forever. It was so tempting, so Jennie ripped her wrist out of Jisoo’s hold before it devoured the last drop of willpower she had, and turned away._

  
  
  


_“Then you’re wasting your time.”_

  
  
  


_“Are you just going to give up?” Her voice was shaking, cracking, scared. “Just like that?”_

  
  
  


_“I – I –”_

  
  
  


_A pair of hands forced Jennie’s shoulders around. She writhed under Jisoo’s grip – from her touch, from her tearing eyes, from the torturous aspect of Jisoo in pain. Jisoo never cried. She never cried. Seeing her cry was worse than death, but Jennie was on death row and the girl’s eyes were the verdict of a familiar crime._

  
  
  


_Disappointment._

  
  
  


_That cut deeper than anything._

  
  
  


_“Jennie,” Jisoo choked, her brittle voice failing to level. “Look at me. Look and say it’s not true. You won’t. You –” it cracked, a frail hush underneath her breath that trickled out with her whole chest, “– you promised.”_

  
  
  


_It was the perfect time to snuff the candle, but Jennie couldn’t bring herself to do it. She was so close, but that cowardly instinct was retrograding and seizing the words on her tongue hostage. It was until the first droplet crashed on her cheek that some sense came back. Another, and another, and her head was clearing – pounding, but clearing. The rain was falling; the spring rain had come, a season of new beginnings. How ironic. How tragically ironic as they stood at the beginning of the end._

  
  
  


_“I broke it,” Jennie spluttered. “I broke my promise.” She grasped Jisoo’s collar in fists and shook her feebly. “I broke it, Jisoo, so hold it against me; hate me, curse me. I broke my damn promise, so why are you still here? It’s over, Jisoo. We can’t do it!” Chest heaving, her voice dropped. “Don’t try anymore.”_

  
  
  


_Her head shook – once, twice, thrice. Her fringe stuck to her sun-kissed complexion, the ends curled a little above her weeping eyes, its tears mingling with the rain as both streamed down her cheeks, collecting at her quivering lips. Jennie’s fingers loosened from her collar as Jisoo’s grip slipped off her shoulders, down her arms, and to her waist, clenching the fabric of her blazer as she sunk onto her knees. Her head fell against Jennie’s stomach – body trembling, sobs strangled, hold tight._

  
  
  


_“Please don’t leave me.”_

  
  
  


_The rain poured and poured and poured. A neverending pour to an ending season._

  
  
  


_Jennie cradled Jisoo’s head, her shaky palm caressing the drenched crown. The raindrops stung horribly, acidic to the touch as it ate away at her; that and this guilt. Both were eating her alive and she might die if she stayed here any longer, if she stayed with Jisoo any longer. She deserved death, but the cowardness eased Jisoo’s fingers off her blazer. Numb hands made it difficult, but one by one, they came off and hit the flooding concrete by her shoes._

  
  
  


_One step back, two steps back._

  
  
  


_It was unbearable to watch Jisoo on the ground, even with her face downcasted and curtained by hair. No, it was unbearable to look._

  
  
  


_Three steps back._

  
  
  


_Unbearable._

  
  
  


_Four steps back._

  
  
  


_Coward!_

  
  
  


_Jennie turned and ran. She ran as fast as she could, the chasmic puddles drowning her; the roaring rain branding it on her skin; the harsh cold suffocating her lungs. Never back, never back._

  
  
  


_Everything was eating her alive, and when Jennie was far away from Jisoo, it all swallowed her whole._

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Between the wine and Jisoo, it didn’t take much for the older girl to overtake Jennie’s head, not much at all. She was both drunk and sober – more so drunk, but not from the wine. A whole wine bottle didn’t do shit because it was all Jisoo: her scent, her warmth, _her_. After all that wine, it was Jisoo who made her forget.

  
  
  


The space was so small, yet so incredibly large, and closing it was excruciatingly difficult from a chain in her gut. It hurt, it ached. Jisoo’s eyes were half shut, fluttering in anticipation, before flitting up from Jennie’s lips to lock with Jennie’s gaze. Jisoo was right there, so close that each individual eyelash that tickled Jennie’s skin could be counted, yet it was so hard to _close_ it.

  
  
  


“You’re drunk.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s head barely shook. “I’m not.”

  
  
  


“You are. You smell of it.”

  
  
  


She said that, yet she hadn’t moved nor pushed Jennie away; there was no indication to extricate herself from Jennie’s arms pinning her on the couch. Perhaps Jisoo was as drunk as Jennie was, as out of her mind as Jennie was, as yearning as Jennie was. That wasn’t as reassuring as it should be.

  
  
  


“And if I am?”

  
  
  


“Then, this is wrong. Not like this.”

  
  
  


Wrong. A lot of things were wrong; tonight was wrong; they were wrong; _this_ was wrong. This was wrong, but it was so right. It was the rightest thing Jennie knew because it was the only thing she ever wanted. After so long, after so many things she didn’t want, the one person she wanted was right in front of her.

  
  
  


All she had to do was lean in.

  
  
  


But she couldn’t.

  
  
  


Her nails dug into the couch’s padding, bound to leave marks as it jarringly raked across the surface. The heart-shaped lips that were so close were now so far as the distance between them widened, until her back bumped into the opposite armrest. Jisoo still hadn’t moved from her spot – her cheeks flushed, hands clenched by her side, and gaze lingering a little too intensely.

  
  
  


“Sorry,” Jennie said dryly. “You’re right. Sorry.”

  
  
  


Jisoo blinked, then hiccuped. “I’ll get you clothes. Wait here,” she said, clearing her throat before standing up.

  
  
  


Without another glance, the girl scurried to her room. Jennie didn’t know how much time passed with no clock in the place, but she was in the same spot when Jisoo came back with a stack of clothes in her arms. Her eyes were shifty as she handed it to Jennie.

  
  
  


“I don’t know what you’d be comfortable in, so I grabbed whatever,” she said. “The bathroom is down the hall. Come back here when you’re done and we’ll figure stuff out.”

  
  
  


The sound of running water and the frigid edge of the porcelain basin helped clear Jennie’s head. After splashing some water on her face to cool down, Jennie looked up to the mirror. Hopefully it was the water that smeared her makeup because if she had looked this bad in front of Jisoo – and _that_ close, too – no, that was too embarrassing to think about.

  
  
  


Speaking of which, did she almost _kiss_ Jisoo?

  
  
  


“You did not,” Jennie muttered in disbelief to her reflection. But the heat crept back up her face as fragments of minutes ago slowly pieced together – of Jisoo – Jisoo and her – her lips – and her hand was touching her _thigh_ …?

  
  
  


“Oh shit.” A groan had her hands in her hair as she paced around the bathroom. “Shit, shit, shit. You’ve done it for yourself.” Stopping in front of the mirror to glare at her reflection, she raised a fist and scowled before dropping it just as quick. For fuck sakes, she wasn’t going to fight a _mirror_. 

  
  
  


Heaving a sigh, she cleaned her face with wet wipes from the cabinet and eyed the clothes on the countertop: a shirt, a hoodie, and pajama pants. Slipping out the confining dress was a relief, and the fresh clothes smelling distinctly of vanilla and detergent oddly calmed her flusterness. After fixing her hair once more in the mirror, Jennie returned to the living room.

  
  
  


Jisoo was on the couch – yet to change out her clothes – with her knees brought up to her chest and thumb running along her chin in what seemed a frustrating thought from the way her eyebrows met. Her eyes flicked up to Jennie once she sat across from her, placing the folded dress on the table and tucking her legs under her.

  
  
  


“Here’s some water.” Jisoo reached for the glass cup on the coffee table and handed it over. 

  
  
  


“Thank you.” Jennie accepted it graciously. The drink quenched her parched mouth, her tongue licking her lips to lap stray drops as Jisoo regarded her carefully.

  
  
  


“Have you sobered up?”

  
  
  


Jennie winced and dipped her chin. “Yeah.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s expression softened. “Okay. Do the clothes fit you alright?”

  
  
  


“Yeah.”

  
  
  


“That’s good,” Jisoo hummed, lazily brushing through her hair and easing out knots. “I was thinking that I’ll sleep on the couch and you’ll sleep on my bed. Chaeyoung’s room is out of the question, you know? And my bed is a lot more comfy than this couch; a lot more warm, too.”

  
  
  


“Okay.”

  
  
  


“Okay.”

  
  
  


The glass cup was emptied and returned on its coaster on the coffee table. The silence was comfortable, yet awkward; quiet, yet loud; calm, yet tense. Jisoo’s face was taut as she picked at her fingers. She looked angry. Perhaps she _was_ angry, and that made the guilt and shame increasingly worse.

  
  
  


“I’m sorry,” uttered Jennie after a pregnant moment.

  
  
  


Jisoo’s eyes flicked up, gaze gentle. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

  
  
  


Jennie bit the inside of her cheek. “You should change out your clothes.”

  
  
  


“I will. I just need to... think.”

  
  
  


“Okay.”

  
  
  


“Do you need help going to my room?”

  
  
  


“No, I know where it is. I – also need to think, too.”

  
  
  


“Okay. Do you want something to eat?”

  
  
  


“It’s fine. I’m not hungry.”

  
  
  


“Okay.”

  
  
  


Jennie restlessly tugged at her collar, eyes wandering anywhere but the girl across from her. “How did you find me?”

  
  
  


A pause. 

  
  
  


“Luck.”

  
  
  


“I wasn’t going to do anything scary, by the way. I did think about it, but I was too scared.”

  
  
  


Another pause. 

  
  
  


“I don’t know if I should be concerned or relieved.”

  
  
  


“You don’t have to be either. I just want to let you know.”

  
  
  


“Okay. Thanks. Should I contact Joohyun?”

  
  
  


Jennie’s head lightly shook. “No. Not right now. I want to keep a low profile tonight.”

  
  
  


“Okay. Whenever you’re ready.”

  
  
  


“Yeah. Thanks.”

  
  
  


The air hung heavily – not only with silence, but with unspoken feelings. So many feelings, yet they sat mum – facing each other, looking at each other – with those feelings laid out in the space that was the length of the couch. It was just this distance because any less would be too dangerous, and any more would be too painful.

  
  
  


“You should go rest now.”

  
  
  


“Okay.”

  
  
  


Standing up, Jennie made to collect the glass cup, but was stopped by Jisoo’s hand on her wrist.

  
  
  


“It’s fine. I got it – agh!” Jisoo yelped, stumbling into the table when she stood up.

  
  
  


“Fuck! Are you okay?” Jennie exclaimed, helping the girl up by her arms. 

  
  
  


“Yeah, just – fuck,” Jisoo hissed, slamming her fist on the wood before they sat back down on the cushion. “My ankles. Fuck, they were fine before. Why do they hurt now?”

  
  
  


Jennie gingerly heaved her legs up to examine her ankles, the girl notably grimacing. The moonlight wasn’t the best source of light, but no doubt they were swollen with small splotches of purple dotting all around. 

  
  
  


“Sit tight,” said Jennie, striding to the kitchen. “I’m going to get ice. Do you have bandages?”

  
  
  


“In the bathroom cabinet.”

  
  
  


After Jennie gathered an ice pack and the roll of bandages, she pressed the ice on the ankles as gently as she could. No matter how hard Jisoo tried to hide the pain – even going as far as to bite down on her palm – she visibly writhed. Jennie’s heart wrenched from the sight, so she asked, “Do you have any painkillers?”

  
  
  


“Where the bandages were.”

  
  
  


Jisoo seemed to relax after downing a painkiller and having her ankles bandaged, the shallow breaths steadying once her feet were propped up by stacked throw pillows on the coffee table. They sat at the crevice of the two cushions shoulder to shoulder, Jennie with her legs crossed and hands slack on her lap and Jisoo with her head rested back and eyes shut. She looked both serene and troubled, in the sense that her light breaths through her parted lips were melodious to the sound, and there was an apparent strain on her thin face as if she aged a hundred years since the last time they’d seen each other. 

  
  
  


_Is that because of me? From worrying so much?_ Jennie wondered, brushing a few strands of Jisoo’s bangs to the side as guilt edged into her chest. From how unresponsive Jisoo was, she might have fallen asleep, so Jennie took this opportunity to sneak off the couch, but a gentle hand on her knee froze her in place.

  
  
  


“I thought you were asleep,” Jennie said. “I was about to head to bed to let you rest.”

  
  
  


Jisoo languidly blinked, eyes half shut. “No, it’s fine. I can’t sleep anyway.”

  
  
  


Jennie chewed the inside of her cheek, but settled back on the couch. She sighed, “You hurt yourself because of me.”

  
  
  


“No, not because of you. I was careless, that’s all.”

  
  
  


“Because of me. You were careless because of me. I know you. You carried me when your ankles were like that.”

  
  
  


The corners of Jisoo’s lips tugged. “Let’s say that; let’s say it’s because of you. Will that help you sleep at night?”

  
  
  


Jennie laughed half-heartedly. “No, that won’t help at all.”

  
  
  


“Then, there’s really nothing to stop you from feeling bad.”

  
  
  


“I guess not.”

  
  
  


Jisoo sighed – the huff barely perceptible – as she tapped her finger on Jennie’s knee. It was a sedated rhythm, unlike her habitual quick taps with her pen, that sent dull pulses with every drum; each pulse heightening and twisting in Jennie’s chest when the girl pillowed her head on her shoulder. They were in the any less now – dangerous, but they were in too deep to get out. Or perhaps they didn’t want to get out because getting out means any more, and any more was painful and everything was already painful as it was. Perhaps that was why, and anything was better than pain.

  
  
  


Jennie inched her palm over Jisoo’s hand – hesitant at first before resting it and subduing the taps. “Jisoo, I’m not drunk.”

  
  
  


“And?”

  
  
  


“And… that means this should be right, right? Tell me this is right because I don’t know what’s right if this is wrong; that it’s right that my heart still beats for you, that what I’m doing right now is right.” She gulped. “Please tell me, because I hope it’s right and I don’t want to be wrong. Not with you.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s head moved, probably to look at Jennie, but Jennie was fixated on their hands, their fingers perfectly fitting the fissures between one another.

  
  
  


“But will you leave again?”

  
  
  


Jennie faltered, her bottom lip between her teeth at the little sigh.

  
  
  


“See, you can’t even say you won’t.” Jisoo pursed her lips. “I want to say it's right, too, but I can’t when it’ll be the same thing all over again. You leave me, and you let me leave. Don’t you think that’s too cruel? Unfair?”

  
  
  


_Fool._

  
  
  


“Yeah, you’re right,” Jennie said shamefully through the lump in her throat. Her hand retracted, but Jisoo took her pinky before it strayed too far.

  
  
  


“You don’t have to go, you know.”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“I know.”

  
  
  


“Then, why?” 

  
  
  


Why, why, why. Convincing herself back then was so easy, but the reason was starting to muddle into self-doubt. Was it really familial duty? Or that she wasn’t worth anything else? Jennie’s eyes flitted to meet Jisoo’s studious gaze.

  
  
  


“Sometimes I wonder that, too. Maybe because I don’t know anything else.”

  
  
  


“You’re not seventeen anymore. You’re grown and capable of controlling your own self.”

  
  
  


Jennie shook her head and Jisoo’s eyes softened.

  
  
  


“It’s still hard for you, huh?”

  
  
  


Jennie strained a small smile. “You can say that.”

  
  
  


Jisoo squeezed along the length of Jennie’s pinky, from the bottom to the tip and to the bottom again, unhurried and tender. 

  
  
  


“I still care about you, Jen. I thought I wouldn’t after so long, but I still do. It hurts to see you like this, rotting away and all. It’s okay to make mistakes because anyone can do so; it’s okay to make bad decisions; but you can’t keep pushing me away because of them.” She flipped Jennie’s palm up. “I want to help you. I don’t want you to live in this… in this state of uncertainty.”

  
  
  


“Aren’t I a bit too worthless to be anything but this?” asked Jennie as Jisoo traced her nail along the creases of her palm, light and ticklish to the touch as she mapped and explored every line with pacific wont. “To live in anything else?” 

  
  
  


“You’re not worthless.”

  
  
  


“I’m really not good for anything else. I can’t even – sometimes I try, more often than not – but I can’t even leave this life. It’s too scary to do. I’m just too scared to change anything, be anything else. I don’t even have anything else outside of this business shit.”

  
  
  


“You have photography.”

  
  
  


“I can’t even pick up my camera anymore.”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“You have me.”

  
  
  


“I had you, but then I lost you.”

  
  
  


“Do you know how to think anything else but cynical?”

  
  
  


“Sorry, it’s kind of second nature, especially when there’s nothing that helps me think otherwise.” 

  
  
  


Jisoo’s faint smile was one of amusement. “Fair enough.” She drew lazy circles on Jennie’s palm. “But I’m here now. The question is,” she stopped at the center, “will you stay?” 

  
  
  


Frankly, Jennie wasn’t sure. She would say yes, that she would stay, if it meant she could have Jisoo just for tonight, just for a moment, but that wouldn’t be fair. She would have said it, but she could only watch as Jisoo’s fingertip pressed on her skin, augmenting the overwhelming pulse in her chest that drew her nearer to Jisoo; nearer and nearer until the tips of their noses touched and everything was vanilla, until Jisoo’s lips were so close that the distinct shape of them forced her jaw clenched from restraint. 

  
  
  


“I want to. God, I want to so bad.”

  
  
  


“Then, what’s stopping you?”

  
  
  


“I don’t want to fuck anything up.”

  
  
  


“You won’t fuck anything up, I promise. All you have to do is stay.”

  
  
  


The word lingered, a wispy mist of a candle snuffed out by a breath. _Stay with me,_ Jisoo’s eyes pleaded as she reached for Jennie’s face, cupping her cheek and tenderly wiping the wetness under her eye. Always deft at catching silent tears before they fell, a thought that would’ve been amusing if not for the many more tears that subsequently followed, hot and stinging on Jennie’s skin.

  
  
  


Too deep to pull out. Too far to go back. No clock counted their days, their minutes, or their seconds. It was just Jisoo.

  
  
  


Again.

  
  
  


And again.

  
  
  


And again.

  
  
  


“I’ll stay.”

  
  
  


“Really?”

  
  
  


The second time around was easier. _Stay, stay, stay._ The more it resonated, the more pronounced it became. That was all Jennie had to do. She didn’t need the highest marks, or appease any mister’s ego. No, it was simple; too simple, really, that it was unbelievable the first time it was said. But sometimes things didn’t need to be complicated, and sometimes the simplest thing was the answer all along.

  
  
  


“Yes. I’ll stay.”

  
  
  


There were no more words; only this palpitating, aching warmth. With Jisoo, there was no need for words when her soft lips brushed over Jennie’s cheek to kiss away the tear, or when her hand traced from Jennie’s palm up her forearm to cup the nape of her neck – tingling and feverish in its wake through the sleeve – that elicited a faint sigh from Jennie. Her eyes fluttered open and shut, torn between whether to sink into the sentiment or watch Jisoo pillowed her forehead on hers, the scent of vanilla and dilated pupils overtaking all senses.

  
  
  


Right, wrong, right, wrong. Two things that were so antithetical now merged and melded until neither were distinguishable because thinking was hard when everything muddled into nothingness, when there was nothing else to think about but Jisoo’s lips. Tentative, gentle, as if any more would break the other, and any less would be torturous. But both melded and muddled into nothingness as well under Jisoo’s touch – her nails that scraped into Jennie’s scalp that sent shivers all over, and her hand that slipped under Jennie’s clothes to cup the arc of her hip and round to the dimples of her back that had Jennie’s body hot and aching in several ways.

  
  
  


Everything became nothing: the world, this room, her thoughts. There were no thoughts because if there _were_ thoughts, Jennie’s hands wouldn’t be wrapping themselves around Jisoo’s small waist, fingers tugging at the hem of her shirt for permission. One languid hum was all that was needed to pinch the hem on both sides and trace the curves of Jisoo’s body up and over her head, the shirt discarded somewhere along with the bra that followed after some time ineptly fiddling with the hook and a few giggles.

  
  
  


This was right; Jisoo’s lips with the faintest of against hers, Jisoo’s body arched into hers, and Jisoo’s fingers tangled in her hair; the smooth skin of her abdomen, the silky locks that tumbled over her bare chest, the lithe of said bare chest, and the low moan as her back was gently lowered on the cushion. Everything about Jisoo was so right and so soft – _so_ soft it was unreal – that Jennie’s lips had to part from hers – just enough to breathe, but not enough to lose the touch of them – as she shifted to accommodate for the cumbersome space and carefully bring up Jisoo’s legs from the table to the couch that was most comfortable for her ankles.

  
  
  


Jennie’s finger traced up the seam of Jisoo’s jeans, to the small, perfect dip of her thigh, and to the waistband, encircling around the button and tugging at it timidly. Face flushed, Jisoo bit her lip before giving one bashful nod and the button gave way, followed subsequently by the zipper. Although slower nearing the bottom hem, with attentiveness and ease, the pants and undergarments were soon discarded somewhere as well.

  
  
  


And it was when Jisoo was under Jennie, her knees straddling Jisoo’s hips, her hands by either side of Jisoo’s head – brushing the fanned out hair neatly in order to not trap any strands – that the thought occurred.

  
  
  


Jisoo was beautiful.

  
  
  


Truly, utterly beautiful.

  
  
  


It was impossible to think otherwise, even in a dark room with only the moonlight through the curtains to illuminate her and her tan skin that was too scary to touch for the fear of blemish. That gaze – that _gaze_ – oh so captivating that the will to admire any other part of Jisoo’s body was futile because it held on so strong and Jennie was so weak. Jisoo had Jennie wrapped around her finger, raveling and unraveling the knots deep in her stomach with every gesture so effortlessly they were bound to combust. 

  
  
  


“Jennie,” she husked euphoniously. “Not to ruin the mood but…”

  
  
  


“Hm?”

  
  
  


“... this is my first time.”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“Oh.”

  
  
  


“Yeah, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  
  
  


Jennie chuckled softly. “Me neither.”

  
  
  


“You seem to know more than me.”

  
  
  


“Well, I’ve done it a few times, but never with…”

  
  
  


“Oh, great. Looks like we both don’t know what we’re doing.”

  
  
  


They giggled – Jennie dipping her chin and Jisoo covering her mouth petitly with eyes crescent. Once it ebbed, Jisoo tugged lightly at Jennie’s hoodie.

  
  
  


“Can you take this off?” 

  
  
  


It was clumsier than when Jennie undressed Jisoo, but maybe it’s because it was herself and shyness was insurmountable in the face of the older girl. But with the help of Jisoo’s reassuring smile and soothing touch, the air soon kissed Jennie’s bare skin. She shuddered, either from that or Jisoo’s thumb grazing her fevered skin – from her forearm to her shoulder and along the dip of her collarbone and up the length of her throat to her chin, tracing her jawline to her earlobe and rounding back to her cheekbone to settle on her bottom lip. She tapped once, twice, thrice.

  
  
  


It was nerve-racking – not only because Jennie hadn’t thought this far, but because it wasn’t just anyone; it was Jisoo. But something about Jisoo told her she didn’t need to think, that no plan was okay, that she only needed to _do_ , and perhaps it’s the way Jisoo’s hands snaked around to the nape of her neck and up the length of her back to her shoulder blades, gently coaxing her closer until Jisoo’s heartbeat pounded against Jennie’s flushed chest, synchronous to her own.

  
  
  


“This is right,” Jennie murmured, more a question than a statement as her eyes gauged Jisoo for mutuality. 

  
  
  


A play of glistening gold flecks on brown hue told all as Jisoo tucked Jennie’s hair behind her earlobe, but Jennie had to hear her say it. Just for this moment because reading it was one thing – she could always read her – but hearing would mean it’s all true.

  
  
  


“Yes,” said Jisoo, lips curled.

  
  
  


There were no further thoughts, only Jisoo’s warmth.


	13. dawn break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: hey, uhm,,, past me thought future me would use christmas break to do productive things like working on this fic but i ended up playing video games all day so,,, my apologies but happy late holidays and a happy new year B) ALSO ROSE AND LISA SOLO IN BOUND POGGGG

“On the couch? On the _couch?_ You did it on – _this_ couch?”

  
  
  


It was one thing to wake up to an aching body (soothed by the fresh face of a drowsy Jennie whose chest Jisoo’s head rested on and whose arm Jisoo was snuggled in), but to also be greeted by Chaeyoung’s shrill notes as she paced around the room, hands in her hair, only disorientated the morning’s grogginess more. There was no need (nor time) for an explanation when it was easy to put two and two together, that being the clothes strewn on the floor and Jisoo and Jennie naked. Like a deer in the headlights, an awkward, long pause ensued once the latter stepped into the apartment.

  
  
  


It was definitely not what any of them expected, that’s for sure.

  
  
  


While Chaeyoung dropped her bags in horror, it provided enough time for them to scramble off each other, Jennie whizzing for the clothes after toppling off the couch (the jeans would’ve taken too long to put on, so they settled for the oversized shirt on Jisoo and the hoodie and pajama pants on Jennie). Then, naturally, they sat with heads downcasted, bracing Chaeyoung’s reprimands. 

  
  
  


“On the couch! On the _couch_ for crying out loud!” Chaeyoung squeezed her temples and halted on the other side of the coffee table, shooting them the thousandth look of disbelief. “On the _couch?_ ”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s head bobbed absentmindedly. “Yes, on the couch. This very couch.”

  
  
  


If the word “couch” came out of Chaeyoung’s mouth one more time, Jisoo’s mind might burst. The word had begun to sound weird from the amount of times it's been spoken and stressed, but thankfully — rather than saying it again — the latter simply huffed.

  
  
  


“Jisoo,” she said. “I _sit_ there for fuck’s sake.”

  
  
  


“It isn’t like it’s dirty,” quipped Jisoo, sheepishly swiping the padding. She tossed a cocked eyebrow to Jennie who was having a hard time maintaining a straight face, her lips quivering to fight a cheeky smile. That evoked a strangled snort from Jisoo.

  
  
  


“That’s _not_ the point!” Chaeyoung pinched the bridge of her nose. “You – you –” She was pulling on her hair, frustration etched in her scrunched face and eyes squeezed shut. “You two –”

  
  


Angry Chaeyoung was scary, but at least it wasn’t the silent-angry Chaeyoung. Jisoo would choose screaming-angry Chaeyoung anyday, her flush and sharp tone more tolerable than a cold shoulder. Scary nonetheless though.

  
  


“We’ll sanitize this.”

  
  
  


“No, what the _fuck_ happened last night?” She jabbed a finger at Jisoo’s ankles propped on the table. “I leave for a few days, and you hurt yourself and Jennie Kim is fucking naked. In _our_ fucking apartment!”

  
  
  


“I got clothes on now,” Jennie mumbled.

  
  
  


“No – fuck! I’m going to my room.”

  
  
  


Without another glance, Chaeyoung stomped away in three long strides and slammed the door so hard the walls rattled. The tension loosened somewhat without the enraged girl, but the muffled screaming (which only meant Chaeyoung was screaming into her pillow) was a reminder that the matter was far from finished. Jennie casted Jisoo a worried look, which Jisoo exchanged with a reassuring smile, patting the back of her hand.

  
  
  


“It’s okay, she’s like that,” said Jisoo. “Just give her a few minutes to calm down.”

  
  
  


Jennie didn’t look too assured, expression uneasy as her eyes darted between Jisoo and the closed door that encased the screaming. “I think I said something wrong. I bet she hates me.”

  
  
  


“Hey! Don’t think like that,” Jisoo scolded, squeezing Jennie’s hand before easing it on her own lap. “She doesn’t. Just give her some time right now. It’s definitely a lot to process.”

  
  
  


Within the few minutes of relentless patience, Jennie had edged closer to Jisoo to lean on her, knees brought up to her chest as she played with Jisoo’s fingers, and the screaming had ebbed to unsettling silence. Several more minutes later, the door clicked open, prompting both of them to whip their heads over to a stoic-faced Chaeyoung with slightly disheveled hair.

  
  
  


“Have you two eaten yet?” she asked with eerie calmness.

  
  
  


Jisoo exchanged a brief glance with Jennie before shaking her head. “Not yet. I can’t really stand up to get us anything. And Jennie — well —” 

  
  
  


“— I don’t really know how to cook —”

  
  
  


“— yeah, so —”

  
  
  


“Okay, I get it.” Chaeyoung raised her palm and strode over, kneeling in front of Jisoo to gauge her ankles. “Can I see under these bandages?”

  
  
  


“Yeah, go ahead.”

  
  
  


As Chaeyoung gingerly undid the wraps, Jisoo’s jaw was clenched in an effort to keep her face absent of any pain. But her face must’ve contorted in some way because Chaeyoung paused, sighing at the dark purple that was discernible despite having yet to unwrap the rest of the bandage.

  
  
  


“That’s bad.”

  
  
  


“Yeah, it’s bad.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung turned to Jennie. “You treated this?”

  
  
  


Jennie cleared her throat and sat up straight. “Yeah, I, uhm, I did what I know; you know, from books I’ve read.”

  
  
  


“You’ve never treated a sprained ankle before?”

  
  
  


“No.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung blinked before returning her eyes on the ankles. “Not bad, I guess. But couldn’t you guys have just let her ankles rest for the night? Instead of — you know what, never mind; what’s done is done. Just from now on, Jisoo needs to rest.” She rubbed her chin. “We’ll ice this more and get you some medicine. I’ll contact Sooyoung for crutches. She must have crutches, right? She played a couple of sports in high school if I remember correctly.”

  
  
  


Jisoo nodded. “That sounds good. Contact Yeri next if she doesn’t. Thanks, Chaeng.”

  
  
  


The girl rolled her eyes, her serious facade betrayed by a small smile tugging at her lips. “What would you do without me?”

  
  
  


“Probably would be in a ditch somewhere, dead.”

  
  
  


“Probably.”

  
  
  


The lighthearted laughs (Jennie joining in with a nervous one) were cut short by the chime of the doorbell. Chaeyoung excused herself to answer it, and Jisoo heaved an exhale before leveling with Jennie’s wide eyes. 

  
  


“See?” Jisoo grinned with a thumbs up. “All good.”

  
  
  


The corners of Jennie’s lips curled, taking Jisoo’s thumb (the size of her fist seemingly the same length) and lowering it. “Don’t jinx it. I don’t think I’ve earned her trust just yet.”

  
  
  


“Have a little more confidence in yourself.” At the sound of the door closing, Jisoo’s head peeped over the couch to follow Chaeyoung bounding over with a stack of stationary. “Who was it?” 

  
  
  


“I don’t know. They left before I opened the door, but they dropped off something,” replied Chaeyoung, sitting on the edge of the table. It was brief when the girl’s hand glided across the envelope, but Jisoo’s heart dropped instantaneously upon the glimpse of the slick calligraphy, matched with the stamp on the top left that belonged to one company and one company only. Simultaneously, Jennie tensed beside her, both of their mouths gaped open in silent protest to opening the letters — a beat too late when the delicate parchment was opened and Chaeyoung’s studious eyes practically bulged out of their sockets. 

  
  
  


“Jennie Kim’s _wedding?_ ” she hollered. “A _wedding_ invitation? To us, to _all_ the girls?”

  
  
  


“Hold on.” Jisoo’s hand hastily reached over to hold Chaeyoung’s shoulder to ease her rapidly rising temper. “Hold on, don’t get worked up.”

  
  
  


“Worked up? Jisoo, you guys slept together last night! What the fuck is she doing here with a whole _wedding_ going on?”

  
  
  


“Hold on just for a damn second!” exasperated Jisoo. Chaeyoung faltered and Jennie lowered her head. Upon the awkward silence, Jisoo heaved a sigh, fingers running through her fringe before regarding Chaeyoung calmly. Well, as calmly as she could with the flusterness. “First, you don’t need to keep bringing it up. Second, don’t get mad at Jennie.”

  
  
  


“ _Don’t_ get mad? How can I not when she has the audacity –”

  
  
  


“Chaeyoung!”

  
  
  


Her outburst had shut the girl’s mouth instantly, to the point her lips stressed a thin line. Jisoo rubbed her face in frustration and sunk into the couch’s back cushions, the throbbing in her ankles coinciding with the throbbing in her temple. Just a small breather was all she asked for. Just for a moment to collect her thoughts; just for a second to cherish the reality that was that Jennie was here. 

  
  
  


“Chaeyoung is right,” Jennie added quietly, catching both of their attention. “She should be mad at me. Maybe I shouldn’t be here.”

  
  
  


“No, you’re staying,” Jisoo contended. “Let’s just all calm down, okay? And talk about this in a more civil manner.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung’s eye twitched, but she succumbed with a sigh, expression softening with laced guilt. “Fine. Let’s get your ankles taken care of for now. Can you wash up before I apply new ointment and bandages? I’ve assumed you haven’t washed up, since I found you two… wait, sorry, I shouldn’t be bringing it up again…”

  
  
  


“No, you’re right!” squeaked Jisoo, ears burning as she exchanged nervous glances with Jennie, elbowing her for good measure. “I haven’t. I’ll do that right now.”

  
  
  


“And I’ll help her,” Jennie added, swiftly coming to Jisoo’s aid when she attempted to stand up and stumbled into Jennie’s arms instead. “I’ll take care of her. Don’t worry.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung regarded Jennie skeptically, but huffed in surrender. “Better you than me, I guess. I’ll go get everything ready.”

  
  
  


Staggering to the bathroom with Jennie’s support, Jisoo’s limp was weighted more on her left ankle (its pain considerably more endurable although both ankles were awfully ruined). The small space made maneuvering cumbersome, but they managed alright with Jennie sitting Jisoo down on the toilet’s lid and hurrying to prepare the water in a bucket, rolling her sleeves up to her elbows. Jisoo sighed, supporting her posture with the heels of her palms on the plastic as Jennie worked the faucets with jittery fingers.

  
  
  


“Did Chaeyoung get you nervous?” Jisoo asked.

  
  
  


“No.”

  
  
  


“Yeah she did,” Jisoo teased, poking Jennie’s leg. “It’s okay to admit it. She got me nervous back there, too. She’s not easy to calm down once she’s riled up.”

  
  
  


Jennie gave a half smile and straightened up after balancing the knobs, dipping her pinky in the water to test it. “A bit,” Jennie admitted, doing her hair into a low bun with a stick on the counter. “She looked like she was going to commit murder whenever she looked at me.”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled softly. “She always has that effect, but trust me, she couldn’t even hurt a fly. Whenever a fly sneaks in here, she always screams and runs to the opposite corner, yelling mumbo jumbo. Then, I’d have to swat it really fast or else our neighbors might call the police for domestic abuse or something.” She shuddered. “That was a close call.”

  
  
  


Jennie snorted and kneeled down to Jisoo’s feet, propping her elbow on one knee. “That’s funny.”

  
  
  


“Yeah, Chaeng is quite funny,” mused Jisoo, head tilted to rest on her shoulder as she regarded Jennie’s doubtful demeanor. “Trust me, this will all blow over and she’ll warm up to you again. Remember Sooyoung’s dog’s birthday party? She liked you then. I think she’s just a bit out of her mind because she walked in on us. I mean, she’s like this church girl, and I’ve never heard her say so many curse words in a day.”

  
  
  


“Anyone would. Church girl or not.”

  
  
  


Soft giggles cut the air like butter at their predicament – Jennie’s with the delicacy of a dandelion in the wind that was so long missing that it was foreign to Jisoo’s ears. A sound that was honest, held back by nothing, and completed with that gummy smile and innate crook of Jennie’s eyes – the right eye smaller than the left. Jisoo tucked a stray strand of hair behind Jennie’s earlobe before pulling her into a hug. Her arms slid around Jennie’s neck as her face snuggled between them and Jennie’s jaw. It was warm here, and so quiet and peaceful that Jennie’s pulse was audible and distinct, beating that comforting lullaby.

  
  
  


“I’m just,” Jisoo breathed, “really glad you’re here.”

  
  
  


Wavering hands held Jisoo by the shoulders before ambling to the middle of her back for a full embrace. The fluff of Jennie’s cheek nuzzled against Jisoo’s head before the girl sighed, “I’m sorry you waited so long.”

  
  
  


“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Jisoo smiled against Jennie’s warm skin. “I’d do it all over again if it meant I can be with you.”

  
  
  


A low rumble from Jennie’s throat indicated a scoff, and the girl eased out their hug to cup Jisoo’s face, her gaze wistful. Jennie scrunched her nose before patting Jisoo’s cheek twice. “You’re too sappy. Come on, let’s get you washed before Chaeyoung thinks I killed you.”

  
  
  


Once Jisoo was undressed and the last of the bandages were discarded, Jennie helped lower her onto the plastic stool in the shower. While Jennie pulled up a stool of her own from the cabinet, Jisoo played with the perfectly tempered water, hands swirling to create small waves and whirlpools as the dipper ladle rocked back and forth.

  
  
  


“Let’s see what we’ve got here,” hummed Jennie, reaching over Jisoo’s head for the bottles on the rack. “Shampoo, conditioner, body wash… turn around so I can wash your hair.”

  
  
  


“What if you get wet?” Jisoo asked, rotating on her seat as Jennie pumped the soap into her palm.

  
  
  


“It’s your clothes anyway,” Jennie quipped, grabbing a ladleful of water to wet Jisoo’s hair.

  
  
  


“Ah! Be careful, there’s soap in my eyes…”

  
  
  


“Stop being a baby and wipe it off yourself.”

  
  
  


“I can’t.”

  
  
  


“Only your ankles are messed up. You still have hands. It seems that your hands are still working… speaking of which, you can probably just wash yourself. Why am I even here...”

  
  
  


“I’m crippled. Please wipe it off for me.”

  
  
  


“There, happy?”

  
  
  


“No, that was rough. You almost poked my eye out.”

  
  
  


“I’ll show you what it means to poke your eye out if you don’t sit still…!”

  
  
  


A splash of water in defense became a fight to get away from Jennie’s wiggling fingers that threatened to tickle Jisoo (only stopping because Jisoo slipped off her stool and banged her ankle on the wall, prompting a string of curse words and panic from the other). The laughter ebbed into heaving breaths as Jennie returned to diligently rinsing out Jisoo’s hair, reaching for the loofah hanging from the rack afterwards. Pumping the soap, her eyes trailed from it to a little below Jisoo’s chest.

  
  
  


“My eyes are up here,” joked Jisoo, swiping off the small bubble of soap on Jennie’s nose.

  
  
  


“When did you get this?” Jennie frowned, reaching for the spot below her rib cage where an unbeknown angry splotch of yellowish-purple resided.

  
  
  


Jisoo’s eyebrows shot up and she chuckled nervously, easing Jennie’s hand away. “I don’t know; maybe I bumped into something. Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t hurt — ow!” she yelped when Jennie poked it without warning. 

  
  
  


“Doesn’t hurt my ass,” grumbled Jennie, shaking the loofah in disapproval. “Remember to tell Chaeyoung to take care of that, too.”

  
  
  


When Jisoo was scrubbed and cleaned (with extra care around the bruise), Jennie fetched her a fresh tee and pajama pants and helped blow dry her hair. Once they both washed up, they returned to the living room. The smell of steaming, gourmet instant ramen greeted them, a trail that led to the kitchen and two bowls of it on the table. Chaeyoung had pulled a wooden stool out to sit in the middle, her hair tied up and chin resting on her palm when they arrived.

  
  
  


“It smells amazing,” chimed Jisoo, taking a seat with Jennie’s assistance. “May Chef Chaeyoung grace us with what she cooked up this time?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung grinned and rubbed her hands together as Jennie took her seat on the other side. “A dish of noodles made from the finest wheat in all of Asia; topped with exquisite herbs and spices from the deep, rich earth; the creamy broth only the divine would be able to drink, and as a cherry on top — a fair, white egg boiled to utmost perfection.”

  
  
  


With Chaeyoung’s dramatic finish of arms in the air, Jisoo flashed a thumbs up, contrary to Jennie who had a bewildered look on her face. Jisoo urged Jennie with widened eyes and the girl — quick to catch on — flashed a thumbs up of her own.

  
  
  


“Yummy,” Jisoo hummed, rubbing the chopsticks together and evening them with a quick tap on the table. “Thank you for the meal, Chaeng.”

  
  
  


“Of course, but while we’re dining,” she slammed her palms on the table and switched on a serious expression, Jennie jumping in surprise and Jisoo with the egg halfway into her mouth, “how did this fucking happen?”

  
  
  


Jennie shot an anxious glance at Jisoo. She nodded and raised a finger to bid patience as she chewed on the egg. “Long story short,” Jisoo said, muffled by the food before swallowing and orchestrating her thoughts with the wave of her chopsticks. “Jennie happened to be outside late at night and I came to pick her up. I just ran a little too hard — remember how the doctor said my ankles sprain easily? Yeah, so that’s how my ankles are like this; no big deal. Also the bruise on my rib cage that you’ll have to take care of later? Shush, let me explain. I bumped into something really really hard, so that’s how I got it. It might look ugly the first time you see it, but it isn’t that bad. And finding us naked — that’s self-explanatory. What else, what else…”

  
  
  


“The wedding…?”

  
  
  


“Ah, that. Yes, Jennie has a wedding going on, _but_ the thing is that she doesn’t want to get married… right?”

  
  
  


Jennie regarded Jisoo with a deadpan look. That spoke for itself.

  
  
  


“Yeah, so the wedding is totally out of her control. How would she know the invitations would come this morning? Out of all mornings? By the way, did you invite the girls…?”

  
  
  


“Yes, but I shouldn’t have. It was too much, huh?”

  
  
  


“No, you’re fine. That’s very sweet of you to think about us. Anyway, a lot of these things — yeah, we don’t know what the fuck is happening either. But we’re here now, and — and —” Jisoo gulped and smiled hesitantly, “that’s all that matters, right?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung blinked one, long blink. Jennie’s noodles were still untouched, the girl holding her chopsticks in clasped hands as her eyes darted between the other two. Jisoo sheepishly stuffed some noodles in her mouth, Chaeyoung yet to break her blank expression.

  
  
  


“Do you…” Chaeyoung approached carefully, “not think about the consequences?” 

  
  
  


_Consequences?_ Jisoo scooped the end of the noodle strand into her mouth and crooked a half-hearted smile. As much as she was nonchalant about life, as much as she didn’t like thinking about the afters, the fear of impending consequences never left – an albatross around the neck. How could she not when they were inevitable? Inevitable, so there’s no point in worrying about them – only what she’d do when they come.

  
  
  


“All the time, Chaeng. All the time.”

  
  
  


That answer seemed to suffice, considering that Chaeyoung gave a knowing look. “I phoned Sooyoung, but she didn’t answer. Then, I phoned Seungwan and she told me that she’s out of town right now. She’ll be back by tomorrow, so I’ll go pick up the crutches then. For now, I think you’ll have to use Jennie to get around — if that’s fine with you.” She looked at Jennie.

  
  
  


“Yeah, that’s fine.”

  
  
  


“That settles it then. Eat up and I’ll take care of Jisoo. But you’re definitely going to the doctor’s to get it properly treated.”

  
  
  


Jisoo groaned, “Do I really? I hate the smell of that place.”

  
  
  


“Shush, no complaining. You did this to yourself, now eat.”

  
  
  


When the ramen was consumed (Jennie unable to finish hers, to which Chaeyoung gladly finished it for her), Jisoo’s ankles were propped on a chair while Chaeyoung prepared the aid and Jennie washed the bowls. Jisoo’s teeth were sunk into the meat of her palm, eyes squeezed shut, and squirming during Chaeyoung’s procedure.

  
  
  


“You can open your eyes now. I’m done,” said Chaeyoung, amused.

  
  
  


The sweltering pain was uncomfortable from the bandages’ tight binding, to the point it numbed her toes. Jisoo cleared her throat and shrugged casually. “I was just resting my eyes.”

  
  
  


“Okay,” Chaeyoung returned dubiously, scooting her stool closer. “Show me that bruise you mentioned.”

  
  
  


“Before you see it, I just want to say that it doesn’t hurt that bad —”

  
  
  


“Save it. I’ll yell at you later.”

  
  
  


Jisoo pouted, casting one more glance before grumbling and lifting her shirt. As expected, Chaeyoung’s jaw dropped, and Jisoo winced.

  
  
  


“That’s huge.”

  
  
  


“Is it really? I don’t think so.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung shot a deadpan look, clearly done with Jisoo’s antics, and hovered her palm over the spot. “It’s literally the size of my hand.”  
  


  
  


“Is that so?” Jisoo chuckled in an attempt to keep the air light. “Then you have small hands.”

  
  
  


“Unbelievable.” The corners of Chaeyoung’s lips curled up as she collected the cool jelly of ointment on her fingertips. “I have bigger hands than you.”

  
  
  


The doorbell chimed once again, both of their heads perking up at the sound. The sink’s running water was turned off, and Jennie dried her hands with a towel as she skipped toward the door. “I’ll get it,” she sang.

  
  
  


Chaeyoung returned to treating the injury, but Jisoo’s eyes stayed fixed on the back of Jennie’s head. She shifted slightly out of her seat to peer over, hoping to catch a glimpse of who was at the door. What if it was the person that dropped off the invitations? Would they recognize it’s Jennie greeting them –

  
  
  


“Sit still, Jisoo.”

  
  
  


“Sorry —”

  
  
  


“ _Jennie Kim_?”

  
  
  


“Seulgi?” Chaeyoung and Jisoo said in unison as the said girl — bundled up in a scarf and thick coat — poked her head in.

  
  
  


“Hey!” Seulgi grinned, slightly out of breath from the cold. She thumbed toward Jennie who stepped aside to let her in. “I didn’t know Jennie would be here out of all places.”

  
  
  


“Make that the two of us,” Chaeyoung muttered under her breath. 

  
  
  


“What’s up, Seulgi?” Jisoo said, ignoring the latter.

  
  
  


Seulgi sauntered into the kitchen, quizzically eyeing the bandaged ankles and the bruise Chaeyoung was treating. She opened her mouth, probably to question the situation, but thought better of it. “You forgot your stuff at my office,” she replied, setting the leather satchel on the table. “Why did you run off so suddenly? You even said you’ll be back, but you never returned. Imagine how hurt I was, waiting in my office alone at the dead of the night.”

  
  
  


Jisoo snorted and pulled the bag closer, palming it to ensure all her items were there. “Sorry. Stuff led from one thing to another, and I couldn’t come back. I should’ve called you.”

  
  
  


Seulgi smirked and lifted herself onto the kitchen island, legs naturally swaying. “Your apology is too late. Now you have to buy me a meal.”

  
  
  


“Damn, you sly fox.”

  
  
  


“It’s a win-win situation. I get a meal, and you get a date with me. Anyway, what’s Jennie doing here?” Seulgi jutted her chin to Jennie standing timidly at the entrance of the kitchen. “Is the biography not done?”

  
  
  


The atmosphere tensed, rigid bodies and hitched breaths. Jennie’s lips were pursed, hesitancy in her demeanor and eyes searching Jisoo. Chaeyoung briefly glanced between Seulgi and Jisoo before returning her attention to the bruise. A harder-than-normal press on it told an urge to say something quick, prompting a small hiss from Jisoo and internal cursing at the younger girl. Should they come clean?

  
  
  


Jisoo cleared her throat. “Jennie and I —”

  
  
  


“— are friends!” 

  
  
  


Everyone’s heads whipped to Jennie, startled by the sudden turn of attention. 

  
  
  


“Jisoo and I are friends,” Jennie repeated with more conviction. “I wanted to hang out with her today, so that’s why I’m here.”

  
  
  


Seulgi frowned, a mix of confusion and skepticism in the way her jaw shifted, but ultimately shrugged. “Oh, okay. I wouldn’t think you kept in contact with clients, Jisoo.”

  
  
  


Jisoo forced a chuckle, shooting a meek finger gun. “I just make friends easily.”

  
  
  


Seulgi bobbed her head, satisfied with the explanation, much to their relief. “By the way, someone messaged your pager while you were gone. I didn’t want to look at it because — you know — not my business.”

  
  
  


As Chaeyoung rolled down Jisoo’s shirt, done with the treatment, Jisoo fished out the device from her bag, angling the screen to the kitchen light to discern the message.

  
  
  


_Call when you have her XXX-XXX-XXXX - J_

  
  
  


“It’s, uhm,” Jisoo’s eyes darted between Jennie and the pager, “Joohyun. She told me to call her when I have you.”

  
  
  


“Joohyun…?” Seulgi mumbled, head tilted curiously.

  
  
  


_Seulgi is definitely going to have more questions after this._ A part of her wanted the older girl to leave – to save the confusion – but an unfathomable guilt told her that Seulgi was owed a proper explanation. Jisoo worried her lip, her gaze kept onto Jennie’s contemplative one. “Do you want me to call her?”

  
  
  


Everyone was looking at Jennie, even Chaeyoung whose hands blindly packed up the aid. Jennie’s fingers fidgeted, pulling at the cotton of the hoodie, before nodding with determination. “Yes. I don’t want her to worry.”

  
  
  


Jisoo regarded Jennie carefully for a moment, but the girl’s determination didn’t waver. “Alright. Seulgi, can you pass me the telephone?”

  
  
  


“The cable doesn’t reach from where you are.”

  
  
  


“Screw it; just unplug it and plug it into this outlet.”

  
  
  


Once Seulgi carried over the telephone and plugged the cord into the outlet beside the table leg, Jisoo worked on dialing the number in with the wheel, the jingles cutting the silence with every cycle. Everyone was crowded around Jisoo (Jennie and Seulgi sitting while Chaeyoung peered between the two) as the phone rang. Once, twice —

  
  
  


“Hello?”

  
  
  


“Hello? Joohyun?” Jisoo said, sitting up straighter on her chair and giving a nod to confirm she had picked up. ”This is Jisoo.”

  
  


“Ah, Jisoo. Have you found Jennie?”

  
  
  


“Yes, I found her. She’s safe and with me.”

  
  
  


“That’s a relief. When will she come back?”

  
  
  


“When will she come back?” Jisoo repeated, eyes straying to Jennie. The girl pursed her lips into a thin line with a small shake of her head. Jisoo returned an understanding nod. “She’s, uhm, not feeling too well. She’ll have to stay here for… a bit.”

  
  
  


The other end of the line was silent. Was Joohyun still there? Jisoo’s mouth opened to ask, but was cut off by Joohyun speaking again.

  
  
  


“For how long?”

  
  
  


“For a while. I — I can’t say for how long.”

  
  
  


“Can I talk to her?”

  
  
  


Jisoo lowered the phone from her ear and covered the bottom end with her palm. “Do you want to talk to her?” she whispered.

  
  
  


Jennie nodded immediately.

  
  
  


“Yeah, let me give the phone to her,” Jisoo said before passing the telephone to Jennie. 

  
  
  


“Hello?” Jennie said.

  
  
  


In an air full of anticipation, the rest of them watched intently as Jennie hummed and answered various questions (most of them seeming to pertain to her wellbeing). Seulgi was perplexed, probably debating whether to prod for the context of the situation or not. Chaeyoung was learning on Seulgi’s chair, elbow propped on the wooden backing and eyebrows furrowed as she chewed on her nails. Jisoo’s fingers drummed on the table, anxiety seizing her heart unsteady. However, Jennie showed no sign of discomfort, or signs that she was being pressured to go back. Her face was rather stoic, her tone light and leveled, and her gaze that’s on Jisoo unfocused from preoccupation.

  
  
  


“Stare at her any harder and you’ll burn holes into her skull,” whispered Seulgi, eyebrows raised in amusement.

  
  
  


Heat creeped up Jisoo’s neck. Hopefully the latter didn’t notice her flusterness. “Whatever, Kang,” Jisoo retorted pathetically, sticking out her tongue for good measure. 

  
  
  


That enticed some playfulness in Seulgi’s eyes, the girl about to say something clever until Jennie perked up on her seat.

  
  
  


“Are you sure?” Jennie frowned slightly. “You might get in trouble... I’ll have to think about it a little more. Thank you, Joohyun; I owe it to you. Stay safe, too. Bye bye.”

  
  
  


With that, Jennie attached the phone onto the switchboard handle without a word. The tension ebbed into awkward silence, and Chaeyoung and Seulgi looked at Jisoo for initiation. 

  
  
  


“Uh,” Jisoo said, the mere sound snapping back Jennie’s attention. “What did she say?”

  
  
  


“Oh.” Jennie said, as if she had forgotten she was here. “I had wedding preparations today, but Joohyun said she’ll say I can’t make it because I felt sick. It isn’t the best excuse, but they never check up on me to confirm it anyway. But,” she sucked in between her teeth, “I don’t know how long she can cover for me. I’ll have to show up sooner or later. Her whole job — her livelihood — is on the line. I don’t know, I —”

  
  
  


“Hey, it’s okay,” Jisoo reassured, rubbing Jennie’s arm when the girl buried her face into her hands. “We’ll figure it out.”

  
  
  


“Will we?” Jennie’s eyes peeked from between her fingers. “Is there even a solution? Other than going back? Oh god, Joohyun is going to get fired because I’m a fucking coward —”

  
  
  


“Hey.” Jisoo frowned, tugging Jennie’s hands away from her face and cradling one of them in both of hers on the table. She gave a light squeeze. “We’ll figure it out. Joohyun covered for you for today, right? Let’s rest for today. A lot of things are happening and we need to give ourselves a break before facing them. We’ll take things day by day, one at a time.”

  
  
  


“For how long?” Jennie exasperated. “For how long can we do that? This is not a thing to be living in a present about, Chu.”

  
  
  


Jisoo faltered. Jennie was here, finally here, and they were so close that there was no way in hell Jisoo would let herself lose her now. Not again, not ever. That might be too selfish to say, but at the moment, nothing else was important – only the hand she held, and the girl in front of her. A little dangerous, a little scary, but when had that ever stopped her? The world could wait; all she needed was Jennie to believe in her, believe in _them_. 

  
  
  


“But there are times when it doesn’t help to live in the future – especially when it’s all the time. Worrying constantly about what might happen tomorrow, in a week, in a year. Sometimes you need to live in the present for a little, even if it’s just for a day. Don’t worry for today, okay? Today is all I’m asking for.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s bottom lip was between her teeth, solemn gaze falling from Jisoo to their cupped hands. She tilted her head before moving her other hand to the back of Jisoo’s, tender thumb’s light caress leaving warmth along her knuckles. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” she sighed with a weak smile. “I get way too ahead of myself.”

  
  
  


“You’re fine,” Jisoo exchanged a reassuring smile and another squeeze. “We’ll rest for today and face tomorrow with clear heads. Okay?”

  
  
  


“Okay, okay.”

  
  
  


Upon Jennie’s calmness, Seulgi cleared her throat and pushed herself off her seat, Chaeyoung stepping aside to stand straight. “Alright, as much as I would love to stay to learn what the fuck is happening,” the older girl said with raised palms, “I have somewhere to be. Maybe over that date you owe me, Jisoo?”

  
  
  


“Sure,” Jisoo answered hesitantly. “Thanks for dropping my stuff off.”

  
  
  


“Anytime,” Seulgi chimed, scurrying backwards to the door and waving her hands. “See you guys later. Nice to meet you again, Jennie. Okay, bye!”

  
  
  


Once Seulgi left, followed by the click of the door, Chaeyoung huffed and stretched out her arms, yawning. “Okay, we’re resting for today, right? Let’s take a nap time because _I_ definitely need one.” 

  
  
  


“Chaeng, you don’t have to involve yourself in this,” Jisoo reasoned. “It’s going to get messy.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung scoffed and rolled her eyes. “What else am I going to do, make coffee all day?” She sauntered out the kitchen, saying from over her shoulder, “Wake me up by two if I don’t wake up then!”

  
  
  


Jennie turned back to Jisoo, weariness even more pronounced after the whole ordeal. Despite it, she still managed a soft smile – probably in comfort, but it only made Jisoo’s heart ache. “Let’s take a nap time as well?”

  
  
  


“Yeah, that sounds good.”

  
  
  


With Jisoo’s arm around Jennie’s shoulders and Jennie’s arm around her waist, they wobbled to Jisoo’s bedroom. It was apparent that the exertion of Jisoo’s weight was straining on the other girl – considering her grimaces and grunts – so Jisoo tried her best to alleviate some of it. The effort to balance between her own feet and Jennie popped a sweat, making the huff of relief once they reached the bedside all the more relieving. 

  
  
  


“Here, let me grab some pillows,” Jennie said, stretching to reach them as Jisoo laid herself down, scooting closer to the edge to create more space on the other side.

  
  
  


“Lay with me.” Jisoo patted the linen covers beside her while Jennie gingerly propped her ankles on the pillow.

  
  
  


“Are you sure?” Jennie laughed. “This bed is pretty small. What if you fall off and hurt yourself more?”

  
  
  


“That’s why we have to cuddle.” Jisoo waggled her eyebrows.

  
  
  


Jennie didn’t need anymore convincing (probably didn’t need any at the start), grinning as she crawled over Jisoo to lay next to her. Jisoo tried her best to turn to the side to face Jennie, but her ankles made everything frustratingly hard. Thankfully, Jennie had noticed and placed a hand on her stomach to stop her from twisting her body more and eased her back flat on the mattress. To reconcile, she edged closer and propped her head on her elbow, pulling out the hairstick to release her bun into a curtain of soft locks and tossing it onto the nightstand. 

  
  
  


“Hey,” Jisoo breathed once Jennie’s eyes settled back on her. 

  
  
  


“Hey.” Jennie draped an arm over Jisoo’s waist, a gesture that provided warmth and security that never failed to melt her all over.

  
  
  


“So we’re friends?” teased Jisoo, tone purposefully accusatory.

  
  
  


“I just said that because I figured Seulgi didn’t know,” Jennie pouted.

  
  
  


“I’m kidding. You’re right, Seulgi didn’t know, but she’ll find out soon. Thanks for having my back, though. I wasn’t really sure of what to say.”

  
  
  


“You were doing all the explaining. That was the least I could do.”

  
  
  


Jisoo crooked a toothless smile, her finger lightly tracing Jennie’s jaw. “I don’t really care what we call each other, as long as I’m with you. Call me sappy for all I care.”

  
  
  


“What’s the point at this point,” Jennie quipped, eyes twinkling, and fell back onto the bed. “I’ll just ignore you.”

  
  
  


“Mean.”

  
  
  


“Just go to sleep.”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“I said go to sleep, stop looking at me.”

  
  
  


“I can’t help it.”

  
  
  


“Ah, seriously, Chu. You’re making me shy.”

  
  
  


“No need to be shy, just don’t mind me Jendeuk.”

  
  
  


The nickname that was long rusted rolled off her tongue as innate as blinking, but Jisoo’s breath still hitched from uncertainty. But Jennie didn’t seem to mind, her small smile growing tenfold until it reached from ear to ear. 

  
  
  


“Whatever, I’m napping first.” She shut her eyes pompously. 

  
  
  


And although sleep came rare these past weeks, Jennie’s light breaths and warmth strangely induced more energy than any amount of sleep could provide. Jisoo brushed some hair away from Jennie’s tranquilent face before taking her hand and hugging it to her stomach.

  
  
  


Hopefully they could do it this time. No matter how hard the journey would be, this time they’d do it. They had to – they must – because, if not, who’s to say they’d have another chance?


	14. two halves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more domestic jensoo for the culture (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ happy late jisoo and jennie day, jennie’s now a youtuber (love that for her) and the concert is gonna go crazy i swear. this story is being capped at 20 chapters no less maybe more cus i’m bad at this chapter thing (yk a chapter is usually 3k-5k words?) i don’t know what happened to consistently updating every two weeks, but i’ve written a lot in my future drafts so manifesting ch17 by the end of feb amen

“You’re going to have to pay rent somehow,” Chaeyoung said, tossing an apron to Jennie that flew past clumsy hands onto her face. “So, you’re going to be my assistant.”

  
  
  


It was early in the morning, just a little after seven. Usually, Jennie wouldn’t have woken up this early, but yesterday left her restless. From the disaster that was that morning to bringing Jisoo to the doctor’s (Chaeyoung piggybacked her, since she was much stronger), sleep came tough with all the constant worries. Jisoo’s injuries were so severe she couldn’t walk with or without crutches, so the doctor — along with assigning casts — prescribed a wheelchair they had to rent, much to Chaeyoung’s dismay. On top of that, the wheelchair was too big to navigate in the apartment, so it bummed Jisoo that she had to be confined to either her bed or the couch. Jennie and Chaeyoung had tried to cheer her up, but all attempts ultimately failed. Jisoo’s small smile, probably to make them feel better for trying, displayed a dampened mood in all ways possible.

  
  
  


So, Jennie got out of bed a little earlier than usual (quietly enough to not stir Jisoo) to grab a glass of water. That’s when she bumped into Chaeyoung who had freshened up, fashioning a turtleneck sweater and skinny jeans.  _ Ah, there you are, _ Chaeyoung said.  _ I was just thinking about you. _

  
  
  


That wasn’t in an endearing way because Chaeyoung dragged her downstairs to the café, and now Jennie had an apron on over Jisoo’s knit sweater and a silver tray held uncertainly to her chest.

  
  
  


_ What about Jisoo? _ Jennie had asked.  _ What if she wakes up and no one is there to help her? _

  
  
  


_ Don’t worry, _ Chaeyoung had assured.  _ She usually wakes up around the afternoon. You’ll be done by then. _

  
  
  


Hopefully that was true because Jennie couldn’t help but worry otherwise.

  
  
  


“It’ll be easy,” Chaeyoung strode behind the counter, deftly grabbing packages and working the machines that woke with soft, rumbling hums. “You’re just going to serve things, and this place doesn’t get too busy. Not as busy as a restaurant at least, where you’d speed from the kitchen to like five tables. You can manage that alright?”

  
  
  


“Yes.” Jennie bobbed her head, clutching the tray tighter and squaring her shoulders. “I can do it.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung quirked her brow as she poured coffee beans into the machine. “Okay. Tie your hair up. The first customer usually comes around eight or so, which is probably in about a few minutes. He’s a college student.”

  
  
  


“You know your customers well?”

  
  
  


“Yeah.” She smiled warmly. “It’s easy to get to know them. They’re really nice.”

  
  
  


“You seem to really like your job,” Jennie commented, the tray set on the counter to tie her hair up into a low bun.

  
  
  


Chaeyoung clipped close the bean bag, pressed a button on the machine, and leaned against the edge of the countertop as it whirred, crossing her arms and humming in ponder. “You can say that.”

  
  
  


“What do you mean?”

  
  
  


“It’s not like I hate it; I do like it. But,” Chaeyoung pursed her lips, “it wasn’t my first choice. I wouldn’t have imagined I’d run a café to make a living.” She squinted her eyes at Jennie, as if contemplating whether to continue. Jennie tilted her head, hands folded to display her undivided attention.

  
  
  


“Okay, well, my parents used to own this.” She gestured around. “My sister and I liked hanging out here a lot; one of our favorite places to do homework and all. I had really good memories here, so when my parents wanted to retire and sell it, it was a little devastating. My sister already committed to law, and I was halfway through college. So, I stepped up to keep it running, switched to a business major, and they moved to the quieter areas of Gangnam. In those suburbs.”

  
  
  


“What were you studying in college, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung shook her head and smiled, musing a fond memory. “Music.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s eyebrows shot up. “You play?”

  
  
  


“Not anymore. I haven’t touched my guitar in a long time. Or sang for that matter — seriously sing, not like in the shower.” The machine emitted a soft ding, and Chaeyoung turned around to pour the content into a mug. 

  
  
  


“I think you should revisit it.”

  
  
  


“You think?” Chaeyoung asked with surprise, but the corners of her lips curled as she reached over the counter to tune the radio. 

  
  
  


“Yes.” Jennie nodded firmly. Chaeyoung had stopped turning the knob at a particular channel, one playing a soft orchestra. “It could be a side thing. Maybe you can perform in this café once in a while. I would like to hear it. I’m sure your customers would, too. I like listening to live music. Sometimes the business parties I go to hire a band, and it’d help me tolerate the night a little more.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung slid the mug over the wooden countertop to Jennie. “Can I be honest with you?”

  
  
  


“Is this for me?”

  
  
  


“Yeah. It looked like you needed it.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s heart swelled and her chin dipped, shy with appreciation. The mug looked handmade, the brim a tad lumpy, the handle awkward, and two roses etched into the porcelain. Eccentric, but in a good, sentimental way. “Where’d you get this cup?”

  
  
  


“Jisoo made it.”

  
  
  


“She crafts?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung laughed softly. “God, no. There was this pottery place that opened a few years ago, and we figured to head down there for fun and make some stuff. The teacher was really kind — really pretty, too. Anyway, we made each other some things — Jisoo made me that mug and I made Jisoo a cactus with a beanie. Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen it in a while; not even on her desk. I hope she didn’t lose it, or else I’ll be mad. It looked a lot better than this mug.” 

  
  
  


“I think this mug is pretty,” Jennie admitted quietly and took a sip of the coffee that was incredibly tasty. Perhaps Chaeyoung was a mind reader, but for coffee, because the flavor hit the right spot and Jennie didn’t even tell her how she liked her coffee.

  
  
  


“You’re only saying that because now you know Jisoo made it.”

  
  
  


“Anyway, you can be honest with me — unless you haven’t been the past minutes we’ve been talking.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung chuckled heartily before dropping her gaze to the floor. “Honestly, I’m insecure about my voice. That’s also why I haven’t picked music back up.”

  
  
  


Jennie gasped, “Your voice is so good!”

  
  
  


“Even when I’m yelling at you?”

  
  
  


“Hm, maybe not then.”

  
  
  


“I’m just pulling your leg,” Chaeyoung quipped, her lips tugging into a smile. “Keep this up and I might feel guilty for being so mean to you.”

  
  
  


“You weren’t being mean. You were being reasonable.”

  
  
  


“Keep going… But finish your coffee before it gets cold.”

  
  
  


The shop bell jingled and — almost simultaneously — Chaeyoung’s face lit up. Who’d had the power to do that? Not even Jisoo had that effect on the girl.

  
  
  


“Hi, Lisa!”

  
  
  


The said girl looked familiar, waltzing in with a pep in her step and a big smile. She adorned a bucket hat and a large hoodie, her curly, ash-grey hair bouncing when she landed next to Jennie. The approach was startling, a little too close for comfort, prompting Jennie to take a quick step away.

  
  
  


“Hey, Chaeyoung!” Lisa turned to Jennie, her eyes widening and flitting between her face and the apron. “And… Jennie Kim?”

  
  
  


Jennie raised her palm awkwardly. “Hello.”

  
  
  


Lisa briefly glanced at Chaeyoung who looked unsure of what to say, choosing to assess her nails instead. “Sorry, I should introduce myself. I’m Lalisa Manoban, but you can call me Lisa.”

  
  


“Oh! That,” Jennie racked her brain, “supermodel. You’re the supermodel, right?”

  
  
  


“Yep. I go to some of the parties your family hosts, but we’ve never talked. I’m probably one of the many faces in the crowd, huh?”

  
  
  


“No, uh,” Jennie said hastily, “I do see you. You’re pretty tall, so you stick out. Your hair color, too. Like a beacon.”

  
  
  


Lisa laughed. “I’m honored that you know me somewhat. Anyway, are you… working?”

  
  
  


“Yes?” Jennie answered hesitantly, regarding Chaeyoung who widened her eyes in subtle communication. “I — someone told me about this café, and I thought it’d be nice to check it out. And I happen to also want to help around. Chaeyoung is kind enough to let me volunteer here, in a way.”

  
  
  


“It’s Kim Jisoo, huh?”

  
  
  


“What?” Jennie squeaked and coughed, “About Kim Jisoo?”

  
  
  


“She told me about this place,” Lisa elaborated. “At one of your parties — the one that you announced your wedding. Chaeyoung is so easy to talk to, right? I wouldn’t have thought we’d get to know each other so quickly.”

  
  
  


“Ah, yes,” Jennie nodded with an awkward chuckle, Chaeyoung relaxing with one of her own. “Kim Jisoo did. She’s the one writing my biography.”

  
  
  


“I see,” Lisa bobbed her head in satisfaction. “Nice to meet you. Honestly, people talk around that you have a trunk up your ass, but you’re pretty cool.” 

  
  
  


Lisa raised her hand, but Jennie’s head whipped away so fast it was a miracle she didn’t get whiplash. In just a second or two, her nerves eased upon the realization that Lisa had her hand raised for a high five and not for anything malicious. 

  
  


“Uh, thanks.” Jennie strained a smile that’d hopefully clear up Lisa’s bewildered expression and Chaeyoung’s concern, and politely tapped Lisa’s bigger palm. “I know people talk. After a while, it means nothing.”

  
  
  


It took a beat for Lisa to recover from her confusion and wave it off. “That’s good. I guess we’re both not strangers to gossip. People really can’t mind their own business.”

  
  


All their attention averted to the other jingle of the shop bell. A tall, dark-haired boy walked in, fashioning a black overcoat over denim attire. He was fixated on the newspaper in his hands, pushing up his thin, silver frames up his nose bridge. He spared them a shy smile and a small bow before shouldering his backpack and making his way to a booth near the window with the tiny, hanging potted plants.

  
  
  


“That’s our first customer, Yeonjun.” Chaeyoung poured the pot of coffee into a mug she fished from the rack. “Remember what I trained you. Jennie.”

  
  
  


“You didn’t train me that much —”   
  


  
  


“Shoo shoo now.” Chaeyoung placed the mug on the tray after meticulously measuring and adding sugar and cream. “Be careful with the cup. It might burn your pretty princess hands.”

  
  
  


“Thank you very much for the pointer,” Jennie reciprocated Chaeyoung’s smugness — much to her amusement — and took the tray.

  
  


The boy, Yeonjun, was still engrossed in his newspaper when Jennie arrived. It was only until the tray was placed on the table that he looked up from the article, eyebrows rising in surprise.

  
  
  


“Ah, thank you,” he hummed with a small nod as Jennie gingerly moved the mug onto the table. With no scalding spills, she handled it pretty well, and she was sure to tell Chaeyoung of her success. “Are you a new worker?”

  
  
  


“Just temporary,” Jennie answered, flashing an awkward smile. Talking to strangers wasn’t her forte, but Yeonjun seemed kind so far, and Chaeyoung  _ did _ say the customers were nice. 

  
  


“Oh, I see. Miss Park works alone, so I was a little surprised to see a new face. Thank you again.”

  
  
  


“You’re welcome. Enjoy your drink.” 

  
  
  


Jennie collected the tray, but the newspaper piqued her interest enough to do a double take. Thankfully, and strangely, it wasn’t YG Times. The company title was a tad hard to read because it was upside down, but what was more intriguing was the front photo, framing the back of many heads and signs in front of a brick building of windows and hedges.

  
  
  


“Do you want to read this?” Yeonjun asked, snapping Jennie out of her concentration in trying to decipher the article from above. 

  
  
  


“Oh, uh —” Jennie’s cheeks burned from getting caught. Her mind screamed to retreat, but her curiosity got the best of her. “No, but can I ask what it’s about?” she queried timidly.

  
  
  


“Of course.” Yeonjun slid the coffee aside and smoothened the newspaper on the wood, adjusting it to give Jennie a full view of the front page. “Right now there’s several riots regarding our government about democracy, since they want to suppress anybody who challenged them. What kind of democracy is that, if they refuse to listen to the people? Most are organized by university students and they take place on the campuses.” He tapped on the photo. “This picture is of Yonsei University.”

  
  
  


“Is it happening at your university, too?”

  
  
  


“Yes. I’m planning to participate in one that’s set for this week.”

  
  
  


“You’re very brave. Are you… afraid? Even just a little?”

  
  
  


“No,” he said within a heartbeat. “It’s my future — all our futures — so I want to help the best way I can. It’s a little like now or never. If not now, when? The momentum is gaining, so I believe we can change our country.” He smiled. “I’ll have friends by my side, too. With them, I can take on anything.”

  
  
  


That determination, where had she seen it before? Determination in such young eyes, either a sign of naiveness or actual resoluteness. That flare — Jisoo had that a lot, too. Whether it’d be a goal or a promise she made to Jennie, that flare drove her to fulfill it. But what was Jennie doing, still scared of her parents when this boy was fighting for his future? She should be fighting, too. Her eyes strayed from the words to the top, the publishing company now easier to read. 

  
  


“Pledis Post?”

  
  
  


“Have you heard of it before?”

  
  
  


“Not really.”

  
  
  


Yeonjun gave a knowing nod. “I understand. They’re a small company, but they have great journalism skills and are very trustworthy. I do wonder what they’ll do to cover this up though, since this paper is garnering attention.”

  
  
  


“Who covers what up?”

  
  
  


Yeonjun took a sip of his coffee, humming from the taste. “The government always goes out their way to cover stuff like this up because it makes them look bad. I mean, who wants to look bad? Especially in the public eye? This is a headline and all over the newspaper racks. This was actually one of the last few I managed to pick up on my way here. Usually, they get a big company to create a scandal because people love gossip; companies like YG Times. You know them at least, right?”

  
  
  


The words were a tad incoherent now. A queasiness in Jennie’s stomach made swallowing difficult. Clammy hands threatened to drop the tray if it weren’t for Yeonjun waving his hand in front of her face, drawing her back from the vertigo.

  
  
  


“Hello? Are you okay?” he asked, frowning. “You’re pale.”

  
  
  


Jennie shook her head and blinked several times to ward off the queasiness, which worked to some degree. “Sorry, I spaced out. Do they really do that?”

  
  
  


“Well, that’s what’s been theorized, and it’d been true so far.” He paused. “It’d be a shame to be the person they use to cover this up. You’d have the students angered that their voices have been silenced and the general public gossiping about you at the same time. That’s just how scandals go.”

  
  
  


“Okay, thank you. I’ll be going now. Enjoy your coffee again.”

  
  
  


That last part was unnecessary, but her social skills weren’t Jennie’s main concern at the moment. Her legs were wobbly when she arrived at the counter, in time for Chaeyoung to laugh at something Lisa had said and punch her shoulder. The tray clattered on the countertop, catching the two’s attention.

  
  
  


“Was the job too hard?” Chaeyoung jested, playful mood ebbing when Jennie wordlessly stared off into the distance. “Jennie?”

  
  
  


“It wasn’t hard, but,” Jennie frowned, “I don’t feel well. Can I — can I rest for a little? I’ll come back to work, but I just need a breather.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung faltered, exchanging glances with an equally as confused and concerned Lisa. “Of course. I was joking about you having to work here.” She rubbed the nape of her neck. “I wanted to get to know you a little better, to be honest.”

  
  
  


“Ah.” Jennie smiled softly at the heartwarming confession and untied her apron. “Thank you, Chaeyoung. Nice to meet you, Lisa. I’ll head up to check on Jisoo.”

  
  
  


“Tell her I’m picking up the crutches today!” 

  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  


What Jennie expected when stepping into the apartment was the morning’s stillness — not Jisoo, in her wheelchair, stuck between the doorframe of her bedroom.

  
  


“Hey,” Jisoo exclaimed, freezing in her predicament with a sheepish smile. “I could really use some help here.”

  
  
  


In all her disheveled hair and pajama fashion, Jisoo was the breather. A breath of air so fresh that all the worries dispeled for a moment and smiling came easy when Jennie sauntered over.

  
  


“I thought we established that the wheelchair is too big to move around in here,” Jennie sighed, resting her palms on the armrests and hovering over Jisoo.

  
  
  


“In my defense, when I woke up, no one was here to help me.” Jisoo pouted and rubbed her tummy. “I still need to eat, you know.”

  
  
  


“Chaeyoung said you wake up in the afternoon, and it’s pretty early. How did you even unfold this on your own?”

  
  
  


“I dragged my ass on the floor to get it. Now hurry and get me out, I’m starving.”

  
  
  


“Alright alright, hold on.” Jennie braced herself and pushed the wheelchair with a grunt. It didn’t budge. “You’re better off dragging your ass around on the floor than this.”

  
  
  


“Noted for next time.”

  
  
  


“Should we call Chaeyoung to help?” Jennie huffed, swiping her forehead with the back of her hand after the second attempt of using her whole body and pushing off the wall with her feet. “I think she’d be a lot stronger than me — wait…”

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


“We could just get you off and fold it.”

  
  
  


For a beat, they stared at each other in disbelief before Jisoo threw her head back in laughter. “Oh my god, who would’ve thought.”

Once Jisoo was on the floor, Jennie tucked away the wheelchair. With that done, Jennie, hands on her hips, regarded Jisoo’s childish demeanor and big eyes with underlying fondness.

  
  
  


“To the bathroom?” Jennie figured.

  
  
  


“Yes, please.”

  
  
  


“Okay, up you go,” Jennie grunted with Jisoo’s arm slung over her shoulders. “I might grow some muscles by the time you heal.”

  
  
  


“Just say I’m heavy. I won’t take offense.”

  
  
  


Contrary to her eye roll, the corners of Jennie’s lips curled up as they wobble into the bathroom. Going in was as difficult as it was the first time. Once Jisoo was seated on the toilet lid, Jennie went to retrieve a chair from the kitchen for Jisoo to brush her teeth on. But it was without ease because, in her hastiness, the wooden leg banged into the wall (and much to their relief, didn’t leave a hole). The sink level was just enough for Jisoo to reach, the girl washing up while Jennie waited patiently on the toilet lid.

  
  
  


“I need to cut my hair,” Jisoo commented, back straightened as much as possible to look at the mirror that barely reflected the top of her head. “My bangs are too long. They’re too long that they tickle my eyes, but too short to tuck behind my ears.”

  
  
  


“Do you have shears? I’ll cut it for you,” Jennie offered, peering over to assess Jisoo’s hair length and tenderly brush her fingers through the tresses and to tame the small cowlick at the back.

  
  
  


“I do,” Jisoo beamed, opening the cabinet. “They’re in here. Oh, they’re on the top shelf…”

  
  
  


“That’s alright. Let’s do it after you eat. Although, I’ve never cut someone’s hair before.”

  
  
  


“It’s okay, you don’t have to do anything fancy; just a small trim. You can at least cut straight, right?”

  
  
  


“Yes?”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled. “The worst thing you can do is make me bald. I think you’ll do great.”

  
  
  


Lunch was the next thing on the to-do list, but the packet of instant ramen was strange in Jennie’s hands while she perused the instructions on the back.

  
  
  


“Don’t overthink it, Jen,” Jisoo assured from the kitchen table, her chin propped on her palm. “Boil water first.”

  
  
  


“Right, right.” Jennie furrowed her eyebrows and grabbed a pot of water, uncertain hands working the knobs of the stove. “You turn it this way, right?”

  
  
  


“Wait, Jennie, that’s too much —”

  
  
  


The flame leapt, almost searing Jennie’s eyebrows off. Jennie yelped and frantically twisted the knob the other way to distinguish the flame, stumbling backward into the island and clutching her chest with heavy breaths.

  
  
  


“First time making ramen, and you almost burn the apartment down,” Jisoo quipped. 

  
  
  


“I don’t know how to use this,” Jennie grumbled defensively and tried again with more caution and distance, demonstrated by a classic wide stance away.

  
  
  


“Turn it to the second mark — you see those white lines around the turning thing? To the second one. That should be enough to boil water.”

  
  
  


“Okay,” Jennie drawled once the flame was at the right level and the water began to bubble and steam. “Now I add the noodles?”

  
  
  


“Yep. You should add two packs.”

  
  
  


“Why two?” Jennie asked while carefully submerging the noodle block under the water with chopsticks.

  
  
  


“Why else? I eat a lot.”

  
  
  


“But it’s  _ too _ much, don’t you think?”

  
  
  


“Don’t worry, just add a second.”

  
  
  


Jennie threw Jisoo a skeptical look, but grabbed a second packet from the cupboard regardless when the girl shot a cheeky grin. 

  
  
  


“Then I stir?”

  
  
  


“Yes. Make sure to add the powder, too. Then, put the lid on.”

  
  
  


“Did you want an egg? Like how Chaeyoung did it? I can’t really do those extra toppings though...”

  
  
  


Jisoo contemplated for a moment with a tilted head. “No, it’s fine. Just noodles are the best noodles. Drain it, too.”

  
  
  


There was nothing extraordinary about Jennie’s ramen. It looked plain and it smelled plain. But Jisoo seemed content nonetheless, her eyes twinkling and crescent when the pot was placed in front of her.

  
  
  


“It looks delicious,” Jisoo exclaimed, fanning the smell to her nose after removing the lid as Jennie put away the rags she used to carry the pot over.

  
  
  


“Really?” Jennie asked dubiously and took the seat across Jisoo. “Either you’re lying to me, or you just really like ramen.”

  
  
  


Jisoo didn’t comment. All she had was this dopey grin that was annoyingly endearing. “Get another pair of chopsticks.”

  
  
  


“What? Why? You already have chopsticks.”

  
  
  


“Just get them.”

  
  
  


“You think because you’re crippled, I am to obey your every command,” Jennie scoffed, but did what was requested. However, when Jennie offered the extra chopsticks to Jisoo, she didn’t take them.

  
  
  


“You haven’t eaten breakfast yet, huh?” 

  
  
  


Jennie was taken aback. “I did.”

  
  
  


“What did you eat?”

  
  
  


“Uhm, a banana. From the fruit basket. And a… coffee?” Jennie added as an afterthought, as if it made her defense any better. It didn’t, judging from Jisoo’s squinted eyes.

  
  
  


“That’s something, I guess,” Jisoo concluded. “Now, this pot has a serving for two and we both have chopsticks, so you can eat some lunch with me.”

  
  
  


“So that was what you were planning,” Jennie mused. She would pass, but the ramen began to look more appealing the longer it sat in front of her. “Should I get a bowl?”

  
  
  


Jisoo shook her head and took the lid, balancing it upside down like a plate. “The best way to eat ramen is from the lid.”

  
  
  


“But there’s two of us.”

  
  
  


“Ah.” Upon realizing the issue, Jisoo lowered her chin. “Yeah, get a bowl.”

  
  
  


A soft chuckle hopefully helped Jisoo from the embarrassment. When Jennie returned with a bowl, Jisoo had yet to eat, her reasoning being to wait for Jennie first. 

  
  
  


“Where were you this morning?” Jisoo mumbled through a mouthful of noodles.

  
  
  


“Don’t talk while you’re chewing,” Jennie chastised, wrinkling her nose, and Jisoo flashed an apologetic look. “I was working at the café.”

  
  
  


“Was it fun? Was Chaeyoung mean to you?”

  
  
  


“Yes, it was fun. No, Chaeyoung wasn’t mean to me. She’s pretty nice. I also met Lisa. You know her, right? She knows you.”

  
  
  


“I do. Lisa came by today?”

  
  
  


“Yeah.” Jennie pinched some noodles with her chopsticks, raising it high until the last strand of her chunk separated from the rest, and put it in her bowl. “Is she good friends with Chaeyoung?”

  
  
  


“I’d like to think so. Why?”

  
  
  


“It was a surprise seeing her. She’s pretty popular, and I didn’t expect to see her here.”

  
  
  


“She was probably surprised that you were here, too.”

  
  
  


Jennie smiled softly. “Yeah she was.” 

  
  
  


“Funny.”

  
  
  


“What’s funny?”

  
  
  


“How life’s like that; crazy and unexpected.” Jisoo plucked a napkin from the box on the side and dabbed her mouth. “Hurry and eat, or else it’ll get cold.”

  
  
  


Jennie pouted at Jisoo’s urgency, but the older girl only smiled encouragingly and tapped the brim of the bowl with her chopstick. She wouldn’t have eaten willingly — she didn’t even finish Chaeyoung’s food. But the earnestness in Jisoo’s eyes was hard to resist, and Jennie owed it to her to at least  _ try _ . So, Jennie scooped a small amount of ramen into her mouth and ate.

  
  
  


And Jennie was back at the corner convenience store, drinking soju with Jisoo. Cold and gray, but a warmth radiated from the girl in front of her. Jisoo looked innocent eating, her cheeks chubby and eyes bright as they darted occasionally to Jennie and back to the ramen. The ramen was familiar; it wasn’t soju, but why did it have the same sense? It wasn’t sweet — perhaps foreign, but that wasn’t exactly it either. It took a second bite to pinpoint her finger on it.

  
  
  


Authenticity.

  
  
  


The meal was frank, just like the soju. No fanciness, no gimmicks. There weren’t maids to serve them, or platters of extravagant foods that’d fill families of five. Just Jisoo, Jennie, the ramen, and the sereneness of it all. The occasional slurps, the hums of relish, and Jisoo adding noodles to Jennie’s bowl despite her objecting glare. No words — peaceful, quiet; away from all their problems, away from the world.

  
  
  


They could’ve had this. Those seven years lost — this was what Jennie could’ve been doing instead of those meaningless conversations with her family and those misters and mistresses. Seeing Jisoo, watching Jisoo; with her toothless smile every once in a while, sweeping her bangs to the side whenever they fell in front of her eyes. She was much healthier, the color of her skin returning to its sun-kissed state, and the eye bags less prominent. 

  
  
  


Was happiness too much to ask? Because  _ this _ was happiness. Exactly this. It didn’t have to be sunshines and rainbows because it wasn’t. It was Jisoo and the warmth she brought to Jennie’s heart — so warm it ached, so much that the knot in Jennie’s throat made the third bite hard to swallow, but she forced it down anyway. It soothed the knot to some extent. 

  
  
  


Jennie would eat for Jisoo. It wasn’t too much to ask for, and it was the least Jennie could do. The least she could do for everything she couldn’t.

  
  
  


By the time the pot was empty, Jennie had eaten at least ten bites. Jisoo insisted on saving the last portion for her, but Jennie contended that it’d be harder for Jisoo to get more food on her own, thus she should eat her fill. And although it was difficult (ten bites little in comparison to the amount Jisoo ate), it was a start — and Jisoo’s proud smile was more fulfilling than anything.

  
  
  


“So, all you need to do is,” Jisoo held the shears point down to Jennie, “trim my bangs. To the space between my eyes and my eyebrows.”

  
  
  


In the living room, Jisoo sat on the dining chair pulled from the kitchen, wearing a towel over her shoulders and clipped at the back. Jennie took the shears with two fingers, regarding it unconfidently.

  
  
  


“Alright,” Jennie gulped, bending to level with Jisoo’s face. She combed through the wetted hair a few times, the last one brush lingering at the level that seemed about right. “Here?”

  
  
  


“Yes. If it’s no trouble, can you cut at an angle? It shouldn’t be  _ entirely _ straight — it angles down at the sides. Do you remember my bangs before?

  
  
  


“Oh, yeah. Maybe like this?” Jennie angled the shears downward, adjusting it when the angle was awkward for her hand. “I think like this — Chu, stop looking at me like that. I’m trying my best.

  
  


“I’m not judging you. You need to relax.”

  
  
  


“I am relaxed! I just — want to do this well, that’s all.”

  
  
  


“Like I said before, the worst thing you can do is make me bald.” Jisoo closed her eyes pompously, pretty lashes and all. “Work your magic.”

  
  
  


Jennie threw one more incredulous look at Jisoo. Even if the other didn’t see it, she seemed to sense it from the way the corners of her lips tugged. Jennie shook her head, eyes snapping from Jisoo’s lips to the strands nestled between the blades.

  
  


_ It’s not that hard. _ Jennie’s bottom lip was between her teeth as the shears ghosted along the fringe in practice.  _ It’s easy, it’s easy. Just do it. _

  
  
  


Unfortunately, the tendency for her hands to shake was soon discovered. Albeit Jennie’s meticulous focus, the process was painfully slow, the shears snipping what seemed like each individual strand at a time. Thankfully, Jisoo was patient. She didn’t say a word, twitching every now and then from the hairs that tickled her face, which Jennie made sure to swipe off in courtesy.

  
  


Midway through the fringe, the front door opened.

  
  
  


“Hey hey!” Chaeyoung chimed, heaving two crutches in one arm. “I brought a gift for you.”

  
  
  


“Hey, Chaeyoung. Thanks,” Jisoo beamed over her shoulder. “Heading somewhere?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung leaned the crutches against the wall and grabbed her purse from the clothes hanger. “I’m going to eat dinner with Lisa. Sorry for the late notice; she just wanted to, out of the blue.”

  
  
  


“Why are you sorry?” Jisoo chuckled. “Have fun and be safe.”

  
  
  


“You two will be okay?”

  
  
  


“Yep!”

  
  
  


“Alright,” Chaeyoung paused in front of the door, her hand on the doorknob. “Wait, should I wear something nicer? I worked in these clothes.”

  
  
  


“Lisa wouldn’t mind you in those clothes. Don’t worry.”

  
  
  


“Yeah, but —” Chaeyoung drummed her fingers on her thigh, fidgeting back and forth between the door and the room. “Isn’t it common courtesy to make an effort?”

  
  
  


Jisoo briefly glanced at Jennie, sending a suggestive message through the quirk of her brows that Jennie couldn’t quite decipher, before returning to Chaeyoung. “Sure, if you want to.”

  
  
  


“You’re right!” Chaeyoung exclaimed, Jisoo’s agreement the final push. “Be right back.”

  
  
  


With that, she whizzed to her bedroom. Jisoo laughed softly and turned back to Jennie. “Are you almost done, Jen?”

  
  
  


Jennie rubbed the nape of her neck sheepishly. “Not really… I’m halfway done.”

  
  
  


“It’s okay. Take your time.”

  
  
  


Much to Jennie’s surprise, the haircut was a success. Jennie’s back was sore from bending and her hands cramped from trying to steady her tools, but all of it was worth the smile on Jisoo’s face when she assessed it in the hand mirror. 

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


The daytime bled into the evening. The orange rays spilled through the curtains and onto the floorboards and walls. Beautiful, the way the sunlight caught in Jisoo’s dark hair and its few strands that stuck out, and the way the balmy colors traced along the bridge of her nose and the shape of her lips — slightly parted because she was absorbed into the television playing who knew what. It looked like a sitcom, but it wasn’t in Jennie’s interest to comprehend what it was about. Her interest was on the stagnant telephone on the kitchen island.

  
  


Yesterday, Joohyun suggested she’d call Jennie every evening because that’s the usual time dinner began and the telephone in the living room would be free to use (the only telephone in the house besides her father’s office). It hadn’t been long — only about half past six — but that didn’t ease the shaking of her foot crossed over the other ankle. Her cheeks were propped by her elbows, her eyes flitting to Jisoo for a sense of comfort.

  
  


“You’ve been staring at that phone or a while,” Jisoo said when a commercial break of cereal aired. 

  
  
  


“Yeah,” Jennie sighed, running a hand through her hair. “She must be busy.”

  
  
  


With impeccable timing, the telephone rang to life. It hadn’t even finished its first ring before Jennie pressed the receiver to her ear. A few beats of silence passed.

  
  


“Miss Jennie?”

  
  
  


“Joohyun,” Jennie sighed in relief, the anxiety ceasing upon the familiar voice. “I was worried you wouldn’t call.”

  
  
  


Small muffles were heard, as if she was moving around. “If you don’t mind, can I call you by something else? So I wouldn’t have to say your name.”

  
  
  


“Like a code name? That’s a good idea.”

  
  
  


“What about… Yeri?”

  
  
  


_ Yeri? That sounded familiar. _ “Why Yeri?”

  
  
  


“That’s the name of my stepsister. Anyway, how are you?”

  
  
  


The call was more relaxing than anticipated. Jennie told Joohyun she’s doing well, that she shouldn’t fret about her, and to make sure to take care of herself, too. Joohyun had just finished dusting Taehyung’s room, and the family was eating dinner as they spoke. She insisted on bringing food up for Jennie (that she fed herself with), but they were getting suspicious. Mister Kim was always one to value eating at the table.

  
  


“And there’s something coming up that requires your attendance,” Joohyun continued. “I know it’s just the second day, but I don’t know —”

  
  
  


“You should confess I ran away,” Jennie said, cord twirled around her finger. “That I pretended to be sick to make my getaway.”

  
  
  


“Are you joking?”

  
  
  


“No.”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“You should know better than anyone the lengths your father will take to find you once he realizes you’re gone.”

  
  
  


Jennie faltered. “Yes, I do, but it’ll save you the trouble of lying. Better to break it to him early instead of getting caught in a lie. It’s your job at stake. I created this problem, I don’t want you to get in trouble for it.”

  
  
  


Joohyun sighed, “I’ll figure something — I have to go now. Bye, Yeri!”

  
  
  


The end of the other line clicked off to the monotonous static. Jennie regarded the receiver quizzically before hanging it up. 

  
  
  


“How’s Joohyun?” Jisoo asked when Jennie announced the end of the call by stretching her arms.

  
  
  


“She’s well.” Jennie ambled over to the couch and sunk into the cushions beside Jisoo, shoulder to shoulder. “I told her to tell my family the truth, but I’m not sure if she’ll do it. She got interrupted and had to go.”

  
  
  


Jisoo observed Jennie for a moment before pulling Jennie’s hand to her lap. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

  
  
  


“Now? It’s night.”

  
  
  


“That’s the best time to watch a movie.”

  
  
  


Jennie cracked a half-hearted smile. Saying no was hard when it came to Jisoo. “Where’s the movies?”

  
  
  


From the box, Jennie picked out a random tape without the bother to read the scribbled title on white strip. She wouldn’t have known what any of these movies were anyway, and Jisoo was satisfied all the same. “One of my favorites,” she had said.

  
  
  


Enjoying the movie was difficult. It only took a moment for Jennie to be left alone with her thoughts that the stress returned. Even snuggling under a blanket with Jisoo, who was hugging a pillow to her chest, couldn’t ward the stress away. There was so much to think about: Jisoo, Joohyun, her father, the unsettling fact that her father  _ would _ create scandals to sweep things under the rug, and the way it’d been happening right under Jennie’s nose. Maybe if things were different, maybe if Jennie actually liked business and owned up to her father’s expectations, then she would’ve actually been useful to the world for once and help fight that type of corruption.

  
  
  


But Jennie didn’t like business, nor did she meet those expectations. When everything was so against that reality, was it fair to blame herself? 

  
  
  


Jisoo had fallen asleep, her breaths light and head leaned back and slightly toward Jennie, enough to show her profile. One look at the girl and Jennie’s worries were dispelled, although it was just for a moment. Would just a moment be enough, though? That’s what they’d been getting by with — one moment after the other. Wordless moments, wordful moments; moments when Jisoo’s smile made time stand still, moments when Jisoo’s touch spurred all those feelings in Jennie’s chest that couldn’t simply be deduced to  _ love _ .

  
  
  


Or maybe it  _ was _ love; the simplest, rawest form of love. No flowers, no diamonds, no rings. Just Jisoo’s hand in hers, and Jisoo’s shoulder to lean on.

  
  
  


Were all those enough?

  
  
  


No, there was no use thinking that way. It had to be enough because there was nothing else. If not these moments, what? They were precious, no matter how big or small. All that was needed to do was appreciate the present, and face the future with Jisoo by her side. 

  
  
  


Jennie edged closer to Jisoo, prompting some mumbling from the girl still deep in her slumber. The television was mere background, its buzzes and flickering lights doing little to stop Jisoo’s breaths from lulling Jennie to sleep.


	15. perfectly imperfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOO ROSÉ SOLO SOUNDS SO GOOD SOOOO GOOD SOTY SOTY SOTY and the way that was a b side like the title track is gon be a straight banger ,,,

The day after the next, Seulgi dropped by with a plastic bag of take-out food from Taeyeon’s restaurant.

  
  
  


It was the date Jisoo had owed her, Seulgi had proclaimed. And after an uneventful day lounging around, Jisoo was beyond delighted. Relieving really, because Jennie began to worry if the girl was getting bored and lonely from being confined in the apartment all day (considering she’s so adamant about the outside). Chaeyoung worked most of the day, and although Jennie only worked half of Chaeyoung’s hours, it must’ve been nice for Jisoo to see another face.

  
  


“Hello?” Jennie announced softly upon opening the door. The evening’s hue filtered through the window blinds, the room a pattern of warm stripes. An unfamiliar and strange, yet cozy and nice thing to come home to after a full shift with Chaeyoung.

  
  
  


“Hello?” Jisoo’s husky voice wafted from the kitchen. “Jennie?”

  
  
  


“Hey,” Jennie breathed, the day’s labor washed away from the sight of Jisoo in her pajamas, sitting at the table with a coloring book and crayons. After taking off her sneakers (lent from Jisoo), Jennie walked over and planted a kiss on the crown of the other’s head. She moved the crutches leaning on the wall to the side and pulled a chair beside Jisoo, slumping into it. “Did you have fun today?”

  
  
  


“Yeah.” Jisoo tapped on the page. “Seulgi got me a coloring book. Figured it would help me feel better and keep me entertained. Who does she think I am, a child? Although, it is fun… Look, I colored this dog well, huh?”

  
  
  


Jisoo nudged the book toward Jennie. The incomplete picture was of a simple house, the typical square exterior and triangle roof, with two neighboring trees. The only thing with color so far was a dog with floppy ears playing with a ball on the grass, its fur meticulously colored brown and, surprisingly, shaded incredibly well. 

  
  
  


“That’s impressive,” Jennie admitted with a soft smile. “Have you been coloring all this time?”

  
  
  


Jisoo shook her head and plucked a lint off Jennie’s sweater sleeve. “Seulgi left not too long ago. Where’s Chaeyoung?”

  
  
  


“She’s out with Lisa again.”

  
  
  


“That rascal.” Jisoo clicked her tongue, contrary to her smirk. “I should be the one giving her a curfew.”

  
  


Jennie chuckled, tucking one knee under her and the other to her chest. “How did Seulgi take the truth, by the way?”

  
  
  


“Amazingly great. She actually called it. She made a bet to herself that I wasn’t into guys because I’ve never dated in college, no matter how many guys my friends set me up with.”

  
  
  


“That’s good. And… about me?”

  
  
  


Jisoo hummed, “I only laid out the general information. You know, bad daddy and about us. She was a little shocked at first — probably thought I was pulling her leg — but considering everything she heard that day, she decided it made sense.”

  
  
  


Jennie exhaled in relief. “That’s really good.”

  
  
  


Jisoo smiled softly. “Have you eaten yet?”

  
  
  


“A sandwich. Chaeyoung said it’s an employee meal, so it’s free of charge. Did Seulgi’s food make you full?”

  
  
  


“Yeah, it was tasty. But I could really go for some banana milk.” Jisoo slipped the crayons back into its box. “Do you want to come with me to Seulgi’s office?”

  
  
  


“Seulgi’s office? Now?”

  
  
  


“It’s okay if you don’t want to. I still need to work on the biography because the deadline is coming soon. I think around the wedding day? And I use Seulgi’s typewriter, since it’s financially more convenient.”

  
  
  


At the mere mention of the wedding, Jennie’s heart sank and a sickly feeling stirred in her chest. Jisoo must’ve noticed because her eyes softened before squeezing Jennie’s hand. “This is the last thing to do. It’ll take one more week; just one. Then, I’ll collect the payment, cut all ties with the company, and we’ll go wherever. The check will get us anywhere.”

  
  


“Are you sure?”

  
  
  


“Yes. We need this check, or else I might not be able to provide for the both of us.”

  
  
  


“That’s a lot of responsibility for you.”

  
  
  


“Yeah, well, what’s life without some responsibility?” Jisoo quipped, cracking a small smile. “Don’t worry, it’s my job. I want to do this; I need to do this.”

  
  
  


From the fiery resolution in Jisoo’s eyes, she wasn’t renouncing anytime soon, or at all. The coloring book still splayed open. They could have what’s on that page: a house, a dog, maybe some fruit trees, maybe a lawn. Although so out of reach, the possibility was there; there and motivating and attainable.

  
  


“I’ll come with you,” Jennie said after a moment, squeezing her hand in return. “Who’ll protect you if someone robs you?”

  
  
  


Jisoo beamed and pecked the corner of Jennie’s lips. “As if you can fight them off. We both will get robbed.” She patted Jennie’s head upon her pout. “Let me get ready. Wait right here.”

  
  
  


As Jisoo crutched her way to her bedroom, Jennie cleaned up the coloring supplies. Once the book and box were neatly stacked and the table cleared, the phone rang. The clock read a quarter past seven — it must be Joohyun.

  
  
  


“Hello?” Jennie answered.

  
  
  


Silence met the other end. It would’ve been disquieting at first, but it had been the usual because Joohyun took extra precaution, whatever that may be. Jennie rested her elbow on her arm and leaned against the wall patiently.

  
  
  


Had Joohyun eaten yet? Was she doing well? Those questions were usually asked, so —

  
  
  


“Jennie.”

  
  
  


Frozen.

  
  
  


“Jennie.”

  
  
  


Thump, thump, thump.

  
  
  


She should drop the phone. She should return the receiver and walk as far away as possible from the telephone; maybe smash it, maybe chuck it into the trash can. But everything was too much in shock, her trembling grip tightening around the handle. Whether that was from fear, or anger or both, it didn’t matter because her back was sliding down the wall until she was curled on the kitchen tiles. Maybe she heard it wrong, but there was no denying that cold, deep voice.

  
  


It wasn’t Joohyun. It wasn’t Joohyun. 

  
  
  


“Jennie, I know you’re there.”

  
  
  


Then, where was Joohyun?

  
  
  


“Where’s Joohyun?” Jennie demanded, hushed from her own lack of breath that could barely muster through the weight in her chest.

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“She’s perfectly fine. I’m wondering why you aren’t home.”

  
  
  


“Where. Is. She.”

  
  
  


“Nothing happened to her. She’s fine and healthy. Can’t a father check on his own daughter?”

  
  
  


She should hang up. She  _ needed _ to hang up. There was nothing to say to him; he didn’t deserve any words nor any responses. The telephone was right above her, but at the same time, it was a thousand miles high. Her legs were too numb and shaky to stand.  _ Drop the phone. Drop the phone,  _ her brain screamed, but was drowned out by all the goddamn  _ pounding. _

  
  


“Why aren’t you home? Come home this instant. Do it while I’m asking nicely.”

  
  
  


_ Fight it. Fight it. _

  
  
  


“No.”

  
  
  


Silence.

  
  
  


“No?”

  
  
  


Her rib cage hurt. Her heart was bound to burst out of her chest. So, Jennie hugged herself tighter, fists clenched and teeth gritted to hold it in. It’d pass — she just had to persevere. In, out. In out.

  
  
  


An ominous chuckle resonated. “No? Are you going through another rebellious phase again? Like an immature teenager? You’re an adult now, Jennie. You know better than this.”

  
  
  


“I do,” Jennie quavered. “And I’m saying I’m not coming home.”

  
  
  


A few seconds, then a sigh. “Okay.”

  
  
  


Okay?

  
  
  


“I see how it is. Alright, no worries. I was wishing it didn’t have to come to this, but you leave me no choice. I’ll make you come home myself.”

  
  
  


Click. Silence. 

  
  
  


Deafening; no pounding, no ringing. All but the ticks of the new clock, and the shallow, unsteady breaths of the aftermath. Did she do it? Was it over? Pain ceased into numbness, just in time for Jisoo to walk into the kitchen adorning a scarf, cardigan, and her satchel slung across her shoulder. Upturned eyes turned alarmed, and she hurried over.

  
  
  


“Jennie, what are you doing on the floor?” Jisoo exclaimed, hastily throwing her crutches aside to slide across the floor to Jennie. Jennie flinched from the bang of the crutches toppling off the wall, but that fleeting moment eased when Jisoo cupped her face in her warm hands. “You’re pale. What happened?” Her eyes flitted to the phone still clutched in Jennie’s small fist. “Was it Joohyun? Did something happen?”

  
  
  


“Isn’t it too late in the day to go to Seulgi’s office?” 

  
  
  


The words came out weak, and Jisoo faltered.

  
  
  


“Well, uhm,” Jisoo worried her lip, “I work better at night. We can go earlier if you want.”

  
  
  


“How about the morning?”

  
  
  


“Yeah. Yeah, we’ll go in the morning.”

  
  
  


“Okay,” Jennie exhaled steadily and held Jisoo’s hand closer to her cheek. “I’ll tell Chaeyoung. You just need a week, right?”

  
  
  


“Yes.”

  
  
  


“Okay, okay.”

  
  
  


Jisoo was searching her, brows furrowed. Hopefully, Jennie’s poker face was enough to hide the problem. Maybe it was enough because Jisoo’s studious gaze surrendered and dropped to the receiver. “How’s Joohyun?”

  
  
  


“She’s fine.” 

  
  
  


“Then, why are you on the floor?”

  
  
  


The question was tentative. Jisoo must’ve inferred that Jennie was hiding something. The girl could always decipher that; the only thing she’s unable to decipher was  _ what _ Jennie was hiding. That weighed heavy on Jennie’s heart, the guilt equal to one of a felony. It  _ was _ a felony; it wasn’t fair to Jisoo — but just this once. Just this once.

  
  
  


“I have iron deficiency.”

  
  
  


Jisoo blinked. 

  
  
  


“And,” Jennie continued, “I really want to get the hell out of here, so you’re going to get this job done. You’ll collect the pay, and we’re going away. That’s the plan, right?”

  
  
  


Technically, it was a partial truth — a cheap way to get around the subject. Jisoo’s hands dropped to Jennie’s knees. “Yes, that’s the plan.”

  
  
  


“Then, let’s do it. And,” Jennie squeezed Jisoo’s pinky and cracked a small smile, “you’re using the wheelchair. Crutches will tire you out. I’ll push you.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s eyes lit up, although a flicker of skepticism lingered. “That’ll be nice. Like a morning stroll. We can get some snacks from the convenience store on the way, too.”

  
  
  


“Yeah, that’ll be nice. We’ll make it.”

  
  
  


It was hard to say whether that was more for Jennie’s assurance than Jisoo’s.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  


  
  


A week passed by and Jennie had never been so paranoid. Not because things happened, but because  _ nothing _ happened; nothing happened, and Jennie was happy. A mix for a recipe for disaster.

  
  
  


The walks to Seulgi’s office were refreshing (although the uphill parts were tiring when pushing a Jisoo on a wheelchair). Cloudy mornings and crisp air mixed with a small breeze fluttering the leaves of the kempt greenery dotted along the sidewalk. A leaf had fallen onto Jisoo’s head, and it took a while and great difficulty for Jisoo to brush it off (no thanks to Jennie’s help, or lack of due to excessive giggling). Otherwise, they basked in the city landscape, pointing out the few odd cloud formations and various flyers along the way.

  
  
  


At night, the dust drifted in the lamp’s soft illumination. Swirling and floating, it teased Jennie’s line of vision until it landed on the coupon ripped fresh from the grocery catalog. The coupon was added to the pile of other coupons in exchange for another catalog from the catalog stack.

  
  
  


Jennie’s elbows ached from laying on her stomach for so long. Jisoo slept beside her, her pretty face, half hidden under the fluffy blanket, tranquil and her breathing mellow. Fitting for a silent night, and relaxing for Jennie’s agitation.

  
  
  


When Jennie tore a coupon for a thousand won for fruit, there was a slight shifting from Jisoo.

  
  
  


“Jennie?” Jisoo yawned, covering her mouth and stretching her back. 

  
  
  


“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Jennie asked as Jisoo rubbed her eyes with fists. “Am I being too loud?”

  
  
  


Jisoo smiled softly and rolled into Jennie’s position, their shoulders bumping. “A little, with all the ripping and grumbling.” 

  
  
  


“Sorry,” Jennie whispered sheepishly, sharpening the folded crease with her nail. “I didn’t realize. Careful of your ankles.”

  
  
  


“Don’t worry, and they’re feeling a lot better and I can move around easier. Taeyeon’s food healed me right up.” Jisoo rested her chin on her palm and eyed the pile of papers. “What are you doing?”

  
  
  


“Scouring coupons per Chaeyoung’s request.”

  
  
  


Jisoo’s gaze was scary with no intention of being scary because the scary part was that it was soft and loving and  _ searching _ . It’d been like that nowadays — Jisoo searching, but never finding. There shouldn’t be anything scary about it; only Jennie’s guilt made it out to be such a way. So, Jennie mustered a weak smile and returned to the coupons.

  
  
  


“Is something wrong?” 

  
  
  


Jennie’s fingers froze midway through the tear. “Nothing is wrong. Why do you ask?”

  
  
  


“Because you’re frowning and have that small pout that always means you’re either upset, troubled, or thinking really hard — usually about something not good. You’ve been,” her voice dropped, “doing that a lot recently.”

  
  
  


Jisoo was staring at her, waiting patiently. That fact made the hairs on Jennie’s neck prick and tightened her grip on the poor coupon wrinkled from it. Jisoo was figuring her out, asking for honesty without asking it forthright, and it was about time Jennie was truthful toward her. It hung in the air. If this went on any longer, what would Jisoo think about her then? A liar? That wasn’t far from the truth, but out of all people, Jisoo shouldn’t be the one thinking Jennie was a liar. No, not Jisoo. 

  
  
  


Jennie sighed, “You know how I call Joohyun every evening?”

  
  
  


“Yes.”

  
  
  


“About a week ago, she stopped calling me.”

  
  
  


A pause.

  
  
  


“Why?”

  
  
  


Jennie tore the coupon — a clean line straight down. “Because my father knows. He picked up our last call.”   
  


  
  


Jisoo stilled. Even without a glance, it was easy to tell Jisoo was shocked, perhaps a little betrayed. Scratch that, really betrayed. Jennie tried to focus on flipping through the next catalog, but the tension made it hard to find anything when all the words were incoherent and traveling in and out her head filled with shame.

  
  
  


“So he knows you’re gone?” Jisoo asked carefully.

  
  
  


Jennie nodded.

  
  
  


“What happened to Joohyun?”

  
  
  


“I don’t know. He says she’s perfectly fine, but I doubt it. And he says he’ll make me come home himself, but nothing has happened yet. I’m not sure what he’s going to do, but I feel uneasy.” Jennie set the catalog down and ran her fingers through her hair. “So, that’s — that’s why.”

  
  
  


Silence. From the corner of Jennie’s eye, Jisoo was thinking. Her jaw was set and her brows were stitched.

  
  
  


“I don’t think we should be going outside,” Jisoo said.

  
  
  


“What do you mean? We only go to Seulgi’s office.”

  
  
  


“Exactly. You should’ve told me this sooner. Why didn’t you?”

  
  
  


Jennie gulped and turned away from Jisoo. “I know, I — I should’ve, but I didn’t want to worry you until I figured out what’s going on. And I knew you wouldn’t want to go to work if you knew. But nothing has happened yet, so we’re fine. We’ll be okay.”

  
  
  


A moment passed before a soft hand took Jennie’s hand, connecting each fingertip one at a time. The tenderness eased Jennie to turn back to Jisoo, who had relaxed her expression.

  
  


“Do you trust me?” Jisoo whispered.

  
  
  


“Of course.”

  
  
  


“Then, be honest with me; communicate with me. I know you struggle with that type of stuff, but I want you to know that you can tell me anything, and I’ll tell you anything. Especially about something like this. We’re in this together, right?”

  
  
  


“Yeah. Sorry, I never meant to lie to you, but I just — I don’t know — in a way I knew I was lying to you, but I really didn’t want to —” Jennie’s lips were paused by two of Jisoo’s fingers. 

  
  
  


“I get it,” Jisoo said, grazing Jennie’s bottom lip when her fingers retracted. “You don’t have to explain yourself.”

  
  
  


“It’s a little unfair to you, isn’t it?”

  
  
  


Jisoo shrugged. “I don’t care. Maybe you can explain yourself when you’re ready, but I understand even if you don’t.”

  
  
  


The knot in Jennie’s chest unraveled, and it was easier to breathe. Jisoo always made everything unbelievably easy — easier than it should’ve been. “Aren’t you almost done writing the biography?”

  
  
  


“Yes.”

  
  
  


“Then, finish it. Like you said, cut ties as soon as possible.”

  
  
  


Jisoo frowned. “Are you sure?”

  
  
  


“Yes. Tomorrow is all you need, right?”

  
  
  


“Yeah…”

  
  
  


Jennie smiled softly and pecked the center of Jisoo’s palm. “Tomorrow, in the morning. Then, we’ll have the rest of the day free.”

  
  
  


_ The rest of our lives free _ .

  
  
  


Jisoo returned the smile, easing out their locked hands to gather some of the stray coupons into a neat stack. “You should sleep. Screw these coupons. I used to be on coupon duty and it’s so boring.”

  
  
  


Jennie giggled and plucked the stack from Jisoo to add to the others on the nightstand. “It’s therapeutic for me; ripping these and all.”

  
  
  


Jisoo narrowed her eyes. “Whatever you say. Let’s do these tomorrow, then. For now, off to bed.”

  
  
  


After the bedsheets were cleared of any scraps, the lamp was turned off to let darkness take over. Dark enough to bend weird shapes and shadows, but illuminated enough to see the ceiling and Jisoo’s profile. 

  
  
  


“Chu,” Jennie muttered.

  
  
  


“Hm?”

  
  
  


“Is it time to think about the future?”

  
  
  


No response. Jennie pressed on.

  
  
  


“What’s going to happen? You collect the money, then what?”

  
  
  


“Then, we get out of this city and find a place far away.”

  
  
  


“That cottage in the woods?”

  
  
  


Jisoo chuckled. “Yes, exactly.”

  
  
  


“Even though you’ve lived with Chaeyoung for so long? You guys are practically married.”

  
  
  


“One day she’ll find someone. That’s life, you know. She’ll find someone and I don’t plan on being a third wheel.”

  
  
  


“Does she know you’ll do this? That we’re doing this?”

  
  
  


“Honestly, I haven’t told her yet. But she’ll know, and she’ll be fine with it. She’ll be fine. I’ve already talked to her about moving out, and she was fine — ecstatic for me, actually. I decided to move out a long time ago, so this isn’t any different.”

  
  
  


Really? The revelation was disheartening. What if Jennie was a second too late, and Jisoo had long gone? Would they have met ever again? “What about your other friends?”

  
  
  


Jisoo laughed, and slight shifting implied that Jisoo was facing her. “Hey, it’s not like I’m cutting ties with everyone. We’ll still be friends. Do you — do you feel guilty? Is that why? That this is what it takes to get away?”

  
  
  


“Maybe,” Jennie replied meekly.

  
  
  


“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t think to do this if it wasn’t for the best. All of us will keep in touch, and Chaeyoung does have someone.”

  
  
  


“She does?”

  
  
  


“You don’t know?”

  
  
  


“No?”

  
  
  


Jennie didn’t have to look to tell Jisoo was smiling. “They’re a lot closer than she thinks. Are you still worried?”

  
  
  


“Yeah. How am I going to get a job? I don’t think I can use my real identity, and I didn’t even go to college. I don’t want you bearing all the financial responsibility.”

  
  
  


“Woah, that’s way too far in the future. We’ll figure it out once we get there; there’s no rush. Take it slow. First, let’s live a little. You know: learning how to cook, maybe decorate our place, all those things. You should learn stuff, too. The stuff you might’ve missed out on. Maybe a little garden...” 

  
  
  


The corners of Jennie’s lips curled up. “Okay, but I’ll figure something out.”

  
  
  


“We’ll take each step together, okay?” Jisoo squeezed Jennie’s hand under the covers. “So, please talk to me. Let’s help each other.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s eyes strayed away from the ceiling to meet Jisoo’s. Backed by the moonlight filtered through the curtains, Jisoo was beautiful. Although Jennie could only see half of her face, it was effortless to piece together the other half; all of it was memorized. Picture perfect in her brain. Jennie rolled to her side to mirror Jisoo, knees bumping and finger lightly tracing down the girl’s nose bridge to her soft, heart-shaped lips.

  
  
  


“Okay.”

  
  
  


Jisoo sighed. Faint, but deep — and so, so heavy. How often did she let out a sigh so heavy? Jennie edged closer, gingerly wrapping her leg around Jisoo’s legs to eliminate that cumbersome space between, to pull herself in enough to pillow their foreheads and breathe in all of her. While Jisoo hugged Jennie around the waist with the same gingerness, Jennie tucked away some hair behind the other’s ear before her palm rested on the girl’s chest — right at the beating heart.

  
  
  


_ Let out a sigh just like that, _ she wanted to say. Jisoo’s eyes fluttered open and shut, and her breathing was careful as if breathing any harder would break this delicate space between them.  _ Don’t think of anything else. Just let it out. _

  
  
  


“Fuck,” Jisoo mumbled.

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


“I like you. A lot.”

  
  
  


Heat flushed Jennie’s face, and a flustered giggle cut the silence. For whatever reason, those words always made her feel like a teenager again. “What the heck are you saying —”

  
  
  


“I like you so much, I don’t want to lose you again.”

  
  
  


Jisoo held Jennie’s hand closer to her heart, the steady rhythm’s sincerity coursing through Jennie’s fingertips to ache her own heart. Pitter-patter, pitter-patter. A distinct burn pricked the back of Jennie’s eyes, so she closed them in case anything accidentally spilled. 

  
  
  


“So,” Jisoo gulped, “please don’t let go of my hand.”

  
  
  


In, out. In, out. In, out. Once her breathing was controlled, her eyes opened. Jisoo was still there. Her hand still held Jennie’s hand. Her gaze still lingered with no intention of looking anyway soon; deep, dilated pools that said, felt, and seen so much. At that moment dawned a scary realization — Jennie had Jisoo.

  
  
  


And when you had someone, they were subject to be taken away. 

  
  
  


But not this time. This time, Jennie would not let go of Jisoo. Jisoo would not be taken away if Jennie’s life depended on it.

  
  
  


So far from perfect, but what they had right now was as close as it could be — so close, it hurt to throw it away. Jennie clung to Jisoo’s hand tight, kissing her knuckles.

  
  
  


“I won’t let go.”


	16. wild fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // gaslighting, homophobia  
> tagged melodrama for a reason ahaha,,, i'm sorry i contemplated all my decisions before posting this but gotta rip off the bandage somehow

For being on one of the busiest streets in Gangnam, the view from Seulgi’s office had the short end of the stick. First, it faced away from the sun, so there was no natural light. Second, it exhibited the opposite building that displayed columns of the same tinted windows. At least from up here, the bustling from the main street below wasn’t audible (save for the occasional honks). Otherwise, the only noises present were the ticking of the clock and the clicks of the typewriter as Jisoo’s fingers flew across its keys.

  
  
  


By the time Jennie set the blue crayon down on the desk, its point was worn to a stub. Sore from coloring the whole morning, she massaged her hand while appraising the drawing. Perhaps a novel would’ve been more efficient for entertainment, but Jisoo was right — coloring was fun. So far, the dog and house were colored by Jisoo, and it was Jennie’s turn to finish the rest of the surroundings. The sky was a third way done.

  
  
  


“I think I need to sharpen this crayon,” Jennie muttered. “I’ve used way too much of it.”

  
  
  


“Just peel the paper,” Jisoo replied without a glance. She was pretty today — not like she was ever not pretty — but there’s a particular glow to her complexion that couldn’t be replicated anywhere else. Maybe it’s her vivacious eyes that flitted back and forth as she typed, the passion discernible and alight. Her brown flannel hung on the back of her office chair, taken off in exchange for the turtleneck sweater underneath because, thankfully, there was a heater in the building to ward off the chilly morning. 

  
  
  


“Oh, okay — oops, I peeled too much. It’s naked now.”

  
  
  


Jisoo snorted and looked to Jennie holding up the bare stick of wax between two fingers. “At this rate, we might need a second blue crayon. How much blue do you even need?”

  
  
  


Jennie pouted and tossed the crayon back on the book and it rolled perfectly into the binding. “I just want the sky to look nice. You shaded and everything, and my coloring looks super bad compared to yours. I’m ruining the consistency.”

  
  
  


“It’s just a coloring book,” Jisoo reassured. “Who cares if you color crappy?”

  
  
  


“So you admit that I color crappy?”

  
  
  


“Your words, not mine — ah! I’m joking,” Jisoo rubbed her arm where Jennie had slapped her. “Anyway, I’m sure no one cares. For one,  _ I _ don’t care. I think it looks great. You even have some blending there. That’s pretty good.”

  
  
  


“You’re just saying that to be nice.”

  
  
  


“Do you not sense my genuineness? How must I show it?” Jisoo sighed dramatically, matched with a chin rub and a pensive gaze. “Like this?”

  
  
  


“Aiyah!” Jennie whined, swerving away from Jisoo’s puckered lips, heat overtaking her face in record time. “Okay, I get it. Thank you.”

  
  
  


Jisoo was still close — absurdly close enough to count the distinct freckles dotted along her cheekbones — and Jennie was trapped between the latter and the backing of her seat. Playfulness danced in the hazel hue studying Jennie’s face, and Jennie couldn’t help but wet her lips out of sheer flusterness.

  
  
  


“Why are you red?” 

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


The girl cocked her brow and pressed a palm to Jennie’s cheek. “You’re really hot. Is it warm in here? You should take off that cardigan.”

  
  
  


“Don’t say it like that,” Jennie stammered, lightly pushing a chuckling Jisoo away while fanning her face. “You were just too close, that’s all… do you even know personal space? Actually, don’t answer that,” she pressed a finger to Jisoo’s lips when they parted, most likely spewing another tease. “Can I read your work?”

  
  
  


“No!” Jisoo’s hands flew over the inked words when Jennie peered over her shoulder, taking Jennie aback.

  
  
  


“Why?”

  
  
  


“Well, because it’s not done,” Jisoo cleared her throat. “I want to show it when I’m ready, you know?”

  
  
  


“Oh, okay. Sorry.”

  
  
  


Jisoo pursed her lips and relaxed her shoulders. “You’re fine. Sorry, I overreacted a little. Hey, speaking of which, do you want to get some ice cream?” She stretched her arms and yawned, a gesture that distracted Jennie enough to not question the sudden change of topic. “I think we deserve a little break.”

  
  
  


“Today isn’t even hot. How much do you have left?”

  
  
  


“Maybe a few more paragraphs? At least one more page. It’ll definitely be done by this afternoon. And, as a matter of fact, no day is a bad day for ice cream.”

  
  
  


“Then, you should keep working on it,” Jennie stood up from her seat, “so you can finish it as soon as possible. I’ll run to the store to get the ice cream. What flavor do you want?”

  
  
  


Jisoo regarded her dubiously. “Are you sure?”

  
  
  


“It’s just around the corner, right?” Jennie fitted Jisoo’s newsboy cap from the desk onto her head, tucking her hair behind her ear, pulled closer the lapels of her buttoned cardigan, and fished out a few won from Jisoo’s bag. Three thousand should do it. “I won’t take long.” She pecked Jisoo on the lips, then on the forehead for good measure.

  
  
  


“Alright, if you say so,” Jisoo mumbled nonchalantly, contrary to her failed attempt at fighting back a smile. She turned back to the typewriter, shy demeanor much to Jennie’s amusement. “And I’d like chocolate. Hopefully, I’ll get this done by the time you get back.”

  
  
  


“You better.”

  
  
  


Stepping out, the air was strangely still. Usually, there’d be a small breeze, but there was no breeze at all. More a relief than a bother because the wind would dry out Jennie’s eyes.

  
  


Although the pedestrians paid her no heed, it didn’t ease the impulse to lower the brim of her hat and dip her chin. They were all mumbling in hushes and whispers, newspapers in every pair of hands. Paranoia crept in with each glance, brief and long alike, thrown at her. Perhaps she should’ve brought Jisoo along; the girl always brought a sense of security, but that’d be too dangerous. Anyone one of these people could be her father’s eyes, right? Her skin crawled at the thought, and it’s only until her foot stepped into the convenience store that her nerves calmed and breaths evened to an extent.

  
  
  


“Good afternoon,” the young cashier greeted from his newspaper with an engineered smile.

  
  
  


“Hello,” Jennie mumbled with a small nod, scuffling toward the display freezer by the entrance. Skimming the various ice cream through the glass, her eyes settled on the chocolate bar, but unfortunately, no milk bar. A sigh of disappointment matched the contemplation of which other flavors to get before the decision to grab a second chocolate bar.

  
  
  


“Will that be all?” asked the cashier, setting his newspaper on the counter as Jennie placed the bars on top. 

  
  
  


“Yes.”

  
  
  


“That’ll be two thousand won.”

  
  
  


The boy went back to his newspaper while Jennie fished the money out of her pocket, thumb sifting through the bills to collect the right amount on her other hand. The article must’ve been super interesting because he kept glancing back at it, even when counting her change. Hopefully, he didn’t count wrong. The rudeness would’ve disgruntled Jennie, but why was she getting nervous instead?

  
  
  


“Here’s your change.” He dropped the coins into her open palm and handed over the plastic bag. “Have a nice day.”

  
  
  


Brief. Quick. A flash of a grayscale portrait. When the boy unfurled the newspaper with one swish flick, it took a second for everything to crash and the noise to mangle back. The talks, the hushed conversations, the disdain in those anonymous eyes. It didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense, but why did it make sense at the same time?

  
  
  


“Excuse me,” Jennie squeaked, voice shaky. “Can I see that newspaper for a second?”

  
  
  


The boy frowned as if to tell her to get her own. “Sure,” he grunted.

  
  
  


Her hands shook terribly, barely grasping the paper when received. Steady breaths were impossible, not when Jisoo’s face was on the front page. A simple headshot, presumably from her portfolio from the looks of the formality. But not even Jisoo could distract Jennie from the bolded headline that she couldn’t read twice because the newspaper fell out of her hands at the first glance. 

  
  
  


A scandal. Jisoo was the scandal.

  
  
  


“It’s so shocking that she’s a dyke,” the boy said with distaste, wrinkling his nose. “I think she writes for YG Times, too. Imagine the company you work for exposing you? There are even pictures — sheesh, how long was that ago? The quality — I almost feel sorry for her, but she must’ve messed up real bad to be on the front —”

  
  
  


The rest of his words were drowned out by the deafening blood rush. The plastic bag fell to the tile floor, the ice cream spilling out. If they didn’t crack from the drop, they certainly cracked when Jennie stepped on them in the midst of her confusion, disbelief, and utter fear.

  
  
  


“Thank you,” she choked out. “I have to go.” 

  
  
  


He didn’t deserve to be thanked, but there was no time to throw curses at him anyway. His words had already flown out of her head because all her mind could think about was Jisoo as she bolted down the street, wind whistling and the ends of her cardigan flying.

  
  
  


Jisoo’s safety had been compromised by the perfect crime, the perfect revenge. The perpetrator’s voice emitted from every person Jennie raced by — echoing and taunting and  _ evil _ .

  
  
  


_ I’ll make you come home myself. _

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


And one more… done!

  
  
  


It was completed.

  
  
  


A work of seven months was completed. 

  
  
  


Jennie should come back soon. Hopefully  _ soon _ because that ice cream sounded sweet and Jisoo’s taste buds already watered at the thought.  _ Good job, Jisoo, _ she praised herself with a self-pat on the back.

  
  
  


After cracking her fingers, Jisoo fell against the cushioned backing and brought her hands together to the back of her head. Her knee nudged on the side of the desk to spin her chair around towards the window. Outside was a tad duller than normal, a gray sky indicating that it must be cold and breezy. Maybe Jennie and her could take a small walk with their ice cream break. Just a small one for some fresh air.

  
  
  


The coloring book remained opened, the blue, naked crayon nestled in between the pages. The unfinished picture was nice and filled with vibrancy. What was Jennie talking about? Jisoo chuckled to herself before closing the book and returning the crayon to the box. Once everything was cleaned up, the telephone rang.

  
  
  


“Hello?” Jisoo hummed.

  
  
  


“Jisoo!” Chaeyoung’s voice was shrill, prompting Jisoo to jerk the receiver away from her ear.

  
  
  


“Why are you yelling?” Jisoo laughed. “You almost blew my eardrum out.”

  
  
  


“Jisoo! Have you seen the front page?”

  
  
  


The girl’s tone sounded urgent. If it was a prank, it was a damn good one. Then again, Chaeyoung was a good actress.  _ Fine, I’ll play along. _

  
  
  


“No, I haven’t. Why?”

  
  
  


“I —” her voice faded away and became muffled like the speaker was covered, “you have to come home. Right now.”

  
  
  


Jisoo sat up straighter, the prank rendering nervousness a tad too much for her liking. “Tell me what’s the problem. Jennie is out right now. She’s getting us ice cream.”

  
  
  


“She’s not there? Oh lord,” Chaeyoung exasperated. “Jisoo, you’ve been outed.”

  
  
  


Her heart dropped. “Outed?”

  
  
  


“Outed! Your face, your name. The whole country knows you’re damn sapphic!”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung was still speaking. To her, or to someone else? Regardless, whatever the younger girl was saying was incomprehensible. Maybe she really  _ had _ blown out Jisoo’s ears, and maybe some of her brain’s left hemisphere because it took too long for Jisoo to utter a word.

  
  
  


“How?”

  
  
  


“How?  _ How? _ I don’t fucking know! That should be the least of your problems. Don’t even wait for Jennie. You have to come home. I’ll come to get you, just stay put.”

  
  
  


Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. The call ended, but the receiver was still in Jisoo’s hand. Time froze and she would’ve been stuck in this nothingness if it weren’t for the clock’s ticks snapping her back to reality. 

  
  
  


_ Fuck. _

  
  
  


_ Fuck, fuck, fuck. _

  
  
  


Jisoo flung her flannel on, staggered over and onto her wheelchair, and pushed with all her strength out the door. The elevator couldn’t have come any slower, the button mashing doing little to speed it up, and the soft jingles only mocking and spiking the anxiety. Should she stay put? How could she when Jennie was out there? No, she’d find Jennie and they’d wait here together for Chaeyoung. Leaving Jennie behind was out of the question.

  
  
  


Jennie should be just around the corner. If only Jisoo could get there just a little faster —

  
  
  


All breath was knocked out of her when a harsh force slammed into her side and tipped her wheelchair over. Concrete and rocks scathed her skin at the impact. Before a groan could even strangle out, a shoe dug into her back and crushed all effort to speak and resist.

  
  
  


It was just a brief glimpse of him before the pain caught up and malfunctioned all senses. Perhaps it was better if Jisoo didn’t look at him at all because now her chest was caving and everything was closing in and infinitely scarier.

  
  
  


Who could blame her when it was the devil himself?

  
  
  


Kim Hyunbin.

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Jennie wasn’t fast enough.

  
  
  


A large crowd had already formed near Seulgi’s office building, the size likely equated to the whole city of Gangnam. Did people really have nothing better to do? Why couldn’t they mind their own business and go along with their day? The fear of the worst was an understatement because it was much, much worse than the worst. 

  
  
  


A pure nightmare.

  
  
  


Lungs burning, the strength to push through the crowd was futile with her small build against their taller heights. Jennie’s strangled shouts were drowned out by the muttering, the rumbling, and the distinct whimpering that stabbed her heart with a thousand knives. She was disregarded with frowns and cold shoulders as all their attention were at the center, tippy-toeing to see over the other. 

  
  
  


She couldn’t get through. 

  
  
  


The helplessness was in every sob with every attempt to do so. A shove from a man she had irritated too much sent her stumbling to the ground. Was he just strong, or was she just weak? It must be her — always had been. There was nothing else to do. With her whole chest, Jennie screamed, “Father!”

  
  
  


All activity stopped, a flame snuffed by her cry. Everyone’s eyes were on her again, but that wasn’t anything new. She pushed through the wall of stunned people to the middle, a tight circle around a trembling body curled up on the floor. The girl’s hair curtained her face, but the intense shaking and hands over her ears had Jennie’s knees crashing onto the pavement in front of her.

  
  
  


Jisoo didn’t like crowds.

  
  
  


“Get back!” Jennie yelled, hands frantically scrambling to hold Jisoo and grasp the wool fabric of her flannel. Were they deaf? Did they not understand Korean? They were just standing there, gaping dumbly like fish. “I said get back!”

  
  
  


Whether they stepped back or not, the only thing that mattered was Jisoo. Jennie stroked Jisoo’s back, brushing away the black locks to reveal eyes squeezed shut and face contorted in pain. “Jisoo, Jisoo,” she pleaded. “It’s me, Jennie. Can you hear me? We need to go.”

  
  
  


“Where do you think you’re going, Jennie?”

  
  
  


A click of a heel. Nothing had ever prepared her for this — to look at those black, leather shoes again. Not the week’s pented up paranoia, not the impending threat, not even the fact she shouted with the full awareness that he was here. A trap out in the open with no way out. 

  
  
  


“You need to come home,” her father said. “We’ve been trying to find you. Your mother is worried sick.”

  
  
  


With his tailored pants and expensive blazer, Jennie was tiny in his shadow. Shrinking, she edged closer to Jisoo to shield the girl from his line of sight and shook her head. “Is this what it takes? Is this how far you’ll go?”

  
  
  


He tilted his head in faux confusion. “What do you mean?”

  
  
  


“You’re evil.”

  
  
  


Jennie meant to spit it out with as much venom as she could, but it came out a rattled breath. The crowd moved restlessly, whispering amongst themselves that was more a nuance than anything.  _ Go away, go away, go away. _

  
  
  


“Evil?” He stepped closer and Jennie tensed. “ _ I’m _ the evil one? What did this vile dyke do to my poor daughter?”

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


His gaze asked for sympathy as he addressed the people around them. “It was so sudden. One night, Jennie just disappeared without a trace. Imagine the shock the family underwent? Yejin is in bed right now, sick and wilting with stress and worry. She refuses to eat no matter how much I tried to feed her. Taehyung lost sleep from worrying about his dear sister; that boy wanted to search for you. Jongin — your fiancé — imagine how he felt? He was absolutely devastated.”

  
  
  


He heaved a sigh and clutched his chest. “How could you leave like that, Jennie? There’s no other explanation — this imbecile took you and corrupted you. What else could it be? Why else would you leave your loved ones out of the blue?”

  
  
  


No, that didn’t make sense. Her family wouldn’t worry about her that much. No… they never asked about her well-being, never checked up on her, never even held a  _ conversation _ . So, why did they care now? They don’t care. They don’t, they don’t, they don’t. Maybe Jongin. Maybe Taehyung? They weren’t close, but could he have gone out his way to find her? But not her parents. Definitely not her father, but did her mother really worry herself sick? Like Jennie, her mother’s body wasn’t strong, so if she  _ was _ really sick… it was Jennie’s fault. This distress, this agony — everyone around her was suffering from her fuck-ups. 

  
  
  


“You knew all this time,” Jennie whispered. An accusation.

  
  
  


A glint in her father’s eyes admitted to the accusation with no shame. How did he know? Jennie was so sure he had forgotten. Did he hire Jisoo knowing she was the girl from all those years ago? Or was it pure coincidence and it was Jennie’s own carelessness that led up to this? Another step closer, but shock and fear overtook the urge to flinch as he towered over Jennie and Jisoo. At this angle, the crowd couldn’t see it, but Jennie could; the orchestration, the triumph, the wickedness. An angle he never showed to the public, an angle the public could barely even  _ percept _ with their pea brains because they couldn’t see through the fact he was a well-known, respected businessman. Herded like cattle.

  
  
  


“What are you even wearing?” He plucked Jisoo’s hat off Jennie’s head and regarded it disdainfully. “You have clothes at home. You have a roof over your head. We love you, and you decide to take this dyke’s charity?” He closed his eyes and sighed, tossing the cap aside. “Were we not enough? After all we’ve done for you? What else could we do, Jennie? What else could we do for you? We’ll do it if that means you’ll come back home. We’re family. How could you leave your family like that?”

  
  
  


Eyes were still looking, still watching, still judging. They must’ve thought Jennie was insane. The hushes were much worse than expected. Maybe it’s because of the vulnerability, or that the other gossip like how she had a trunk up her ass was all said  _ behind _ her back, or that they were spewing the  _ truth _ for once.

  
  
  


“Crazy bitch…”

  
  
  


“She’s a dyke, too?”

  
  
  


“... ungrateful.”

  
  
  


Jennie’s eyes tore away from all of those blurry faces to Jisoo watching her through the cracks of her eyelids. Her quivering lips, her shallow breaths — she was scared. Jisoo was absolutely terrified.

  
  


_ Am I not worth just as much? _ her voice echoed on that rainy day. Jisoo was scared back then, too; scared of being abandoned, scared of being alone, scared of not being enough. All her worst fears and she undeservingly faced them one too many times.

  
  
  


Although Jennie was also scared out of her wits, it wasn’t the time to be scared. She couldn’t, she wouldn’t; she had to be brave for all those times she wished she was braver for Jisoo. There’s no turning back the clocks. It’s time to fight for their future.

  
  


_ No. _ Jennie took Jisoo’s clammy hand and held it tight.  _ You’re worth much more. _

  
  
  


“You got it all wrong,” Jennie said.

  
  
  


Dead silence. There were no cars on the street; not a honk nor an engine. The city was put on pause to highlight the show in the limelight. Sickening. Her father faltered.

  
  
  


“Jennie,” he said with a fake sob and no tears. “Let us help you. We’ll help you. We’ll save you. Tell us what she did to you.”

  
  
  


“Nothing!” Jennie cried, exasperated. “Jisoo isn’t to blame. Father, I love her!”

  
  
  


Before the outbreak came darkness. Jennie was shoved to the side, her weight paper against her father’s strength. Screaming cut through the muffles, so piercing it recovered Jennie’s bearings. Jisoo was writhing under the sole of her father’s shoe, defenseless as it crushed her left ankle.

  
  
  


“How dare you!” he spat, twisting his heel deeper. “How dare you do this to my daughter —”

  
  
  


“Stop!” Jennie threw herself at his feet to stop the further onslaught. “Father, please stop! Stop hurting her!”

  
  
  


A nudge tossed her to the ground again. “Jennie, leave. I’ll deal with her, don’t worry.” He gestured to someone. “Mister Jo, take her home.”

  
  
  


Strong arms wrapped around Jennie’s waist and lifted her up. Just in front of Jennie was Jisoo’s fingertips — so close to grabbing, so close to holding onto that they could only graze before being kicked away. “Don’t touch my daughter ever again,” her father barked. 

  
  
  


Then, there was nothing else to hear. Everything was muted: the crowd’s leering, her father’s slurs, Jisoo’s cries, Jennie’s screams scratching her throat raw.

  
  


Jennie’s begging was just music to her father’s ears, wasn’t it? 

  
  
  


Pure music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: concert went brrrr best 1h30m of my life and don’t worry jensoo is endgame i promise i wouldn’t be that evil kek


	17. goodbye road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i crossed my fingers for this chap by the end of feb but it’s a few days late sorry but feb was such a mess lolllll i’m sorry i’m bringing angst in such distressful times anyway support respect love jennie always n rosé solooooo to save the year 3/12 2pm kst stream or else >:(

It hurt to breathe.

  
  
  


Tingles, numbness, buzzes, stillness; paralyzed, Jisoo’s fingertips were unable to fathom the ground and its pebbles and dirt and cracks. The pressure was killing her — anchoring her between it and the pavement, and squeezing everything out: breath, feeling, life. 

  
  
  


Although the pavement was suffocating, rolling on her back proved no better; far worse, actually. At least on the concrete was its coolness on her cheek because there was nothing above. Not a breeze; not even the sun. The towering shadows of buildings made it all the colder, all the scarier; trapping, looming, mocking. The apexes looked down on her, and the tinted windows — people must be watching her right now, dying helpless and alone like some sort of sick show. Front seats to a judgment day.

  
  
  


Thump. Thump. Thump. Her nails clawed at her chest, the relentless hammering threatening to rip it open and tear her apart. Everything blurred and spun, a series of blacks and whites and shapes and lights — especially that increasingly bright, white light — that stung her eyes. Inside and out, this pain, this agony — she might just really be in hell. That’s where they want her to go anyway, considering they left her for dead like this.

  
  
  


It was like that god-awful church. Everyone’s disgusted eyes crowded around her, caging and tying her down like some animal. All their touches scalded; all their words stabbed. And perhaps she  _ was _ really going to die like what they prayed for. Prayers really did come true, didn’t they? But they must be biased because why hadn’t any come true for Jisoo? Then again, she hadn’t prayed that much… the last time she prayed… when was that…?

  
  
  


“Help.”

  
  
  


Nothing but a feeble hush barely escaped. No one was here to listen, no one to help.

  
  
  


“Please help.”

  
  
  


No one.

  
  
  


Jisoo was all alone.

  
  
  


She was all alone once again.

  
  
  


It couldn’t be a coincidence anymore, right? Back then, people came and, regardless if they stayed for even just a little, eventually left one way or the other. They always left. Who cared about what Jisoo had with them? When, in the moment, it was so easy to get lost and not have a care in the world? All those moments that became memories, were they worth this pain? Living in the present was always something lived by, but in retrospect, it was probably her biggest mistake; a distraction from the inevitable.

  
  


But it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair! She tried so hard to do good, to make something out of herself, to contribute something to the world: her words, her writing, just  _ something _ . How was it fair to judge her on one basis? It wasn’t fair. One person she had liked, and one she loved. Only one girl and she was taken away. Jisoo lost her again, and now she was left with nothing.

  
  
  


There was nothing to lose anymore.

  
  
  


The bottom of that river didn’t sound too bad now. She used to stand on the ledge, the railing pressed against her back. The only thing that kept her from falling was the lock of her elbows and tight fingers around the metal. The breeze had never felt so good though, at that moment. It kissed her skin tenderly, caressed her hair, and sang an incomprehensible tune that didn’t need to be understood to ease all her worries. Nature’s touch and beauty swayed her feet onto solid earth. 

  
  
  


Jisoo had lost a button on her blazer that day. It must’ve fallen into the water. However, it didn’t matter that much because the spring rain came shortly after. Nature cleansed her, and led her by the hand to a new beginning — the girl under the library awning with the shiny barrette in her hair.

  
  
  


But now there was no breeze. Nature wasn’t here in the heart of the city. Wind was exiled by the walls, roots suppressed and divided by the concrete she splayed on. It wasn’t here to comfort or save her this time.

  
  
  


The ringing was getting louder. It stifled the running footsteps.

  
  
  


Was someone here to help her? Or to laugh at her? Spit on her? That was funny to think about. She would laugh if it weren’t for this fucking pressure, so only a pathetic whimper escaped that was worth a wheeze after. The sky was unbearably white. The only way to ward it off was to close her eyes, but something told her they might not open again if she were to close them. A head of short, curly hair graced the sky, the face unrecognizable from the backing of the light. Perhaps it was God? Coming to punish her for not attending church anymore? Should she beg for forgiveness? But why — why did she have to do that? Forgive her for what? What did she do so  _ wrong? _

  
  
  


“...soo?” The voices were underwater. There were two of them hovering on either side. The one to the right was familiar though, with her brown locks and soft hands that brushed away the hair from Jisoo’s face, the distinct smell of coffee that always lingered in and out of the café at her fingertips.

  
  
  


_ Chaeyoung… _

  
  
  


No, Jisoo  _ did _ have something to lose. At the brink of death showed what else there was to live for. It wasn’t like before when she had nothing at all. There were people who loved her, people who cared for her, people she cared for, people she loved. She had so much to say to Chaeyoung. So much to say,  _ too _ much to say — too much appreciation, gratefulness, and love. It wouldn’t have been able to be verbalized anyway because there weren’t any words to pinpoint the exactness of it all. But maybe a simple “I love you” would do it; she should at least establish that. But her throat was strangled, wearing a knot too tight and twice its size. Her nails jabbed and clawed at it. Did they understand? Maybe the other person couldn’t, but Chaeyoung would.

  
  
  


“...panic…!” Those soft hands clambered to cup Jisoo’s cheeks. “Call… there’s a phone booth…”

  
  
  


While trying to gasp for air, Jisoo’s lips were suddenly filled with a blue plastic. Overwhelming and abrupt, a surge of air into her lungs rendered her brain shocked and Jisoo a wheezing fit. The ringing and pounding ceased as she coughed and sputtered, grasping to control the air rushing in. Chaeyoung had let go of her face. Jisoo spazzed on the ground, spitting and crying everywhere that would’ve been embarrassing if not the predicament.

  
  
  


“What is that?” Chaeyoung asked.

  
  
  


“An inhaler.” Ah, Jisoo could recognize her now. It was Lisa in a cap and hoodie, wiggling that blue plastic in her hand.

  
  
  


“Are you okay?” Chaeyoung regarded Jisoo, moving her hair over her shoulders to peer down with concern.

  
  
  


Jisoo blinked the tears away and tasted her dry mouth. “Yes,” she croaked. “Wow, I thought I was going to die.”

  
  
  


Before Jisoo could take another breath, she got a faceful of Chaeyoung’s chest. The girl hugged Jisoo’s head tight as she sobbed, “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it.”

  
  
  


“She might suffocate again if you hug her like that,” Lisa said, standing up from kneeling.

  
  
  


“Ah, I’m sorry!” Chaeyoung released her embrace, cradling Jisoo’s head instead. “Are you okay?”

  
  
  


“Yeah,” Jisoo coughed and sat up with Chaeyoung’s help. A wave of nausea crashed upon sitting upright, all gravity lurching forward. She gagged, but nothing came up — oh, that’s right; she hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning. That would be the only thing she’d thank god for because she was already a mess, and vomiting would just add salt to the wound. 

  
  
  


“Your wheelchair is banged,” Lisa clicked her tongue, poking the bent wheels with her foot. “Who’d in their right mind would do that? How evil.”

  
  
  


The wheelchair was the last thing on Jisoo’s mind (although the pain in her ankle was slowly catching up). “Where’s Jennie?” she heaved.

  
  
  


“We don’t know,” Chaeyoung sniffed, wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her sweater. “When we arrived, it was only you.”

  
  
  


“They took her back,” Jisoo mused disheartenedly, the pang hard to talk through as reality crashed down. “Why do they keep taking her back? They…” she tried to flex her right hand on her lap, but it was too stiff and too swollen purple, “... keep winning…” 

  
  
  


Chaeyoung pursed her lips and sighed, “Let’s get out of here first. Lisa, where are you going?”

  
  


Lisa, who had waltzed a little down the street to the phone booth, peered over her shoulder from the mention of her name. “I’m calling Bambam. He has a car and I don’t trust calling the hospital.”

  
  
  


“Ah, okay.” Chaeyoung returned to Jisoo and carefully cupped her injured hand. Jisoo winced, biting back a hiss. “God, you keep getting yourself hurt.”

  
  
  


Jisoo cracked a small smile at the sight of the younger girl’s red nose and puffy eyes, and let her forehead rest against her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Chaeng.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung merely sighed and stroked Jisoo’s hair. “What am I going to do with you…”

  
  
  


Bambam was expected to arrive in about twenty minutes. Meanwhile, Chaeyoung and Lisa helped Jisoo lay on a nearby bench, and while those two conversed quietly a few feet away, Jisoo gazed at the sky. There were a million things to worry about: her career, her future, her hand that was now impossible to feel, her ankle that could very well be permanently broken, and the wheelchair that her and Chaeyoung most definitely had to compensate for. But despite everything, this heartache managed to make all of that irrelevant because of how much more prominent the pain was; painful enough that it was difficult to think about anything else. Fuck, why couldn’t Jisoo think about important things for once? Chaeyoung took a seat by Jisoo’s head, and there was a moment of silence before the girl spoke.

  
  
  


“Hey, remember that Joohyun girl?”

  
  
  


Jisoo perked up slightly. “Yes. Why?”

  
  
  


“She came by the café this morning and asked for you. It looked like she was traveling because she carried a suitcase. But you were gone, and then Seulgi came by, and then the news broke out, so I left Joohyun with Seulgi.” Chaeyoung hummed in thought. “Why did she come by?”

  
  
  


“Honestly, I think she got fired,” Jisoo said. “She got caught helping Jennie by Mister Kim, so getting kicked out and looking for someone she knows makes a lot of sense. Is she doing well?”

  
  
  


“I didn’t get the chance to really talk to her, but it looked like she was okay. But from what I learned nowadays, looking okay doesn’t necessarily equate to being okay.”

  
  
  


Jisoo met Chaeyoung’s eyes — sunken and laced with exhaustion. “Are you okay, Chaeyoung?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung crooked a halfhearted smile. “How about you worry about yourself first, Jisoo, before asking about others?”

  
  
  


Before Jisoo could give it much thought, the rev of an engine slowed down nearby. Parked by the curb was a tiny, grey car, and Bambam — who looked as if he had rolled out of bed with disheveled hair and a wrinkled, plain tee — rushing out toward them. Once in front of them, he caught his breath and surveyed between the three and the wheelchair.

  
  
  


“What happened?” he asked, hands on his hips. “Sorry, I just woke up from a nap, and I took some wrong turns coming here. It sounded urgent.”

  
  
  


“We’ll talk back at my place,” Lisa said and gestured to Jisoo. “Help carry Jisoo into the car; she can’t walk on her own. I’ll put this wheelchair in the trunk.”

  
  
  


Lisa and Bambam sat in the front, and Chaeyoung and Jisoo sat at the back. It was one of those rare occasions where it was a relief that Jisoo didn’t have the long legs of Chaeyoung because with her legs stretched out across the backseat, it barely fit. The rest of the ride flew by rather quickly with very few words exchanged, and the streets the car window displayed blurred by like a film sped up. Eventually, a rich estate of towering apartments rolled in. After verifying their identity to the security guard at the gate, Bambam drove into the parking lot.

  
  
  


“Welcome to my place,” Lisa chimed, arms out as she spun and skipped into her complex. “Make yourself at home.”

  
  
  


“So this is where all the celebrities live?” Jisoo quipped in awe as Bambam, who carried her bridal style, lowered her onto the big chaise longue. Although he insisted it wasn’t a problem to carry her, Jisoo couldn’t help but feel guilty to see him out of breath after the journey up eight floors (by the elevator). “It’s cool.”

  
  
  


Rarely would Jisoo see a place so brightly lit and modern. Unlike at ground level, this height let the sunlight stream in all its rays and hues, brightening the apartment in pure daylight. And from how the window view overlooked the city, this seemed like one of the tallest towers in the city. Jisoo and Chaeyoung’s place was ghastly compared to here. 

  
  
  


“Most celebrities,” Lisa said, sitting on the counter stool. “Jung Haein is actually my neighbor.”

  
  
  


“The one that starred in Snowdrop?” Chaeyoung gawked, stopping in her tracks to admire the room. “Your  _ neighbor? _ ”

  
  
  


“Yeah. Want an autograph? He’s just down the hall —”

  
  
  


“Oh my god, your cats!” 

  
  
  


“Oh god, your cats,” Jisoo groaned upon the sight of a train of the five pets sauntering out from who knew where toward Lisa.

  
  
  


“Not the cats,” Bambam grumbled into his glass of water, much to Lisa’s glare.

  
  
  


“My children!” Lisa beamed, picking up a big one. “You never met them, have you? This is Lily; that’s Luca; there’s Leo, Louis, and Lego.”

  
  
  


With the cats moving and jumping around with similar furs, it was hard to distinguish who was who. The fat one was Lily; that’s all Jisoo knew.

  
  
  


“Once you get Lisa to talk about her cats,” Bambam added, “she’ll never shut up.”

  
  
  


“Do not!” Lisa retorted with a pout and hugged Lily closer. “But aren’t they so cute? Look.”

  
  
  


“Oh, no thanks, uhm —” Jisoo inched away from one cat (Luca?) when he jumped onto the cushion. “I’m actually allergic.”

  
  
  


“Oh!” Lisa scrambled to scoop up Luca and ward off the others with her foot. “Sorry, I didn’t know.”

  
  
  


“It’s okay — ah-choo!”

  
  
  


“Lisa, do you have bandages?” Chaeyoung called from the kitchen, presumably collecting ice in a towel. “We need to take care of Jisoo’s injuries.”

  
  
  


“I’ll get the bandages,” Bambam insisted and set his cup down. “They’re in the closet.”

  
  
  


While Bambam and Chaeyoung busied themselves with collecting the aid, Lisa sat on the chair next to the chaise after shooing the cats away. Jisoo shrugged off her flannel and sunk into the soft cushions.

  
  
  


“You live alone, huh?” Jisoo asked, pondering the numerous interviews conducted to write that biography. That seemed like ages ago. 

  
  
  


“Yep,” Lisa replied, taking off her cap and fixing her hair. “Not including my cats.”

  
  
  


“It must be lonely. I mean, I always had Chaeyoung to come home to. I can’t really imagine living by myself.”

  
  
  


Lisa smiled. “It’s not too bad when you aren’t home that often in the first place. I’m always busy, so I rarely come here. At least I have Bambam to feed my cats.”

  
  
  


About Lisa, about Lisa… her parents lived in Thailand; she was offered an opportunity to model and came to Korea alone; from being a foreigner came severe xenophobia; despite it all, she rose to the top. And at first glance, as Lisa watched Chaeyoung over her shoulder, Jisoo wouldn’t have figured the girl had gone through all of that at such a young age. 

  
  
  


_ “Who would’ve known you’re going through all that?” _ Jisoo had commented in one of their interviews at one of Lisa’s shootings since she was too busy to talk anywhere else. “ _ You’re always smiling whenever I see you.” _

  
  
  


“ _ That’s the point,” _ Lisa grinned. “ _ Maybe I should look into the acting industry, seeing how easily I’ve fooled everyone.” _

  
  
  


“So, what happens now?” Bambam asked after Chaeyoung patched up Jisoo’s hand and ankle and they filled Bambam in with the whole story over cups of tea. 

  
  
  


“My career is over, basically,” Jisoo sighed. From the corner of her eye, Chaeyoung flinched. The truth was harsh, and saying it out loud was harsher. “Things like these blow over given time, but I don’t think I’ll get hired ever again.”

  
  
  


“You really love writing, though,” Chaeyoung mumbled.

  
  
  


“You know what they say; all good things must come to an end.”

  
  
  


“Jisoo,” Chaeyoung said more sternly. “This isn’t the time to joke.”

  
  
  


“I’m not joking —”

  
  
  


“You  _ are _ .” She stood up and waved her arms around. “You’re so nonchalant about things that are serious. You disregard yourself and the importance of it all. Jisoo, this is your livelihood, your  _ passion _ . Now it’s been stripped away. How could you not be angrier?”

  
  
  


Jisoo, with her bottom lip between her teeth, set her teacup down on the coffee table. Lisa and Bambam watched silently, almost shrinking away from the increasingly exasperated Chaeyoung. “Who says I’m not angry?”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung faltered. Jisoo continued.

  
  
  


“I am angry, Chaeng. Please don’t be angry for me. I’m angry, but I’m helpless. The damage is already done, so what good is it to cry and yell?” She paused. “I’ll figure it out. All I need to do is look forward.”

  
  
  


“What’s your plan then?” Chaeyoung sighed, her temper distinguished and all that was left was weariness. “You said you’ll figure it out; what are you going to do?”

  
  
  


Everyone’s eyes were on her. Jisoo shifted uncomfortably, opting to scratch the bandages on her hand to ease off the tension. The answer at the tip of her tongue wouldn’t make Chaeyoung happy, but it was what her heart was saying. In order to move on, to look forward, it must be done.

  
  
  


“I need to attend Jennie’s wedding.”

  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  


Two weeks. 

  
  
  


One week.

  
  
  


Three days.

  
  
  


Tomorrow.

  
  
  


The wedding day couldn’t have arrived any quicker.

  
  
  


Sleepless nights, heartache, empty stomachs, dread; the ability to track time slipped away. Lying in thorns that were the bed of the bedroom Jennie occupied in the house she was in, the ceiling had been memorized again and again. This wasn’t Jennie’s bed, or her bedroom, or her house. No matter how many times her father dug that into her brain and ordered her door locked and monitored at all times, she refused to accept it. Jennie didn’t belong here.

  
  
  


Her mother wasn’t sick; Jongin wasn’t devastated; Taehyung hadn’t even tried looking for her. In actuality, he outright didn’t care. 

  
  
  


“Father did lose his mind when he found out you were gone,” Taehyung said one evening when he cared to visit Jennie in the bedroom. He had probably never been here before, the unfamiliarity evident in his awkward demeanor sitting on the foot of the bed. His hair was cut from its usual shagginess into a neater style, most likely to prepare for the military. “It’s quite impressive, really, how you managed to pull that off. If it’d been that easy to walk out of this house, I would’ve done so ages ago.”

  
  
  


Jennie snorted. “Walking out is easy.  _ Staying _ out is the hard part.”

  
  
  


Taehyung managed a smile, too, that made him look younger. He didn’t smile very often. 

“I heard what happened,” he continued, picking at the stray threads of his hoodie. “Not only did you go out, but you went out in style. He’s going insane trying to clear up reports about you being — well —”

  
  
  


“Lesbian?” 

  
  
  


Taehyung nodded. “You really are?”

  
  
  


“I suppose I am. Are you weirded out?”

  
  
  


“No,” he responded in a heartbeat. “I don’t really give a fuck about who you like.”

  
  
  


“Of course you don’t,” Jennie chuckled. “And I wouldn’t say I went out in  _ style _ . It was horrible out there.”

  
  
  


Sympathy flashed in Taehyung’s eyes, which took Jennie by surprise. He rubbed the nape of his neck. “I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just amused that Father is losing his mind.”

  
  
  


“Don’t worry, I know what you mean. You should’ve seen the look on his face when I confessed in public. Absolutely priceless.”

  
  
  


Taehyung let out a small chuckle of his own. “I wish. It must’ve been a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”

  
  
  


The corners of Jennie’s lips curled, and she sat upright and scooted closer to her brother. Taehyung watched her out of curiosity as she hummed, running her fingers through her hair.

  
  
  


“Hey, Taehyung,” Jennie said cautiously. “I was wondering if you’d do me a favor.”

  
  
  


“A favor?”

  
  
  


“Yep.” She fiddled with her fingers on her lap. 

  
  
  


“What is it?”

  
  
  


“When the time comes, will you help me run away?”

  
  
  


His eyes widened. “Again? After all that? But you said staying out was hard.”

  
  
  


“That’s why I attend to not get caught again. I only stayed in this city because I had to take care of something before I could leave. But this time,” Jennie puffed her chest, “I’m running away for good. I was thinking of doing it after the wedding since that’s Father’s main focus anyway. When that’s done, then he’ll have a lesser incentive to find me because he’d already have all the business things he wanted out of this marriage. I’ll be as good as trash disposed of. They have me on lockdown in here. I just need  _ you _ to distract them.”

  
  
  


Taehyung stared at her finger on his knee for a moment, the gears in his brain grinding. He finally looked up to meet Jennie’s eyes with that mutual, mischievous glint.

  
  
  


“I guess the Kims will be children-less in the near future.” He held his hand out for a shake. “I’m in.”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Wedding days weren’t as magical and joyous as the media depicted them to be. Or maybe it was just Jennie’s wedding that made Jisoo sick to the stomach.

  
  
  


Everything about the Kims never failed to be grand. The venue — the world-class hotel in Seoul — was as beautiful as it was scary. Arches, fountains, pillars, hedges, and tiles decorated all the way down the block, it was a palace in the midst of the city. A view that should be magnificent was nothing of the sort to Jisoo when standing in front of it, her arm crossed in Chaeyoung’s to lean on for support.

  
  
  


“Are you sure you want to do this?” Chaeyoung whispered, eyes transfixed ahead. She was beautiful today, adorning a lavender, formal dress with her hair ironed into wavy curls. But Chaeyoung’s rigidness gave away that she was afraid, probably from the possibility someone would recognize Jisoo, although Jisoo had reassured her that everyone forgot about the situation. As long as Jisoo didn’t stick out like a sore thumb, to which she adorned a crimson dress, then no one would regard her twice. That was just how it was with scandals like those.

  
  
  


Once the question was posed, Jisoo wasn’t quite sure anymore. The plan prior to today was so simple: fit a dress with Lisa’s help, use Nayeon’s invitation to enter the wedding, choose flats over heels because heels would be  _ way _ too much for her healing ankle (that thankfully still had the chance to recover). Her hand, despite shrunken from its swollen state, still hurt to move and was so awfully discolored that the yellow-ish blue distinctly showed through Lisa’s make-up. In retrospect, Jisoo was ready for the wedding — but for the purpose of attending the wedding, she wasn’t quite  _ truly _ ready.

  
  
  


Fourteen days and nights weren’t enough to prepare for anything; it was hardly time at all. Regardless, it all led up to this moment, and all Jisoo had to do was get through the crowd swarming into the banquet hall to get somewhere quiet, someplace safe. Then what? Already did her heart ache at the thought of Jennie, but to see her — what would she say, what would she  _ do _ ? Jisoo was going to commit so many mistakes, and coming here was already one of them.

  
  
  


“It’s the only way,” Jisoo responded, squaring her shoulders. “There’s no moment but now.”

  
  
  


Chaeyoung regarded her — the initial uncertainty turned to pity — then her eyes flitted somewhere else, and she took a sharp intake of breath. “There’s Lisa. Let’s go.”

  
  
  
  
  


~

  
  
  
  
  


Everything about the wedding was everything Jennie wanted to run away from: fancy wear, rich champagne, meaningless small talks, fake smiles, this awful dress, and the worst of them all: the marriage. At least this time Jennie didn’t owe anyone a smile or kind words. She left that all to Jongin as they walked around greeting the guests.

  
  
  


Jongin hadn’t spoken a word about Jennie’s absence when they first saw each other since then, which was this morning. He must have heard the news — the whole neighborhood had — but all he said was a simple, “Let’s get this over with,” and Jennie was absolutely grateful. How did weddings go about again? The arrivals, the ceremony — oh god, the  _ ceremony _ . It’s in a few minutes, and Jennie still couldn’t fathom it. Even water churned her stomach with the reality ever so taunting.

  
  
  


And on top of all that,  _ Chaeyoung _ was here.

  
  
  


Wait, why was Chaeyoung here?

  
  
  


Jennie shouldn’t have sent everyone invitations.

  
  
  


Exceptionally tall and beautiful were Chaeyoung and Lisa when they approached Jennie, and exceptionally scary with their dour expressions. While Jongin chatted with a Mister, Jennie’s heart erratically pounded with every step the two girls took toward her. Were they going to murder Jennie? Yell at her? Pull her hair? Chaeyoung might murder her actually, from the way she glared —

  
  
  


“Come to the second-floor balcony.”

  
  
  


Like a whisper in the wind, Chaeyoung came and left with the sweet scent of her hair product in her wake. Jongin was looking at Jennie, concerned in his gentleness. He probably didn’t see that Chaeyoung had talked to her; the encounter was rather quick.

  
  
  


“Do you need to rest, Jennie?” he asked. “You’re a little pale.”

  
  
  


“I don’t feel too well, uhm —” Jennie handed him her untouched glass of champagne, “I need to use the restroom.”

  
  
  


A flight of stairs was nothing and — despite Jennie’s heels, large dress, and the bundle of skirt she had to carry to even walk, less run — the elevator wasn’t an option when her legs worked faster than her mind. The hallway was an eternal road of carpet and doors, but at the end was the opening to the night sky, brighter than anything else in this venue. It was when Jennie finally stepped foot out onto the balcony’s pavement that she gasped for the cool air caressing her skin.

  
  
  


And in the moonlight, sitting on the iron bench near the railings, was Jennie’s greatest fear.

  
  
  


“Jennie,” said Jisoo over her shoulder, her silky hair cascaded down the back of her red dress that fit all her curves just right. 

  
  
  


“Jisoo,” said Jennie under her breath. 

  
  
  


Jisoo was still watching Jennie when she rounded toward the bench, and when she sat down beside her, and when silence enveloped them. Just like that night Jennie first saw Jisoo after so long, the moonlight illuminated the girl’s sun-kissed complexion, and her eyes shined from the reflection of the stars. It was clear Jisoo didn’t wear make-up, nor styled her hair. Typical of her, even for a formal event such as a wedding, but she was beautiful regardless. Jennie would’ve laughed if she didn’t feel like crying.

  
  
  


“The balcony?” Jennie scoffed. “Really?”

  
  
  


Jisoo regarded her for a moment longer before looking away into the night. “A classic place to get away.”

  
  
  


She was wearing flats. Upon closer inspection, her ankle was wrapped with bandages. Her hand on her lap was swollen, and Jennie bit her lip to suppress cringing.

  
  
  


“Is your ankle fine? Can you walk?”

  
  
  


“Not really.” Jisoo lifted her foot up slightly to inspect it. “I limp, but bringing crutches would be too suspicious, don’t you think?”

  
  
  


It was a joke. Jisoo was joking. It’s obvious from the little cock of the eyebrow and the tiny tug of the corner of her lip. Out of all the times to joke, Jisoo was seriously joking now. Absolutely baffling.

  
  
  


“Jisoo,” Jennie quavered, jaw set. “Why are you here?”

  
  
  


All traces of Jisoo’s amusement disappeared, replaced by a sigh and a long face. She looked down to her lap, scratching at the fabric of her dress, before tilting her chin upward to the night sky.

  
  
  


“Did you know I want to grow old with you?”

  
  
  


“Jisoo —”

  
  
  


She turned to Jennie with misted eyes. “I love you. I don’t think I’ve ever said it outloud. I keep saying I like you, but I love you. I really love you. I fucking love you. I’ve never not loved you. I love you so much it hurts.” She took a shaky breath and gulped. “I want to grow old with you, I want to own a dog with you, I want to hold you every night. It doesn’t even have to be in public; I just want to be by your side. How foolish am I? I’m a fool. What kind of children’s fantasy is that?”

  
  
  


All Jennie could do was stare. Jisoo dabbed under her eyes with her finger before looking away to the glowing city.

  
  
  


“It’s foolish, but why do I keep holding on?” she sniveled, lips trembling. “I keep holding on because I don’t know anything else. I’ve tried and I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about you. I see you everywhere; you’re in my room, in the shadows, on every inch of my skin; your face, your voice. I turn a corner and you’re there. I miss you. I miss you, I miss you. Even if you’re right in front of me, I can’t help but miss you. I can’t live outside of you. Despite everything, it’s still you. Because of this love, I manage to live on. But — but I think it’s for the best that we don’t try anymore, don’t you think?”

  
  
  


Everything stopped: the cars on the streets, the live orchestra at ground level, the breeze, Jennie’s heart, her breaths, the whole world. Stopped, and started cracking.

  
  
  


“What?”

  
  
  


Jisoo strained a sad smile and had the audacity to let out a soft chuckle. “I know. I know I said we could do it if we tried, but it’s hurting you. We’re not getting anywhere and you keep getting hurt. You knew yourself that we couldn’t do it, but I was so stubborn to believe otherwise. What’s the point of holding on when everything tears us apart? When the universe works to keep us apart? Sometimes the best things for us are the things that won’t make us happy; that’s life. And loving you is a losing battle. This battle — I’m tired. I’m tired, Jennie. I’m tired of fighting; I’m tired of everything.”

  
  
  


Jennie touched Jisoo’s healthy hand — a touch that was both fire and solace — and the latter doesn’t pull away. All the words and emotions were stuck in Jennie’s throat, so she only gripped Jisoo’s hand tighter. Maybe if Jennie held Jisoo tight enough, she wouldn’t go. A small nod from Jisoo told Jennie she understood.

  
  
  


“It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything.” Jisoo’s eyes flitted up from their hands to regard Jennie. “I’m going away. I think it’ll help if one of us gets out of this damn city.”

  
  
  


Before Jennie could utter a word, Jisoo cupped Jennie’s hand with her other one, and the urge to break was ever greater.

  
  
  


“I’ve been living in the past and present for too long. I’ve never lived in the future because it always scared me. You’re right, Jennie. It’s time to live in it. We’re not teenagers anymore; there’s no such thing as happy endings. So, I’ll be leaving for everyone’s good. Chaeyoung doesn’t know, but she’ll find out.”

  
  
  


“Where?” Jennie croaked. “When?”

  
  
  


“Somewhere far away. Perhaps tomorrow? We can forget each other this way. It’ll —”

  
  
  


“You’re so selfish.”

  
  


Jisoo faltered, eyes wide when Jennie shot up from her seat. Jennie’s clenched fists shook, breaths sharp and painful, as anguish overwhelmed all other rational thoughts.

  
  
  


“What about me?” Jennie sobbed, pounding on her chest. “I’m not done fighting for you. I’m not done. Give us more time. Give  _ me  _ more time. I promise… I promise —”

  
  
  


At one point, Jisoo had stood up to level with Jennie and cupped her cheeks, thumbing the tears away. Reality was distorting and falling apart, and although Jisoo was at arm’s reach, all Jennie could do was watch the love of her life slip further and further away. 

  
  
  


“Jennie, how much longer can we do this? I’m only human. I reached my breaking point,” Jisoo whispered. “I don’t deserve you because I’m giving up like this. I’m not worth fighting for if I can’t continue fighting for you. Please don’t cry. Your make-up will run, and you’re the prettiest girl here. You’re so pretty. You’re the star of the show.”

  
  
  


_ I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I love you. _

  
  
  


“I don’t even like this dress. It’s ugly,” Jennie sniffled. “You’re so full of shit. You’re full of it. How do you expect me to go back there after this?”

  
  
  


Jisoo cracked a tiny smile and planted a kiss on Jennie’s forehead, lingering there for a few seconds before saying against her skin, “Go inside, it’s cold.” She parted and stepped back, the scent of vanilla between them, and wobbled slightly. “Goodbye, Jennie. I’m just happy that I could say goodbye to you. I didn’t have the chance to before. Goodbye. Live a long and healthy life.”

  
  
  


“No,” Jennie uttered, grabbing her wrist. “I’m not saying goodbye. This isn’t goodbye. This is  _ not  _ our goodbye, Kim Jisoo.”

  
  
  


Jisoo let out a strangled laugh and patted Jennie’s head; two gentle pats. “I’ll be going before someone comes to find you.”

  
  
  


“Jisoo.”

  
  
  


She eased Jennie’s weak grip off and walked away. 

  
  


“Kim Jisoo!”

  
  
  


She wasn’t turning around. She was just a few strides away, but Jennie couldn’t move. Her feet were rooted, the weight of this agony holding her captive and swallowing her whole. She wasn’t turning around… she wasn’t… Jennie had to get to her before it’s too late.

  
  
  


“Jisoo,” Jennie panted, clutching her heart as everything darkened, the outline of the girl becoming blurrier. She stumbled forward, holding the bench for support. “Jisoo! Jisoo… Jisoo, help me. I’m going to die…”

  
  
  


A pair of hands caught her before the floor could. It was Jongin, but how did he find her? Jennie didn’t know, and all she knew was that Jisoo’s hands were much softer.

**Author's Note:**

> stream as if it's your last to 1 billion <3


End file.
